Perhaps confessing my love to my husband right when he came from a very difficult situation at work, right after I had passed out and woken up with what I hoped where all my memories, wasn't the best timing.
My heart was beating rapidly and I regretted blurting out those three words. Aaron was looking at me as if I'd grown another head. If he looked pale before, now he looks as if he's seconds from passing out. Then hands that were firmly holding mine were suddenly limp. His mouth was parted as if he was about to comment on something but didn't really know what to say. Shock written all over his beautiful eyes that couldn't seem to leave mine.
"I'll go ahead and join the guys." Elliot informed after a very loud cough. I heard his retreating steps but didn't dare to look away from Aaron.
"Look, I know what the rules were. Not falling in love was a huge one. But after everything we've been through and with the whole 'lets give our marriage a try' I'm pretty sure that rule doesn't count anymore. And I mean, there's nothing wrong with being in love with your partner, right? So when I came to the realization that I was actually in love with you, I just couldn't wait to tell you. To tell anyone who would listen. It's not something I want to fight. I love you. It's just that simple. I know you probably don't return the feeling and I'm not rushing you to. I don't want you to feel obliged to say them back when you don't truly mean it. I'm just trying to tell you to get used to hearing them from me though, 'cause I'll be blurting out that I love you every chance I get." Okay, I suddenly remembered I needed oxygen. Say all that in one go, rapidly as to not be interrupted was quite something.
It didn't help that Aaron was still speechless.
*-*
He just kept staring at me with shock. Blinking every now and then and his jaw was now set. It was making me uncomforable. Why isn't he saying anything?! His face is just showing shock but nothing more.
Did I just ruin everything?
"Aaron I-"
In a blink of an eye I was being pressed to the nearest wall. Caged in by Aaron's arms as he stared down at me. There was a grin on his face. It was all too much. My mind was starting to go blank with the way he was pressing against me. The heat of his body, the stare. How am I supposed to function?
"That was a very good speech." He commented making me scowl. As I went to reply he pressed a kiss to my lips to shut me up. Okay, he can keep doing that all he wants.
It was only our lips touching but I was aching everywhere. What are you doing to me, Aaron?
When he pulled back it was only to stare at me straight in the eyes, hand on my cheek. Even with the dust in his hair and the dirt on his cheek he still managed to take my breath away. I just couldn't stop looking at him.
"I love you."
I hadn't known how much I wanted him to say those words until this moment. I didn't mean for the tears to escape down my cheeks or for the sob to get out of my mouth. I simply had no control of it.
Aaron's arms finally went around me to hug me tightly close. His hand rested on the end of my spine while the other one rubbed soothing circles on my back. He kept murmuring comforting words in my ear as I kept shaking. And I don't know why I kept clawing at his back. Perhaps it was because I wanted to make sure he was really here, that it wasn't my imagination playing tricks on me. Perhaps it was the need to feel someone close, my Aaron close. Maybe it was the realization that he was finally completely mine. That it was okay for me to say anything I wanted without the fear of him pushing me away.
I couldn't even explain to myself why I kept crying, why I kept clinging, why I kept mumbling nonsense. But I was relieved Aaron didn't panic and left.
"Did you really think I wasn't going to say it back to you? I love you too. Is that so hard to believe?" Aaron's voice was barely a whisper in my ear, the soft kiss on my shoulder had me shaking even more. "That was such a stupid rule. I don't even know why I ever told you never to fall in love with me when I've been wanting you to say those words for a while now. I've wanted you to be close to me, I wanted you to be yourself around me without the fear of what my reaction would be. I was wrong to put rules down. But know that all of that has changed, I'm sorry for what I did and for hurting you. And I know that you don't remember all of our fights, all of the times I hurt you and how cold I was, but I'm really sorry for making you through all that." His hand went still on my back as he held me tighter while he explained himself.
And I probably was acting crazy, but after that I was chuckling.
I pulled back just enough to be face to face and grinned through the tears. The frown on Aaron's face made me want to throw my head back and laugh. Maybe Jared was right, maybe the pills had a very bad side effect.
"We've been doing things so wrong from the start. And its probably crazy for me to say this, but I'm glad I was in the hospital. If it wasn't for that we wouldn't be having this conversation. If it wasn't for that you wouldn't have decided to give our marriage a go. Instead we would still be circling around each other, confusing each other with the sudden desire and coldness. We probably wouldn't stand each other and ended filing for a divorse." I made a face at the last bit. That is the last thing I wanted right now. Ever.
"Wait," Aaron looked at me with confusion. "Did you say 'still circling around each other'? Does that mean that you..." he trailed off, hope in his voice and eyes.
"Yes. It was all really bad timing, but that's nothing new with us. The thing is I was so stressed and worried and sort of blacked out and when I woke up all my memories, I'm hoping they're all, came back."
Now shock dominated Aaron's features. He was still for so long, not blinking and his eyes looking right through me that I was starting to feel selfcouncious.
"You remember!" Okay, he was back and spinning me around. I couldn't help but laugh. "That is the second best thing in the last ten minutes."
"Oh God, you are pregnant aren't you?!" Alice's tone was accusing.
Aaron stopped spinning me, setting me down but not stepping away from me. His hand resting on my waist in a possessive manner. It seemed he always did that when in pressense of other males.
Alice, together with the rest of the guys, was standing looking at us in awe. There were grins on their faces and each held a cup, Elliot also had a bowl of popcorn.
"For the hundredth time today, I'm not pregnant." I sighed, slightly annoyed that they kept going on about the same thing.
"Yeah, Alice. She already told us no. But if you are we would totally be okay with it." Greg's smile turned into a grin as he raised his cup in a form of toast. "Glad you're back and well, Aaron. Regan here even passed out with how stressed and worried she was."
Aaron's response was a nod and a kiss to my temple as in some sort of apology for making me worry. Isn't he the cutest?
"Alice, if you want a baby so much, we can always try for one." Jared winked at her. It was the first time I saw her go completely red, competing with the vibrant red of her short hair. And the first time she didn't have a snarky response to Jared's teasing, or comments in general. Those two need to get a room and fast.
"Anyways, we're happy that you're okay." Leah said to Aaron and then turned to me. "We're leaving now. We don't want to impose and I'm sure you guys have a lot to talk about."
"You guys don't have to leave." It made uncomfortable how they always left when Aaron was here. As if I couldn't have them both in one room because something bad would happen.
"Darling, your husband looks like he really needs to rest. And with all that's happened its best for us to leave. Enjoy your time with him because next time we're bugging both of you until its security kicking us out." Elliot winked and I gave into the urge of rolling my eyes.
Soon it was just Aaron and myself in our room.
Laurel had practically driven Aaron deaf with all the screaming. Really pissed that he went and put his life in danger, even though he kept telling her everything went fine.
I'd ordered something light for dinner while Aaron showered, the bathroom's door open so we could talk as I sat on our bed. The laptop was hot on my lap and I sighed in relief as I noticed I was nearly done with all the pending work.
"Angela sent in the invite!" Of course I had to raise my voice for Aaron to hear me. So deciding it was too much trouble I let myself inside the bathroom and sat between the two sinks, on the countertop.
Aaron didn't react badly to my presence so I kept clicking away on my laptop. Sending some files and editing others.
"Already? I thought we would be able to avoid her for at least some months. No offence, darling, but she's not the most honest and nice person out there." Aaron started washing off shampoo and I couldn't help but smile at his annoyed tone.
"You don't like her." When he started to protest I interrupted. "It's okay. I sort of don't like how she is after all these years. But it would be rude for us not to go. I bet she already let everyone else know who is going and if we don't attend, well you know how people are."
Aaron let out a sigh. "Of course. When is it?"
"This weekend. The address is on the invitation. It's at six and we are to dress appropriately."
"Of course."
"And she didn't invite Laurel. There is no pass for her." I dropped the bomb, watching him for a reaction. He went still on his way to leaving the soap and then got under the spray again. Not saying a word.
"I can always give her a call and guilt trip her into sending a pass for Laurel." That always worked. I didn't like it but it worked. You sounded offended and she tried to be the good guy while slowly dismembering you in her head.
"Laurel wouldn't go anyway. But it's rude of her not to at least send her an invitation too. She clearly knew Laurel was staying with us." The spray went off and Aaron stepped out of the shower. I hopped down the sink's countertop and handed him the towel he was silently asking for. Nobody had to know I was on the verge of drooling, dropping my laptop and run my hands all over him. Nobody had to know. Except Aaron noticed and sent me a smug smirk.
"How about we go, stay the appropriate time, make an excuse and leave early?" My plan was flawless.
"With that excuse?" I nearly stopped Aaron from dressing. Nearly.
"That something came up at the office. Nobody is going to question that." See? Flawless.
"It could work." He said amused, wrapping the towel around his waist and walking out of the bathroom.
"It will work." I closed my laptop and jumped into the bed, metamorphically speaking of course because I sat down gracefully and waited for him to finish putting on his underwear and to climb into bed with me.
I noticed some bruising over his torso. There were a few scratches but most on his hands and arms. I decided not to comment more on that matter. He'd seemed genuenly annoyed that Laurel kept on going on about them. And even though I know he is a tough guy, I still worried silently. He didn't need anyone else judging him for what he did. Right now he needed peace, needed sleep and someone who could listen if he wanted to talk. Lucky for him he had me as his wife.
When he finally turned off the lights and laid down on his back next to me, a groan left his lips. He closed his eyes and sighed heavily.
"I can give you a massage." I offered, to which he opened one eye to look at me. "If you want that is."
Aaron hummed and seemed lost in thought before he finally nodded. Listening to me by turning over so that his back was easy access for me.
I quickly went to grab some body oil. Just needed a tiny bit to make it comfortable for him. Bathing him in oil after he shower would be cruel of me. He'll look sexy but be uncomfortable. So I applied a very small amount on my hands, decided the best way to go with this was to straddle him, and then began working my hands all over his back. Groans of appreciation came out of his mouth, I think he even moaned once but I doubt he'll ever admit it.
I tried avoiding the bruising and being very gentle while still giving him a good massage to relax him. And I just couldn't erase the small smile on my face, knowing he was enjoying this.
Soon his breathing was even and he was fast asleep.
I got off him, grabbed the blankets to cover him up to his waist and then laid down beside him. Sleep taking over me seconds after.
It was Friday and tomorrow was Angela's party. I really didn't want to go. Spending the whole day in bed on a Saturday with my husband sounded way better than smiling and laughing about things that weren't even worth it. But it'll be rude not to go.
"Are you okay?" Greg questioned.
I'd been playing with my food this whole time and as I raised my head from my plate I noticed the worried glances of my friends.
"Is this because of that party?" Elliot asked, being right. A simple nod from he and he gave me an apologetic smile. I don't know why, it wasn't his fault.
"What party?" it was Leah's turn to wonder and it seemed like it was 'Ask a Question Day'.
God, I should have drank that coffee this morning.
Elliot proceeded to explain the situation and soon everyone was nodding their heads in understandment.
"You can always fake to be sick." Alice offered.
"Will make everything worse." I sighed. "Aaron and I already came up with that we think is a flawless plan to escape early." Okay, maybe only I thought it was flawless. Details.
"And what is that?" Jared raised an eyebrow.
"Say that something came up at the office. When it comes to work, no one questions, they just accept and give you the: 'Work's Important' look."
"Sounds pretty genuous to me." Jared grinned.
"Thank you." I did the best bow I could while sitting down. "I do try."
They chuckled and we continued to talk about random things like always. Taking my mind off tomorrow and focusing on the fact that I still needed four more projects to finish and an essay on what happiness means.
Perhaps tomorrow won't be so bad.