"Waking in the white sun, lights out
Waiting through the days in, nights out
It's a slow cinnamon summer
Your spell is pulling me under"
Cinnamon - Jome
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It wasn't much more pleasant what was waiting for him when he finally came back to the real world.
The first thing he noticed was that there was a constant ringing inside his ears, preventing him from hearing well. He had this white ache in his bones, as if he moved a limb he would break in pieces.
The next thing he was aware of was of the needle coming out of the back of his hand. He didn't see it, being too weak to open his eyes, but he felt it. He was too familiar with needles lately.
His head was pounding, hammering more waves of nausea. He winced at the disgusting feeling, and something moved inside of the room as if his grimace gave him away to someone in there. He didn't want to see anyone, he just wanted to sleep.
He still has his eyes closed, but he somehow knew he was in dark surroundings, the only thing he was thankful for. That let him feel the agonizing throb when someone pointed a flashlight to both of his eyes. He wanted to cry.
"Welcome back, Thomas" He recognized the feminine voice of Doctor Paige speaking from his side, "You gave us quite a little scare back there"
It was all so fucking confusing. He didn't understand what was she talking about, the last thing he remembered was being informed they were moving him to more tests, and something about an extraction.
"Thomas, can you hear me?" Ava's voice sounded again, more impatient than the last time. She was trying to get him back to consciousness but his body didn't shucking cooperate.
He could at least open his eyes, but the lights were out so he couldn't exactly see Doctor Paige's face, just her silhouette. He noticed, he wasn't in his room or somewhere else familiar. This was a new place.
"Wh't hppnd?" He mumbled incoherently, the dryness of his throat felt terrible.
"Don't worry, you're okay now" A soft hand was place on the top of his head affectively. He tried not the melt in it.
"I dn't feel good" The words came out of his mouth incompletely, he was frustrated at that, he wanted his mind to finally clear and understand what was going on.
"It's totally normal. Just get some rest, okay? We'll talk when you feel better" She offered and he liked the idea of going back to sleep. He wanted that.
So before he could nod his head properly, he was already passed out cold.
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When he woke up again, his ears weren't ringing anymore, and his head was cleared enough to keep himself awake. So he stared at Doctor Paige playing with the bags of fluids next to him connected to an IV line.
"How did I end here?" He muttered raspy once he was sure he didn't want to empty his stomach anymore.
"You collapsed in the hallways yesterday, but you're okay now" She smiled reassuringly but it didn't prevent him from freaking out. I mean, he collapsed? Where the hell did that come from?
"What? Why?" He asked confused, words slurring, maybe he wasn't prepare to establish a conversation yet.
"It was a bad reaction to one of the drugs they are using in you" She explained, "Now we're bumping a medication to counteract the symptoms, don't worry" She pointed at the previous bags on the side of his bed.
"Oh"
It was all he could say, too much information.
"What are they doing with me?" He asked, referring at all the things happening in the last month. It was time to get some answers.
"I can tell you what I know, which is not much. I don't have that kind of power over WCKD anymore" She looked down, she seemed kind of sad. Thomas frowned and wait for her to continue. "They want to create a vaccine, but they want to be able to create it artificially, and not extract it from you, like the serum."
"How are they going to do that?" Thomas asked curiously, wanting to hear more.
"They are testing different drugs, seeing if they can somehow extract the enzymes that makes you immune on their totality" She told him, "But don't worry, it won't steal your immunity, that's in your genetic, it's impossible to do that. They want to replicate it and start working from that"
Thomas understood half of the things the woman said, maybe it sounded like English in another life, but now it was puzzling.
"That's comforting" He replied sarcastically, but then he something popped into his mind. Something he hadn't have to braveness to ask before.
"How did Randall reach this position? And what happened to you?"
Ava smiled at him, but it didn't reach her eyes, which were full of sadness.
"He was the one who organized the rescue of the survivors back in the last city. He was in charge of this WCKD building. For a moment I was willed to stop with all kind of experiments after you friend Minho wasn't the perfect candidate, so I gave up. He found out and he didn't like it at all. So when they saved me and brought me here, he forced me to watch everything from the outside. You are in charge of him now, Newt is too. You need to thank he is too busy to go with your friend"
He was collecting all the pieces of an impossible puzzle, but now he began to understand a couple of things. He understood her behavior, but he didn't want to thank her. He knew deep inside there was a reason for all this, he knew the damn reason. He had watched Teresa die for it.
"I remember him" He blurt out suddenly. "Randall. I remember him" The confession felt good in his soul. He hadn't talked about it with anyone, not even Newt.
"He stole my name. Or, what used to be my name. The name my mom had chosen for me, it was the last thing I had from her" His voice broke before he could prevent it.
He didn't know why his past still had this kind of effect on him. Half of it was forgotten, and the other part was pure terror.
"Stephen" Ava stated softly. That name felt strange to him now.
"I am not that person anymore" He stated sharply.
"I know you aren't"
"I don't know who I am anymore" He let out that statement that had been tied to his conscience for so long, it was a relief to say it out loud. The last nine-almost-ten months had been hell. He was confused with himself. More flashbacks and memories tormenting his mind every night. He felt like a person with different personalities, different lives, and he couldn't call none of them his own.
"I know, you're Thomas. The boy who was put inside the maze against his will just because he tried to save his friends. The boy who led those people out of our prison. They are living safe from WCKD because of you, Thomas. You showed them hope, you were their leader. You are their leader. So don't give up like that. Mr. Newton doesn't want that for you"
He felt a pang of light in his heart, he hadn't heard someone saying something like that since that night in the bonfire at the scorch, with Newt, right after they had lost Winston.
So he tried to show a little smile, he wasn't going to thank her, not yet. But he showed her he was very thankful for that speech.
"Now I'll leave you alone. Get more sleep, at the end of the day you'll be moved back to your room. Enjoy this couple of free days" She smiled one more time and patted his shoulder before wheeling outside the room, leaving him alone in his thoughts, but not for so long before he fell asleep again.
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He sat on his bed, deep in a trance. He had his elbows on each knee and his head in his hand, at the same time he tried to swallow down the bile threatening to make him sick. They told him it was to be expected, it was going to be this way until the drug was completely out of his system. He just had to rest and don't work himself up with walks until he was clean. When that happened, he would go back to the normal routine.
It was amazing to have a few days without being tested or drained, he wanted that. But instead he found himself thinking about Newt. He couldn't see the boy this morning, and Randall didn't want to let him see him the next morning either, something about having to recover perfectly. So he wondered if Newt was alright, if he knew about what happened, or if Doctor Paige assured him he was okay. Newt's statement the last time they saw each other kept him even more worried.
He didn't want to concern Newt. He wanted to make him feel better as he could inside this hell hole.
His stomach churned dangerously, and he tried to calm it by doubling over and wrapping one arm around his torso. His muscles were contracted with all his attempts to not splash his socks with vomit. He thought he was safe after a couple of minutes, so he decided sleeping the symptoms off was the best idea, he was also having a headache now.
So he laid down curled up with his body facing the wall and closed his eyes hoping he would feel better when he woke up.
Boy, he was wrong.
He was sure it was the middle of the night, when he woke up again. A horrible nightmare had plagued his dreams, making him come back to that day at the crank pit in his childhood at WCKD with young Minho, young Teresa and young Alby. Newt wasn't there, but why Newt wasn't there? Of course. They couldn't let him get sick.
That was why he couldn't calm his stomach on time, he couldn't even reach the bathroom god dammit, before he rolled on his right side and retched half on the floor and half on the sheets, barely almost his own body. And he let out an agonizing cry, when it made his head throb even more, weak coughs escaped his mouth.
He was dizzy, groggy because he just woke up and everything happened so fast. He felt awful, wanting the darkness to take him and never return him.
He forced himself to raise on his feet, avoiding the pool of vomit when his feet touched the cold floor, and walked slowly towards the bathroom, keeping the churning of his stomach as calm as he could.
When he arrived the first thing he did was splash his face to wake himself more, and clean the rest of the bile on his mouth. He cringed at the sight of the collar of his tee shirt stained in more bile, and took it off without putting on a new one over his sweaty skin, he was too hot.
He walked back to his bed, he didn't really know what to do with the dirty floor, but he was way too tired to care. Although five minutes later he was bending over the toilet bowl emptying his stomach again.
This time the door opened as he threw up for the third time, and he barely heard it. Then, there was a soothing cold hand cupping his forehead and helping him through his struggles. It was a small hand so he assumed it was Doctor Paige.
Once there was nothing else to empty, he rested is back on the cold tile wall and sighed, closing his eyes, perfectly aware of the tears staining his flushed cheeks.
"I thought you gave me medication for this" He cracked out tired.
"We did, but I told you it would take time" Doctor Paige watched him contemplative, "I can give you something for the fever if you want"
"I want Newt. Can I see Newt?" He asked hopeful, wanting to see the only person he trusted a hundred percent inside this building.
"I'll see what I can do. I don't know if that's possible" She had a sympathetic expression on her face, Thomas didn't know if she was truly concerned.
He stayed there when Ava Paige left the room, without closing the door, and for a moment he closed his eyes, pleading to get back to sleep. His lungs were breathing labored puffs of air and his body shook with fevers. He didn't know how much time passed before he felt another hand cup his cheek, bringing him back to full consciousness.
"Shit, Tommy. I was worried sick" He recognized the British accent in an instant. His eyes opened and he was welcomed with dark brown eyes looking at him with worry.
"Newt" He breathed out, showing a shaky smile. He was relieved to see the blond okay, he didn't know how he had spent the last day.
"Shh, I'm here, don't talk" Newt was crouched down in front of him, reassuring him, and it was the best thing that could happen in this moment.
"How are you? Are you okay?" He muttered.
"Good job listening to me, Tommo" Newt said amused. "I'm fine, you are the one who didn't show up this morning"
"I'm sorry, I couldn't" Thomas looked down, "What did they tell you?"
"Just that you were feeling a little sick, Ava was the only one who spoke to me. Now I see you are more than a little sick"
"Just peachy" Thomas laughed strained, groaning when his stomach made weird movements again, but he managed to keep it down.
"Yeah, sure" Newt rolled his eyes, his expression turning serious again, "I told you, shank. They can't keep doing this to you"
Thomas pinned his gaze towards his own lap, ashamed. He didn't know if he shared the same idea. He had made a lot of people go through hell in the past.
"I can't do much about it" He mumbled.
"I know. That's why we're are getting out of here, okay? Maybe in a further future, but we are getting you proper help, and leave with our friends to that safe haven to talked to me about, alright?"
Thomas grinned at Newt. He liked to see him hopeful, it was the kind of hope he needed right now and coming from Newt it was a thousand times better.
"Deal" He answered before closing his eyes and relaxed against the bathroom wall, "Can you stay with me please?"
"Of course"
Newt took his hand between his and took a seat next to him, resting his back against the wall while patting his shoulder affectively.
"I don't think I can go back to sleep" Thomas muttered completely drained, which was true. He didn't have the desire to wake up and throw up all over himself again.
"Then we don't sleep" Newt answered blankly. "Wait here..."
The blond suddenly stood up, leaving an odd emptiness when he let go Thomas' hand. He went towards Thomas' bed, now cleaned again thanks to Ava, and grabbed the cotton blanket on top of it and two pillows. Then he walked towards the locker and grabbed Thomas another fresh clean shirt since he was still half naked.
When he came back Thomas had his eyes closed but he wasn't sleeping, and then he opened to investigate what Newt had done, frowning when he spotted the things he was holding.
Newt crouched down again and dropped everything except the grey shirt to the floor, and gestured Thomas to unstick himself from the wall.
"Come here"
He made him raise his arms and with one movement Thomas already had the new shirt on and was tiredly resting against the wall again.
Newt settled a pillow behind his back to make him more comfortable, and then he did the same for himself before he went back to his previous position.
"Thank you" Thomas stated grateful, debating himself wither rest his head on Newt's left shoulder or stay in the same position as now.
"It's nothing" Newt shrugged, and he welcomed him completely when Thomas finally let himself rest against the blond boy.
"It's not. I'm glad you're here with me"
"And I'm glad to be here with you"
They both stayed there, Newt put his left arm around Thomas and thought about falling asleep, but he didn't want to leave Thomas awake alone, not when he was in this state. Thomas wanted to stay here forever, in his mind he was picturing a beautiful scenario, their friends coming here to rescue them, and they all go to the safe haven once WCKD is destroyed from once and for all. It was sad to open his eyes and fall into the cruel reality again.
"What are you thinking about Tommo?" Newt broke the silence and Thomas secretly thanked him for that.
"Just us. In what we are going to do" He said softly, his voice was now raspier.
"I don't know, really. I think this place is driving both of us crazy" Newt looked down, playing with the fabric of Thomas' shirt anxiously.
"I don't want to be here. It brings..... Memories" Thomas stated hesitantly.
"I know. I don't like them either. The bad ones" Newt seemed acknowledging that awful feeling of a flashback popping suddenly into your head, hitting you like a ton of bricks, or making their way into your needed sleep.
"You've never told me about your story" Thomas muttered softly, trying not to make it sound like hustling.
"It was horrible, Tommy. It was worse than hell. You don't want to know what is like, to slowly lose you our mind. As if there's a monster clawing your brain and stealing your insanity little by little. I wanted to kill you, some part of me had that desire" Newt ruffed his blonde hair with his free hand nervously, a pang of sadness in his eyes.
"I'm sorry you had to go through that, Newt"
"Don't be. It wasn't your fault" Newt had never wanted Thomas to feel guiltier than he already feels.
"I know but I could have done something else. Help you more" Thomas sounded ashamed, his tone full of sorrow.
"No you couldn't. You did everything you could back there, and I was actually relieved to have you in the process" Newt shyly began to stroke Thomas' scalp, in an attempt to make the brunet feel better. "It made me remember some things, you know?"
Thomas looked up curiously, but not wanting Newt to stop stroking his hair, it was soothing. His eyebrows furrowed interested.
"I have a little sister" Newt blurted out the words. "And I've actually met her without knowing"
"What's her name?" Thomas asked now really into the conversation, Newt had stopped soothing him and was noe playing with his own fingers.
"Lizzy. Elizabeth..." There was a single tear falling from the blond's cheek. "But WCKD named her Sonya"
The name hit Thomas painfully in his heart. Of course he knew Sonya, she was the girl from group B, Harriet's best friend. He couldn't believe she was his family. It hurt that Newt had been so close to her, even had talked to her, without knowing it was his own sister.
"That's why you...." Thomas trailed off.
"Yeah" Newt showed a melancholic smile, "I wonder what she is doing"
"The last time I saw her she was perfect. I assured you. She was actually training to be a med-jack. Since we lost Mary, she applied"
Newt stuttered in a big shaky breath, swallowing down a lump in his throat.
"Really?" He asked in awe.
Thomas nodded and slumped back into Newt's embrace, and Newt began to stroke his hair again, but now lost in thoughts.
"I'm sure she's proud of you Newt. Even if her memory is not restored yet" Thomas mumbled, and he meant every word of it. Newt had come a long way, he'd been through so much.
Newt smiled, and both teenagers stayed like that for the rest of the night. At the end Thomas had fallen asleep in Newt's arms, thankfully without getting sick again, and enjoyed the few hours of peace they'd got.
Before dawn, Newt carefully placed Thomas in the floor, and tugged the blanket above his chest, making sure his head was resting as comfortably as he could on one of the pillows. Then, he left the room before someone even noticed he was there.