𝐭𝐰𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐲 𝐭𝐡𝐫𝐞𝐞 : 𝐦𝐞 𝐚𝐟𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐲𝐨𝐮
❝ i was able to love you so much
because you embraced and understood
my young and immature mind warmly. ❞
⁻ ᵖᵃᵘˡ ᵏⁱᵐ ⁻
ᵕ̈♡˳೫˚∗
chanhee gently opened his door to come face to face with a frowning younghoon. "hi," chanhee said, giving up on trying to be quiet and locking eyes with his roommate.
"where'd you go?" chanhee didn't know why he didn't answer immediately but the very fact that he had hesitated made younghoon even more suspicious of him, the older boy closing the gap between him and chanhee before pulling him into a hug, the younger letting his arms go limp at his sides. "i was concerned because you weren't answering your phone too-"
"my phone died," chanhee muttered, leaning into younghoon's embrace. although he knew that it was far from his fault, he still felt a slight tinge of guilt (something he absolutely hated feeling) for making younghoon worry about him, seeing as how that seemed to be all the boy ever did. "sorry hoon. i just went out to eat dinner with changmin although that plan backfired-"
"with changmin?" younghoon asked, still not letting go of chanhee. chanhee hummed in response, gently patting younghoon on the back since his arms started feeling awkward just being there by his sides. "did you eat well?" younghoon asked, his voice so gentle that chanhee had to remind himself that he wasn't always that way - he just became as such whenever it came to chanhee and although the boy was well aware of how younghoon seemed to treat him slightly differently from the rest, he always assumed that it was because they were roommates and nothing more than that.
younghoon was genuinely someone that chanhee felt comfortable around and he knew that younghoon felt the same about him. to chanhee, younghoon felt like a pillar he desperately needed in his life, helping him stand on his two feet whenever times got tough and catching him whenever he fell. much like how he had learnt to appreciate ji changmin's presence in his life, he had long since learnt to value younghoon for all that he was from his flaws to his strengths. and it was always those simple questions with him checking in on how he was that reminded chanhee of why kim younghoon was a godsend for him.
all his life, he had never felt as safe as he did with younghoon, the older's embrace so comforting and calming that if chanhee were being honest, he wouldn't mind staying in his arms for longer. but, his thoughts which were once just filled with how great of a person younghoon was were slowly being hijacked by none other than ji changmin, chanhee's mind wandering towards when he had hugged changmin and felt that same sense of safety that he felt with younghoon.
ji changmin and that effortless warmth he radiated. that same warmth that chanhee wanted to preserve. that same warmth that drew chanhee to him like a moth would to a flame. that same warmth that chanhee feared he would extinguish if he made a wrong move.
he had never thought much about anyone apart from younghoon before and the idea that changmin had become someone he thought of as well shocked chanhee, the boy immediately distancing himself from younghoon for the fear that ji changmin would keep residing in his head if he kept thinking about how he had hugged changmin.
"i-i just asked if you ate well," younghoon said, averting his gaze from chanhee.
"sorry. my mind was preoccupied but no, i didn't really eat well." chanhee sighed, running a hand through his hair. "some of my classmates were in the restaurant so we ended up eating sandwiches from the convenience store," chanhee explained, younghoon listening attentively and nodding his head along to his words. "it was an experience for me but i can't even call it a bad experience. i also found out today that ji changmin carries around that penguin keychain i gave him."
"he has nyu?" younghoon asked, chanhee slightly taken aback by how younghoon had suddenly raised his voice. "sorry, i was just shocked is all," younghoon clarified, chanhee only half believing him.
a silence dawned upon the pair and for the first time in a long time, chanhee felt an awkwardness about it. normally whenever they were both silent, chanhee found some solace in the quiet, knowing that younghoon was there being enough to make him feel reassured yet now, it felt oddly painful for both of them to be so quiet all of a sudden.
younghoon cleared his throat. "chanhee...do you like changmin?" his voice pierced through the silence, chanhee staring at him wide-eyed.
"i don't hate him and i'm learning to appreciate his presence-"
"no i meant do you have a crush on him or something along those lines?" chanhee immediately shook his head, reaching up for the red rose pin on his jacket collar instinctively and calming himself down at the sudden question tossed at him. younghoon nodded, sitting down on his bed and leaning against the wall. "okay then."
chanhee sat down next to him, younghoon wordlessly shifting slightly so as to make space for chanhee. "why'd you suddenly ask that younghoon?"
silence yet again.
chanhee didn't want to pressure younghoon to reply but now that he was taking longer to do so, anticipation was killing chanhee. conversation had always seemed to flow so easily between them but for the first time in a while, their every sentence seemed to meet such long pauses that chanhee felt a sinking feeling in his stomach.
he wanted to run into the bathroom and throw up, the silence slowly gnawing at him.
"younghoon-"
"i like you chanhee." chanhee felt himself grow numb next to younghoon, the older boy finding his hand and gently holding it. "i've liked you since first year and i honestly thought i would get over you eventually but here we are with me still feeling butterflies everytime i see you which can't possibly be good for my stomach since we're roommates so i see you very often but-"
chanhee felt himself thaw from the numbness, his fingers interlacing themselves naturally with younghoons'. "why do you like me?" chanhee asked, his voice barely a whisper as both of them refused to lock eyes with one another.
younghoon let out a soft laugh, slightly squeezing chanhee's hand. "there was one night in second year where i was trying to write out your pros and cons but in the end, i wrote an essay about how much i like you so my plans to get over you completely backfired on me," younghoon said, laughing slightly at himself.
"thank you for liking me but-"
"yea, yea you like someone else right?" chanhee shook his head, finally turning his head to face younghoon. untangling his fingers with the older boy, chanhee cupped younghoon's face with his hands. "what-"
"i'll never be able to reciprocate the amount of affection that you have for me and even if i do, i really struggle with it and so i think that's really unfair for you-" younghoon lightly put chanhee's hands down and pulled the boy against his chest, trapping him in another hug. "younghoon-"
"can i sleep while hugging you?"
chanhee had no idea how he truly felt for younghoon. all he knew was that he owed the boy so, so much and valued him even more than life itself. so, he nodded, slowly wrapping his arms around younghoon too, trying his best to ignore how his thoughts kept drifting towards a certain dancer boy he had eaten sandwiches with.
ᵕ̈♡˳೫˚∗
author's note:
it's another confession!
23 chapters in and we have younghoon actually telling chanhee how he feels about him so there's that but chanhee do be having two boys to choose from
how are you guys feeling about this!
also, spoiler for my future work! there's a bbangnyu book coming soon possibly titled [REDACTED] oh oops...that's a spoiler if i say it now hehe :)