The victory tour was even worse than I had imagined it, although it was exciting to get a glimpse at all districts.
I had to face the families of the fallen tributes, which was especially horrible in district 10 and 2. The death stares had literally killed something inside of me for a moment. I had to tell myself that it was not my fault. That it had been self-defense and that I had not wanted to kill anyone.
I read out my cards and tried ignoring my inner state. Fortunately I had not been close to any of the deceased tributes. That would have made matters worse for me now. It would have hurt even more, though the pain and guilt seemed to suffocate me already.
At the party at the Capitol I had to dance a lot with many different people. That was not a problem but rather the fact that everyone wanted me to eat every of the various dishes which was impossible. At least I thought it was until they presented me a liquid that would make me throw up. So I would be able to eat more. Disgust filled me at that thought. My parents had died out of starvation. Countless people in district 11 and most probably other districts died every year out of starvation while the citizens of the Capitol emptied their stomachs with a liquid to eat more than they are physically able to.
The rage threatened to overpower me. For once I was relieved to hear Snow. He started to hold a speech saving me from my miserable situation.
Quickly I moved away from the liquid.
In the end everything worked out as well as it could possibly have.
On the train ride back to district 11 I realized something though. In a few months a new challenge awaited me. I would become a mentor for a child of district 11. Once you entered this train you would never leave it again.
Half a year later I was standing on the stage of district 11 as the reaping was taking place. The only thing calming me was the fact that my siblings were too young to participate yet.
"The tributes of district 11 for the 73rd Hunger Games are Callie Starl and Zet Hubar!"
Both of them were fifteen years old. Thanks to the additional rations during the last year due to my victory they did not look as malnourished as the usual tributes of our district. But one year of proper nutrition could not erase fourteen years of struggling against hunger.
Seeder, Chaff and I set off toward the train. This year Seeder would coach me to become a mentor, but next year I would be on my own. The new victors always replaced the old ones as a mentor of the same gender.
"Remember what we talked about. You have to try your hardest to help, but you don't have control", Seeder reminded me.
We had met many times since my 'victory' and she was very precious to me.
I nodded taking in her words, although I knew it sounded easier than it was. I doubted that I would be able to draw the line between my task and my personal feelings.
When Callie and Zet joined us they looked horrified. No surprise, considering that we were probably sending them off to die soon.
Seeder and Chaff explained everything that would happen in the next few days while I halfheartedly listened.
"We are going to die anyway", Zet mumbled.
"That's exactly what I said", I remembered.
"But you aren't like us! I'm neither good at survival nor at fighting. I have always worked on the vegetable patches. So I never climbed up a tree. Unlike most of our district, I don't know a lot about herbs because no one ever taught me. And I might be athletic and well-build for someone from district 11, but I can never keep up with the careers. I'm just average. You can't win the games without special talents", Zet ranted.
Silence erupted for a moment as no words could change anything. He was right. I had only won my games because I had been lucky. It had been under ideal circumstances. Their chance was low.
"You are right", I agreed with his words.
Everyone looked at me, shocked.
"Your chances to win are slim and most probably you are going to die."
"(f/n)!", Seeder interrupted me.
But I shook my head and continued. "It's the cruel truth and they both have to face it. If they aren't willing to use everything they have got and to fight on the prize of their lives, their chances aren't slim, but non-existent. To win the games you have to risk your life and to do that you have to consider dying without accepting it. Only then, you will be able to keep going in a life threatening situation."
Zet let out a frustrated sound and left.
Callie had quietly listened to everything I had said. She seemed to be shy. I could see in her eyes that she had not given up yet. "I'm good at creating slings and other traps", Callie stated quietly. "And at hiding", she added.
I smiled at her. "That's a great starting point."
I advised her for hours and got to know her better. Actually she was not shy but just needed some time to get to know the other person. As soon as we started she got pretty talkative.
Later on I decided to check on Zet and apologize to him because he had not shown up at dinner.
"Come in", he replied to my knocking.
"Zet. I'm sorry if I offended or upset you."
He shook his head.
I took a seat next to him on the coach.
"No. You were only honest. Actually I'm thankful for that. I hate false hopes. But I needed some time to process the situation", he explained.
"I see. This is my first year as a mentor. It feels like my Games happened just a few days ago and I know exactly how horrible it feels to go into the arena with low chances to win. I was lucky. That's what saved me."
"I don't know what to concentrate on during my training or which strategy to use."
"Do you want to ally with Callie or act on your own?"
"I don't know. In the end we will be opponents anyway. I don't think I could kill someone I really know."
"Then you should consider talking to Chaff and strategize together with him while I work with Callie. I already started advising her. So ..."
"No, it's alright. I'm the one who ran away. Now I have to deal with it."
"Nice attitude", I complimented him with a grin.
I got up and added: "Don't forget to eat as much as you can. It'll help you in the arena."
Then I left and joined Seeder. "Where is Chaff?", I wondered.
Callie had excused herself already to go to bed. I could understand that she wanted to be alone now. She was strong for talking about strategies immediately.
"Off to bed. You did great today! I don't even know what I'm here for."
"Oh, thanks. I'm used to advising and teaching my younger siblings and I want to help Callie and Zet as much as possible. Otherwise I would never forgive myself. It already hurts to remind myself that at least one of them is going to die soon."
"That's something that will never get easier. But I think that's good because it motivates you to give your best as a mentor", Seeder noted.
"Maybe you are right. I guess I will go to bed now, too."
Seeder smiled sadly at me as I disappeared in my room.
I threw myself onto the soft bed and held my necklace in my hand. Rue had been really sad when I had had to leave again. At first for the victory tour and now for the next Hunger Games. I would never be free. A pawn of the Capitol for the rest of my life.
Suddenly the exhaustion overwhelmed me and I did not bother to change my clothes.
I awoke startled, out of breath, full of sweat. The nightmares had also bothered me during my victory tour. At home Rue was sleeping beside me which calmed me down and mostly kept my nightmares away. But now I was on my own. Lots of restless nights awaited me and I was already sick of it just thinking about it.
I took a shower and found new clothes inside the wardrobe. Unbelievable that I was inside a train. Before moving to the victor's village, I had not even had a bed, let alone running water.
I decided to get myself a cup of tea.
When I left my room I met Zet and gave him a soft smile.
"Not able to sleep?", I asked him.
He shook his head.
"Do you also want a cup of tea?"
"That'd be nice." I boiled some water and put the teabags inside the cups.
"Why are you up so early? You don't seem like an early bird", he proclaimed.
"I have six younger siblings. I'm not used to sleeping on my own", I brushed it off while pouring the hot water into the cups and placing one in front of Zet.
We talked about life in district 11 and I told him about the victor's village to distract us from the upcoming games.
Two hours later the others joined us. All of us were coming along well now and I hated it. It was nothing but torture. Getting close to people you were going to lose soon. How had Chaff and Seeder endured that for so long? I understood the always drunk mentor of district 12 way better now.
Soon we arrived at the Capitol.
When the tributes started their training it was time for us mentors to win over some sponsors. Though we could not do a lot until our tribute's scores were announced. They were essential for sponsoring.
I saw other mentors trying to persuade the sponsors to support their tributes.
Finnick Odair was definitely popular under the female sponsors. And the fact that the tributes of district 4 were usually well-built and part of the careers made his job easier.
No one wanted to sponsor some kids of district 11. No matter what I tried, I always got the same response: Let's see which score they will get first.
I sighed in frustration as I let myself fall onto an ornate but uncomfortable bench outside the room.
Suddenly someone sat down beside me. "Not successful, I guess."
"Not at all", I stated annoyed before looking at the person. I had seen her before. She had won the games before mine.
"Johanna Mason. District 7", she greeted me grinning.
"(f/n) (l/n). District 11."
"Oh, I know you. I saw your Games. You outsmarted the careers", she recalled with a chuckle. "And that jump from the tree to kill the boy from 2 was pretty badass", she added.
The way she said it I almost felt proud. This was all so sick that I could not help but laugh.
"Woah, you are weird", Johanna noted.
"Thanks", I replied casually. "I guess we have to get back inside", I noticed demotivated.
"They are all so fake and only care about their rich selves", Johanna declared disgusted.
I burst out laughing. "And we try to persuade them to bet on the life of a child."
Johanna tried suppressing her amusement but soon joined my laughter. Being a victor and losing your mind were two parts of a set.
"Dammit! Stop that nonsense!", Johanna demanded chuckling while playfully hitting my arm. At least I felt better now, less lonely.
"They aren't the only actors", I alluded. "I don't think you are a crybaby nor a brutal murderer."
She grinned at that. "So you did watch my games. But why are you so sure about it? I could always be acting as well as you."
Our eyes locked as she tried to figure me out.
I stayed silent for a moment, increasing the tension. "Intuition."
Johanna nearly choked on her laugh. "Seriously?!"
I shrugged my shoulders. "Then, how do you decide?"
"I don't decide", she clarified. "There are people I come along with and people I can't stand."
"That's intuition!", I elucidated.
"Oh. Guess you are right", she noticed shrugging it off.
"Hey, Johanna! What are you doing out here for so long?", a male voice interrupted us.
"Can't believe they let you go, Odair", Johanna replied seductively.
"Oh. You checked out the newbie", he concluded looking at me.
"Yeah, kind of", she responded casually.
Finnick leaned down in front of me, our faces barely apart. "Any secrets to share?", he wondered with an alluring expression that made me blush. His eyes were fascinating. Somehow it felt like he was a lot deeper than he appeared to be.
After a while he pulled back blushing slightly himself. Shit! I had stared into his eyes pretty long.
Johanna was obviously amused by that. "She totally beat you! Seems like your charm doesn't work on her", Johanna teased Finnick.
It had just been on accident. Usually I was not that confident or outgoing, though I loved teasing people.
"So, you are different, huh?", Finnick wondered completely ignoring Johanna's words.
I shrugged my shoulders. "Wouldn't say that. But you don't have to pull the same shit for me as you do for the Capitol women. I'm not that cheap."
Finnick smiled. He was handsome. I had to give him that. "Why do you think I'm acting?", he questioned.
"Intuition!", Johanna exclaimed.
"Yeah. And two other reasons. The first is your eyes. And the second is that no one would voluntarily flirt with those dyed chicken like that. Have to go and find some sponsors now", I declared and walked off.
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I love Johanna and Finnick so much and I imagine their friendship to be incredibly funny. Hope you like the chapter. Please let me know!