ZEKIAH XYRIEL'S POV
"Bakit wala kang gana? You just ate a little earlier."
I'm here in the cafe with Alina, eating snacks. She bought a slice of Speckled Malted Coconut Cake and Raspberry Pink Velvet Cake with a pair of Cafe Con Leche Milkshake and Cafe Latte Milkshake. Since I'm not in the mood to eat, I just ate a little and played the cake on my plate.
"I just lost my appetite. Go on, you eat. Hihintayin na lang kita."
It's our vacant time for the last subject and after this we can go home. Nakakainis kase prelim na sa Thursday at may mga projects pa akong dapat pang habulin. Our teacher were giving us a lot of pressure on the works that they assigned to us. Para na rin kaming nahahabol ng tren, kaasar!
"Hey, don't be so stressed. Dapat umakto ka na para lang wala sa'yo ang ginagawa mo. Magiging mahirap lang 'yan kapag iisipin mo masyado," she said and chewed the cake happily.
After we ate in the cafe, the bell suddenly rang so it means that we're free. Students were scattered in the ground and they're so noisy talking with some things. Hinintay muna namin ni Ali na humupa muna sa sila bago kami naglakad sa quadrangle. My phone suddenly vibrated so I stopped for a minute and so as she. Nang makita ko ang pangalan ni Mr. Rivera ay napairap na lang ako. If he's not just my mother's half-brother, then I wouldn't follow his words.
"Uncle texted me to meet on the covered court. He's probably going to tell me something. Are you okay here?" tanong ko sa kanya, assuring that it's okay with her.
She pouted and held my hand."I want to see uncle, too. Medyo hindi kase kami nagkikita dahil hindi naman siya isa sa mga subject teachers ko. He rarely go to the house to see mom so we just see each other here, sometimes."
Oh well, yeah. Magkapatid pala ang mommy namin ni Ali kaya parehong kaming may connection kay Mr. Rivera, our uncle.
Pumayag na lang ako dahil hindi ko kayang humindi sa pinsan ko. We started walking towards the other direction where few students walking with us. Dalawang daan lang naman ang patutunguhan nang tinatahak namin. It's either they're going to the covered court or in the music hall. Sarado naman na 'yon ngayon dahil wala namang practice ng banda kaya halatang sa court ang punta naming lahat.
When we finally arrived, my eyes wandered around to find him. Nakita ko siyang tinuturuan ang team niya para sa basketball tournament na gaganapin sa Saturday. I suddenly felt pissed when I saw him even if he didn't saw my presence. Nakatalikod kase sila ng mga kapatid niya at 'yong iba pa nilang teammates.
"Why did you call me?! Kung sa gate ko na nabasa ang text mo, hindi na talaga ako pupunta rito."
They all looked at me with their intensive eyes. Hindi ko na lamang sila pinansin at nanatili ang tingin ko kay uncle hanggang sa makalapit kami sa kanya.
"I just want to ask you to participate in the cheer leading squad. You have the characteristics of being a dancer, you're body figure has it all. What do you think?" Tinaas-baba niya pa ang noo niya habang maghihintay sa sagot ko.
"What?! Pinapunta mo'ko dito para lang d'yan? My goodness uncle! You know I'm always busy right? Wala akong oras para sa ganyan!" Aalis na sana ako pero pinigilan ako ni Ali. She hugged him and smiled widely.
"I've missed you, uncle! Kailan ka bibisita sa'min? Zeriel has been missing you too," sambit niya pa kaya niyakap din niya nito pabalik.
I just rolled my eyes on them and crossed my arms over my chest."Can you please stop this shit?! May mamamatay ba sa inyo, ha?! Stop being overacting, it's disgusting!"
"So ano na? Papayag ka ba, Zekiah? It's your chance to shine, to let them see your passion in dancing." Hinawakan ni uncle ang balikat ko at tiningnan ko lang 'yon.
"I'm already shining more than a gold, uncle."Inalis ko ang pagkakahawak niya sa'kin at saka tumalikod paalis."And one thing, stop calling me that name. You know how much I hate being called like that," I added as I walk away, not minding the stares that they threw on me.
'Zekiah, pabili nga ng tubig sa baba. Bilisan mo ah'
'Zek, can you do all of my assignments? Please?'
'Sorry, Zekiah. We already have partners eh, next time na lang'
Natigilan ako nang maalala ko ang isa sa mga memoryang pinaka-ayaw kong maalala. I closed my fists, remembering how they treated me like an animal before. Like how they used to bully me and how they treated me not as their friend but their slave. They're fucking bullshit! How I wish I'm always like this in my whole life. Kase kung gano'n, hinding-hindi nila ako matatapak-tapakan.
"Couz, are you okay? Don't mind it, hindi naman sinadya ni uncle eh." She caressed my hair and guided me to enter my car.
May sinabi pa siya sa'kin at tanging pagtango lang ang nagawa ko. She bid goodbye to me as we parted ways to go home. She said that she can't accompany me to Lolo's house because she had to do a lot of things. Pumayag lang ako dahil hindi rin naman ako magtatagal do'n.
"Hi, Lolo. I bought something for you."
When I got home, mom's not yet here so I just went upstairs to change my clothes. I tied my hair into a bun and went to the kitchen to find something to eat. I'm craving for carbonara so I went to the nearest store in our house to buy some ingredients. I know how to cook in my own. Natuto ako no'ng mga araw na gusto kong ipagluto si Cy---I mean si mommy.
"Ingredients for a carbonara, faster."
She immediately gave me the plastic with the ingredients inside."It costs 3, 800 maam."
"Here. Keep the change." I gave her five thousand pesos and left their store.
Pagdating ko do'n sa bahay ay agad kong nilapag ang lulutuin ko sa mesa at naghugas muna ng kamay. I prepared everything before I started to cook because mom might arrive a few minutes from now. Nang kumulo na ang sauce ay tinikman ko ito para malaman kung okay na. When I'm finally satisfied on the taste, I closed the cover to cool down. Sinunod ko naman kaagad ang pasta para makakain na ako.
"Hey, anak! You're already home. Wait, ano ang amoy na 'yon?"
I walk towards her to gave her a kiss on her cheek."It's carbonara mom. I miss cooking and I'm also hungry so I just cooked. Good thing you arrived, I was about to eat."
"Oh really? Good for you, anak. I also missed your cooking skills so I'm excited to try it," she answered happily.
We started to eat and talked for some things. She's been busy for this past few days because of the projects that she accepted. Makatutulong din daw 'yon sa company dahil mga bigatin ang nakikipagsosyo kay mommy. I'm also happy for it...for her. At least we did it without the help of guys.
May biglang nag-door bell sa labas kaya nagkatinginan kami pareho."Who was that, mom? Do you have any visitor?"
"No, anak. Wala namang may sabi sa'kin na pupunta rito."
I immediately stood up to open the door and when I saw that it was a guy, I closed the door. Narinig ko ulit ang doorbell pero hindi ko na pinansin at bumalik sa dining room para kumain. Is it her suitor...again?!
"Who was that? Bakit hin---"
"It was a guy, mom. Tell me, did you entertain suitors again?!" I asked seriously and put my plate aside because I lost my appetite again.
She stopped eating and glance outside."I didn't, baby. Alam mo namang ayaw kitang magalit sa'kin kaya iniiwasan ko 'yon. I swear, I don't know him."
I just let out a sigh and just nodded."Then so be it. I'll talk to that dumbass because the sound of the doorbell irritates me the most!"
I was about to stand up when she suddenly holds my hand."Don't waste your time for him, baby. Aalis din 'yan kapag hinayaan lang natin siya."
Tinanggal ko ang pagkakahawak sa kamay niya at binigyan siya ng isang matamis na ngiti."He needs to know his place, mom. Alam mo namang ayoko sa lahat 'yong pinagpipilitan ang sarili niya sa taong ayaw naman sa kanya."
Nang mabuksan ko ang pinto ay bumungad sa'kin ang panget niyang pagmumukha. He has beards and has wringkles all over his face. Nakasuot din siya ng isang pormal na damit na parang aattend ng isang magarang party. Tsk. I pity him. Nalaman ko pa lang na lalaki siya na-turn off na ako.
"Hello, young lady. May I know where's Ms. Knoxville?" he asked in a monotone voice.
"Why are you looking for my mom? She's busy right now and so am I. Stop disturbing us, I won't let you see her." I was about to close the door when he stopped me so I raised my eyebrow at him.
"Your mom's single, right? Your father left her so---"
Sinampal ko siya kaya nabitawan niya ang bulaklak na hawak niya."Don't you ever talk about my father again or else you won't just receive a slap but also punch. Umalis ka na! Go!"
There was sadness on his eyes but I never felt any single pity on him. Dapat lang sa kanya ang ginawa ko. Those person who talks about my fucking father will receive a punishment. Kahit na umiyak pa siya ng dugo sa harapan ko, hindi ako maaawa sa kanya. Minsan na lang ako makaramdam nang gano'n. Maybe because my heart was full of pain and regrets.
"What did you do?" she asked when I came back to her.
I shook my head and keep the leftovers in the fridge."Nothing. Hindi ko siya minura pero mukhang nasaktan siya sa sinabi ko. So what? I never felt pity to anyone."
Narinig ko ang pagbuntong hininga niya sa likuran ko."Anak, masama ang gano'n. I told you for so many times that you should know how to respect others. May ginawa man silang mali o wala, dapat marunong ka pa ring rumespeto."
"Not all persons deserve to be respected, mom. 'Yong iba nga ginagamit ang kapangyarihan nila para lang respetuhin sila ng lahat. As of me, I also have power in everything. Pero hindi ko ginagamit 'yon para kontrolin sila. If they want to disrespect and hate me, go on. Hindi ko ikamamatay kung galit ang lahat sa'kin."
"Anak..."
Marahas kong sinara ang ref at nilingon siya."He also mentioned my useless father, mom. Nakakasuka na marinig ko pa ang tungkol sa kanya."
"Zeriel!" She stopped me, couldn't believe that I said those words."He's still your father, remember that. You don't have the right to disrespect him. Sumusobra ka na, tigilan mo 'yan," she added and turned around.
"Why? You're defending him now, huh? Baka nakakalimutan mo kung anong ginawa niya sa'tin o sadyang nagbubulag-bulagan ka lang! That asshole was useless, he doesn't dese---"
Napahawak ako sa pisngi ko dahil sa hapdi ng pagkakasampal niya sa'kin. Hindi ko inaakalang magagawa niya ring saktan ako kagaya nang ginawa ng magaling kong ama. Pero hindi nito mapapantayan ang sakit na dinanas ko noon...hindi nga nakakahalati eh.
"Galing! You're not satisfied? Go, slap me again. Kahit ilang beses mo pa akong saktan, hinding-hindi na ako makakaramdam pa ng sakit. Manhid na kase ako sa lahat nang sakit na naramdaman at naranasan ko. And you want me to feel more? Fine. I won't stop you. Ganyan naman kayong lahat 'di ba?" I yelled at her.
My mouth gets disrespectful when I'm mad that's why I'm avoiding it. Specially that my mom was in front of me but I couldn't take it anymore. Napuno na ulit ang galit sa loob ko at hindi ko na alam kung paano mahimasmasan.
Pain was unbearable on her eyes and was about to say anything when I moved away. I don't want her to touch any single part of me. She hurts me too... like everyone did. Nakikita ko rin siya sa mga taong nag-api at nanghusga sa'kin. Seems like she's one of the people who hates me the most for being myself. Wala naman talagang nakakatagal sa ugali kong 'to. Sarili ko ngang pamilya ipinagkaila ako, ibang tao pa kaya?!
I immediately went upstairs to ease the pain. Baka sakaling maibsan ang galit na namumuo sa puso sa sandaling naalala ko ang masasakit na alaala ko. I locked the door of my room and jumped on my bed, covering myself in blanket. I cried and cried because it's the only thing that I know para mawala ang sakit. Sa mga pagkakataon na ganito, ang sarili ko lang ang karamay ko. Alina was always there to comfort me but she's not free sometimes so I just have myself. Ayoko rin namang gambalain siya dahil alam kong iiyak din 'yon kapag nakita niyang umiiyak ako. I'm her weakness, as always.
Bandang 7:30 ng gabi naisipan kong tumakas para magbar. I'm really upset right now because of what happened earlier. I didn't even eat dinner even though she kept on knocking on my my door. Hindi ko rin siya kinausap dahil naaalala ko lang 'yong nangyari kanina. I'm feeling a little bit hungry but I have to escape here before she'll wake up.
I was just wearing white tank top and black shorts with light brown blazer and pair of boots. Magsasaya lang naman ako ng mga ilang oras at uuwi kaagad dahil may pasok pa bukas. I used my Ferrari car since it can easily caught attention to everyone.
"One bottle of Devil Springs Vodka." I sat on the stool and waited for my drink to arrive.
Inom lang ako nang inom at halos mahilo na ako sa mga taong umaalis at dumarating. I'm just feeling dizzy but it doesn't mean that I'm out of my mind. May konting pag-iisip pa rin naman ako at alam ko pa ang tama sa mali. Some were approaching me but I just shook my head on them. 'Yong iba naman na pinipilit ako hawakan ay hindi ko na napigilang suntukin. I know how to fight with guys so they should get out of my sight before I could even hurt them.
"Miss, tara sumama ka sa'kin. I'll bring you to the VIP room so that you can rest." Pinatayo ako ng bartender pero winaksi ko lang ang kamay niya.
"Shut up! I need to go home right now. Nahihilo na rin ako." I blink twice just to clear my vision but seems like I couldn't even open my eyes because of dizziness.
Fucking shit!
Hinawakan niya ulit ako kaya napadaing ako sa higpit nang pagkakahawak niya sa'kin."You're gonna make me happy tonight, baby. I'm sure that you'll love it."
"Fuck you! Let me go! Umalis ka!" I shouted but he just laughed at me.
"Everyone's busy making out with each other so no one could here you. Sumama ka na lang kase sa'kin para hindi kita saktan." He grabbed my hand again and this time, he's already forcing me.
Argh! Sana hindi ko na lang tinanggap ang mga shot na binibigay niya. I'm doomed right now!
"You pervert! Bitawan mo sabi ako eh! Find some slut right there and let me go! I would never do what you want!" I shouted at him and give my full force just to let go of his hand.
Nang makawala ako ay mabilis akong tumakbo palabas ng bar at napaupo sa damuhan. The parking lot was meters away from here and I don't have enough energy to run. My eyes widened when I saw the bartender outside so I hide myself in the lawn. Nahihilo na talaga ako dahil sa dami ng ininom ko. My head hurts a lot like it's going to break. Ugh. Damn it.
"Gotcha!"
"Ah! Stop! Bitiwan mo'ko!" Hindi ko sinasadyang masipa ang kinabukasan niya na siya namang ikinagalit niya.
"You'll regret for what you did!"
Tumakbo ako hanggang sa makakaya ko without looking at my back. I'm afraid that he might get me so I just kept on running until I reached outside the gate. Papasok na sana ako sa kotse ko pero nakita ko siyang hinahabol ako kaya nilagpasan ko na lang ang kotse ko.
I don't know where to go because it's so dark right here. Ilang metro ang agwat ng isang poste sa isa pa kaya hindi ko masyadong maaninag ang daan. Oh god! Can someone please help me right now? I don't know how to pray and to beg my life to someone. But, I don't want to lost myself to this bastard. Hindi ako maruming babae at galit ako sa mga lalaki. It's also the reason why I hate them, they don't respect girls.
"Pinapagod mo lang ang sarili mo! Sa akin pa rin naman ang bagsak mo dahil walang makatutulong sa'yo rito."
I didn't listen to him and was supposed to cross the road when a car was running towards me. Tinaas ko ang dalawang kamay ko para takpan ang mukha ko sa ilaw na nanggagaling sa kotse. Is it going to hit me?! Katapusan ko na ba?
"Hey, shit! I was about to hit you! Tang'na naman oh! Bakit ka ba tumatawid nang hindi tumitingin kung may sasakyan ba."
When I heard his voice, I immediately put down my hands and looked at him weakly. I couldn't even open my eyes because of too much alcohol that I'd drink. Mukhang namukhaan niya naman ako kaya nagulat siya at agad na lumapit sa'kin.
"Ay shit, Zeriel! Lasing ka ba?! Teka, ba't pawis na pawis ka? Why are you running? Nasa'n ba ang kotse mo?" He kept on asking and hold my shoulders to support me.
Kung maayos lang sana ang lagay ko ngayon baka nasapak ko na siya. But I couldn't do it because I'm too wasted and drunk. Though, I owe him because he saved my life. I thought that bastard could rape me if he didn't come.
"S-Someone's c-chasing after me..." And with that, I passed out and finally fell on his arms.
I woke up when I felt like something hits my head. As in...it hurts a lot. Nang bumangon naman ako ay biglang umikot ang paningin ko kaya napahawak ulit ako sa ulo ko nang kumirot ito. I wandered my eyes around the room and just found out that this wasn't mine. Where am I?! Tiningnan ko ang suot ko at napansing iba 'to sa sinuot ko kagabi.
Holy shit! May gumalaw ba sa'kin kagabi? Pero hindi naman masakit ang mga parte ng katawan ko eh. The only thing that I remembered last night was when I drink too much and then I got drunk. Tapos hinabol ako no'ng bartender na may balak sa'kin. Damn him! I wanna kick his ass off, bastard!
"Oh, gising ka na pala. I thought you're dead already." Biglang bumukas ang pinto at iniluwa nito si Shael.
My eyes widened, still couldn't process why he's here."Why the fuck are you here?! And why am I wearing this clothes?! This is not even mine!"
"Wow, ha! You're cursing me without knowing that you beg for my help last night." Nilapag niya sa side table and tray na dala niya.
Naalala ko bigla 'yong kagabi pero sumakit lang ulit ang ulo ko. When I smelled the food, my stomach grumbles because of hunger. I forgot to eat dinner last night and got drunk. Aish! I'm craving for those foods.
"Can you give me those? I'm so hungry. Hindi kase ako kumain kagabi." Tinuro ko ang tray kaya napatingin siya do'n at agad na kinuha.
He get the mini-table and placed it above the bed with the foods in it."Tapos uminom ka pa ng maraming alak kagabi? Hindi mo nga kinaya kaya muntik ka nang marape. Good thing I passed by so you're safe. Muntik na nga kitang masagasaan eh."
"Stop scolding me, you're not my mom. Kaya nga ako umalis para hindi masermonan tapos pati rin pala ikaw." I didn't looked at him and just continued eating.
"Ah, kay pala naglasing ka kase nag-away kayo ng mommy mo. Alam mo bang hindi ko alam kung saan ka dadalhin kagabi? I don't know your address and you didn't bring the keys of your condo. Alangan naman hayaan lang kita eh baka marape ka talaga," sambit niya pa kaya napatingin ulit ako sa kanya.
Binaba ko ang kinakain ko at tinitigan siyang maigi."Speaking of that, who changed my clothes? Why am I wearing this one? Sa babae mo ba ang mga damit na 'to? Argh! Ang manyak mo talaga."
"Hoy! Gagi! Teka--Aray! Wala akong babae, ano ba?! That clothes was from Katria and she's the one who dressed you up. Ayaw kitang hawakan 'no, hindi naman ako rapist." He covered himself, avoiding my hits on him.
Agad naman akong natigilan matapos kong marinig ang sinabi niya."W-What? H-How did she know that I'm here? You told him everything?!"
"Alangan naman hindi, 'di ba? Sumuka ka kaya kagabi at basang-basa ka tapos kailangan mong magpalit. Mabuti nga at mabait din ang isang 'yon kaya pumayag siya kahit ayaw ni kuya kase gabi na nga. I even bothered her and it's embarrassing." Napakamot siya sa batok niya nang sabihin niya 'yon.
I couldn't also imagine that she did that. Hindi naman kase maganda ang naging una't huling usapan namin eh. So what?! I'm not in the mood that time and she suddenly approached me. Hindi rin naman siya madaling magalit pero hindi pa rin kami close.
"Gosh! What time is it? Am I late?"
He smirked and stood up."Yeah. We're really late. It's already lunch time and your phone kept on ringing since last night. Hindi ko na lang sinagot kase hindi naman ako pakialamero."
"And you're late too. Bakit hindi ka na lang pumasok?" Binalik ko sa mini-table ang pagkain dahil tapos na ako.
He stopped walking, still turning his back on me."Because I don't want to leave you here alone. Get up and fix yourself. You're uniform was on the couch, we're going to the university. Pwede ka pang makahabol sa mga remaining subjects mo at may basketball practice rin ako."
I just nodded in response even if he didn't saw it."Uh... Thank you."
He gave me a single glance at turned again but I saw how the side of his lips rose up."Well, my pleasure."
I don't know if it sounded sarcastic or glad but... I think it just makes him perk. Big deal ba talaga ang pagsabi nang 'thank you' sa isang tao?
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