It was Monday morning. The plan was for Izuku to go back for some of school today, but he woke up feeling terrible.
Mentally and physically.
He didn't even have a nightmare, he just felt terrible. He layed in bed through several alarms, staring at the ceiling. Completely and totally out of it, wondering if he could hang himself from the shelves in his closet or if he had enough medicine to overdose.
He didnt want to live today. He just needed a break from everything. The nightmares, the people, he just wanted it to be done.
Aizawa checked on him later that morning, knocking on his door. He heard a quiet, "who is it?" And responded.
"It's Mr. Aizawa. Can I come in?" He asked.
Izuku got up groggily and unlocked the door, cracked it open and went and sat back on his bed.
Aizawa peeked his head in, "you okay?"
Izuku didn't respond, he just kept staring at the floor.
"Hey, Midoriya? You okay?" He asked, walking in the room and closing the door behind him. He didn't respond again.
Aizawa lightly shook his shoulder, "kiddo?"
Izuku looked up slowly, "hm?"
"Are you okay?" Aizawa asked.
"yeah. uhm. I just..." He never finished his sentence, he looked lost and confused.
"I just.." Izuku repeated, trying to remember what was happening. He felt so much and nothing at the same time.
"What?" He asked. He felt out of touch with himself.
"Are you okay?" Aizawa asked again. The words bounced around in Izuku's head for a moment
"I dunno." He said after a while.
"What's wrong?" Aizawa asked. Izuku didn't answer he couldn't stay focused, he was just lost in thought. Remembering things and then forgetting what he was thinking about. He felt completely outside of himself and he was terrified.
"Hey, Midoriya? Are you there?" Aizawa asked.
"I can't focus." Izuku said.
"Okay. Do you remember that one day in class when you dissociated? Does it feel like that?" He asked.
He didn't answer. He was completely out of it, Aizawa couldn't get his attention whatsoever.
"Hey. Izuku, bud?" He asked, waving his hand in front of his face slightly. He didn't know what to do when he got no response and kept not getting a response.
He saw Izuku fidgeting with his hands slightly, but still couldn't get his attention.
He heard a light knock on the door as Todoroki peeked his head in, "can I come in?" Aizawa looked over at Todoroki and then back at Izuku, who twitched slightly.
"Is he okay?" Todoroki asked from the doorway, a concerned expression on his face.
"He's dissociated, could you help us out and give me some ice?" He asked.
Todoroki walked in as he nodded, forming a clump of ice in his hand, and handed it to Aizawa.
"Hey, Izuku, I'm gonna put ice in your hands." Aizawa said, pausing for a second before pressing the ice into Izuku's hands.
The boy looked up at Aizawa and then over to Todoroki, "it's cold." He said, rubbing the ice with his thumb and letting it drip on his bed.
"Yeah? What else? Tell me about it." Aizawa asked softly.
"Smooth." Izuku said, pausing, "wet." He reached up with a wet hand to rub his eye and tensed, "cold!"
Todoroki smiled a little at his shocked reaction.
Izuku shivered. Holding the melting clump of ice in his hands. Rubbing the water in between his palms.
He breathed in and out, keeping himself calm. He didn't want to be here. He was starting to fall back into the thoughts he was previously having.
"I'm sorry." He said shakily, cringing a bit at the thoughts running through his brain. He put his wet hands on his forehead, covering his eyes and letting his head rest there.
He thought back to the time in middle school when he tried to attempt. And the most recent time. The time his broke his wrist trying.
He ran his hands through his hair as he filtered through the memories, mumbling as he did so. Unaware the Aizawa was trying to get his attention again.
"Izuku." Todoroki said, touching his shoulder a bit. Deku hummed a response, not moving.
"You were mumbling." Todoroki said, he sounded sad. Upset. Concerned. Izuku had no idea what he was saying.
He didn't even know if it was coherent. Maybe it just sounded sad. Desperate even.
He suddenly felt hands on his, "kid you gotta stop pulling on your hair." Aizawa said.
Deku looked up, noticing the fistfuls of hair that were tightly gripped in his hands. His knuckles were white. He slowly let go, "sorry."
"Look, what do we need to do for you? What would be helpful for you right now?" Aizawa asked. Todoroki was sitting next to Izuku.
Izuku uncurled a bit, stretching his legs, thinking for a minute, "I just-" he paused, "I don't think I should be alone today."
Aizawa nodded, "okay. Solution, todoroki? Do you want to stay with him?" Todoroki nodded, deku cracked a smile. Aizawa squinted his eyes at them in a way only Izuku could tell was a joke, "no goofing off. Here's your work for today. Try and get some of it done."
"Be safe you two." Aizawa said as he closed the door.
Izuku leaned back against the wall with a sigh. His new dorm didn't have a window. He didn't know if he hated the fact that there was no natural lighting or loved the fact that there was no window, considering past events.
"Whats wrong?" Todoroki asked, setting their packets of work aside.
"I just don't feel well mentally today. It's gonna be a rough day, I can feel it. My therapist said that there's gonna be bad days and good days but that eventually it'll even out so bad days don't feel quite so bad." Deku said, "today is..." He trailed off.
"Today is what?" Todoroki asked.
"It feels different, not in a good way. It's not what happened that's specifically bothering me it's just the remnants. Not knowing whats gonna happen to me, who I'm gonna live with. If I'm even gonna be able to become a hero anymore. The stress of it all it's finally just, getting to me." Izuku answered, "I just need a break from life." He finished with a sad smile, it felt good to get all that off his chest.
Todoroki nodded, "I totally get that. It's tough to not give in to those feelings on these kind of days."
They took a moment to think before Todoroki spoke up again, "but you can't give in to them. You just have to push through."
Deku smiled a little, "thanks for being here."
Todoroki grinned, "no problem."
There was another small moment of silence, their pinkies we're just barely touching.
"Remember that day?? In the stairwell before everything went to shit?" Deku asked, trying not to remember the call, everything that happened afterwards.
Todoroki nodded, "yeah."
"I was gonna say something but I never got to finish my sentence." Deku said. Todoroki slowly inched his hand closer so that their hands were touching.
"Yeah? What were you gonna say?" He asked.
"I think I'm gay." Deku said. He felt Todoroki's hand falter slightly next to him.
Todoroki smiled and looked over, their eyes meeting, "for who?" He asked.
Deku didn't answer for a moment, busy taking on Todoroki's eyes and the way they glimmered.
Things were moving fast after that, Todoroki moved his hand to softly rest on Izuku's face, and the green haired boy didn't push him away.
"Can I kiss you?" Izuku asked. Todoroki could only manage a small, flustered nod before their lips were pressed softly together. Consent is such a wonderful thing.
They pulled apart after a second, both grinning wildly.
Izuku let out a laugh, a real laugh. His first real laugh in a long time. And soon the two were giggling hysterically, happy tears gathering in the corners of their eyes and hands being heald.
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Y'all it's been so long since I updated anything I'm so sorry , it's bandtober it's insane. KSNNS I haven't gotten over 6 hours of sleep in a good week, but I swear I'm still alive and working on stuff, just slowly