PAVLO
“Kaya ang gawin mo dyan sa offer mo sa akin kasama na ang titulo at pera, isasaksak mo lahat sa baga mo. Hindi ko kailangan ang mga yan. Hindi ko kailangan ng pera. Kaya nga binigay ko lang lahat ng ipon ko kay JB at nabaon ako sa utang sa bangko. Walang halaga ang pera sa akin. Kung wala ka nang sasabihin, aalis na ako.”
Those words hunted me until now. It has been a two weeks since she left. I thought she would be back, realized that she loves me, can’t bear to live without me, but I was wrong. She left, without turning back. I was wrong to think she loves me. If she loved me, why did she give up on me so easily?
I am back being alone again. I started to live alone when I turned 18. My parents were no where to be found, so I grew up with my grandparents. But just like any other only child, I like to be alone. Good thing, my parents let me have my condo unit. Though yiayia did not like the idea that I live independently, they did not have any choice but to let me live alone.
I can do anything I want without asking any consent from others. I can drink, eat crackers or anything in room or in my house. No one nagged me to clean up the mess. Living alone is a good thing.
Or it had been. My fingers tightened at the wheels as I entered the parking space of our building. I have lived in this place for almost a decade. It became a home for eight months when George lived here. But now, it has turned to a my house again. I will be damned if she hadn’t imprinted herself at my unit. From quiet and peaceful, it became cozy, lovely and homey when she was here. Now that she is gone—it became empty and full of echoes.
I missed the mornings where I wake up early to cook and fix our breakfast and seeing her wearing my shirt as she joined my morning coffee. Every walls in my house reminds me of her. They made me feel guilty of the words I told her that blasted afternoon. Those hurtful words that tears on her eyes and wet her cheeks.
I thought escaping the house and staying in the office is better. But it wasn’t. I remembered the way I proposed to her for our temporary marriage and her surprise birthday gift to me. In a span of eight months, she managed to ruin my house and my office. They weren’t relaxing and peaceful place to stay in. I’d tried very hard to forget and move on after the messy break up, but I can’t.
I miss her. It has been three weeks and I miss her like hell. I went to the mini bar and reached for my favorite drink. I poured some on the glass and drank it straight. I am suffering from acute-and-deserved-guilty conscience. I was nothing but a jackass when I told her those hurtful words. I even remembered my words towards our baby. I don’t want her to get rid of him. I wouldn’t know how would I react if she would agree to abort it. Accident or not, I shouldn’t have reacted like that towards her. I owed her an apology—a really big one. She would probably wouldn’t talk to me or throw it in my face, but I will try. I need to talk to her and talk about us.
If there is any proof I need how wrong I had been, I found her checkbook in her empty underwear drawer, except for a colored panties found in the farthest corner of the drawer next to the black leather checkbook. I flipped through the ledger and found a dozen of entries. Looking and anlyzing the ledger, I realized that she barely touched the money that had been deposited to her account each month. I smiled when I looked at the entries because am having a hard time understanding them. She has the worst handwriting I have ever seen.
It struck me that it had never been about money for her. It was for other people. She told me that money did not have any importance on her. She spent it to help other people, her ex, who took advantage of her kindness.
I am not any different than her ex. I am the worst. I don’t only took advantage of her but also broke her heart. She managed to say she loved me for many times but I just ignored it.
I am nothing but a jackass.
…
“How are you? Kumusta si Georgina?” my yiayia asked me as I visited her.
“She moved out,” I said casually. “She left me—”
“What the hell did you do?” my yiayia asked me with an accusing tone.
“What did I do?” I can’t believe my yiayia’s tone. “What makes you think I did anything?” Before I could respond, my father entered the study with a big smile on his face.
“Geia sas! How is everyone?” Nobody paid attention to him. I looked at my grandmother and then my father who seemed to be so fine with his life.
“What is with the silence about?” He looked at us with his eyebrows furrowed. “Don’t tell me you are arguing again. Good thing I am here to maintain the peace between the two of you.” My father smiled at me. “How is your wife?”
I was about to answer but yiayia interrupted. “She left him. “His wife left him…” my grandmother said more but I did not bother to listen to her.
“What did you say to her?” I can’t believe my father has the same accusing voice like my yiayia’s.
“I ... Why does everyone assume I did something?” Is it obvious that I messed up my marriage?
“Because an cretin like you wouldn’t notice that the girl—woman was head over heels in love with you,” Miss Angela said as she entered the study.
“Wait a minute,” I said with my eyebrows curled at Miss Angela. “I don’t have to notice it, I knew that she loved me, it was just—”
“What an idiot. You knew she loved you, but you didn’t do anything?”
“Because it was not real,” I finally said to them. “It was you…you know why I married her.” Did everyone in the room knew she loved me? I stood and paced the room. I glared at my grandmother. “You are the one who pushed me into this.”
My grandmother sipped her wine and raised a brow at me. “Ha. Don’t pin the blame at me. You married Georgina because you wanted to. I paraded a lot of candidates for you, but you were the one who picked and married her without my consent.”
“I did not want to marry anyone,” I corrected her. “I got married because of that blasted stipulation in your will. I will have the full control of the shipping line and the Agapi Nisis, remember?”
Yiayia just sighed and looked at me. “Pavlo, you can’t pin the blame on me. Why don’t you just admit of your feelings for her and ask for another chance?” She looked at the time and drank her wine. “Gentlemen, I have to go. Nicholas, talk to your son.” The high and mighty eagle went out of the lair. I was left with a gentlemen who proclaimed to be my father.
“So,” he started to say. “Are you planning to patch things up with her?” I looked at him with no clue of what am I going to do.
“What happened with Georgina?” I just looked at him and ignore his attempt to make a conversation.
“Son, I know I haven’t been a good father to you. Maybe you were thinking your mom and I do not love you. But I do,” I looked at him and doubted the sincerity in his eyes.
“I am busy, dad.” I stood up.
“Just hear me out.”
I returned to my seat.
“Wine?” he asked. I nodded. He stood up to go for the mini bar in my yiayia’s study room. He got two goblets and our favorite Courvoisier. He poured on the glasses, gave one to me and sat behind the table.
“I had a talk with her last month. It was a heart-to-heart talk between a father-in-law and daughter-in-law. I wanted to know if she a gold digger who wanted to get hold on our riches,” he said as he sipped his wine.
“She is different. She dresses simply, doesn’t wear jewelry or make up—or any kinds of pretentions. She did not tell why she married you. But one thing I know, you are lucky to have that kind of woman love you.”
“Don’t make the same mistakes I did. I had that kind of woman loved me many years ago, but I was too stupid to ignore it. When I finally realized I love her, she hated my guts and found her own happy ever after.”
I sipped my wine. “You do not understand,” I began to say. “We had an agreement.” I told him the blow by blow of our agreement until she betrayed me by being pregnant.”
“What did she say?”
“She said she didn’t plan it, that it was an accident.” I drank my wine, looked at my glass as I put it on the table. “Then she left me after I said all the hurtful things I told her.” I looked at him and gave a mocking grin. “Who am I kidding? I am like you. I do not have the staying power.”
He sighed, refilled our glasses with wine. “We are exactly the same. That was my reaction when your mother told me she was pregnant with you.” He drank his wine. “But I messed it up when I did not ask for another chance.” He stared at me.
“What?” I asked.
“What are your feelings for her?” I looked at him and then stared at my glass. “I don’t know. I miss her, miss having her by my side.”
He smiled and drank his wine. “They say, there is no such thing as second chance, but when it comes to love, there is always a second chance. Seek for her forgiveness and start again—if you love her.”
GEORGE
One month.
Apat na linggo na ang nakakaraan nang umalis ako ng unit namin ni Pavlo. Sariwa pa rin ang mga masasakit na salitang binitawan niya sa akin. Ayon sa kantang narinig ko,
“I am covered with scars I did nothing to earn…”
Ang hirap lunukin ng mga salitang namutawi sa kanya. Kahit mahal ko siya, mas pinili kong wag masaktan. Doon nabuo ang pride sa puso ko.
Dahil sa pride, nagawa kong tumalikod sa taong minahal ko ng maraming taon. Nagawa kong magtiis maging barista at maging cashier sa café ni Chantal ng umaga hanggang gabi. Ipikit ang mga mata ko kahit hindi ako dalawin ng antok para sa anak ko. At tiisin ang mga sermon ni Tita Imee nang bumalik ako ng bahay at ipagtapat ko ang mga kalokohang pinasok ko. Yun din ang dahilan kung bakit ko pinunit ang titulo ng bahay na binigay sa akin ni Steve nang puntahan niya ako sa bahay ng mga tiyahin ko.
Pride na lang ang natira sa akin nang talikuran ako ng pag-ibig. Kailangan kong magpakatatag para sa anak ko. Hinawakan ko ang maliit na umbok ng tiyan ko.
“Baby,” sabi ko habang himas himas ko ang tiyan ko. “Medyo nahihirapan ako, pero kaya natin ito.” Dapat talaga, dinala ko ang checkbook at atm ko. Wala nang natira sa akin kundi ang mga kaibigan ko.
…
“George, kailangan mong magpahinga.” Halata na sigurong puyat ako dahil sa lalim ng eye-luggage ko—hindi na sila eye-bags sa sobrang lalim.
“Di pa naman ako pagod. Isa pa, absent ang isa mong barista. Pagtiyagaan mo na ako kahit sablay. Kailangan ko lang talaga ng work. Pagkatapos ko manganak, babalik ako ng diving. Mababayaran din kita.”
“Girl, ang dami mo namang sinabi. Ang sabi ko lang naman, magpahinga ka.”
“Magpapahinga ako kapag pagod na ako.” Narinig kong may pumasok ng café. Nagulantang ako nang makita ko ang taong bagong pasok ng café.
“George, kumusta?” Napatigil ako nang makita ko siya. Iba ang hitsura niya. Hindi ako sanay na makita siyang hindi nakaayos. Napakasimple ng damit niya—tshirt at faded jeans. Nangangalumata rin siya—pareho kaming may eye luggage. Mukhang hindi siya nakatulog, nakaligo at nakapagshave ng mga ilang araw.
PAVLO
I have been texting and calling her but she did not answer my calls. I visited my cousin’s café several times to find my wife working there. I only looked at a distance, I did not have the nerves to face her.
She looked different and lost a lot of weight. Her face looked so tired. Though she wore make up, it did not cover the sadness and tiredness of her face. She lost the vibrance, her spirit that used to be there when we were together. Because of me, she became like this.
“Hi, George, kumusta?” I asked as I approached the counter.
She looked at me with a blank face. “Hi, sir. How may I help you?” her tone was very monotonous and cold, as if I wasn’t her husband.
“George, can we talk?” Still there was no answer. She just stared at me.
“George—”
“Sir, I am sorry, kung hindi pa kayo ready mag-order, paunahin niyo po muna ang nasa likod niyo.” I stayed out of the line and let the middle-aged woman to order. After the woman was done ordering, I went in front of the cashier to talk to my wife.
“Nasa work ako, wala akong time makipag-usap.”
“George, please, we have to talk.”
Without looking at me. “Itetext kita. May work lang talaga ako. Mamaya, mag-usap tayo sa phone.”
“No,” I said. “I will wait, until you are free.” She just looked at me and went back attending to the customers.
I saw Chantal approached her to take over the cashier but she obstinately stayed behind the counter. My cousin looked at me and shook her head. I sighed, looked at the time. I have an important meeting in the office. I sighed. I got my cellphone and canceled my meeting. My marriage is more important than anything else. I approached the counter again. “George, please, let’s talk about us,” I begged.
She looked at me and smiled mockingly. “Us? Di ba sabi mo walang us?”
“I am sorry, George. I know marami akong nasabing hindi maganda. Hindi ko rin nasabi ang totoong nararamdaman ko para sa’yo. I love you. I think you should know that.” I thought she would change her mind if she would hear me declaring my love for her. But it didn’t change her reaction. She just gave me a cold stare.
“Did you hear what I said? I said I love you. Let us put all behind things now. We will start over. I promise I will make everything up to you.”
“Marami pa akong gagawin. May trabaho pa ako.”
“George, please come home with me.”
“I still have work,” she replied. Chantal came by my side. “Kuya, hayaan mo muna siya. She needs time to think things over.” I just sighed and raked my hair. I left the café and went somewhere else.
edited/revised 150413_v1