Was Sirius avoiding Remus? Well, no. And try as he might, Remus couldn't justify saying that Sirius was deliberately ignoring him because truthfully, Sirius was acting no different than he ever had before. He certainly wasn't acting like Remus got absolutely plastered and Sirius took care of him and made him breakfast the morning after. And yes, Remus was hurt by that fact.
He decided that Sirius' cryptic exit from his apartment would not serve to stop him from going to PB&J's shows. Especially because he'd been to so many that the bar was starting to feel comfortable and Regulus always wanted to go and Mark was still there and wooing him.
Mark slid into the booth next to Remus, slipped his arm across Remus's shoulder and pulled him closer. "Having fun, Rem?"
Remus nodded and sipped from the little red straw in his glass. "Did you bring me a water?" He looked over to Mark who was grinning now.
"A water?" Mark chuckled, "you don't want a water. Come on, it's Friday night, you deserve to let go a little."
Remus frowned, but he was quickly distracted by Sirius returning to the stage for their next song. This was one of Remus' favorites for the sheer fact that Sirius sounded a little unhinged while signing it. Remus had looked up the original song after hearing it for the first time at a show. Sirius' rendition was gravely and desperate in a way that moved everyone who heard it. And maybe Remus more than anyone else.
I've got this strange little feeling comin' over me
Ooh, baby I'm fine, but I still can't see
It was just my love and emotion
Ooh, thought true by devotion
So watch me collide
With your tears in the sky
I can still see the sun, but I'm restless
So lay down your hands, and lay down your gun
I'm getting washed by a wave that's coming over me
Getting crushed in tides of salted sea
You got lost in blue, I see darkish green
Oh, these colors mix for your potion
Sirius was strumming on his guitar and singing very closely into the mic. He had been glancing around the crowd, but never at Remus until now when he met his adoring gaze and held it as he finished the song.
So watch me collide with tears in the sky
With your tears in the sky
Through your golden eyes
I can still see the sun, but I'm restless
So lay down your hands, and lay down your gun
So watch me collide with tears in the sky
With your tears in the sky
Through your golden eyes
I can still see the sun, but I'm restless
So lay down your hands, and lay down your gun
So watch me collide with tears in the sky
With your tears in the sky
Through your golden eyes
I can still see the sun, but I'm restless
So lay down your hands, and lay down your gun
Sirius cleared his throat when the song ended and Remus knew better to let himself believe that he was emotional on his account.
"That was Swim Season's Collide, and, ugh I hope you all liked it." He took a long drink from a bottle of water as James strummed the bass softly; Sirius capped the bottle and joined James on the guitar before starting their next song.
Mark had backed off since the night Sirius had taken Remus home. Remus wasn't sure if it was something he did or if Sirius had gotten in the way, but Mark was avoiding him anytime they were in the company of others. Any time he managed to catch Remus at the bar or waiting for the restroom or an Uber when Reg decided to follow someone home, he made up for lost time. The first time Mark did this, it struck Remus that they'd had their first kiss when he was almost too drunk to remember it. Actually, he didn't remember it, but Mark gladly told him how he barely fended off Remus' desire to kiss him. How they were nearing obscenity in the club, but as they were leaving the bar to go home, Sirius grabbed Remus and took him away. Remus had a hazy memory of Sirius grabbing him by the shoulders, so it made sense.
Regulus had told Remus that he'd made Reg swear to not let him leave with Mark, but Regulus was so drunk off his ass that Remus wasn't entirely sure that was the truth. Really, the only person who'd been with him all night was Mark.
At this show, Mark had dragged Remus out the band entrance door and pressed him against a wall at the back of the building. Unfortunately, he'd grabbed Remus out of the line for the bathroom and Remus still really needed to pee. A good thing about this string of previously uncommon nights out was that Remus was building up more of a tolerance to alcohol, but that hadn't really helped his bladder magically double its volume. "Mark," his name came out as a half intentional chuckle (n .,llllllllllllllllllll=]po;l ~ as typed by my cat), "enough I need to go."
"I hardly see you," Mark replied with a soft groan as he continued to plaster kisses across Remus' face.
"You see me four nights out of the week."
"Like see you, see you."
Remus pushed Mark away slightly to study him. "What does that mean?"
"Like," Mark walked his fingers across Remus' chest, "like see you in my bed, naked."
Just as he opened his mouth to reject Mark, the door burst open and Sirius stepped out with a cigarette already hanging from his lips.
"Fuck, Sirius," Mark took a step closer to Remus, backing him into the wall once again. "A little busy, man."
"Don't care, man," Sirius mocked as he lit up and took a drag. Remus watched him with more intensity than he'd ever admit. He just couldn't stop looking at Sirius and the thought that have never met him if it wasn't for Regulus made something close to dread burn in his chest.
Remus stepped forward and shook Mark off, "I'm heading in anyways, see you later?" He was looking at Sirius as he asked, but was only offered a noncommittal exhale of smoke in response. Mark however, was much more clear with his intentions.l:
"I'll catch you after, you sticking around to head to Crow's Nest?"
Sirius snorted and Remus paused to hear his response, "place is a bit of a shit hole."
"Cheap drinks, loud music, and a big dance floor," Mark explained as he came to stand behind Remus, "let's go," he patted Remus' ass and Remus lingered in front of him just long enough to see Sirius roll his eyes.
The rest of the show moved quickly and though Remus didn't want to go to Crow's Nest with Mark, he didn't have a choice, not after what Sirius did:
Sirius approached their table with his arm around some guy Remus recognized only because he'd been at a few of PB&J's shows. He was introduced as Conner and smiled shyly as he was introduced to everyone at the table. Remus noticed how as he became less and less comfortable with all of the new faces, he melted into Sirius more and Sirius tightened his protective hold around his shoulders. Remus wasn't jealous, he told himself. Conner was a fucking groupie and even if he wasn't, Remus had no claim to Sirius Black and he couldn't act like he did.
By the time introductions were done, Remus had slid down the booth to cozy up with Mark, pulling the other man's arm across his shoulders and slipping his hand up Mark's thigh. After Remus suggested they head out to Crow's Nest if that really was how their night was going to go, Sirius invited himself and Conner, but Regulus excused himself with a bulky young man who Remus vaguely recognized from the security crew and James ducked out with the excuse of a headache.
Remus would have loved to get plastered as he watched Sirius pull Conner tighter towards himself as Conner ground against him. Sirius leaned over his shoulder and Remus tired to stop himself from imagining the soft smile on Sirius' face or the rough sound of his voice in Connor's ear; Remus felt himself getting hot just thinking about what words Sirius might be using to make Conner squirm against his lap.
Watching Sirius was quite frankly making Remus hot and bothered; which was probably why he was quick to lean farther back into Mark and move just right when he felt Mark's hard-on pressed against his ass.
"Coming home with me tonight?" Mark asked after they'd been at the club for just under an hour.
Remus shuddered as he imagined himself in Conner's position and Sirius asking what Mark just had, which probability (definitely) contributed to him agreeing to go home with Mark.
Mark was not great in bed, though he definitely thought he was. In fact, Remus really didn't enjoy himself, at all. And as he laid next to Mark in his bed, all of the terrible memories played over and over in his head to the point it made him feel ill. The minute he was sure Mark was asleep, Remus carefully showed himself out and made it to the sidewalk outside of Mark's apartment before the drinks of the night made a reappearance.
The tears from vomiting were soon replaced by tears of... of something Remus couldn't quite describe. It was some mix of horrendous memories and an unexplainable desire for Sirius. Through his tears, he found Sirius' contact and dialed him as he sat on the curb.
When Sirius answered the phone, he sounded only half awake. "Yeah?" Came Sirius' groggy greeting.
"Hi, Sirius, sorry it's Remus and- no sorry, just nevermind."
"Remus, you didn't wake me up just to lose your never now. What do you want?"
Remus sniffled, "Mark-"
"Then go fucking have him, you really don't need to call to rub it in further."
"I..." Remus stalled and heard Sirius sigh, "he slept with me and I- it was awful and I feel awful and I don't know how to get home."
"Call a cab." Sirius sounded stern.
Remus tried to hide the fact he was crying, but did a poor job of it. "Sirius-" his voice broke, "please."
There was a long silence until he heard Sirius sigh, "I live down the street, just stay there and I'll walk over."
Remus nodded before realizing that Sirius could not see him, "okay, thank you, Sirius, I don't know-"
"Save it Remus, tell me when you mean it." And with that he hung up.
About 10 minutes later, Remus saw Sirius walking towards him on the street. He'd been trying to say vigilant of his surroundings, but really he was drifting off to sleep as he sat on the curb. "Hi," he smiled softly at Sirius, "you didn't need to come."
"I did, let's go," Sirius shoved his hands in his sweatpants pockets.
"You needed to?" Remus stumbled to his feet and fell in step beside Sirius as they walked back to his place. When Sirius didn't answer his question, Remus continued to fill the uncomfortable silence. "Is Conner-?"
The answer was immediate, "no."
"I'm sorry I woke you and fucked up your night."
"Don't be sorry. I wouldn't have answered if I didn't want to."
That soothed most of Remus' anxieties and they covered the final few blocks quietly. Sirius punched in his building code and led Remus up a flight of stairs and down a short hallway before they reached his door and Sirius let them in.
"Bedroom is straight down on the right," he pointed down the single hallway straight ahead of them past the kitchen and living room, "bathroom on the left- help yourself to whatever you need."
Remus nodded and turned to thank Sirius, but Sirius was already turned around and heading to the couch, so he just kept quiet and made his way quickly down the hallway.
He stole one of Sirius' sweatshirts to sleep in before he made it to the bathroom to wash up. One look in the mirror and the realization of how sickly he looked really hit him. God, he hated that he'd gone home with Mark. He didn't mean to cry again, but he couldn't help it. He felt so, so stupid and used and violated and already worried about what Mark would do when they saw each other again.
With all of his racing thoughts, he fumbled the bottle of mouthwash and it clanged to the floor. Remus slumped next to it and made no effort to get back up.
Sirius came a good 10 minutes later and was surprised to open the door and find Remus on the floor with his head between his knees. "Remus?"
Remus lifted his head slowly- puffy eyes and tear stained cheeks and even more dignity lost.
"Are you okay?"
He opened his mouth to respond, but no words came out. More tears pooled in his eyes as he shook his head, no.
"Come on," Sirius stepped forward and helped Remus up by the elbow; he led them back into the bedroom and Remus took a seat on the bed. "What happened?"
"I don't want to be alone right now."
"I can stay with you, if you want."
Remus nodded before he pressed his palms into his eyes to try to deter any more tears. Sirius didn't push any further, and just silently got in the other side of the bed. Remus snuck a look over his shoulder to see Sirius laying on his side with his back towards Remus. He took a deep breath and slid in next to Sirius under the blankets; he was relieved when Sirius didn't seem to take notice to all of his moving.
A while later, Sirius broke their silence, "lights off?"
"Sure," Remus yawned and was surprised with his own comfort.
"Alexa, bedroom lights off."
In the new darkness of the bedroom, Remus listened for Sirius' breathing, and when it slowed and evened out, Remus let himself drift off too.