The rest of the evening passed in a haze of bizarre conversations that I did not want to take part in but was forced to.
The fondness they all felt for Killian was evident and even though I felt terrible for having to lie to them, I managed to smile and drink and even eat what Killian had fed to me. He'd been particularly attentive to my needs tonight. He gave me the attention that delighted his family, so much so that they awed and cooed a few times.
Nonetheless, as soon as I was out of that room, a massive wave of relief washed over me. I finally exhaled properly without having someone snap their head to me when I did.
"Why don't you go up to the room while I see Eve to hers?" Killian suggested, his hand interlaced with mine as we walked down the hall. He didn't let go even though no one was following us. I didn't have a problem with it either so I let him.
"Sure." I nodded.
"I won't take too long." He assured me and let my hand go before walking away.
Releasing a sigh, I padded back to the room on my own. The guilt set in just about when I entered and sniffed in the sweet scent of lavender.
I wasn't sure I'd be able to forgive myself for lying like that. It irked me, extremely irritated me, and If I was a good person I would've confessed right after dessert but how could I when we'd come this far?
I supposed it was a little too late now since they'd bought the idea of us being a loving couple.
I placed my earrings on the table along with my necklace and then stripped off my clothes before walking into the bathroom for a much-needed bath.
I turned on the faucet and let the bath flood with water as I stood by the mirror and audited my nakedness.
Although my pregnancy hadn't fully pronounced itself yet, I still noticed a few changes. Like how tired I usually was, how often I got back cramps, how heavy my breasts were, and lastly, how sexually frustrated I was.
Although, that last one wasn't entirely because of my hormones. There was just something about Killian that even if I hated him, I couldn't stop myself from being sexually attracted to him.
I guess that was why I found him fascinating at the club that night. That was why I let him take me so fiercely that I thought I might die.
Blowing out a breath, I walked back to the bath, turned off the faucet, and sank into the warm water. It tingled my skin, reminding me of the jolts that had passed through me every time Killian touched me tonight.
He'd been extremely nice tonight, treating me differently. Of course, I knew it was all an act but my aching sex didn't understand.
My skin tingled and I rested a hand on the swell of my breast, stroking gently. My hormones were crazy right now. And I shouldn't be thinking about screwing my baby's daddy but that was all I could think about at the dining tonight.
You wouldn't blame me now, would you?
He was practically making eye contact with me half of the time with those hot lobes, and then he was touching me appropriately but it felt inappropriate to my insides.
I didn't know but maybe one more healthy, satisfying sex would quiet my hormones. Maybe if I slept with him just once, this wanting would go away.
Maybe it would also complicate things more than they already were. I groaned to myself. If I slept with him, things would turn for me. But who cares anyway?
I squirmed a little, desperate and horny and the throb in my clit was intense.
When I shut my eyes and heaved out another breath, I could still see flashes of my memories circling my head in slow motion and I felt my body burn with need.
I remembered everything, every single detail; the way my inner walls squeezed around his perfect cock, the way he peppered my skin with open-mouthed kisses while fucking me like he would die if he didn't, his dirty whispers of nothing that pushed me over the edge.
I ran a hand down my breast and pressed my lip shut as I tried to keep my breathing steady.
I really wanted to get over him. This wasn't healthy for me. I mean it was a one-night stand and it'd been two months. It wasn't supposed to be like this. I wasn't supposed to fantasize about him, I wasn't supposed to want him anymore, but no matter how I tried to push past it, the burning ache between my thighs didn't kindle.
I wanted him so badly that I trembled, and I hadn't realized where my hand was resting until my fingertips brushed against my throbbing clit.
I inhaled sharply.
Oh, fuck, what was I doing?
My heart raced. This was out of control. I was a mess of emotions.
I didn't want to masturbate while thinking about him. The idea was completely shameless but it seemed my body disagreed because, as much as I wanted to pull my hand away, it just kept sliding lower.
This was not something I usually did, much less in a bathtub, and I was well aware that I was crossing a line between what was real and what wasn't but maybe just a little. Maybe if I touched myself down there just a little I'd feel at ease and go to sleep without creaming the bed.
With that soothing thought in mind, I parted my legs, feeling my clit throb violently as I tentatively rubbed it.
A shaky breath stuttered across my lips. I felt dirty, but oddly that turned me on even more. I squeezed my eyes shut even tighter and stroked two fingers between the folds of my sex. My hips lifted. I couldn't believe I was doing this. My other hand brushed against my pebbled nipple just about when I pictured Killian taking a nipple into his mouth, sucking it, nibbling, biting.
It was like I could almost feel him here with me, digging his fingers into my thighs and pushing my legs open wider as he stretched his tongue farther inside me.
"Killian..." My fingertips circled my clit, hips rolling ever so slightly against the water. "Yes..."
I bucked my hips, feeling my body heat up as I imagined his mouth taking every bit of pleasure out of me, leaving me completely shaken up.
"I'm cumming..." I ground against the tub. "I'm so so close."
At this point, I wasn't aware of my surrounding. I wasn't aware of the wind blowing in through my open window or the shallow opening creak of my door. Everything that didn't matter disappeared before my mind as I continued to pleasure myself, circling faster and faster until my breath was hitching, and my body was shaking, going rigid with satisfaction
Sweat trickled down the part of my skin not entirely submerged in the water. My breathing was uneven. I pulled my drenched fingers out and took a moment to gather myself before the feelings of guilt washed over me.
I groaned and slowly fluttered my eyes open but what I saw when I did so made my breath seize from my lungs.
"Oh my God!" I shrieked and entirely submerged myself down the tub in mortified horror. "What are you doing in here?!"
Killian closed the door behind him with the swing of his foot and despite the panic rising in my throat, I couldn't help but notice the growing bulge in his pants. "You are one dirty little doe, Hope Sterling." He mocked, a slow wicked grin spreading across his face.
Shame along with embarrassment washed over me. "I-It's not what you think."
The acerbic twist of his lips told me that he didn't believe me. "I stood and watched you moan out my name, kitten. I think it's exactly what it is."
I felt sick to my stomach and still aroused. "You were spying on me?"
"I called your name like five times. When you didn't answer I thought you had drowned or something but I guess you were busy."
My cheeks burned red.
His gaze on me was hot and I felt naked underneath it. More naked than I already was. "You should get out of there before your skin gets irritated."
He was right. I needed to get out because this was getting out of hand.
I nodded.
"Can you please hand me the towel?"
"Sure." He grabbed the cream fluffy bath towel off the hook and walked over to hand it to me. And then he turned around, allowing me to slowly rise from the bath. My legs felt a little wobbly from my orgasm. I squeezed the water out of my hair first before wiping off most of the water from my body, and I probably should have taken my time to wipe them all off properly before climbing out, because the moment I stepped one foot out of the bath, I slipped, falling forward with a screech.
Killian turned immediately. His eyes widened, he was on his knees beside me in a second, helping me into a sitting position. "What the hell! Are you trying to hurt yourself! Are you all right?" His hands were doing a hasty examination of me, ignoring the fact that I was butt naked.
He didn't seem to care but I did, and my body was getting the wrong message entirely from those impersonal touches.
"I'm fine," I muttered, picking up my towel quickly and wrapping it around me. "I'm a klutz."
"Well don't be," he scowled, still looking over me for injuries as he slowly lifted me. "And don't scare me like that again. I thought you were severely hurt. I thought-" He paused and forked his hand through his hair in what could only be described as frustration. "Just go into the room and put on some clothes before I'm tempted to do something we both might not like."
I felt a tingle in my clit at his words "What things?"
He was silent.
"What things, Killian?" I asked again, desperate for his words.
He glared at me and I could tell he was trying very hard not to look down. "I'm a man of great restraint." His eyes were hot on mine. "But seeing you like this is pushing the boundaries of my self-control...so bad that I might just pin you against the wall and fuck the life right out of you."
My eyes sparkled. His rare moment of honesty proved quite the aphrodisiac to send shameless shivers down my spine.
A strange feeling bubbled in my stomach, I wasn't sure if it was the hormones or the fact that his stare was hot, but I didn't care. "Do it."
His eyes snapped up to meet mine. I wasn't taking back my words.
"Do it then, fuck the life right out of me."
"You have no idea what you're asking for." His voice was thick with huskiness.
"I think I do." I stood on my tiptoes, meeting his gaze. "You told me you wouldn't bite unless I asked you to." I touched his lips and they parted lightly to accommodate his quick breath. "I want you to bite. Hard."
He was stiff against me at first but then his eyes dilated and a groan ripped out of his throat as he dragged my body flush against his and flooded my senses with the taste of his lip.
Oh my... butterflies exploded in my stomach. He sucked on my bottom lip and laved the sensitive skin before taking my mouth again. I moaned, aching with the need to touch him. Drunk, I touched his shoulder, trailing my hand across his hard chest as he continued to ravage my lips.
I moaned into his mouth again, one hand traveling over his tight abdomen, down to the hem of his snug pants. I grasped his fullness and an involuntary rasp breezed out of his mouth. "Hope..." His breath was hot against my skin. "I'll come all over your hand if you keep touching me like that."
"I love how it feels." I squeezed again and he growled. "If you're going to stop me you better do it now."
I didn't want to stop. I never wanted to.
I shook my head. "I'm not."
"Then I need to hear you say it." He cupped my face, his eyes blazing with the promise of what was to come. "Say it. Tell me what you want me to do to you. And do it quickly while I'm still asking."
I felt a shiver run down my spine as his fingertips brushed my lip.
"Say it..."
He was begging. I reduced him to this. It was hot and extremely tantalizing. My eyes locked onto his and for the first time since all this rollercoaster ride started, I was sure of what I wanted.
"I want you to fuck me, Killian."