I'm Not Fine At All

By the_feminist_thumb

106K 2.7K 974

Losing one's parents can be one of the hardest things you can go through. Especially when you're only sixteen... More

Prologue
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Chapter 9
Chapter 10
Chapter 11
Chapter 12
Chapter 13
Chapter 14
Chapter 15
Chapter 16
Chapter 17
Chapter 18
Chapter 19
Chapter 20
Chapter 21
Chapter 22
Chapter 23
Chapter 24
Chapter 25
Chapter 26
Chapter 27
Chapter 28
Chapter 29
Chapter 30
Chapter 31
Chapter 32
Chapter 33
Chapter 34
Chapter 35
Chapter 36
Chapter 37
Chapter 38
Chapter 39
Chapter 40
Chapter 41
Chapter 42
Chapter 43
Chapter 44
Chapter 45
Chapter 47
Chapter 48
Chapter 49
Chapter 50
Chapter 51
Chapter 52
Chapter 53
Chapter 54
Chapter 55
Chapter 56
Chapter 57
Chapter 58
Chapter 59
Chapter 60
Chapter 61
Chapter 62
Chapter 63

Chapter 46

1.3K 32 13
By the_feminist_thumb

Louis and Harry arrived at Louis's dad's house in the early evening, a bottle of red wine in the older boy's hands, a container of homemade cupcakes in the younger's. The two shared one more sweet kiss before Louis knocked on the door. Even though he had a key, Louis wanted it to be formal. Shouting could be heard from the other side of the door and then it was opened, revealing a blushing Lottie. "Lou, hi. Uhm, you must be Harry. I'm Lottie, the oldest sister." She stuck her hand out and the curly boy shook it, feeling slightly too formal in slacks and a white button-up. Louis had tried to convince him to wear something he was more comfortable in, but he was scared Mark would judge him for wearing something feminine.

Lottie opened the door further and gestured for the two boys to come inside. Harry smiled when he saw the framed photos lining the entryway, his eyes focusing on a photo of Louis dressed as Danny Zuko on stage. "You're an actor?" He teasingly asked, turning to look at the older boy. "What are your credits, what have I seen you in? Could I get your autograph?" Louis shushed the boy and subtly smacked his ass when Lottie was looking away, immediately making him shut his mouth. "You keep your mouth shut about that or I swear you are so getting it when we get back to your place. You hear me?" He whispered into the younger boy's ear, his hand still keeping a tight grip on his bum. Harry gulped and nodded, staring straight ahead.

Louis led him into the kitchen where Phoebe and Daisy were lying on the floor with coloring books, Mark was on his phone at the counter, and Stevie was standing in front of the stove. Lottie went over to Stevie and wrapped her arms around them from behind, kissing their cheek. Louis took a deep breath, still not over seeing Lottie in a serious relationship, and took Harry's hand to bring him over to Mark. "Dad?" The man looked up, shoving his glasses back up his nose so he could actually see. "Ah. Louis, this must be your boyfriend. Harry, right?" Harry nodded and let go of Louis's hand to shake Mark's. "It's a pleasure to meet you, Mr. Tomlinson. You have a lovely house."

Mark chuckled and patted the boy on the back. "Call me Mark, son. None of this Mr. Tomlinson business." Harry nodded and leaned into the touch of Louis's hand on his lower back, rubbing over the dimples of his spine. "Well, you are welcome to sit here at the counter, or in the living room, or wherever you want. Dinner will be done in about half an hour." Harry thanked the man and then followed Louis out of the room, walking up the stairs to Louis's bedroom. "This is my room. Ignore the mess, I haven't had time to clean it since I've been spending all of my time with you." Louis opened the door and led Harry in, sitting down on the edge of the bed. Harry wandered around the room a little bit, running his hands over everything, picking up framed pictures and examining them. He finally stopped in front of the boy's dresser and picked up a small box of condoms he had sitting on it.

"Umm, are these, like old, or..." The younger boy asked as he held up the box to show to Louis. The older boy coughed uncomfortably and took the box out of his hands, opening his bedside drawer so he could put it in there. "I, uh, I bought those last week just as like a...like a precautionary thing. You know, in case we ever, uhm, go all the way." Harry nodded and a blush settled on his cheeks. "So you didn't listen to Liam when he said that we couldn't have sex until I was eighteen?" He asked, putting his hands on his hips. Louis chuckled and walked over to the younger boy, wrapping his arms around his waist. "Of course I didn't. Do you seriously think I still listen to Liam? Look at us. All of what we're doing was once forbidden by Liam."

Harry sighed as the older boy swayed them back and forth, laying lazy kisses all over his neck. "We should probably get back downstairs," He whispered into the older lad's ear, letting his lips lightly touch the base of his neck as he leaned back down. Louis groaned and turned them around so that Harry's back was pressed to his chest. He looped his arms back around his narrow waist and nuzzled his nose into the fine, curly hair at the nape of the boy's neck. "Why, though? Why can't we just stay up here and cuddle and kiss and, you know, do boyfriend stuff? I hate my family." Harry hummed and pulled Louis's hand up to his mouth, kissing the back of it. "I am going back down because I am not rude. You can stay up here as long as you want but I have an obligation to eat dinner with your dad and talk myself up to him."

Louis groaned when Harry pulled away from him and opened the door to leave. "W-Wait, Haz. I'm coming." Harry chuckled as Louis rushed over to him and walked with him back downstairs, going into the living room where the rest of the family was. Phoebe was curled up on the couch, reading a book over her dad's shoulder, Lottie and Stevie were curled up on the armchair, looking at a Taylor Swift magazine, and Fizzy was cuddled up with Daisy on the floor, the two of them chatting quietly. "Hi guys, we're back," Louis called, grabbing the attention of the people in the room. Fizzy smiled and stood up, walking over to Harry and enveloping him in a warm hug. "Hi, Harry. I'm Fizzy. Sorry I wasn't here when you got here earlier but I was out with a friend. I like your hair."

Harry smiled at the teenager and touched one of his curls. "Thank you. I grew them meself." Louis chuckled and pulled the boy a little closer, kissing the top of his head. "Who were you with, Fizz?" He asked, his tone turning more serious as he straightened up. "Uh, you know that guy, Dom, that I go to school with?" Louis shook his head. "Well, I go to school with him and he invited me out for pizza." The older boy sighed and he crossed his arms. "I wanna meet this guy that's taking you out for pizza on Friday nights. I don't want him trying anything on you." Fizzy huffed and rolled her eyes at her older brother. "I can guarantee you that he is not going to be trying anything on me, both because we're just friends and he has a boyfriend. A totally hot boyfriend that I am completely in love with."

Louis chuckled and nodded, letting himself relax. He always wanted to go into protective older brother mode over the smallest of things. Harry opened his mouth to add something to the conversation but then a timer in the kitchen dinged and Mark stood up, clearing his throat. "Why don't we all go in? That was the oven timer on the mac and cheese so everything should be about ready now." Mark went into the kitchen and everyone else went into the dining room, taking seats at the large oak table. Louis and Harry sat next to each other on one side of the table, Daisy on the other side of Louis. Stevie, Lottie, and Phoebe sat across from them, and Fizzy sat at the foot of the table, leaving the head of the table open for the dad of the house.

Mark came in a few minutes later with a steaming pan of mac and cheese, his hands safe with oven mitts. He smiled at the group and set the pan on the table, going back into the kitchen for the rest of the food. He brought it all in and laid the various containers around the table, finally taking his seat at the head once everything was set. "Alright, dig in." Louis immediately started scooping mashed potatoes out of the bowl, piled them onto his plate, and then put some on Harry's plate. Everyone else followed and soon the only sound that could be heard was forks and spoons scraping against plates and the occasional clink of ice in a glass. Mark was the first to say anything, setting his fork down and wiping his mouth with his napkin before clearing his throat. "So, Harry, Louis says that you live with your brother?" Harry nodded and looked down at his lap uncomfortably, scared that he was going to ask about his parents.

"Are you two very close? I have an older brother and we cannot stand each other." He chuckled to himself and took another bite of chicken. "I'll tell you, I have a lot of scars from fights that we got into. A lot of trips to the emergency room in my youth. So, do you and your brother fight like that?" Harry shook his head, breathing out a sigh of relief when he didn't ask him why he was living with his brother. "No, no, we get along really well. Sometimes he can be a little overbearing and bosses me around a bit too much, but other than that we get along great. He's my brother, and I kind of depend on him, so a bad relationship would really not help me." Mark nodded and swallowed, wiping his mouth with his napkin again.

Harry looked back down, understanding that the conversation was pretty much done. Louis piled another helping of mashed potatoes onto the younger boy's plate, making him frown, and then he turned to look at the couple across from him. "So, Lotts, what are your guys' plans for the weekend?" Lottie shrugged, her mouth full, and Stevie shared a look with her. "We, uh, we're just going to a friend's house tomorrow night, that's it. No other plans." Louis hummed and nodded at them. "Right. So, this is just a hang-out with a few friends, right?" The two of them nodded. "And whose house is it at?" Stevie paused with their fork held up to their mouth. "Uh, just some Irish guy that lives one town over. You wouldn't know him."

Lottie answered for Stevie since they looked like they were so nervous they were about to pass out. Their hands shook as they took a sip of their water. Harry bent his head down and snickered into his palm. "Right. So, uh, what's this Irish guy's name?" The older boy cocked his eyebrow, knowing exactly what the teen girl's answer was going to be. Lottie looked back and forth between Stevie and Louis, not knowing if she should actually say his name. "Umm, his name is Niall. He's a friend of a friend." Louis nodded and he made an 'ah' sound. "Uh-huh. Would this happen to be the same Niall that Harry is best friends with and is having a party tomorrow night since his parents are out of town, where there will be drinking and sex? Hmm? Is that the same Niall, or are our signals messed up here?" Lottie stopped chewing and gulped audibly. "I-I, I didn't know that it was going to be-"

Louis held his hand up and silenced the girl. "Nah nah nah, sister. Don't give me any of that crap. You knew exactly what kind of party it was going to be. Do you seriously think you can lie to me, the king of lying and sneaking out of this house? You must be confused, love. I am the last person you want to lie to, especially in front of dad. I will get you so in trouble you won't be able to leave this house for weeks. Dad, anything to say?" Mark scooted forward in his seat and crossed his arms on the table. "Lottie, I am very disappointed in you for even thinking of lying to me. I raised you to be an honest girl, and I always want you to be able to tell me everything, even if you'll get in trouble for it. If you had just told me you wanted to go to that party, I would have let you go. With the promise that you wouldn't drink or do anything dangerous of course. But I would have allowed it. Now, you're not allowed to go and you're forbidden from seeing Stevie for two weeks. Okay?" Lottie nodded and bit her lip.

"I'm sorry, daddy. I was just scared that you were never going to let me go and...I was just being stupid. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to my room." Lottie walked Stevie to the door and hugged them goodbye, then went up to her room, the sound of her crying audible until her door was shut. "Well, that put a damper on the evening. Why don't we just relax in the living room, boys, while the girls clean up this mess." Mark stood up from his seat and led the boys back into the living room. Louis and Harry sat down on the sofa while Mark sat in one of the armchairs, facing the two boys. "So, Harry, what do you do? Do you go to school, do you work?" Harry looked up at the sound of his name.

"Well, I start school back up in a month and I'll be a senior, so that's exciting. And I've been trying to find a job recently but no one that I'm interested in is hiring." Mark nodded and crossed his legs. "What sort of places are you interested in working at?" Harry shrugged. "I'm not really that picky. I have a broad spectrum of skills. It's just that I haven't fine-tuned them that well, so I'm a bit of an amateur at everything I do. I love to bake, though. I really just like cooking in general. I kind of want to own my own restaurant in the future, be like the next Gordon Ramsay." Louis felt pride swell up in his chest as he heard the younger boy talking about his dreams and sounding so passionate. He wished he had something that he liked to do that made him want a certain career path.

At the moment, Louis was like any other dead-end college student, just trying to graduate so he could list that as one of his biggest accomplishments. Here Harry was, going on and on about his love for cooking and feeding people and entertaining, and Louis was just stuck in a complete rut. He knew that he was lacking in ambition, and he would probably have a good hobby if he actually devoted his time to trying new things out, but all he wanted to do was sleep, play FIFA, and mess around with Harry. A true career in something he loved never crossed his mind because it was something he had deemed impossible years ago when his history teacher told him that he wasn't going to amount to anything. All of his hopes and dreams of becoming a world-renowned pop star shattered on that day. He had attempted to try out the singer life a few times, and he had gotten a demo done of one of his songs at a real studio, but he never followed through with meeting a producer and discussing it with them.

Mark opened his mouth to say something else but then a blaring ring-tone filled the air. The source was Harry's phone. He pulled the phone out of his pocket and answered it, leaving the room so he could have a little more privacy.

"Hello?"

"Harry, where the hell are you? I came home and you weren't fucking here!"

"Jesus, Liam. Chill out. I'm at Louis's house having dinner with his family. Why are you calling me?"

"Because you aren't at home, that's why. We were supposed to go to a movie tonight."

"I'm sorry, Li, I can't make it."

"I get it. You're too busy with your boyfriend to hang out with me. I gotta go."

"Wait, Li-"

Liam hung up before Harry could even get the second word out of his mouth. He dropped his arm, his phone nearly falling out of his hand. His heart hurt, and his stomach felt like there was a weight sitting in it, pulling him down. He felt horrible, knowing that he was the cause of Liam's broken-sounding voice. Liam almost never let it show that he was genuinely upset, and when he did, it meant that he was gutted. Harry walked back into the living room with his arm dangling limp by his side, flopping down on the couch next to Louis. "What's wrong, darling? Who was that?" Louis brushed a curl away from his eyes, his face full of concern. Harry sighed, his body deflating."You were right about Liam."

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