N A O M I
The funny thing about life is how quickly it changes and that's something I learned five years ago. Life changes so swiftly and so often, but it's also due to my own doing. My own choices. It's within the choices that I made and make everyday. But then again, if I didn't make them, then I guess, I don't know - I'd always think, 'what if', I'd always wonder.
I'd always wonder if I never gave it a chance.
...If I never gave him a chance
Just over five years ago I got onto a plane to New York all because I got my heart broken. I got on that plane to start my career and today, well I guess it worked out because here I am styling a fashion show.
I'm the creative director of Sinful Lingerie.
I don't usually style fashion shows, I'm more-so behind the scenes doing PR and marketing for the company - but every now and then I don't mind helping out.
"Lisa, can you bring me the 'ominous set' in a bigger size please?" I instructed, whilst I held together Shannon's bra strap - which was holding on for dear life
Fashion shows. I love and hate them. I love the idea of the world seeing a new collection within the fast, fun and exciting atmosphere of a catwalk, where my very own hand picked models of all shapes, sizes, ethnicities and disabilities walked in my designs. But I hate the fact that behind the scenes it was chaos no matter how well i planned it in advance, and right now was probably one of the most chaotic nights it had been.
From arguments and fights because of petty issues, to scandals and drop outs and all the way to pregnancies, I felt like I couldn't catch a break tonight - but by force I would make it work.
I always did. I wasn't a quitter - not anymore at least, I don't run away anymore. I saw things through and my career wasn't going down the drain anytime soon because of others.
"Naomi I'm so sorry, I didn't know I would of grown this much" Shannon apologised, as I noticed the tears already beginning to build in her eyes
Snapping into action, i said what i needed to, to keep the show going, "Shannon you've done nothing wrong, we didn't know you were going to be pregnant during the show, but it's just a few alterations, it's fine - the show isn't ruined" I reassured her, tilting Shannon's head downwards so if she was going to let those tears fall freely, they wouldn't ruin the work of the makeup artists
"I know, I know, but my boobs have already grown so much and now I'm afraid of how big my stomach will be" she panicked, gulping down a sob
Where the hell is Lisa with that replacement? I can't deal with Shannon's pregnancy hormones, just not today
"Here you go Naomi" Lisa rushed out, handing me the new lacy forest green bra - which looked amazing against Shannon's dark brown skin and traditional gold Indian accessories as her baby bump made her look even better and happier.
"Thank you so much!" I breathed heavily, as I ushered Shannon behind one of the changing curtains, along with the new bra for her to change into
Not even a minute later, with a few tweaks of fabric and untangling of straps, Shannon looked great in the first launch of maternity lingerie and was ready to go out.
Already seeing the tears begin to well in her eyes after I looked at her very satisfied with my work, I knew I had to put a stop to it quickly. "Okay go- go -gg-go" I shooed Shannon towards the entrance for the runway, with Lisa guiding her so she didn't hurt herself in the kitten heels Shannon insisted she wore because it didn't matter if she was pregnant or not, she was not walking a show in flats
I knew I wasn't fighting her on it, so I just made sure she was safe and there were emergency personnel available on site at any point, if anything happened.
Pushing her out through the curtains and onto the runway
I watched on, breathing a sigh of relief that I'd actually done it. I successfully got a very pregnant, very hormonal Shannon Rivers to walk in Sinful Lingerie's collection and tomorrow morning it would be on every girl's wish list because Shannon was just that girl
The it girl
Whatever she wore, endorsed, talked about or even looked at for a moment too long - it was sold out in seconds. And for me to have chosen her as a model back when I was interning at Sinful Lingerie and luckily kept in contact with her, it wasn't difficult for her to immediately accept the offer to walk the runway because she loved the brand and had a great relationship with me!
Stepping cautiously towards the curtains, trying not to be seen by the audience - I relished in every flash of a camera of the designs and the show, to every member of the audience applauding, to the music making my body vibrate with excitement, to my phone ringing-
My phone's ringing?
Well, that was odd because everyone who would need to get in contact with me, knew I was at a show and wouldn't call now. But nonetheless, my phone continued to vibrate in my pocket, making my interest peak as I pulled it out to reveal who was calling me
And there it was in bold letters - Aimee Valencia
Oh, Aimee.
How I knew I would probably be rushed off of my feet the moment I answered the call to attend to other matters by fixing another bra or calming down another model, but I couldn't help it. Aimee was one of my girls. One of my best friends, helped me through some of the hardest times of my life, seen me at my lowest - I wanted to know what was going on
I needed to know what was going on
Because a FaceTime call - not a text, DM or a snap, but a call - that, that meant something. It meant something big.
So I couldn't help it when I slid to answer the call
"Naomi!" Aimee beamed through the screen as I watched the FaceTime connect, only to find it was a joint FaceTime call with Tiana as well!
Our little trio. How could I forget about our friendship that formed before our boys, but only got stronger after we all realised who we were dating.
They were still with their respective partners - I, on the other hand - very much not.
"Hey" I couldn't help but slip back into a time where I had no cares in the world other than when the next party was, when my assignment was due and what I was going to wear to my next lecture
Oh how time flies when you've got responsibilities
There are moments for a split second I do think upon my time at university. How I spent it, and how it moulded me into who I am today.
"Oh shit! Are you busy?" Aimee asked wide eyed as she could see the assistants and interns running around like headless chickens behind me, trying to make sure the show ran smoothly
"Technically..." I trailed off with a wavering voice as I was definitely busy, but I wanted to know what was going on
Knowing they could hear the music, crowd and just all round loudness from my side of the call, there was no point in lying - but the younger version of me always did love gossip and a good catch up with my girls, so I had to try and squeeze it out of Aimee one way or another
"Well yes, but I've got time - so spill!" I tried to ease Aimee's worry, "I wanna know why me and Ti have been summoned to this Group FaceTime call on a random Thursday"
"It- it can wait" Aimee stuttered out, so unlike herself as I immediately shook my head no in refusal
"Tell us!" Tiana yelled through the screen
"Okay, okay" Aimee eased back into her easy going state as she bit her lip in anticipation of what she was about to tell us and it only made me furrow my eyebrows in confusion, as I had yet to interpret what kind of mood Aimee was in today
She was off
Something was different about her, and I couldn't quite place my finger on it...
"Sooo" Aimee drawled as I felt my very own heart beginning to beat faster with whatever she was holding back from us
Tapping my screen, feeling like she was frozen, Aimee finally giggled to let me know she was still very much there as she squealed out, what I interpreted to be, "Ollie proposed!"
My jaw had a mind of its own as it fell in shock at the day one of us getting married had finally arrived.
Ollie and Aimee were legally going to be together.
I choked on my very words as I couldn't even string a sentence together at the sight of the fattest rock mounted to a silver band on Aimee's finger, shining in the sun on the phone screen as Tiana's eyes widened in amazement.
"OH MY GOD! FUCK OFF!" I screamed out loud, making those around me pause momentarily, only to resume when I mouthed a few 'sorries', waving them off to pay no mind to me
"CONGRATULATIONS!" Tiana yelled out as I watched her shake her phone in excitement
I knew that this definitely wasn't going to be no five minute catch up like I expected it to, so I began to make my way out of the back of the venue to talk somewhere quieter
Weaving my way through the robust atmosphere of the chaotic fashion scene, I managed to just about make it to the fire exit door, leading to the back alley of the smoking area for me to talk to my girls.
No doubt being stopped a few times, having to claim I was on an important phone call,which wasn't a lie because it definitely was - one of my best friends was getting married, but not work related at all.
Making sure the latch was on the fire door, I continued with my conversation, "Hold on, so the infamous celebrity wedding planner is getting her very own wedding?" I teased as this was the day Aimee had been looking forward to her entire life
Yes, she loved fashion and studied it with me, but her love was always - love itself. Exactly why she ended up realising that her heart was in events and more precisely weddings. Aimee loved love and being a wedding planner was the ideal job for her. She was so good at it, that she made a name for herself pretty quickly just after third year and graduating.
I did help her out a little with her clientele list, by inviting her up to New York whenever I had a PR event and she just worked her networking magic and next thing I knew Aimee Valencia was the celebrity wedding planner
And now, here she was engaged!
"Yes" Aimee grinned like a Cheshire Cat as she couldn't stop flexing the ring on us but subtly pushing her hair out of her face or claiming her lashes were unsticking.
"Look at her, she's adorable!" Tiana shook her head smiling, "I bet you she's already got her date reserved at her dream venue" Tiana teased with a knowing look because we had known this day would come some time, sooner or later for Aimee - but today.
Today was not what was I was expecting, but Ollie clearly knew it was the right time for them
"Maybe" Aimee couldn't even attempt to lie as I can say that she had made it clear that she already knew and planned every possible detail of her wedding to a tee, knowing she had the ability to snap up whatever she needed and whenever she needed it, with her power of being the infamous celebrity wedding planner
"And you just know that whatever designer for her dress she's got in mind, will just give up their time and devote themselves to her and her dress only, because they know that this will be the wedding of the year" I had to join in with the knowing teasing because it was true, Aimee couldn't exactly stress as she'd probably been planning this from the moment her and Ollie passed their one year mark
I watched her widen her eyes in disbelief, as Aimee asked "Wedding of the year?! Oh my gosh, you really think so?"
"Of course Aimee, you give everyone you take on the wedding of their dreams, yours will one for the books" Tiana answered in a duh tone as I nodded in agreement
Aimee's catalogue of clients were well known billionaires, NBA players, football players, models and even a few singers. She always did an amazing job and I knew to point anyone and everyone in her direction if they were getting married.
"I really do hope so... But I just wanted to say that I doubt you two are going to be shocked, but I'd love for you both to be my bridesmaids"
"Of course Aimee" I answered without a second thought because I would always be there for Aimee, like she would for me
"We'd be honoured to Aimee" Tiana smiled as I could tell that she wished the three of us were having this conversation in person as much as the rest of us
Not exactly the ideal way of telling your bestfriend's you're engaged, but what could we really do? I was in New York. Aimee just got back to London after a three week trip to Brazil, and Tiana was in Paris on a work trip.
"So how did it happen? How did Ollie do it? Did he pop the question in public or private?" Tiana asked, wanting to know everything, as Aimee did love talking about love
I peeked my head back inside for a split second as I wanted to know the story with no interruptions
Nothing
"Okay, so you know how Ollie's never been great with his words..." Aimee began as me and Tiana nodded anticipating the rest of her story
Oh how I could only imagine the three of us sat in some random bar, table filled with everything from shot glasses to wine glasses, cocktails, champagne bottles galore - all drank in celebration of Aimee's engagement as we casually got louder and louder throughout the night as we caught up on everything and anything
We'd get paralytic drunk in celebration - making anyone who was in the bar buy a round of drinks for the bride to be.
...if only, but we were adults - booked and busy,
"Well-" Aimee began to retell the story of Ollie drawing on several post-it notes and leaving them dotted around their house. Some pictures were of her, some were of the couple, their house, the pets they dreamed of getting and finally she was led to their bedroom and on the bed was the final postick note of a drawing of a diamond ring.
And when Aimee turned around in search of Ollie to find out if this truly meant what she thought it did, Ollie was there - right behind her on one knee - with the same diamond ring presented in a box - proposing to her.
"And then I said yes!" She finished and I could tell that she'd never get tired of telling that story
It was truly a dream come true for her
I couldn't believe this. Aimee would have it all. She would finally get her dream.
Everything she ever wanted
The perfect proposal.
The dress.
The food
The wedding
The bridesmaids
The groomsmen-
And that's when it hit me. Not only would this be a reunion of me having to fly back to England for the wedding and see everyone for the first time in ages - no, years. But, I'd also have to come face-to-face with someone I hadn't seen since I left for NewYork.
I'd have to see him.
Someone, who meant the world to me at one point and then he threw it all away overnight.
Someone, who I never thought I'd have to come face to face with for a long time. We said our goodbyes through our last phone conversation.
"Shit, my assistant is calling me. I've gotta go - but I'll message you all the wedding details and what information I need for dresses and when fittings are and all of that" Aimee rushed out as I nodded trying to process everything she just said, but not give away what was truly on my mind
Was it obvious that the idea of seeing my ex boyfriend after no communication in five years after he cheated on me had just dawned on me?
I was so out of it that I hadn't even realised I was very much still on FaceTime with Tiana, who was giving me a look
A look that I knew all too well and hated
A look of concern.
"Are you okay?" I finally heard her ask as I felt like the world had just thrown a bomb at me and I was truly experiencing the deafening ringing of the turmoil being thrown my way
I was experiencing my very own personal earthquake of emotions as I teetered from confusion to shock, to anger to nerves.
Attempting to smile to hide how I was still unsure how to react to the reality of what was to come at Aimee's wedding, I was quick to mutter, "Yeah why wouldn't I be?"
I watched Tiana tilt her head to the side with a patronising look because my half quirk of a lip wasn't much of a convincing smile, as she left me with an open sentence "Because you know..."
I hated everything about that sentence
I knew what?
I knew that he would be there. That I would have to face him. That he had broken my heart in the one way I begged him not to. That he had humiliated me. That I was still unsure to this day who truly knew the truth of our break up and what he had done.
"I know what?" I finally asked instead of the millions of other questions flying through my head
"Him Naomi, him. He's gonna be there"
She pointed out the obvious.
It wasn't like I hadn't realised it, and she knew I hadn't just realised it - but she knew I needed the reality of it slapped into my face.
I needed it thrown onto me like a bucket of ice cold water. The truth of it all. I'd have to see him.
That he.
He, the one I haven't seen in years, would be at the wedding.
I had to force a smile onto my face as I let out a small laugh, "yeah I know that" as she stated the obvious
She just kept looking at me
And I felt like I needed to explain more
"Tiana, it was a mutual decision, it's been what? Four years?"
Lie, it's been five years I know it has. I know it because I remember it like it was yesterday
"I'm fine-" I paused, swallowing the uneasiness in my stomach bubbling as I tried to keep calm, "Really...I am" I chirped, trying to convince myself more than Tiana.
I didn't even attempt to hide my blatant glance back over at the fire exit door, secretly hoping for anyone to find me and drag me back in so that I would be able to get my mind off of the fact that I'd be seeing him.
"He's moved on. And so have I... We're- we're both just living our own lives"
Could I even say that? I had no clue what was going on with him and his love life and mine, well... that's a story for another day
After a beat, she sighed as she looked unsatisfied with my performance, "Are you definitely coming to the wedding though?"
Furrowing my eyebrows in confusion, I side eyed her as I was quick to ask, "Why wouldn't I?"
"Naomi" she sighed, "the wedding isn't just a one day thing. It's a rehearsal dinner, dress fittings, dance classes, cake tastings-"
"Yeah... where are you going with this Ti?" I had to interrupt her because I had no clue where she was taking this
"Look, what I'm saying is, is that he'll be there remember? Every single event that leads up to this wedding - there's a chance you'll bump into him and then eventually you'll have to face him - at this wedding for however many hours it'll go on for and maybe you might have to have a conversation with him. Maybe he might want to talk to you. Maybe you'll be sat next to each other-" she listed off all the possible situations I hadn't even thought of yet and my heart practically had its very own speaker to it with how loud it was beating
Nerves - that was one word to describe what I was feeling right now.
"At the end of the day you'll be in the same vicinity for the first time in years and despite this act that you're putting on, yeah?" She looked at me dead in the eye
"It isn't working"
Those three words were not a shock to me, but my god the way she said it so bluntly made my heart sink at the fact that I'd need to perfect my poker face before the wedding or else
I chewed my lip anxiously as she continued.
"Not for me at least. I don't know what happened or is happening with you, but I need you to remember something. You won't be able to run away from him the whole night. You two, you and him, you both went through so much, do you think you can spend the whole night together in the same venue?" She asked me and didn't even know if I could answer that
Could I do it?
Could I face him after what he did to me?
I watched her in the corner of my eye, sitting there awaiting my answer as she sipped on her iced coffee
Fuck, what could I say?
And that's when I decided on telling her the truth because that's what was going to happen no matter what, "Ti listen, he's my ex and he's an ex for a reason. It's been four, maybe five years. We broke up and I haven't seen him since. I'm not going to let my nerves of not seeing my ex boyfriend ruin our bestfriends wedding day, I'll be there no matter what. That man does not affect me in anyway and seeing him again won't"
"Okay" She answered slowly, clearly not convinced and I wasn't sure if I was either...
Fuck. I hated this already.
"Oh my gosh there you are Naomi! Brooke doesn't think that she should go last in the final walk with the 'poison' set - please help me out here" Lisa rushed out, talking a mile a minute because my absence had clearly sent things overboard
I wanted to say saved by the bell - but a little late for that
But nonetheless it was an excuse to get my mind off of this whole situation that had turned sour quickly
I simply nodded at the petite brunette - acknowledging her stress at my sudden disappearance and began to follow her back into the chaotic setting.
Looking back down at my phone because Tiana was still very much on FaceTime, I attempted to explain that I needed to put a pause on this conversation, "Ti" I began to respond to her doubtful 'okay' previously- before she stopped me.
"Go. You're busy. We can talk another time" she responded, already having an understanding
I smiled gently at her - thankful for having friends who cared - even when I denied that there was nothing to worry about
"Listen, I can't wait to see you... and if you're remotely panicking, don't even think twice about it, come and grab me and we'll deal with it, okay?" She said with finality as she was being serious about the last part
"Okay" i whispered quietly as I tried to conjure up a small smile at Tiana.
Honestly, I don't think anyone would be able to sort this out but me and him. If he wanted to talk then I'd have to, but for now - I had to just wait and see what would happen.
"Thank you Tiana, I'll see you for Aimee's bridal shower and then bachelorette party which she no doubt already has planned"
"Of course she does, it's Aimee but byeee and I can't wait to watch the fashion show"
"Bye - talk to you soon"