Playlist: Cherry - Lana Del Ray
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My dreams were interrupted by the non-stop buzz of my phone.
Shit, I forgot to turn off the sound.
I tried to reach the bedside table to answer it without me leaving the warm bed but this plan failed.
As I looked at the watch and saw that it's only nine in the morning, I let out a small growl. I have at least two more hours of sleep.
During my whole life, my active phase activates at night so, I'm not the morning person. If I could I would spend the day sleeping and living my life at night. Just like a vampire.
The phone stopped ringing just to start over again.
I got out of bed and went to the phone.
''Fuck!'' I screamed out in pain when my toes kissed the bed.
On the screen, there were dozens of unread messages and a couple of missed calls from an unknown number.
Interesting. There are only a few people who know my number.
Out of curiosity, I decided to answer.
Before I could say something, I heard an unstoppable stream of words.
''Thank God, I thought you gave me the wrong number and only God knows what would I do if that was true.''
Oh, it is Jack.
''Good morning to you too,'' I said and let out a relieved sigh.
''Were you sleeping?'' He asked, ignoring my previous statement.
''Seems like that, I had a long time in a club and speaking of alcohol I don't remember what I was drinking and my head is about to explode, so keep it quiet, pleeease,'' I emphasized on the last word.
''So, at least one of us had fun at night,'' His voice was a bit lower than before, ''What about bringing you back to senses with a cup of coffee or something stronger?'' He continued, making me think about it.
The idea is not that bad. I don't have any plans and it's better to spend time with Jack than in the company of old perverts in a casino.
''You are my lifesaver!'' I said while making my way back to bed.
''More like a hangover saver, but I'm fine with both variants.'' I heard him let out a small laugh.
''What a shy kid,'' I said to myself.
''You said something?'' He asked me.
Huh, he's not only shy but also deaf.
''Yeah, send me the address and time, I'll meet you there.''
I hung up before he could say something.
I would lie to myself if I would say losing him was something easy to handle.
It's so weird to have someone from my previous life. What if I'll never be able to run away from my past, what if it will hunt me for the rest of my life. No matter how happy I'm to see Jack again, memories will chase me till my last breath.
Every time I think about my past trying to break me I imagine a storm in the ocean. No matter how angry it's trying to be, it never breaks. It's impossible to break the water. Ocean can destroy everything in its path, but not the other way around. I'm not afraid of the touch of water but people. Unlike humanity it can wash my pain away, people can only make this pain worse.
I'm lying completely naked on my bed, I like sleeping this way. It gives me the feeling of freedom.
I close my eyes and take a deep breath.
Naked and fully aroused I am laying on the sheets waiting for my hands to please me, to give my whole body the electricity no one has ever dared to give.
My hand starts wandering all over my body, hair, neck, chest.
I gasp as my fingers touch my nipples. They are already hard, screaming for attention.
With a soft moan escaping from my mouth I begin massaging my breast. At first, gently, warming up my skin a bit and then tease my nipples, slowly pinching them.
I keep my eyes fully closed, savoring the moment.
My hand traces to my stomach, drawing circles with my finger, giving myself a wave of warmth that brings pleasure. My fingers slip between my tights. I immediately feel the wetness between my legs.
I am slick, ready, and wanting. My fingers caressed my tiny nub and a short moan left my mouth as I felt my stomach get tightened.
I started pleasuring my clit and the electricity hit me. At this moment, it's just me and my body. My hands and fingers are learning all my secret places. Trying to figure out how to give this divine body paradise. My body wriggles in an intimate dance, tells me what it wants to get and I listen to it. So desperate to get what writers tastefully describe in their books, what singers praise in their songs, something that Greek gods devoted their whole lives to. They valued and treasured this sacred, sometimes forbidden fruit.
An orgasm.
I slid two fingers inside me. Sensually I begin to pump them in and out, in and out. My back arched, telling me it's something my body needs.
Relief, pleasure, and euphoria.
My fingers are soaked and it gives them the bliss to move smoothly. I grab the sheets with my free hand as I let out a whimper.
I want this moment to last forever.
My legs are tense, my back arched and my lips fully parted.
I almost scream as a wave of orgasm fully overwhelms me. My heart beats so hard that the veins on my forehead start to pulsate, a pleasant feeling in my stomach makes my legs shake for a moment.
It's like jumping off a bridge. At first, you're scared, you're insecure, but once your feet are off the ground, you feel the satisfaction and the adrenaline. Your body floats in the air and you don't want that feeling to leave you.
I look at the mirror and notice that my cheeks are flushed, my lips a bit swollen from the number of times that I've bitten them.
As soon as I got out of bed I took my bag and got cigarettes out of it. I found the old lighter that helped me to set Nick's body on fire.
On the balcony, I opened the lighter and just watched the fire burn. As an art form, fire is evanescent and fleeting.
I'm a girl with a secret... that burns like a flame.
I took a puff and the smoke completely took over my lungs. I was looking down at people who walked down the street.
A man stood right in front of my balcony, he was whistling, trying to draw my attention. He couldn't take his eyes off me.
I was still completely naked. I blew smoke out of my mouth and gave him a charming smile.
How easy it is to get men's attention. All you have to do is take off your clothes and he's ready to possess you.
No one cares what's inside you, what do you think, what do you want.
First, your body comes, and then only you. Though it doesn't always come to you as a person just as a piece of meat for sexual entertainment.
I laughed so he probably heard me and went back to my room.
I got messages from Jack and started getting ready.
When I came to the cafe, I saw Jack waving to me so I could see him.
''Hey, darling,'' I said and pulled him into a hug.
He smells like almonds or homemade cookies.
''Sit down, I want to know everything about your life.'' He put his hands on my shoulders, making me sit.
We ordered some food and drinks. I chose a cocktail, hoping that it could help ease my hangover.
I started telling him what I have been through these last years. I saw the pain in his eyes when I mentioned my panic attacks and my other issues.
''I'm really sorry for the way your parents treated you.'' He took my hand and gave me a sympathetic smile.
''It's fine, it's not like I was suffering but if they believed me that something is wrong with me and tried to help, the situation would be much better,'' I answered and took a sip of my drink.
''By the way, how are your parents doing?'' I asked and he leaned on the back of his chair, smiling to himself.
''Oh, they are doing great, when you left, they started a new business - a fabric factory. The day we were playing with makeup and dresses they realized I was a little different,'' Now I know why he decided to be a fashion designer, ''They are totally supportive as soon as I started growing up I had a psychologist who told me it is okay to be that way.'' His voice was full of calm and happiness when he talked about his parents.
He was talking not only about things he wore but also about his sexual orientation.
How happy I am that his parents accepted him for who he is and didn't start changing him.
''It's cool, it should be this way, parents have to support their children no matter what.'' My voice trembled a bit.
I want to cry because I'm so happy for him.
''I still don't understand why your parents decided to end all relations with my family and leave.''
What? Just to leave?
He is probably not aware of my father's work.
''Dad's got a promotion so, we left.''
''Huh, a promotion? What are you talking about?'' He was confused and so was I.
''Our parents had a pharmacy business. In business there is no promotion, your father was the CEO. What are talking about?'' His voice was full of concern and he got a little tense.
Shit, am I that stupid? There was no promotion, we just left...
But what was the reason for that? People don't just drop everything and move to another city. There was so much going on in my brain, my thoughts were chaotic. I can't find any reason to justify my parents.
It feels like I haven't moved in ages.
''Are you okay?'' Jack's voice brought me back to reality.
''Yeah, just confused.'' I looked down at my hands and started rubbing my dress.
''Listen, this is the past, you have to keep fighting for happiness. I'm here for you, you can rely on me.'' I can see the sincerity in his eyes.
He really wants to help me.
How I wish it could be that simple.
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Man's reaction when he saw Lillian completely naked on the balcony:
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