"It's always half and never whole,
You've begun to feel like home.
What's mine is yours to leave or take
What's mine is yours to make your own"
Look after you – The fray
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"Come on! Keep going, keep going" Thomas encouraged with a smile on his face, letting Newt squeeze the palms of his hands tightly, the blond's face was scrunched in concentration and effort to squeeze harder and harder with his weak fingers.
After approximately fifteen seconds, he finally gave up and let out a frustrated grunt, furrowing his eyebrows.
"I can't do it. This is bloody useless, Tommy" He complained, crossing his arms from his spot sitting in the middle of the hospital bed, legs crossed as well.
"Yes you can, you're already getting better" Thomas assured trying to show his most reassuring grin possible, but frowned when he caught Newt looking down angrily. "Hey, don't punish yourself, you understand it's going to take time" He confidently put his index finger in Newt's chin to raise his head and chuckled when Newt gave up his seriousness and cracked a smile.
They've been doing this for about two weeks, Doctor Paige, Randall and the rest of the doctors observing from outside. Newt was still weak but getting there, everyone guessed that's what happens when you're out of an eight month induced coma after getting infected with a life threatened virus. They have been expecting at least some side effects, the results had been too perfect to be real. But Newt's brain didn't suffer any serious damage, and there was no trail of the Flare virus anymore. The scar in his chest from the surgery had already healed perfectly.
Everything was good with Newt here, sassy as Thomas remembered him. Yes, he was a little bumped with the traumatic past, but it was his Newt. He hasn't opened up about anything yet and Thomas wished he could talk, but he wasn't going to push him. What Newt did do was asking questions about how everyone else were, what the hell Thomas was doing here, how was he alive and why Thomas had been too stupid to sell himself to WCKD. At the end, he understood, Thomas told him everything, since the moment everyone thought he was dead until he woke up extremely confused in that bed. It was difficult, had to go back in time.
Thomas's mornings were saved for the blond boy, Randall let him visit him since it helped with the recovery. Thomas better knew it was just because Newt was also their experiment, the first person cured inside WCKD headquarters, and they wanted to see a fast progress.
The rest of the day was dedicated to experimentation and more experimentation. During that time Thomas felt a deep fear in his bones of what they were doing with Newt, if he was scared, or in pain. But he knew Newt could take care of himself, he was brave. Although he asked Ava Paige to informed him at the end of the day.
The woman's behavior was really odd, Thomas knew she was not a person you should trust in, but she had almost convinced him. She would come to his room before sleep time, and told him about Newt, who was examined by her every few hours along the day. Thomas thanked it was her because he didn't exactly know the rest of the doctors and scientists and he definitely didn't want Randall to do it. Sometimes she could give him a lot of information and other times Thomas didn't have the strength to keep his eyes open for her.
"Good job Mr. Newton" Randall spoke as he walked into the room interrupting their moment. "Time to go, Thomas" Now it was Thomas' time to look down, every trail of a smile completely erased from his lips.
"You'll be here tomorrow, right?" Newt asked him.
"Of course. You won't get rid of your therapy, or me" Thomas smirked and Newt couldn't help but roll his eyes and hit him in the shoulder playfully.
"Now, Thomas" Randall pressed warningly.
Newt looked up at Chancellor Spilker with a dark expression, something told Thomas Newt didn't like him either.
Thomas, unable to say a word against it, stood up and squeezed gently Newt's forearm and showed him a last reassuring smile before going with the devil itself.
"Bye, Tommy"
Now it was time for hell.
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Thomas watched as a doctor inserted a needle in his forearm for the umpteenth time. Blood immediately filling a small tube, then another and then another. Until five little tubes were filled and handed to someone else for more samples. At this point he wasn't sure how there could still be any more blood in his body.
He tried to relax in the reclining chair while the doctors were working on him. His body physically here but his mind along with his thoughts somewhere else. The safe haven maybe, the scorch, or the glade.
Randall was monitoring everything very close, Thomas lost count of how many time he wanted to actually punch the guy, but he had to admit there was a constant tremor in his limbs every time he approached, as if his bones had memory. He didn't like him at all, in fact, if he ever escaped this place, he would make sure neither he nor Newt see him again.
But the real question was, was he ever going to escape this place? Was Newt ever going to escape this place? The serum was made, Newt was cured, there was nothing left for them here, and still he they were trapped. If he had the smallest possibility, he would make sure Newt can make it with their friends, their family, even if he had to stay here forever. The blond deserved it, he deserved to be happy as he had told him in that letter.
"What's going on in that head of yours?" Randall's raspy voice pulled him out of his thoughts, immediately irritating him.
"That's not of your business" Thomas didn't bother in being polite and almost spitted the words in the man's face.
"You know Thomas, one day that mouth is going to give you severe problems" The man threatened with a smirk on his face, it made Thomas physically sick. "You don't want anything happening to your lovely boyfriend"
"He's not my boyfriend" Thomas muttered looking at his hands, disgruntled with the idea Randall had of starting a conversation with him.
"Shut up" Randall snapped angrily, the smirk didn't seem to want to leave his face.
"What do you want?" Thomas ignored the order, suddenly getting uncomfortable in the room, and uneasiness spreading through his veins.
"It's always about what I want, isn't it? I don't think you're understanding well enough what we're doing here" Randall began to talk as another doctor asked for Thomas' right forearm again, "It's ironic. You were always willed to save your friends, save them from us, and at the end, you were the only one we needed. Maybe you want to save his friends, but we want to save the world. And it's sick that we depend of only one person"
Thomas almost grinned at the last words. Until that moment he'd never thought about it, the power he had in WCKD despite being hated by most of the people in there. If he was thinking about getting Newt out of here, it could be really helpful.
At that second, he felt another prick in his right forearm, catching him completely unprepared, and he couldn't help but wince and guide his sight to the source. The doctor from before was just pulling the empty needle out of his skin, Thomas caught a glimpse of a yellowish fluid entering his system.
"What was that?" He asked curiously, not feeling any different as before so he guessed it was okay.
"Just part of our work"
"I thought you only needed blood to create the serum" Thomas frowned at the man.
"You're right. But you see..." Randall straightened himself from his spot, "...We've been looking for this for years, the cure to the Flare virus. We have it now, but what if there was a way to prevent the infection? Just like you, your immunity prevents the contagion, you can actually coexist with the virus, but we can't"
"You want to produce a vaccine" Thomas' eyes opened in realization.
"I knew you were clever" Randal smiled craftily. "You are right. We are trying to make that. We have a long way ahead of us but with you," He touched Thomas' shoulder while he tried to back away without success, "With you we are very hopeful, and with Newton too"
A cold fear stepped through Thomas' bones, making him shiver unconsciously, as the doctor injected some other thing in his bloodstream. He was close to lose his hope, now he definitely wanted to get out of his hell hole.
"You're not going to touch him"
"Oh how is that?" Randall asked with fake acknowledge, "We are just going to do what we need with you, and then use him as a test subject. Easy"
Thomas clenched his jaw, doing all he could to avoid hitting the man in the face. He wanted to leave a massive bruise in one of the man's eye. His body was burning with anger, veins popping out. A couple of minutes later, he understood, he wouldn't reach anywhere if he got furious, so he took a deep breath closing his eyes and calmed himself down.
"You have me, just leave him alone. I let you do whatever you wanted with me, wasn't that enough?" He tried to at least catch a hint of sympathy coming from the man, something.
"I don't think you're in condition to request those kind of things. After all, you're lucky we chose to leave the rest of your friends in peace" And there it was, the stupid proud smirk.
All Thomas' anger returned, almost making his body shake. Randall was just smiling triumphantly and he was lost of words, he had nothing to snap back.
"Now I'll leave you so the doctors can prepare you for plasma extraction, make yourself comfortable"
Randall left after that, leaving him embarrassed and lost in his thoughts.
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He was tired. He was so fucking tired. Everything hurt, he wasn't sure how that was possible. He just wanted to go to sleep and not wake up in a long time, he needed the sweet sleep, and now the nightmares were less frequently because of that.
He felt as if the world was moving past him, he felt stranger to his own body. Days passed awfully slowly and he wanted the pain to be gone. They were doing even more things with him now, since the idea of a vaccine came up, everything was torture and suffering. They haven't started with Newt yet, and he didn't know how much time left the other boy had. It was all just extremely confusing.
Today was a particular bad day. Terrible if you asked him. He couldn't get out of the bed, of the warm comfort of WCKD's blankets. Despite the thick clothes he was shivering and he couldn't get his legs to move. If he couldn't pass the morning how the hell he could survive the whole day. Sweat was adorning his forehead, sticking his damp hair to it like the hairstyle he used to have no long ago.
Everything was blurry as his mind felt groggy, loopy. He felt high as a bird if he could use a word to describe it. But the truth was that he didn't know how a person feels when they get high. It didn't feel good at all for him.
The door opened with a bang as usual, adding more pain to his pounding headache and making him squeeze his eyes. They lights weren't on inside his room but the door opening filled the surroundings with pure white. He groaned.
"Time to get up, you have an hour" The morning guard ordered thickly before he left the tray of food and closed the door behind him, leaving the bedroom dark again. He sighed pleased at the lack of light.
He yelled at his body to start working, and he was glad it did after a couple of attempts. But it wasn't good, his legs wobbled as soon as he was on his feet, leading him straight to the floor, letting out a cry when the right side of his head hit the cold concrete. It sent a wave of dizziness through him, and for a moment he thought there was bile rising straight through his esophagus. He somehow managed to swallow it down, but the dizziness stayed constant.
Once he was back on his feet, holding onto the nearest wall to keep his balance, he began to walk slowly and carefully towards the bathroom. Once he reached his destination without any more incidents, he splashed cold water to his face, instantly shivering, but it was soothing. It made him feel a bit better. It was something.
He got dressed in the same clothes as always, he actually had a lot of clean equal outfits, it was boring. He managed a couple of bites from the omelet they brought him but he left it in half, however he could down the glass of juice, clinging onto that source of energy to get through the day until it was precious time to sleep. His movements were delayed the whole time, as if his brain had short circuits every few minutes.
He got out of the room inside the time given fortunately, where the previous guard was waiting for him in company of another one. It was okay, he was used to this. The extended hours of tests. It had been happening for more than a month and a half now (if he counted right, which wasn't easy at all) and he felt every second of it. He guessed the only good thing about his day was Newt, not a good thing it was the first event, and it usually ended painfully fast.
The sigh of relief he let out when they reached the lab room was noticeable. It was as if for a moment Newt's company could ease all his pain, he liked that. The guard unlocked the scanner of him, and opened the door, revealing Ava Paige talking to Newt.
The blond boy looked a lot better than he did a month ago. There wasn't irregularities in the color of his face anymore, his cheeks had that rosy tone and he had gained more weight. He wasn't weak like he used to, in fact he could now get up and take walks. He and Thomas would go for a walk on good days, and Newt told him he went with Ava in the afternoons. It helped him in his recovery.
An instant warmness spreaded through his heart at the sight of Newt sitting on a armchair on the side of his bed, almost warm enough to block the shivers wracking his body. Ava was measuring his blood pressure, checking his vitals as well. The boy smiled when he raised his head and spotted Thomas standing by the door, staring at him with his skinny frail body.
"Heya' Tommy, you okay? You look a little pale today" He frowned with the corner of his lips still elevated, as Thomas approached and sat on the bed with his legs hanging on the side.
"Hi, Newt. I'm fine, just a little tired" He assured him. Ava Paige had finished with the checkups and now was also looking at him thoughtfully. Really, that woman's behavior was weird. She stayed for a couple of minutes before she finally left the room, leaving the two young adults alone. Although it was obvious they stared at them though the mirror window.
"So... No walking today?" Newt guided his sight back to Thomas, raising an eyebrow and silently judging his state from head to feet.
"I would prefer not" Thomas let out a shaky laugh to cover the almost depressing atmosphere.
"Damn, Tommy. What the hell are doing with you? You look like the ugliest shank ever"
"Geez Newt. Thank you very much" Thomas answered, "I don't want to steal that status from Minho"
Newt laughed, moving his head back as the soft sound filled Thomas' ears. He loved Newt's laugh so fucking much, and he will never get tired of it. The laughter ended in giggles and then in nothing, as Newt looked down as if he was thinking about something.
"What do you think they're doing right now? You know, Minho, Fry, Gally, Sonya" Newt spoke, a hurt expression on his face.
"I really don't know" Thomas played with his fingers, and then frowned. "Wait, Sonya?"
"Yeah, um.... You know, she and um the other girls" Newt looked nervous, sitting straighter on the chair.
"Right... I don't know. I didn't really talked to them"
"Do you think they are looking for us?" Newt asked sheepishly, "Do you want them to look for us?"
"I- I don't know. I guess, I want you to go home. I want them to take you home. It was my decision to come here, so for now you are my priority"
"Why not you?" Newt spoke curiously, analyzing Thomas' sad features. He looked drained, miserable. For a moment he thought while Thomas didn't answer, he didn't seem to want to answer, and Newt's eyes cleared. "You don't think you deserve to leave this place" He stated guessing accusingly.
"What? N-Newt, wh-"
"No, Tommy listen to me. They are torturing you here! Do you think that's fine? Do you think that's your punishment?" Now Newt raised his voice, eyes staring angrily, "Well now listen to me. You are the last person who deserves it, okay? This," He gestured Thomas' body moving his hand up and down, "This is not okay. I've never seen you in such a bad state. And I've already decided that I don't like it, alright? I can't see you like this"
His voice broke at the end, subsiding to a frustrating whisper. Thomas felt something shatter inside him, he had never thought he was causing Newt pain. He had always wanted to keep him away from that. He felt vulnerable, unguarded.
So he did what he thought was the best, he leaned and took the blond boy into his arms, burying his nose in his shoulder, and he felt a few tears threatening to come out. Newt embraced him from his back, squeezing his torso tightly. Both boys closed their eyes, melting into each other's hold, just shutting their minds off from the outside.
It was good until Randall came.
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It was a constant battle. A constant suffering, torture. Thomas didn't know how much he could take of it. The whole world was crumbling around him, or he was crumbling inside the world, he didn't know.
At this point he couldn't move properly, he couldn't think properly. They were taking him from one lab to another and his mind was buzzing. Wobbly legs barely holding him as he walked. He didn't know what thing caused this type of hideous illness settling down in his system, shutting down functions little by little. They were trying to keep him standing, prevent him from falling, but he couldn't take it anymore.
Every day was a completely horrible mental and physical battle and he was losing. It was agony now, agony then, and agony forever. He felt as the shivers attacked his limbs again for the umpteenth time today, the cold sweat sticking his hair to his sickly pale forehead. If he looked himself at the mirror now he would probably see the blue and purple eye bags, and the sharp cheekbones, consequence of his unhealthy weight.
He felt his body burning up, at the same time chills ran up his spine. Dizziness hit him in torturous waves and at this point he was well aware he had begun to breathe heavily. Spots made their appearance in his sight, making everything even more difficult and the corner of his vision darkened, leaving him unable to distinguish people's faces. There was this weird feeling in the pit of his stomach, it made him want to throw up. He felt awful, his head was throbbing inside his skull, he just wanted to sleep, and he still had the other half of experiments of the day to complete, he just gave up.
"You okay there kid?" One of the guards finally caught sight of his frail state, but his tone was amusing, as if he didn't actually worry enough to ask that question.
Thomas shook his head, or at least tried. It was a failed attempt when the guards looked at each other from behind his back and shrugged, he was sure they were trying to contain smiles, but he was too weak to care. He began to slip from the guards' grip on his shoulders, his body not working anymore.
Before he lost it, he barely heard the loud calls from unknown people around him, and for a moment he spotted the blond mop of hair from Doctor Paige, but everything went black before he could do something about it, and his body hit the hallway floor in an instant.