I laid with my head in Tyler's lap as he gently ran his fingers through my hair. It had been a few weeks since Nonna had passed and though it was still hard to process that she was actually gone, I was making it through it.
Tyler had been amazing per usual. He was patient with me and allowed me to work through my grief in whatever ways I needed to, whether that meant spending time alone, silently holding each other as I cried my pain away, or if I simply wanted to make out with him until I couldn't breathe. No matter what form my process took, Tyler was there for me every step of the way.
He'd been giving me updates about his "mom" and the legal battle. He said that she was really serious and they were almost ready to go to court. "It could be any day now," he'd told me one night when we were laying in his room. "That's the scary thing. I don't know, it might sound weird, but the idea that one random day could be the day my dad and I have to pack up and go down to Louisiana oddly reminds me of what my mom did to me. It was random and unexpected and she was able to hurt me without a single change in emotion. I'm afraid that's what this will be like: her exercising her power just to hurt me without giving a damn. It doesn't help that she has enough money to actually afford a good lawyer whereas my dad...I don't even know."
Even with my constant consoling and words of reassurance, I couldn't soothe the raging storm within Tyler, and I was starting to accept the fact that I, a seventeen-year-old, couldn't shoulder Tyler's emotions all on my own. There were some thoughts I couldn't soothe, but he had his father for those times. Regardless, I would always try to listen and be a shoulder for him to cry on when he needed to.
"We should go soon, don't you think? School's been over for over an hour," Tyler said as he continued raking his fingers through my hair.
I shook my head. "No. I like just laying here with you. It's like all of our problems and worries get stuck behind that door and we can just exist here, you know? It's nice."
"That and you just like the fact that it's soundproof so you don't have to mind yourself," Tyler playfully added as he squeezed my cheeks. I swatted his hand away and said "Stai zitto (shut up)."
But he hadn't been wrong. Other than the fact that no one seemed to bother Ty and me when we were in the old recording studio, it was a nice perk that it was completely soundproof so that Tyler and I wouldn't have to worry about getting caught when we decided to have some fun with each other. And I was fairly sure that one of his teachers knew exactly what was going on between us in the room, but he didn't seem to care too much about it, which Tyler chalked up to his "charm and whit" and it came to teachers. Yeah, sure, okay.
His melodic laughter filled the air at my reaction. "Vieni a farmi (come make me)." His words caused a pang of something to hit me in my chest. As he'd cheekily stated the night he'd come had dinner with my family, I had become his Italian teacher. He was quickly picking up on little phrases I said around him, and though his accent still needed a lot of work, I was really proud of him and he sounded really sexy speaking it. He'd even asked me to teach him to talk dirty in Italian and even though he didn't catch on to all of the words, he definitely turned me on with the words he did catch.
This situation was no different.
"Tyler, you know better than to say stuff to me like that," I said as I shook my head up at him.
"Like what?" He innocently asked before a mischievous smile spread across his face and he kissed me. I easily melted into him and gently gripped the back of his neck to pull him as close to me as possible. After a few moments, I shifted my body so that I was sitting up and we were face to face.
No matter how many times I kissed him, he still managed to surprise me every time. We fought for dominance in the kiss like a game of tug of war. Every time I'd get even close to getting control, he'd touch me in a way that was just right and I fell back into him.
After a few moments, I pulled away and wrapped my arms around him, burying my face in his neck. He chuckled as he wrapped his arms around me. "Oh, Addison. What am I to do with you?"
I didn't respond. Instead, I just held him tighter and enjoyed the feeling of his presence. But the moment didn't last long before the sound of the door opening filled the air and I instantly pulled away. Once I did, my eyes locked with the last person I wanted to see.
"What are you doing here?" I coldly asked, not wasting time on pleasantries or fake cheeriness. She didn't deserve that from me. I subtly settled myself in front of Tyler to act as a shield between him and whatever she was going to try and throw our way.
"I just want to talk," Kyra said as she slowly crept into the room before closing the door behind her. "I just want to talk, promise." She had an uneasy look in her eyes that mirrored the nervousness she'd used to get before a big dance performance or a class presentation. It was a nervousness that couldn't be faked, at least not easily.
Nevertheless, I wasn't going to give her the opportunity to bring darkness into our lives when we were so happy. "Well, people don't always get what they want in life. Besides, you don't deserve it anyway. You need to turn around and leave–" I was cut off by Tyler putting his hand on my arm, which shut me up immediately as I looked at him.
His gaze was unwavering as he looked her dead in the eyes. He showed no signs of discomfort or hesitation. He had things on his mind and he was finally going to let them out. "What do you want to talk about, Kyra?" His voice was void of emotion as he spoke, a stark contrast to the playful tone that fluttered in it mere moments before.
She wavered under his intense stare then cleared her throat. "I...Sorry to drop in on you like this. I've been looking around and I couldn't find you guys but I saw Addi's car still in the parking lot, then I remembered seeing you guys duck in here a few times and–"
"Please get to the point," Tyler said, cutting off her unnecessary babbling.
She nodded. "Of course. Look, I know you guys are pissed at me, which I totally understand because what I did was horrible and inexcusable, but I wanted to give you my sincerest apologies. I...It's just when I saw you guys together, it reminded me exactly of my dad and what he did to my mom and I just snapped. It felt like it was a cycle, first my dad, then you Addison and I just..." She sighed as she broke eye contact. "I wasn't actually going to do it, though. I never would have. I just wanted some control back. For a moment, I just wanted to control my life."
"Look, I don't know what happened with your dad, but it doesn't excuse what you did to us," Tyler said. "Though I agree that Addison should've been completely broken off with you, no strings attached, before we got together, you two weren't dating anymore. Furthermore, control isn't a good enough excuse to threaten to out someone. Nothing is. And the fact that you threatened to do so, regardless of if you intended on doing it or not, was an awful thing to do. Even though you felt like you were gaining control back in your life, you were sucking it out of ours."
"Besides, you weren't just hurting me, Kyra, and you know that," I added. "Your actions and threats and words affected Tyler in ways you couldn't begin to imagine let alone understand. But you knew that. You saw what it was doing to us and yet you kept pushing and pushing. Name-calling, subtle threats. And to make matters worse, you started that stupid rumor that could've ended very badly for us and you know it, especially after everything that happened with my dads. We might be in 'modern times' but there are still bigots out there. Bigots that could've hurt us for simply being together, I mean our time at All-State proved that. I really want to believe that you didn't think that through when you were going on your little revenge campaign, but a part of me thinks you knew and didn't care."
She opened her mouth to speak but quickly closed it again and looked away as moisture built up in her eyes. "I screwed up, I know, and I'm just so, so sorry. To both of you."
Tyler sighed as he got up and gently placed a hand on her shoulder. "Look, Ky, I know you're not an awful person, or at least I don't think you are. But what you did was fucked up. I'm glad you recognized it, but...I, for one, can't be that quick to forgive. You hurt me deeply and you hurt Addison too. I know you said you wouldn't have actually outed us, but I can't help but wonder what would've happened if Addison and I hadn't taken it into our own hands and came out on our own terms instead of waiting to see what you would've done or seeing where that rumor went."
He shook his head. "I get that hurt people hurt people sometimes, but if that cycle continues, then we're no better than the people who hurt us. I believe that you're sorry but...I just need time." And with that, he mutely grabbed his backpack and walked out of the door, but not before shooting me a gaze that told me he would be waiting for me.
Kyra watched him go and as soon as the door closed behind him, she put her head in her hands. "I royally messed up, didn't I?"
"Understatement of the year," I grumbled before she did the last thing I expected her to: she sat down next to me on the couch.
"I know you're probably tired of hearing it and that no number of apologies can make this better, but I truly am sorry. I wasn't thinking and...I put you two in way more danger than I thought. I thought it would be just a pride thing but I didn't think about the possible danger."
Despite my best efforts to keep it in, a scoff escaped my lips. "Far more than you realize. You really hurt him, Kyra, and he didn't even do anything. Besides, we weren't even together. You couldn't break up with me but expect me to wait around on you. That's not how things work."
"I know. To be honest, I was trying to. Seeing how happy you two were together...I just hoped that if I could hurt him, that would hurt you even more."
I shook my head. "Well, it worked. Great job."
She put her head in her hands again but she didn't say anything.
As I looked at her, I saw traces of the girl I'd fallen in love with once upon a time. I saw flashes of our best memories together whether we were out on dates, at her dance competitions, or simply laying together in her room at her house. I heard echoes of her laughs and felt traces of the warmness from her hugs. I missed it. I missed her. But as Tyler said, I couldn't just forgive and forget. She tried to ruin one of the best things to ever happen to me after she wanted a break.
"Look, I know you better than most people would, and I know that that wasn't you, or at least not the you that I know. But I'm going to need some time too. It wouldn't be fair to Tyler or myself if I just swept this under the rug and pretended like nothing ever happened. Not after the pain and depression I went through because of you. Maybe one day we can be good, or at least okay, but as of right now, I just can't."
The tears that were welling up in her eyes finally overflowed down her cheeks, but she quickly wiped them away and nodded. "I completely understand. I'll give you two your space, but I won't stop trying to show you how sorry I am."
I broke eye contact with her. The part of me that had loved her hated seeing her in pain, but a bigger part of me knew that I needed to walk away. "Okay." My voice was a bit weaker as the two-syllable word escaped my lips. I quickly grabbed my backpack and hurried out of the room, unable to stay in there with her any longer, too afraid that the part of me that had loved her and saw the good in her would take over and I'd forgive her too easily.
I couldn't do that to myself. I couldn't do that to Tyler.
When I walked out of the studio, it felt like a breath of fresh air. I looked down the hall and saw that Tyler was leaning against the wall at the end of the hall. I wasted no time rushing over to him."Are you okay?" He asked and I nodded.
"Are you?"
He scoffed. "I don't know, it feels weird. Like I can tell that she's sorry but I just can't forgive her, not even close to it."
"And I don't expect you to. I can't forgive her either. What she did is going to take a while for both of us to heal from, and that's okay."
He mutely nodded as I wrapped my arm around his shoulders and pulled him closer to me. "Hey, to take our minds off of it, why don't you come by for dinner? My family's been asking about you and it's my night to cook."
He smiled. "I think I'd like that." He interlocked his hand with mine before we walked out of the school back to my house, and with every step we took, the further back in my mind the conversation with Kyra was buried.
***
Hey you guys! I hope you enjoyed this shorter chapter and if so, let me know what you think in the comments! What did you think of Kyra's "formal apology"? Do you think the boys' reactions were warranted or do you think they were a bit harsh on her?
Also, I'm moving into college in like 10 days so I know this book won't be finished before then, so if there's a few weeks/ a month that I don't update, please don't get mad at me. I'm just trying to transition into college but once I do, I'll try to continue updating as regularly as possible.
But yeah, let me know what you thought and thanks for reading. As always, stay healty and safe!
Love y'all– Jordan