I try to rip my arm away with no success, the cool vibranium stays wrapped around my forearm. I open my eyes, seeing the ocean blue ones staring back into mine with substantial amounts of self-hatred saturating them. His lips are formed in a hard line and his breathing is heavy, no doubt from all the fighting he just endured. I flick my free hand up and see blue sparks come from my fingers, causing that vibranium arm of his to seize and lock up.
He discards his grip on my arm in the process and grunts as waves of blue intercept the gold notes in the silver but I hold my stare on him. Anger and fear mixing in my mind, making a dangerous cocktail of emotions. "You know, you really had me fooled," I snarl, sniffling in the cold air.
He stands back up as the energy dies down, adjusting his arm and staring at me with a frozen look in his eyes. "The list of names, the amends, the notebook!" I stop myself and redirect my thoughts when I feel them going off the deep end. I push my hair out of my face, rubbing my forehead for a moment.
"For years, years, you had me thinking you were a monster... that you were just some evil person who came to kill me just because you could. And I was just consumed with the idea that someday I would get to repay the favor, someday I could have a moment of revenge. You were a wolf waiting for it's chance to pounce and so was I." I pause and take a breath. "You're just a person! You're just a person, not a monster, not evil. Broken maybe, but not evil. Just a person," I repeat, trying to convince myself of my words more than him.
He reaches out to grab my arm again and I back into the railing. "You're a person! You were used as a pawn in someone else's game, used as a weapon. For years I built you up on this tall monument, thinking of you as some sort of immortal monster but... here you are! And here I am, working together, working with The Winter Soldier," I scoff to myself as his eyes focus intently on me, waiting for me to continue.
"What I just saw in there...that was it, that was my biggest fear for years. But seeing your face, your guilt ridden and frightened face showed me the truth. You're scared just like I was. Scared of becoming him again." Tears start streaming down my cheeks without permission as I come down from the anger stirring inside of me.
He shakes his head in confusion. "What-What're you saying?" His eyes are narrowed and his lips turned down in a frown, as if he's scared of my next words.
My lip quivers and I bite down onto it, not looking away from his eyes. "Seeing how you act, the way you act like you're afraid of yourself and the way you're so wracked with guilt that even I can feel it, like it's somehow contagious. I can't be a part of the reason you feel like that anymore." I take a breath, feeling as if my next words might make the world crash down around me.
"I forgive you, James," I say while taking a trembling breath. His eyes widen but I continue before he can speak. "So, please, forgive yourself. Cross my name off the list, do whatever you need to do but I can't continue to watch you do this. I can't bear to be apart of the reason you hate yourself any longer because as much as that hurts you, it hurts me as well." His eyes are wide as I speak, watching me intently with a look of wonder in his features. "And if you keep going down this road, you will become him again. You have a second chance, Bucky," his eyes dart up to mine in the use of his beloved nickname.
"Not everyone will forgive you or give you the confirmation you need to move on. But don't waste this, not many people find themselves with a second chance like you have." I watch his face go from unemotional to softening to a frown.
A breath leaves him and fans over my face and the corners of his lips pick up just a tiny bit, forming a grateful smile. I reach a shaking hand out and brush it against his cheek, making his breathing hitch. For a moment my hand stays glued there, as if we're both adjusting to the touch of another person. His eyes flutter closed as I rub my thumb against the stubble on his cheeks.
"Forgive yourself, Bucky. Then the rest won't matter," I whisper and remove my hand and walk back into the bar, wiping the tears off of my face to ensure I won't have to explain myself. I risk a look over my shoulder back out onto the balcony, finding him with his back to me, frozen in his spot. His metal hand gripping the railing as rain begins to tread down onto the building.
Sam's eyes spot me in the crowd and he jogs up to me. "Nadya," he whispers, low enough for me to hear. "You good?" He eyes me warily, as if I'm a bomb that might go off any given second.
I nod, feeling weightless as we find our way back to the bar where Zemo sits. "I'm good." I grasp onto the bar ledge, feeling Zemo's stare on me.
"Nadya, would your last name be Ivanov by any chance?" Zemo asks, making my head swing towards him.
"Shut it, Zemo," Sam growls, leaning away from me and close to him.
He shrugs and sips on an amber colored drink. "Pardon me. I would find it fascinating that a victim of the Winter Soldier is working with him. If I'm correct about your name." His eyes don't leave mine and I contemplate throwing him off that same balcony I was just standing on.
"It would be fascinating, wouldn't it?" I answer his question with a question, hoping to just confuse him rather than confirm his assumptions. I look back to the bartender and flash him a smile. "Can I get another shot please?" I ignore the judge mental look I receive from Sam, I need to erase that last conversation I had with Bucky. I watch him pour the amber liquid into the glass until it's full.
I lift the small cup to my lips and tip my head back, holding onto the bar for support, and let the contents slip down my throat rather than hold it in my mouth. It goes down smoothly and spreads warmth through my chest again, making me feel ten times better than I had. I place the glass back onto the bar and let out a satisfied sigh.
"You're learning quick," Sam mutters next to me and I flash him a smile.
"Selby will see you now," A deep voice says behind the bar.
I look over to Zemo, a smug look settled onto his features before his eyes drift behind me. I follow his eyes and turn around, coming chest to chest with Bucky. I stumble backwards a bit, the heels not helping my balance. His hair gleams with water droplets running down his face and into the stubble along his hollow cheeks. He looks different than when I saw him before. He holds my eyes for a moment before I decide to speak.
"Selby will see us now," I say in a low voice, like I know who this 'Selby' person is, my breath probably reeking of liquor.
His brows pull together as he examines me, my flushed cheeks and my relaxed demeanor. He shoots a glare at Sam who just shrugs. "Back to the mission, let's go," he responds, looking away from me over my shoulder to Sam and Zemo. He gently grabs the inside of my arm, making me walk next to him as we follow Zemo. Normally, I would press him away, slap him even. But, with the alcohol running through me, I don't seem to mind. Though the fingers of his metal arm being cold, my body feels like it's on fire. I bite the inside of my cheek, wondering if what I said out on the balcony even helped the situation. For all I know, it could have made it worse.
⩔ ⩔ ⩔ ⩔
On the second floor of the bar, Zemo, Sam, Bucky, and I walk in a single file line to meet the infamous Selby I've heard so seldom of. Bucky walks in front of me with Sam trailing behind me, and Zemo leads the way. Walking like he owns the place and everyone in it. We come into a small room, men with guns stand at attention around the small area. Windows along the far side of the wall let the artificial LED light in, mixing with the warm light from the lamp beside a small couch with leather chairs sitting across from it.
"People don't just come into my bar and make demands, Baron," A woman's voice says thick with an accent. She taps her fingers on the couch she's sitting on, nursing a drink in her other hand. Her spiky white hair matches her mysterious reputation.
I walk around the room until Bucky comes to a stop in front of me almost making me face plant into his back. I start looking around, searching for any possible escape routes in case something inevitably goes wrong. Zemo and Selby on the other hand, converse, catching up like old friends while I admire the wallpaper hung loose on the walls. Bucky watches me with narrowed eyes as I run my fingertips over the smooth surface of it. I tilt my head at him, feeling slightly fuzzy at the alcohol. He shakes his head at me, mouthing the word 'relax'. I roll my eyes and fold my hands on each other.
Who says I'm not relaxed, Bucky?
"You're taller than I'd heard, Smiling Tiger," Selby quips, making me spin my head towards Sam. Hoping this isn't what gives us away. Sam just gives her a slight nod, agreeing with her notion. I purse my lips to hold in a laugh when she makes a purring like motion towards Sam, making him visibly uncomfortable. "What's the offer?" She turns back to Zemo with a large smile on her face.
"Tell us what you know about the Super Soldier serum..." Zemo trails off as he stands from his chair, waltzing over to Bucky and I. "And I give you him. Along with the code words to control him, of course." I grit my teeth as Zemo runs his hand over Bucky's face, advertising him like he's a product you buy in a store.
But he doesn't move, he let's Zemo run his hand over his hair and cuff his chin without moving an inch. Sam doesn't look too happy either when his eyes meet mine from across the room, he gives me a tiny nod, letting me know it's okay. Zemo stalks back to his seat as Selby graciously appreciates his offer.
"The Super Soldier serum is here, in Madripoor," Selby confirms and I spring my eyes to her, ears at full attention now. "Dr. Wilfred Nagel is the man you want to thank. Or...condemn, depending on your side." Her eyes stray over to Bucky and I before she looks back to Zemo.
"The Power Broker had him working on it." I lower my eyes to the ground, searching her mind for any ideas leading to the identity of the Power Broker but find myself disappointed when I come up empty.
"Is Nagel still in Madripoor?" Zemo inquires, earning a snide comment from Selby shadily mentioning she needs more of an offer to receive this much information. She stands from her seat and walks closer to Sam's side of the room.
"Don't think you can find Nagel without me," she says with a smile and my brows pull together, knowing I could get his location from her without her even knowing. She stops walking when a vibrating noise comes from Sam's pocket, making me hold my breath. Bucky doesn't falter beside me so I wait for Sam to check the caller ID before I can worry. I watch him pull his phone out and stare at the screen.
It's his sister.
I gently nudge Bucky's arm, making him turn to me without getting the attention of others. "This is bad," I barely whisper and his eyes narrow, showing me he doesn't know what I mean.
"Answer it," Selby says, making my eyes whip back towards her. "On speaker!" She gestures to the men behind Sam and they cock rounds into the chambers of their large guns. The one's behind Bucky and I do the same and an idea comes to my head. I hold my breath as Sam answers the phone, trying to convey that he's not able to talk without directly saying it.
"Sam, I'm sorry. I'll call you back." Sarah's voice crawls through the phone and my breathing stalls.
"Sam? Who's Sam?" Selby questions as soon as the voice echoes out of the phone. "Kill them!" She demands and I throw my hands out, stopping all four men from moving from their places. Glass shattering grabs my attention and I look towards it to see Selby lying on the ground, blood staining through her shirt and pooling on the ground beneath her. I push out a breath and look away.
Sam springs to action, grabbing one of the men and knocking him unconscious. And so does Bucky, blocking a bullet with his metal arm before pulling his fist back and ramming it into the man's jaw, knocking him to the ground.
I turn to the one guard closest to me and twist my arms while pushing them towards him, knocking him into the wall and making a gaping hole in the drywall. Bucky takes care of the last one as we all make our way towards the back door.
"They're gonna pin this on us," Sam says, breathless while he grips one of the large guns he took from the men, same as Bucky is doing.
"But we didn't-" I stop when a chime comes from the phone buried in a small purse I carried. I pull it out and furrow my brows at the message from a ghost number.
"Nadya, what's it say?" Sam exclaims making me look up at him with frightened eyes. Bucky watches me too, waiting on me to read the hulking message that somehow found it's way into my phone.
"'Selby dead. 1K Bounty for her killers'," I mutter and feel everything inside of me freeze with panic when I hear the start of motorcycle engines and guns being cocked into place just outside the building.
⩔ ⩔ ⩔ ⩔