"Sucks that lunch is about to end," CL said to Riven as they sat in the school's courtyard finishing their cokes. Riven nodded and looked at CL.
"We should just skip the rest of the day," Riven suggested. CL gave him a disapproving look.
"We are not doing that," he said firmly and then smiled. "I want you to do well, Riven. You're so smart."
"School bores me, though," Riven rolled his eyes and finished his drink.
"Just tough it out," CL rubbed his back. "Before you know it, we'll be graduating, and you'll never have to worry about high school again."
"Yeah, then I'll have to worry about college," Riven said dryly. "Besides, we have another school year left before we graduate. It's going to take eons 'till we hit that road."
"And then you call me a drama queen," CL grinned and Riven laughed.
"You are a drama queen," Riven winked at him.
CL playfully slapped his arm. Riven smiled softly and wrapped his arm around CL's waist and pushed him closer to him. CL looked into his eyes.
"Who are you Riven Morris," CL said quietly. "I don't think you realize how much I think about you during the day."
Riven pretended to look disturbed, "I knew it, you're a psychopath."
"You really know how to ruin a romantic moment," CL laughed. Riven caressed CL's face.
"I don't think you realize how much I like to joke with you," he retorted, "And how much you make me happy."
"I do?" CL felt himself blushing. Hearing Riven say this made him very glad – especially ever since he revealed that he struggled with depression.
Riven leaned his head forward and rubbed his nose against CL's. "You do. Very much so."
Suddenly the bell rang to signal the end of lunch and the both of them looked defeated.
"Back to reality. Time to go be responsible and stuff," Riven mumbled. "It sucks."
"Awe, I know," CL snickered and kissed him on the cheek when they stood. Riven hugged him.
"I'll catch you after school," Riven said to him. "I'll give you a ride."
CL nodded and huged him again. "I can't wait."
Riven waved before walking away. CL turned to go but saw Elis and Darcy approaching him, both grinning from ear to ear. Olivia was with them too.
"You guys are so cute together," Darcy said happily.
"We are, aren't we?" CL sighed dreamily and then nodded to her and Olivia. "You guys are pretty cute yourselves."
"Thanks!" Darcy beamed and wrapped her arm around Olivia's waist. Olivia smiled genuinely but seemed to appear a bit stiff when Darcy held her. "We're both very happy, aren't we?"
"We sure are," Olivia answered and gave Darcy a quick peck on the cheek.
"Look at you all with your girlfriends and boyfriends," Elis said with a smile.
CL suddenly realized something and frowned.
"Why the sudden long face?" Elis asked.
"Well," CL said, "I just realized that Riven and I aren't ... really boyfriends yet."
"What?" Elis and Darcy said. CL shot them a defensive look.
"What? So, we're not boyfriends yet ... is that bad?"
"I can't believe you guys aren't official-official yet," Elis shook his head. "Do you care?"
CL whimpered impatiently. "I do, I really do. I mean ... maybe we are boyfriends; we have been kissing lately and hanging out a lot. Ugh, I don't know what we are."
"You should ask him," Olivia said. Darcy nodded.
"Yeah, you should definitely find out what's up."
"When you see him again, ask him," Elis advised. "Otherwise, you're just ... unofficially-official which means yeah, you're together but are free to go with anyone else at any given moment. You want to make it official-official. Lock. Him. Down!"
CL nodded as they continued to walk to their classes, "Right. Official-official. Sure..."
* * * * * *
{1x07. Official-Official}
Written by A.C.
* * * * * *
Darren walked down the hall feeling like crap. Clair had been giving him the cold shoulder ever since she found the note Erik left in the window of his car for her to find. Darren could tell she was genuinely hurt and even caught her wiping away tears during one of their classes together.
Boy if she's this upset thinking the note was from another girl, I don't want to know how she'd react if she knew the note was actually from a guy.
Erik ... Darren thought irritably. He still hadn't had a chance to confront him about what he did. Not only did he go out of his way to get Clair angry at him, but Darren also couldn't believe he would have the guts to show up to a party uninvited and cause the scene that he did. In some odd way, Darren realized, Erik had done him a favor; Clair was finally out of his hair. He was planning to break up with her anyway, but still ... Darren hated to think Clair was hurting because of him. Being the clingy annoying girl that she was, Clair was still a nice person, and she didn't deserve this. It sucked Erik had disappointed him so much. Darren really liked him at first.
"Penny for your thoughts."
Darren turned and saw Olivia walking next to him.
"Hey, how long have you been walking next to me?"
Olivia giggled, "For like 10 seconds. You ok? You look bummed out."
"It's this whole thing with Clair and Erik," Darren frowned. Olivia nodded in comprehension.
"It's a pretty horrible situation."
"Thanks," Darren mumbled. Olivia stopped him.
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean it to come off like that," she winced. "Have you spoken with Clair?"
"She keeps ignoring my texts, she doesn't answer my calls, nothing."
"Then I guess the best bet is to give her some space," Olivia told him. "Hopefully when she's ready she'll be willing to talk."
"Maybe it's good that she doesn't want to talk," Darren said, "I mean, what would I say? I can't tell her that I'm not seeing someone else because I am. She doesn't deserve this. I'm an idiot and I should've broken up with her before hooking up with Erik."
"What about Erik? Have you spoken to him?"
"Negative. But I'm going to, today in fact."
"Just be careful," Olivia warned, putting a hand on his shoulder. "He seems like a real basket case."
Darren smirked. "I'm glad I can talk to you about this. It's nice to have someone I can be open with."
"You can be open with the rest, I think," Olivia smiled. "Your cousin would accept it, your parents too, no?"
"Yeah, they would," Darren sighed. "But I just don't feel the need to flaunt it. I guess after so many years thinking I'm straight it's kind of hard to. I also don't want to come out as bi-sexual because it would just make it ... official."
"Listen, I totally understand the whole not flaunting it thing," Olivia made a face. "Now that I'm with Darcy I'm really happy but ... my God, she is a huge fan of PDA."
Darren laughed.
"It isn't funny! I feel so weird holding hands in public and hugging and ... kissing. I'm just not ready to be that open. Not yet."
"Speak of the devil," Darren murmured as Darcy appeared and walked over to them.
"Hey Darren," She smiled and leaned in to kiss Olivia. "Hi babe."
Olivia turned her head and Darcy ended up kissing her cheek. Darren smiled politely and excused himself.
"Class," he said with an awkward smile and left. Darcy looked at Olivia suspiciously.
"Is everything ok?"
She nodded, "Everything's fine."
"Are you sure?" Darcy asked, not convinced.
Olivia nodded again. Darcy leaned in to kiss her and Olivia moved her head away again. "Darcy, come on."
"What's the matter, Olivia?" she asked irritably. Olivia only looked at her like a deer in front of headlights. "Olivia?"
"I just ... I just don't feel comfortable kissing you in public."
No! You should have worded it differently!
"What I mean is," Olivia started to say but Darcy raised a hand and stopped her.
"I know exactly what you mean," Darcy said, hurt. "Olivia when you're ready for a relationship come talk to me. Every time I try to hold your hand you become stiff as a board. If I touch you, it looks like you're being touched by someone dirty."
"Don't say that Darce," Olivia said sadly.
"It's what I'm seeing," Darcy shrugged before walking away.
* * *
"We made it," Riven said to CL as they met up after school. Riven kissed him and put an arm around him.
"See? It wasn't so bad."
"No, no, it was very bad," Riven answered as they walked towards his car.
CL laughed, "Now who's the drama queen?" Riven scoffed and tickled CL just as Elis and Darcy appeared.
"Hey guys," Elis said to them.
"Hey," CL smiled at his friends. Riven nodded at them.
"Where you guys going?" Elis asked.
"Oh, we were just going to grab a milkshake at Special Tea," CL said to them.
"I could sure use a milkshake and some cookies right about now," Darcy murmured.
"Do you mind if we tag along?" Elis asked them. "Darcy and I will go in my car, of course."
CL looked at Riven first, who shrugged.
"Sure thing, we'll meet you there."
"Cool," Elis grinned as he and Darcy started towards his car.
Riven grabbed a hold of CL's hand and they continue walking to his car. CL looked down at their hands together and wondered if right now was a good time to ask him about the status of their relationship.
"This should be fun," Riven said. CL looked at him and wondered if he was being sarcastic or not.
"You don't mind eating with them, do you?"
"Nah, it's ok," he answered. "It'll be good getting to know your friends."
Yeah, I can't ask him right now, CL thought as they got into Riven's car.
They all immediately ordered when they got to Special Tea. CL was beginning to consider this place the place to hang out with his friends ever since Riven introduced him to it. They all sat in a booth with Elis lead the conversation in his carefree usual way. Darcy looked a little down, CL noticed, and Riven looked like he was really trying to seem comfortable hanging out in a group.
"You ok?" CL whispered to him. He smiled and looked at CL, squeezing his hand under the table.
"Yeah, excuse me, I'm going to go to the restroom."
CL nodded and watched Riven stand and disappear to the back of the lounge. Elis shot CL a mischievous look.
"So, what's the verdict?"
CL looked at Elis, "Excuse me?"
"Have you spoken to him?" Elis rolled his eyes, "Already official?"
CL closed his eyes and shook his head. "Nothing."
"CL!" Elis said, shaking his head. "Do you want to know or not?"
"Of course, I do! I just don't know how to ask him without coming off as a ..."
"Desperate lunatic?" Darcy suggested.
"I was going to go for embarrassingly hot mess but I guess that works too," CL responded dryly. "What's wrong you with you, anyway?"
"I had a fight with Olivia."
"Already?" Elis said with amazement. "You guys just started dating and you're already fighting?"
"Elis," CL shot him a look.
"Sorry," Elis smiled and turned back to Darcy. "What happened?"
"I got mad at her because she doesn't ... well, because she doesn't display any affection towards me in public."
As soon as Darcy said this out loud, she realized how unfair she was being. Goodness, how the hell had she been capable of overreacting this way? It took Olivia this long to accept herself and get with Darcy. It was obvious it would take some extra time for her to grow comfortable with PDA with another girl.
"Darcy you just have to be a little patient with her," CL said. Darcy nodded.
"I have been sort of throwing all this on her without thinking of her feelings."
"She'll understand, just talk it out with her," CL smiled. Elis suddenly grinned.
"Ok, I didn't want to say anything but since all I keep hearing about is your relationship with Olivia and CL's unofficial relationship with Riven, I want to announce ... that I've been seeing someone."
CL and Darcy both looked at Elis with surprise.
"Since when?" CL asked.
"It's been about two weeks," Elis snickered. "We started going out when he was at one of my photo shoots."
"Ooh, a sexy model," Darcy grinned. "Why didn't you tell us before?"
Elis took a deep breath and bit his lower lip. "Because he isn't a model."
CL and Darcy looked at him confused.
"He is someone older," Elis added, "Way older."
"How old," CL asked, shocked.
"Way older than I am," Elis answered break off a tiny piece of cookie. "And that is all I'm revealing. He's got to keep his image clean."
"Yeah, because sleeping with a 16-year-old is so legal," CL added.
"Hey who said we're already sleeping together?" Elis asked defensively.
"Well, are you?"
Elis looked down at his milkshake, "Well yeah, but we haven't done it a whole lot. CL, do you think that's all I'm good for?"
"No, not at all," CL shook his head, "Just be careful, Elis."
"I am being careful, thanks," Elis smiled sarcastically just as Riven returned to the table.
"What I miss?" He asked as he sat back down.
CL, Elis, and Darcy look at one another.
"Clair," Darren grabbed her hand as she walked to her car. She whirled around, yanking her hand away and glaring at him.
"What is it?"
"I've been trying to contact you," he said stupidly.
"And I've been avoiding you, can't you take a hint?" she retorted. Darren frowned.
"I'm sorry, we should talk."
"About what, Darren? About how you've been seeing some other girl behind my back? It's pretty clear if you ask me," she said coldly.
"I'm sorry," Darren said again and looked down. What else was he supposed to say? He couldn't necessarily tell her that he was into guys, too.
"Just tell me who it is," Clair told him, for the first time sadness showing on her face. "Who's the girl?"
Darren looked up and opened his mouth to speak but nothing came out. Instead, he closed his eyes and turned his head away. Clair rolled her eyes.
"Go to hell."
Darren turned and watched her continue to her car. Anger burned inside him as he took his phone out and called Erik's number.
* * *
After eating at Special Tea everyone went on their separate ways. Elis dropped Darcy off at school so she can get in her own car but before going home, Darcy decided to go over to Olivia's to talk. Just as Darcy was getting out of her car, she spotted Olivia leaving the house looking like she was about to go on a jog.
"Hey," Darcy said quietly. Olivia looked surprised to see her.
"Are you talking to me again?"
Darcy looked like she was about to burst into tears. "I'm sorry for acting like such a jerk, Olivia. I'm an idiot."
Olivia smiled softly and hugged Darcy.
"And I'm sorry for being such a self-conscious twat," Olivia said into her ear before kissing her cheek.
"No, I should've been more understanding," Darcy said to her. "I guess I've been so happy that we're finally together that I forgot how new this is to you. I've been rushing everything. I forgot that this is going to take some time ... and patience."
Olivia smiled sheepishly, "Yeah, lots of patience. But ... Darcy, I am trying. I like you a lot and I want to be with you. It's the constant PDA that I have to get used to. I promise I'll work on it but we have to take baby steps."
Darcy grabbed Olivia's hand and kissed it. "I promise I'll be more sympathetic."
Olivia took a deep breath and leaned in to kiss Darcy on the lips. When she pulled back, she laughed when she saw the wide-eyed look on Darcy's face.
"Please hurry up and get comfortable with it quicker," Darcy begged, "I love it when you kiss me."
Olivia and Darcy laughed. Darcy pulled her into a bear hug and covered her face in kisses causing Olivia to laugh even more.
"Hey! Patience! Patience!" Olivia shouted through laughter as Darcy kept attacking her with kisses.
* * *
CL and Riven were laid on the grass side by side at their favorite secluded spot on the hill that overlooked the ocean. Ever since Riven had showed him this quiet area they'd frequently visited it to hang out, do homework, or just to listen to Riven's music because he was on a quest to introduce CL to "real music".
"I could fall asleep up here," CL closed his eyes and took in the peaceful salty breeze.
"So could I," Riven answered quietly. CL looked over at him and propped himself up on his elbow. Riven looked up at him and raised an eyebrow. "What?"
CL shook his head, "I don't know. You've just been very quiet today."
"Oh."
"Are you sure everything's ok?"
Riven's eyes shifted to the sky. "I don't know, I feel weird."
"Weird?"
"Yeah," he nodded. "I guess it just bothers me that I'm so messed up."
CL stared at him with concern. "Riven, why do you say that? Just because you suffer from depression doesn't mean you're messed up."
"Then why was I so boring today with you and your friends?" He looked up at CL. "Why is it that I wanted to make you look good by being talkative, social and stuff, yet I couldn't bring myself to do it?"
"Because you're a quiet guy," CL said with a shrug. "It's not a big deal, Riven. I like you just the way you are. And so do they."
"It is a big deal," he saif quietly. "Soon you'll get tired of me."
"Tired of you? Don't be ridiculous," CL said to him softly and moved closer to him. "You were great, sweet, and polite."
Riven didn't say anything. The fact that he was worried about making CL look bad in front of his friends made CL wonder if Riven did see whatever it was they had as something official. Why else would he say "Soon you'll get tired of me"? There was no way this relationship was platonic. So, what was it? CL figured now was a good enough time to ask him about their status. It was now or never.
CL cleared his throat and started yanking on the grass. "Riven?"
"Yeah?"
"About us," he said nervously, "You and I ... uh..."
Just ask him if you're a couple! CL screamed at himself in his mind.
"CL?" Riven looked up at him, "Is everything ok?"
"Everything is fine," CL said and lied back down on the grass. "I was just wondering ... you know ... about us."
Riven propped himself now onto his elbow and looked down at CL, "What about us?"
"What are we?" CL blurted out and then looked over at Riven when he didn't answer. Riven wasn't looking at him anymore, he was looking at the grass deep in thought. After a few awkward seconds that felt like minutes, Riven's eyes returned to CL.
"I'm not sure."
"Oh," CL said with disappointment.
"Why?"
CL shrugged. "I've just been curious, is all. I mean we've been hanging out, watching tons of horror movies, we've ... even made out."
"We have, so what's up?"
"So ... I was wondering if we were ...you know, official-official or just ... unofficially-official or unofficial-unofficial ... ugh, whatever it's called."
Riven looked at him like he didn't understand. "CL what in the world are you talking about? Are you asking if we're boyfriends?"
CL felt his cheeks burning. "I guess so, yeah."
Riven smirked and rested his face against his hand, still looking down at CL. "I've been asking myself the same question."
"You have?"
Riven nodded his head, "Guess we never really spoke about it, huh?"
"Guess not," CL giggled nervously. They both looked into each other's eyes. They stayed like that for quite a while in silence and with the only sound being the crash of the waves below the cliff they were on.
"So ... do you want to be my boyfriend?" Riven finally asked him softly. "That is ... if you don't mind having a boyfriend that's broken."
CL looked at him sadly. Why Riven didn't feel like he was good enough for anyone he couldn't understand. CL had a feeling that no matter how much he told him, Riven's depression would still keep him from believing that he was a great guy. CL finally sat up to meet Riven's face and kissed him. When he stopped, both of their eyes met again. "Riven ... you're not broken. You have this mental thing to fight but that doesn't mean you're broken. You're a wonderful guy and I'm so lucky to have met you."
"Not sure about that. But I'm lucky to have met you," Riven answered sadly.
CL smiled. "I'd love to be your boyfriend."
Riven finally smiled and he kissed CL, pushinghim gently back down to the grass as their kissing grew more passionate. CLlost himself the moment Riven pulled him close into his strong arms and heldhim. It was as if Riven was hungry for affection and human connection, and CLwas finally able to give that to him.
* * *
Erik opened the door of his college dorm room and gave Darren a half smile. Darren, however, wasn't having any of it. He walked right past Erik into his room.
"I'm glad you called me," Erik said as he shut the door. Darren turned to face him.
"You had no right to show up to the Halloween party that night," he said angrily. Erik winced and nodded his head.
"I know, I'm terribly sorry," he said to Darren. "I can't even try to begin to explain my actions, I was drunk."
"That's not a good enough reason. That little note you left on my car? Clair found it and isn't speaking to me now, but I'm sure that's what you were going for."
"I don't even remember writing a note," Erik looked shocked, covering his mouth. "Oh my God, I'm so sorry Darren. The last thing I wanted was to hurt you or someone I barely know – like Clair. She seemed so nice that night at the cinema, I wouldn't try to hurt her on purpose."
"Well, you did," Darren told him. "I think it's best if we don't see each other again."
Erik looked mortified. He grabbed Darren's hands and looked at him with pleading eyes. "Don't say that to me, Darren. Please, forgive me. I'm so sorry for what I did. It was not like me. I just like you so damn much."
Darren shook his head and pushed Erik away. "Too bad because I liked you too. I was actually considering breaking up with Clair to be with you. But after what you did? There's no going back."
"There's always a possibility of going back," Erik said, grabbing Darren's hands again. "Give me one more chance. Please? Give me a chance to redeem myself."
"No, Erik ... I can't."
Erik nodded with a sly smile and stepped closer to Darren. "You can," and he nuzzled Darren's face before kissing his neck. "Clair's hurt right now and I'm sorry for that. But this was bound to happen. She'll get over it in time and before you know it, she'll be some other guy's problem."
"What you did was wrong," Darren answered breathlessly as Erik continued to kiss his neck, his face, and his lips ...
"And I can't apologize enough," Erik whispered as he continued to kiss him. "But what's done is done. We can only agree to move forward."
Darren closed his eyes, hating himself for being incredibly turned on by Erik. Finally, Darren gave in and started to kiss Erik back. Soon the both of them were ripping each other's clothes off and in Erik's bed. A part of Darren knew he should stop this whole thing and quit seeing Erik all together, but another part of him, the stronger one (or some would think the weakest), wanted more of what he was feeling: a sense of belonging, the love and touch of another man.
As both men began to make love, a few feet away from the bed, sat Erik's laptop computer – his webcam recording everything.
* * * * * *
"LIFE OF YOUTH"
Written by
A.C.