"To me, love isn't a drug...
I find pain rather more cooperative..."
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Third person's POV
"You shouldn't have come here." Ivy said as she brushed Kent's lips with her thumb.
He was too distracted with her own to listen and understand, so he nodded dumbly and kept staring. She sighed, gently climbing onto his laps and folding her arms around his neck, the bathrobe slightly parted and exposed a little of her skin, he stiffened. She took a breathe of his naked skin, the lavender fragrance calming down her twisting nerves and also somehow stringing a chord of deep sadness within her.
She buried her face into his shoulder, parting the clothes so that her cheek pressed against his skin. She felt heavy with pain. Heavy with hatred. Heavy with failure. Heavy with any emotion that'd pull one's soul down. The entire week she'd been cocooning herself into a ball of fury. Too angry with herself to even step outside the house.
Her mother had slipped right through her fingers. Laura had fallen into her traps but then continued to fall out of it like the slime she was. And Ivy was angry that she'd let her, she was so angry that the woman had manage to escape. When she'd woken on Saturday morning last week, she trashed the whole place. Broke the TV, tore through the chair cushions, smashed the damn vase, damaged the coffee table a great deal and even broke all the kitchen utensils. The only she'd found appropriate to let out her anger. Claude didn't interfere, he sat on the stairs with a bag of Doritos in his hands, crunching into the snack as she destroyed the house.
She'd managed to do that in just an hour but had still felt too energized to even to sit down and calm herself. So she'd proceeded to grabbing her only spectator and dragging him violently up to her room where she'd succeeded in keeping him busy for about five hours. Minimax.
The whole week was just a gloomy haze to her. Filled with restless nights and sleepy days. She never left her room, afraid if she did she'd just go out on a killing spree of the sort. Claude managed to hire some of his guys to fix the house back to it's original fine glory, something she had yet thanked him for as he'd done all he could to try and trace Laura as well. He had just one thing to help him, the van's number plate. That was all. Yet he'd already tracked down over ten stops in which the vehicle had been spotted, and he'd manage to pull out some records. Apparently, the van belonged to some man by the names of Gideon Jacks. Married to a woman named Sylvia with three children, all graduated and currently working.
Claude even managed to pull into some private information, his medical papers, his bank documents, his national records. Ivy hardly managed to stop him from hacking into the stranger's bank account and transferring some money to his own account.
Still, with all that, nothing shady had come from the guy. He was a real estate agent, retired three years ago and currently having a vacation in England. He was clean. But of course, after living in such a cruel world for over seven years and more, Claude and Ivy didn't come to terms that he had no involvement with Mary's kidnap because their weren't any reports he'd made on his van being stolen.
They however, placed his case aside and continued to perhaps check up the people he'd absorbed himself with in the past three weeks.
She hadn't helped much. Because really, she didn't know how to go on from there. She wasn't an expert when it came to all this geeky stuff of his. So she spent most of her time laying around and wallowing in her own cave of rage.
Not once during the week had she felt calm. Not once had she managed to feel this relaxation. She'd spent most of her time hating Laura for what she'd done that she'd totally forgot about how she'd let Mary down. She'd let the one parent in her life that she valued down.
And it didn't settle well with Ivy. She hoped her aunt would forgive her when they met again.
Two arms hesitantly wrapped around her waist, lightly pulling her into an embrace. Her eyes slide up to Kent, watching as his eyes softened at the sight of hers. She couldn't even care less of what he saw when he looked at her.
His soft voice brushed against her ears. "Are you alright?"
She couldn't be. He knew that. He'd never seen her look so, weak and almost defeated. As though she carried the weight of the world on her shoulders. The burden must have been the reason she's been locked here, Kent thought to himself. Watching her like this, a person wouldn't be able to tell that she was dangerous. Her guard was slightly down and she had definitely exposed a little to him by showing this much emotion. He was too surprised to speak, dumbfounded as to why she seemed so vulnerable.
And he found himself oddly feeling warm in his heart as she cuddled into him, coiling her hands around him and cradling her tiny frame into him.
Ivy sighed again, turning to face the other direction. "I'm good. I'm perfectly okay."
His arms tighten even more. Her voice was hallow, almost like a painful abyss. "You don't sound okay."
Did she sound different? Ivy wondered. Is it because her teeth are grinding against each other? Or is it because there's a lump in her throat that she can't rid of?
"I said I'm okay."
"Can I ask you something?"
Ivy shut her eyes, knowing well that he was asking another one of those questions he said he'd ask her. "What is it?"
He paused for a while, contemplating a question that could perhaps distract her from this state. Gently, with the curve of his fingers, he pushed back her hair, just like his mother did to him when he was a kid.
Her body froze when she felt him begin to brush back her hair, his fingers caressing her smooth olive skin all the while.
"I--" he cleared his throat, finally getting something to help divert her from her saddened state. "Which do you prefer most : the sunrise, or the sunset?"
She blinked. His fingers that gave momentarily feathery touches to her skin caused her brain to take some time to work through the question. Which did she like better? Sunrise, or sunset? She loved staying in bed in the early morning, watching air motes swim in the first early rays of sunshine. Sulking and basking in the gentle warmth. Taking in the breath of a new day dawn. It was calm and pristinely refreshing, beautiful.
But she also loved the sunset. Standing on the balcony while wrapped in her towel and watching the sun disappear behind the suburban houses in the horizon. The sky it leaves behind painting a hue of fiery blazing colors. Orange, red, yellow, all mixed into a beautiful color combination. Shading the world into a show off mesmerizing beauty before dark floated the earth. Dashing and breathtaking.
She'd never tried to figure out which of the two she liked more. Considering it now, she guessed perhaps she could pick herself a favorite. That wouldn't hurt, would it?
"The sunset."
Kent hesitates for a while, absorbing her answer, drinking it in.
"And you?" She suddenly asks back.
"Um..." He blushes a little, scratching his neck nervously. "I...guess I love the sunrise more?"
"Why?"
He sighs, burying his head lightly into her shoulder. She tilts her head back to give him enough room.
"Because it's pretty." He mumbles innocently, his lips bubbling words against her skin. He resets himself so that his chin is nonchalantly digging into her shoulder. "A new day. A fresh start. And maybe...a new me. Every time I wake up and watch the sun climb it's way into the sky, it makes me smile. Because I know I can try to be an entirely different person than I the last time. I can restart my life anew. I could build myself another kind of castle, high and tall, standing in the clouds. I could grow different flowers, jasmines, petunias, lilies, carnations. I may even paint the house another color. Powder blue, light green, a soft grey, a gentle pink. I don't have to look back into the bad parts of my life, I can do it all over. Begin once more. I find it as an opportunity to finally be...the me I want to be."
What he'd said was true, but impossible. He's always wanted to be him. To wake up and make himself his own kind of life, grow into his inner self, but he's never done that. Each time he goes astray from the lines and walls of expectations that everyone has built around for him, he gets weird funny looks from people, horrified gasps and brutal critical comments. Suddenly, everyone would be looking down at him. And that's all enough to have him slope back down into the fort he'd been trapped into. And very now and then, he finds himself thinking about what everyone will consider of him if he actually went down those roads he longs to wander into. What would others think? Just like that, he finds himself being that seven year old boy who sat alone in the school playground, dejected by all his classmates.
And that wasn't where he intended to fall back into any soon. He'd promised to make his mother proud before she died. He definitely would even though she won't be around to witness his success. And if that meant leaving all he wanted his life to be just for that to happen. Then so be it.
Ivy's arms wrap tighter around his neck. He'd said much, a ton too much for her liking. But she guessed he wasn't feeling in the right place as well. She'd always had the idea that Kent's life was perfect. He had good grades, a lovely family, two amazing best friends, and the good family background. He was the boy everyone looked up to at school for inspiration and motivation.
The perfect boy.
She saw no reason as to why he'd want to be different. In fact, she maybe envied that he had such a perfect life while hers was scattered all over the place. A puzzle she'd failed to solve herself. A mess she'd forgotten how to swim out of.
Breathe slapped against her skin as Kent sighed. "Why is the sunset your favorite?"
He was playing with his feet, pressing them nervously together as he waited for her response. Her fingers climbed to twirl with the coffee hair at the back of his head, she leaned into him.
"Because it's pretty." She started like he'd done. He chuckled airily at that. "I don't know, Carter. It's another day gone. Another twenty fours of my life swept away. Another box marked off the calendar. A step closer to the day I die and relieve myself of this earth. When I stand by the balcony and watch as the sun sinks away into the earth, I'm happy. I survived one more day, but I'm only moving towards the next time my life is on the line. Things will never end with me walking happily into the sunset, Carter. That much I'm aware of. I only hope for my moment of release. My own death."
But of course she didn't mean the 'stake me and end my immortality' kind of death or anything along those lines. She meant falling. Tumbling and drowning completely into the darkness that rages inside her. Giving in to the monsters that bare their teeth ferociously in her mind. The demons that lurk and leak out of her, edging her closer to the tip of insanity.
She's been through enough. She's survived a lot. Yet she knew well that her mental health hung over her head like a machete tied to a thin weak string. Her ending, she knew it. Her void. One she couldn't wait to be sucked into. She was tired of dancing on the lines of life that scared her, she was tied of running away from the voices that drowned her in despair and madness. Eventually, she'd give in.
Not because she's too weak to keep fighting.
But because there's not much left for her to fight for.
The day that she gave in to these beasts, would definitely be the end of her. A sweet sick terrifying ending.
She saw no reason to explain everything to that extent though and she even had no idea why she'd just said all that. Maybe it was something about this moment that felt safe, it felt comforting and snuggly. Serene.
Kent's arms tightened around her waist deathly, he smashed her body against his in an almost bone crunching hug. Perplexed as to his action, she frowns and tries tugging herself out of him, he only grips further.
Seeing she had no other choice but to remain in his firm hold, she relaxed and played with his hair all the while. They stay in that silence, going through what they'd told the other. It actually felt as though they'd opened to themselves yet they still weren't able to fully understand each other. Their minds swirled as they remained in each other's touch. Ivy welcomed this, it was a great yet odd distraction from what she'd been going on for about the entire week.
But when she realizes that they've been in this position for far too long, she taps his shoulder.
"Are you letting go any soon?"
"N-Not really."
Ivy pauses, lifting her head a little to stare at the adorable face cuddled between her shoulders, but his hair obscures her from seeing his face smashed between her neck. She softly sweeps it away so that she can see his compressed eye lids.
"Kent."
He blinks his eyes open, the moulding emeralds in them banging passionately with hers. She struggles to keep up with the fetching colors of different green hues that pop out vividly.
"Ivy?"
They stare at each other. A long stare in which his eyes seem to glass over as he watches the girl that sat atop him, studying every cell of her face, the long lashes that beat softly against her skin when she blinked and how her pink lips parted and inch as though in invitation.
Ivy scowls uncomfortably, not liking the look of great admiration he concerns her with. Her lips even dip down lightly as she realizes he seemed to have drowned into his own wonderland for a moment there. She rolls her eyes and leans in to give him a short small peck on the lips.
He slowly snaps back into reality, blinking.
"What are you doing?"
"W-What do you mean?"
"That." She raises her brows at him. "That look. I'm not a fucking candy. Don't stare at me like that."
He turns his head so she's not even able to see what expression he shifts back into. She draws his face back, cupping his jaw so he swerved to look at her.
"What are you thinking, Carter?" Her fingers tighten, she pulls him in a little closer. "Hmm?"
"I--"
Her black nail trails his lips painfully, digging into the pulpy skin with gentle force to taste it's strength. "One week. I'm gone for just one week and you can't stay away, can you?"
He leans into the countertop, her body compresses into him, following the move. "Well--"
"It's Sunday." Ivy informs him. "I don't recall this day being scheduled for tutoring. Do you, Carter?"
He stammers, flustered. "No. I was just wondering what--"
"What?" She gently nips his earlobe, sneaking one hand into his shirt. A muscle in his jaw ticks. "Tell me, Carter. What is it?" She frowns as something hits her. "I thought I told you to jerk off when you felt aroused. Did you do that?"
He blushes. "Well. I-I couldn't--I'm...I was really busy this week--"
"And yet you squeezed some time to come see me?" She starts dotting kisses on his neck. "How lovely."
His hands clutch her waist rigidly, as she slowly approaches his soft spot, darting her tongue out to lick the skin. His body slackens with pleasure beneath her and he lets out a low moan.
"I have the feeling you're here for something different." She places herself over his hard cock, shutting her eyes when arousal begins to throb from between her thighs. "Am I right?"
He bites his lip in strain. She slowly starts to grind against him. "Tell me."
His chest vibrates as another groan tears through him. "I--I...fuck!..."
Ivy abruptly stops, feeling herself build up, she gets off his body. The bathrobe falls back into place, covering the thighs that were almost exposed. She turns and trudges back into the living room.
"Come." She calls him.
He does so, taking in a deep breathe and following her back into the room. His body oddly shook in excitement and he struggled to keep his lips from stretching up into a giddy grin. Ivy swirled back to look at him, biting her lip in the process. She waited until he stood at a hairs width from her. A smile slowly curled its way unto her lips.
"I was wondering." She started as she patted his broad shoulders. "Would you like to touch me?"
Kent's eyes promptly averted, red trailing down his cheeks. "W-What?"
"Do you want to touch me?"
Her lips fell on his jaw, kissing the pink skin. The boy fidgeted in her grasp. He knew what she meant by 'touch me'. His mind immediately raced to what they'd done in the library. She'd touched him. Was he supposed to touch her in such a way, rub her like she'd done to him. The thought made his heart beat fast and his throat constrict for a split second. Was that what she wanted?
He gulped. "H-How exactly?"
Small fingers wrapped around his, pulling so he held her waist. "Like this."
She guided his hands down so they rounded the inviting curve of her hips, then drew them down so that his fingers cupped her ass lightly. There were clothes in the way, but that didn't stop the boy from getting utterly flustered. His eyes widened just as his pupils dilated. Ivy licked his bottom lip.
"But, of course--" she slowly let go of his hand but the boy didn't bother removing his hands from that position "--I'll need you to it while I'm perhaps...naked?"
Did he want to do that? He did. He'd never really thought about it, but he realised then that he wanted to. He wanted to explore the frightening girl before him in such a way. He wanted to run his finger along the serrated blades of her stark being, wrap his hands around the detrimental aura that most men forbade themselves. Play with the wolf that drenched it's teeth in blood. He wanted to. It only excited him more knowing he could do this. He had the choice at the tip of his fingers, waiting his approval. And he loved the thrill of holding the threat of his life in such a way. Intimate. Lustrous. Deadly.
"I--" Breathe escaped his lips as his heart thumped wildly in his chest. He found himself tossing caution back out the window once more.
"I want to."
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