shotaro was so happy to be spending the night with his new bestfriend, he had planned the entire night.
[due to sungchan and shotaro leaving nct, i decided not to continue their sleepover,,? let's just say they had a fun time together, bonding and becoming closer. from now on i won't be including them in the story, they were just side characters to keep the story interesting, but i don't want to be sad everytime i write about them.]
"a-and this was all just a big mistake ..." the words renjun had said stuck with jaemin all day. did renjun really think that what happened was a mistake?
jaemin may have been drunk, but it's almost as if he became sober after him and renjun kissed the first time. 'i think... i'm in love with renjun. and jeno.' he's finally coming to terms with his feelings for both of his closest friends... he didn't want to accept it before. he didn't want to accept that he enjoyed renjun that saturday night. but... he did. he enjoyed the kiss. he enjoyed those intimate moments with the older boy. he enjoyed calling him babyboy, he enjoyed caressing his face in the darkness, he enjoyed holding him close to him.... he loved it. and now he thinks renjun thinks it was just some dumb mistake. and that really hurt him.
he avoided jeno most of the day too, too embarrassed and paranoid about his feelings to talk to him. he was just.... so overwhelmed. he wanted to be alone. alone with his thoughts, alone with his emotions he's just now accepting.
"renjun ge?" chenle says at lunch, he found renjun just sitting in front of his locker, probably hiding from all the people. renjun looks up, barely making eye contact as he 'hm's to chenle. "how are you doing?" he asks while sitting next to renjun. renjun shrugs, before replying quietly, "honestly? absolute shit." he sarcastically chuckles, "i think i hurt jaeminies feelings when i said it was a mistake. i was so overwhelmed. i was scared of being rejected, i wanted to reject first...? i guess. who knows. my emotions are all out of fucking wack."
he slams his head against the locker, sighing. "sometimes i wonder if finding them was a mistake. no one was supposed to find out about me like this...." chenle intently listens to him, waiting for him to sigh as he finished to answer him.
"i don't think anyone knows ge, they're all mostly just jealous whores who think you guys made out just.. drunk. the worst that's gone around is you maybe using him but, nothing about how you actually are. and renjun ge.... don't think it was a mistake, because it wasn't. i know it wasn't. sometimes i got so bad after meeting jisung, i regretted it too. but at the end of the day, i know that everyday since i met him has been better. even when there's been bad days, it's still.. so much better then before. i know it's hard right now renjun ge, but you're not alone. and i'm sure you and jaemin hyung will be perfectly okay soon!!" renjun nods, chenles comforting words actually slightly comforting him.
they got up, and went on with their ways. renjun tried to avoid.. everyone. all day. jeno, jaemin, random students, his friends, everyone. he was so terrified, he didn't want people to find out about his crimes, or his feelings for his two friends, and he also was scared of being bullied.
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renjun still followed jeno and jaemin, although they didn't walk together as they usually did. they were several yards apart from each other, not saying a word to each other. it hurt renjun to see them like this. he even began.. blaming himself.... 'does jeno think jaemin cheated on him?' 'does jaemin not have feelings for jeno anymore if he did...' 'did i.. ruin their relationship?'
he was very miserable. he didn't like these negative feelings. he just wanted everything to be better between everyone.
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jeno got home, the silence of his house for once not being comforting, but being.... anxiety inducing. he felt so alone. he missed jaemin... and renjun, but he was closer to jaemin, thus missing him more. 'i was starting to think he had feelings for me too... was i wrong this whole time? was i just a friend to him...' then he began to think about the photos of renjun and jaemin kissing. they were blurry but, jeno couldn't stop looking at them. they didn't make him sad. well, slightly, but just because he wasn't with them. they mostly made him happy, and he couldn't really identify why..
he wanted his mothers comfort, so he tried to call her. of course, there was no answer. when was the last time he even heard his mothers voice? he doesn't even remember. being alone at his home like this makes him sad. usually he has jaemin, or his brother and his friends, or just... someone. anyone. he doesn't like this. he's alone with his thoughts, contemplating everything that's happened over the last few months.
that is, until
"JENO OPPA!!!!"
"eh?" jeno opened the door, and there was one of his oldest friends, someone he may even consider his younger sister, kim doyeon!!! "d-doyeon- what are you doing here?? how did you get here—" jeno has so many questions, he hugged his old friend. she squealed and hugged him back, "my parents are letting me finish my studies here with youuuuu~ your mom said you could use the company too!!" jeno is so happy, and excited, he's missed doyeon since the last time they saw each other, as young children.
jeno helps her get settled into her home, and doyeon spends the rest of the day cheering him up.
renjun sighed, throwing his phone to the side of his bed. his dm's are filling with hateful messages, and they were starting to get to him. 'you're just a fucking slut, jaemin will never actually like you' 'he was just drunk, you mean nothing to him' 'i hope you dxe!!!!' so much hate. just for kissing jaemin? was he really that popular.... renjun doesn't like this. he wish he could just disappear into nothingness. he doesn't want to die, he would never want to leave his precious jaemin and jeno, he doesn't know what to do... he wants to cuddle up in their chests, so they can keep him safe. keep him safe forever and ever. that's all he wants right now. why can't he have that?
jaemin is so distraught. he feels so lost.... little does he know both of his other people feel the same way too. he's so angry someone would do this to him and renjun, and he can only imagine how much hate renjun is getting right now. he touches his lips, renjuns kiss still lingering on him, he misses it.
if only renjun hadn't said it was a mistake, maybe jaemin would've gone over there to hug and kiss him more.
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tuesday morning, not much was different. jeno and jaemin didn't walk to school together, they didn't talk to renjun at his locker, they just watched as people whispered about him, separately wishing there was something they could do. jaemin could admit his feelings and tell everyone to stop, but he wasn't ready for renjun to know... he didn't want to think about that. he just accepted his feelings, he doesn't want either of them to know yet. he's scared. he's so scared.
but little does he know, renjun and jeno are just as scared.
renjun noticed the new girl walking with jeno, he stared lovingly at jeno. jeno seemed slightly happy, but not as happy as when he was with jaemin and renjun. that comforted renjun, and renjun was too exhausted to think about trying to kill this girl. she doesn't look like much of a threat..? from what he sees, its just some girl jenos seeing as a little sister. maybe all of this harassment has changed renjuns mindset[we can hope]
around lunch time, a scene began to form around a main hallway.
"what did you say to my girlfriend you cxnt?" jaehyun asks loudly as he shoves renjun into a locker. renjun is looking to the ground, he doesn't even care about the pain he feels on his back. he mumbles, "i told her to shut. the. fuck. up." as he looks into jaehyuns eyes, trying not to show his fear. he was afraid, genuinely. but he needed to not show that.
jaehyun snickers, then smirks. he grabs renjun by the collar and shoves him to the floor, renjun is trying his absolute hardest not to cry out in pain. jaehyun traps the smaller boy beneath him, renjun is trying to use his past fighting skills to get him off, but for some reason(his mind has been heavily distracted and he's in a foggy state that limits his strength) he's unable to get up. jaehyun starts punching him. he's punching renjun so hard. renjun feels like he's about to black out.
jaemin is walking alone, and noticed a crowd gathering around in a hallway, he sees jaehyun on top of someone. he doesn't think much of it, jaehyuns always beating people up; until he hears renjuns friend, xiaojun,,? scream "RENJUN SSI-" and that got his attention.
he shoved through the crowd, only to see renjuns bloody face beneath jaehyun. something.. broke... within jaemin. he didn't care about the rumors, he didn't care jaehyun was bigger then him, he didn't care. he just jumped right in. he pushes jaehyun off of renjun full force, then he puts his arm over jaehyuns neck. "don't you fucking touch him again." he's straddling jaehyun, he keeps punching him. he doesn't stop. all of his hurt from not speaking to jeno, hurt from renjun calling their kisses a mistake, hatred for the person who took pictures of them, he just took all of it out on poor jaehyun. not poor really, he mostly deserves it but... yeah. just that.
it wasn't until renjun held his hand, and whispered, "nana.. you gadda stop, he stopped, you're okay" it took alot of courage for him to say that, but he knows he needed to calm jaemin down. his heart was racing, he loved that jaemin cared for him like this, but the more damage he did... the worse punishment he'll get. and renjun doesn't want his someone to get badly punished.
so many people crowded around them, some taking pictures, some crying, others gossiping and glaring at renjun. he heard the whispers, but he didn't care.
he and jaehyun were sent to the nurses office, jaemin immediately to the principal.
"do you REALIZE who jung jaehyun is!??" the principal, very unprofessionally, yells at jaemin. jaemin didn't feel very bad, he simply replies, "he's an asshole. a bad person. he deserved every bit of pain i gave him." the principal growls, stomping over to jaemin and aiming to slap him, stopping right before he does it. he sighs in jaemins face, jaemin can smell the booze. the principal puts his hands to his face, before saying once more to jaemin with gritted teeth, "his parents are EXTREMELY. RICH. they can SUE OUR SCHOOL!!! DO YOU REALIZE WHAT YOU HAVE DONE?" jaemin stared at him. before he finally says, "what the fuck do you expect me to do mister PriNciPaL?? he hurts people all the fucking time and you don't do anything about it. you're an ignorant, laughable pathetic alcoholic!!! i'm not going to fucking apologize to you or ANYONE." before he storms out of the office.
behind him he hears an angered, "DETENTION!! TWO WEEKS!!!" but he didn't even care. he's so... not him. renjun and jeno are so worried about him, they miss their nana.
jaemin has to leave school early, 1 so he doesn't cause more damage and 2 because his suspension has started. as he's walking down the courtyard, jeno yells out to him, "nana?!" jaemin dully turns around, 'hm'ing slightly while he barely stares at jeno. "what is going on with you man??" jeno yells, as a crowd begins to form around them.
jaemin is at a loss for words, he doesn't know what to say... he doesn't want to say what's wrong. he just shrugs, now avoiding eye contact completely. jeno sighs, "you fucking beat up a dude, that's not like you at all!! i miss my freaking friend jaemin" jaemin shrugs once more, mumbling quietly, "i don't know jeno. i just don't know."
jeno groans, sighing as he shoves past jaemin, and past the crowd. he doesn't understand what's happening, he misses his bestfriends.
he makes his way to the nurses office, where he finds renjun asleep. he sits next to the beat up boy, jaehyun being gone already(mildly surprising that is) he holds renjuns hand.
"hey injunnie,, i don't know if you're like.. in a coma or something but, i just wanted to talk to you. jaemin isn't okay, and i don't know what happened.. i've been thinking about those pictures of you and him together, i think they make me happy. i think.... i wish i could kiss you guys like that too. who am i kidding, i don't know what i'm feeling. i hope you're okay renjun, get better soon." he kisses renjuns forehead before he leaves the nurses office. he felt stupid for talking to the unconscious male, he just... misses him and jaemin. so much. even though it's only been a few days.
sadly renjun was actually asleep, so he didn't hear any of the loving things jeno said to him.
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renjun wakes up, alone and in pain. he sighs, the nurse isn't here, and it's afterschool hours. he wants to go see if jeno and jaemin are okay, but his body and face is aching so much. 'but i need to see them...' renjun can't resist the feeling of needing to make sure jeno and jaemin are at home and safe, so he pushes himself up off the bed, hissing as everything hurts, and then he slowly walks to his someone's houses.
through the window of jenos house, renjun sees him and doyeon laughing and playing video games together. it makes his blood boil. he doesn't feel the way he does before, he should be making jeno laugh like that. not a stupid female bitch. his fists are balled into a tight ball, but that hurts.. so he needs to stop. he sighs and walks away, over to jaemins house.
when he feels slightly better he'll figure out what to do with doyeon. stupid bitch.
he's limping as he walks to jaemins house, he peeks through the window, all of the windows actually... jaemin is nowhere to be found. 'where could he be?' renjun ponders. he wants to make sure his someone is safe.... but he doesn't know where he could be right now..
he checks jaemins instagram, finding no stories or new posts. he doesn't want to give up, but he feels so lightheaded, is he losing more blood?
he feels his nose, there's blood. ah. that's why he suddenly got so lightheaded.
'am i about to... faint?'
....
his head hits the concrete.
"renjun oppa? are you awake?" renjun groans at the chirpy loud voice he's now growing to hate. he opens his eyes. right above him is the doe like eyes of kim doyeon. his heads on her lap, he immediately tries to sit upright, but his head is hurting so much. he just.. shuffled over slightly, so now he's not physically touching her. it made him want to barf.
jeno comes out of the hall bathroom with a warm washcloth, and he asks renjun, "what were you doing by jaemins front porch? you really should be home resting.." his voice sounded sad, was he... sad? did renjun make him sad..? oh god-
he realizes he's just staring off, so he clears his throat and tries to reply, "i wanted to check on him... see how he was feeling after.. everything." jeno nods, before he inches closer to renjun and begins wiping the dried blood from his nose.
thump.. thump.. thump...
renjuns heart starts to race, he feels so high. he loves jeno... so much.. he doesn't want jeno to leave him for a girl... jeno has to be his. he has to. he needs to get rid of her. he NEEDS to. he's so close. they're so close. he just wants to kiss jeno right now, but he knows he can't..
'i just want to kiss renjun right now, he looks so pretty. even though his face is puffy and purple and bloody, i can still see how beautiful he is. but i can't kiss him. i know i can't. i fear he doesn't feel the same way..' jenos thinking to himself as he continues to clean renjuns bloody nose.
"i'll call your friends to pick you up renjun, if that's okay?" he speaks gently, and renjun nods, still laying down slightly.
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"renjun ah! come on, we're gonna take you home now" dejun says as he gently wakes renjun up again, when did he fall asleep...? whatever.
he tries to stand up but his knees shake and he falls right back into the couch, doyeon is holding his arm. he wants to shove her away, strangle her until her eyes pop out of her socket. but he can't do that. because then jeno will see and he won't love him anymore.
seeing renjun struggling, jeno decides to pick him up, bridal style, and carry him to the car. renjuns blushing so much, so is jeno, but neither of them know that as they're not looking at each other.
their friends noticed it though. snickering to themselves, they don't understand why renjun and jeno aren't dating yet—
jeno gently sets renjun in dejuns car, and then awkwardly waves and says goodbye, before running back inside.
renjun sighs, staring lovingly at jeno. 'i love him so much.... he'll be mine. soon.' he thinks to himself, before he once more falls asleep.
once renjun wakes up again, he's back at home. he hears his mothers voice down in the kitchen, and he smells his favorite chinese soup. she's always made him the same meal when he's sick, or in this case.. beat up.
he's happy his parents are home, they can take care of him now.
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jaemin needed some time to himself. he went on a walk, he doesn't know where to but he's just.. walking. getting some fresh air and sun. he's alone with his thoughts, regretting lashing out with jaehyun. he's never gotten angry like that before, what the hell is going on with him?
and he fought with jeno... he hasn't talked to renjun.. his head is all over the place, he just wants these damn thoughts to stop.
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hello everyone.. uh. it's been a while. during my last few updates, idk if i told everyone but i had just moved schools, i started doing sports and meeting new people. and i met three of my best online friends, one of them being my current girlfriend. a lot has happened, and a lot has changed. i just.. didn't have it in me to continue this book, i was so unmotivated and busy- but i'm back now. i have plans for the next final chapters, and i will finish this book. one way or another. because this is my best piece of work, i've put so much time and effort into this and now i want to finish it more than ever. thank you everyone, who's waited for this book, and thank you to everyone who supported this book while i was absent. i love you all so much. thank you for your support🤍 i'll be back soon, i promise!