Numerous strands and clumps of black hair littered the floor as Kim Jaehyun carefully worked the scissors through Lee Hyunjins hair.
Although it looked messy and tangled due to its curls, when one touched it, they would find it was miraculously soft. It's thickness was what made it hard to deal with.
"How short do you want it?" Kim Jaehyun asked.
He looked at Lee Hyunjin through the mirror that the staff had brought and placed in front of him as per request.
Lee Hyunjin hadn't thought of how short he wanted it, he only knew that the hair that covered his eyes had to stay as it was but he felt like he'd have to explain the situation with his eye in order to say that so he just said, "short enough that it won't be such a bother," he looked at Kim Jaehyun then said, "as short as yours."
Kim Jaehyun understood and focused on cutting the back. As he did so he remembered a time when they were in middle school.
Back then Lee Hyunjins hair hadn't started straightening out yet and was even more curly, both Song Hayoon and Lee Jaehwan were thoroughly tired of taming his hair every morning so they came to a consensus:
Keep it short!
He didn't have bangs at that time and his hair just about reached his nape without covering his ears, it suited him quite well suffice to say he was a very adorable child... when he kept his mouth shut and bookshelves weren't falling on him.
Kim Jaehyun was half tempted to cut it to that length but didn't do so instead he focused on trying to bring up the thing he wanted to ask.
Kim Jaehyun had come to the same conclusion that the readers did, Lee Hyunjin lost his memory.
He didn't know how to explain the fact that Lee Hyunjin had disappeared for two years straight or that there was a grave marked with his name but one thing he was sure of was that the Lee Hyunjin in front of him had lost his memory.
The question was how much of it did he lose?
Even if he lost the memories of his college days, Kim Jaehyun had been with him since middle school... could he have lost those as well?
Unfortunately, whilst Kim Jaehyun was once again going through all these thoughts, the person who was the cause of his mental dilemma was busy talking all by his lonesome.
Lee Hyunjin was telling Kim Jaehyun what not to do when he enters Ifvnar. As if he was worried they would do something wrong and die, he yapped on like a living 'Ifvnar survival instruction manual' (audio version).
"Don't even think about camping on the ground unless you have a beast with keen senses. Sleep in the trees but when you're finding a tree to sleep in make sure they're no vines on it or around it, you'll die.
Don't eat anything except Eneri no matter how interesting they look, don't even try to pluck them, you'll die.
If you see a creature that looks like a demon possessed wolf with protruding teeth, just know it's not alone, there's an entire pack, especially if they have red fur, once they lock onto you they won't leave you alone so you have to be mindful, otherwise—
"I'll die," Kim Jaehyun said, there was a faint trace of laughter in his voice, he thought this Hyunjin is also talkative and unnecessarily worried about people he doesn't even know well..
Lee Hyunjin once again felt like he was being laughed at, but he could do nothing since the person he was instructing seemed to be listening properly.
As Lee Hyunjin thought of what other advice to give a sudden thought popped up and he spoke without thinking it through.
"You wouldn't be able to sleep in a tree if you're afraid of heights though ?" Lee Hyunjin said, "then finding a cave is better for you, just make sure there's absolutely nothing inside it. Also.."
"What?" Kim Jaehyun asked in a strange tone.
"Eh?" Lee Hyunjin was confused.
"Kim Jaehyun had paused his action of cutting hair, one of his hands was tightly clenched... that he was afraid of heights was something he'd told Lee Hyunjin when they were in middle school, not even Park Haejin knew.
Lee Hyunjin was looking at Kim Jaehyun through the mirror, he couldn't read Kim Jaehyun's expression at all and he started to worry if he said the wrong thing... was it something he wasn't supposed to know?
Kim Jaehyun in a split second had gone through many a thought, he took a deep breath then he picked up the pair of scissors and began anew at the same time he calmly asked, "Hyunjin, did you lose your memories?"
Lee Hyunjin went stiff, it was quiet in the room for sometime and only the snipping sounds of the scissors could be heard.
Lee Hyunjin half laughed and half sighed as if giving up, "is it that obvious?"
Kim Jaehyun after hearing his words felt like he finally understood.
But Lee Hyunjins next words made the gloominess that had been clouding him lately intensify.
"Were we close friends? No one else noticed," Lee Hyunjin said.
"Is that why you wouldn't tell Shinwoo what class you were in?" Kim Jaehyun dodged his question and asked his own.
Lee Hyunjin guiltily shook his head, "I didn't say because it seemed like I'd been in the same class with you as well.... of the memories I do have—I don't have any good memories of college, not a single one."
Kim Jaehyun felt like he'd been struck, not a single one?
Lee Hyunjin looked very uncomfortable, he fiddled with his hands like an anxious child. "I thought if I mentioned my class he might recognise me," Lee Hyunjin didn't say the rest out loud, as 'Jinyoungs mutant'.
Kim Jaehyun noticed that this side of the topic made Lee Hyunjin uncomfortable so he asked something else, "how much did you lose?"
Lee Hyunjin joked, "how much do you think?"
Lee Hyunjin who didn't hear a response peaked at the mirror only to see Kim Jaehyun had a dark expression on his face.
"Selective amnesia," he blurted out.
"What?" Kim Jaehyun asked.
"The memories I lost were oddly specific, at first I couldn't tell but as time passed I could see the gaps. I could vaguely remember going to school with someone everyday but who that person was I couldn't, I have my knowledge from class intact but things like what I did during break time, who I went to cafes with I can't remember. It's like someone erased those people from those memories one by one, sometimes erasing the whole memory. I try to put the pieces together but I fail."
"Then.. you had an accident...?"
Lee Hyunjin wanted to laugh, can you call something like that an accident? "The doctor who treated me was a strange person, he said 'I shouldn't be telling you this but seeing the way you are I'll do so,.....
(Flashback warning....!)
"You tried to commit suicide, that's what the reports we received said."
"I did what?" Lee Hyunjin looked shocked like he couldn't believe it.
"This is my opinion, not as a doctor but as a person. Those memories you lost, don't go looking for them. You looked like that's what you wanted to do."
"But... they're important," Lee Hyunjin said rather weakly. His hands tightly grasped the sheets of the hospital bed he was siting in.
"You are someone who bleeds easily..." the old doctor said, "what I mean to say is, you're the type of person that gets hurt easily because you treasure and trust people too much. I can tell because my son was just like you. Someone like you, if you go looking for the memories that pushed you to the point of jumping from a high floor, they might make you do something worse next time... and perhaps you'll even be successful."
Lee Hyunjin couldn't say anything back to the doctor, he knew the doctor was right. That would likely be the case, after all it seemed like there would be no one to even stop him if he tried to die again... judging from the fact that no one came for him whilst he was in hospital, for months not a single soul other than the doctors and teachers had come for him.
"Isn't it fine to live happily now? From what I can tell, you don't need those memories to continue living, so please don't torture yourself." The old doctor was earnest with his words.
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"It's not like I just thoughtlessly took his advice," Lee Hyunjin explained, "it's just that after I thought about it... his words made sense and my mother had told me something similar."
"Your mother..". Kim Jaehyun's throat was dry.... he couldn't find the words to say and he couldn't describe the things he was feeling. So he just parroted Lee Hyunjins words
"My mother, when she was in hospital said something similar, she said that if I could just live happily no matter who or where I am, she'd be pleased... I thought if it's like that, then the doctors words weren't so wrong."
Lee Hyunjin didn't say anymore, he wasn't fiddling with his hands anymore. He quietly looked down at his empty hands, for some reason, he noticed the scars and calluses on his hands... a lot had happened since that time when he spent many silent nights alone in the hospital these scars were proof of it.
Kim Jaehyun finally spoke, "then for two years, where were you?"
"Oh that, the school was trying to keep it all covered up, especially the bullying so the director made me an offer. It was a bit complicated but I moved to branch of J-Tech in another city during that time, once I finished the remainder of my course I'd write the exams from J-Techs main exam centre in Seoul . They made a few concessions for me probably because the doctor seemed to be a close friend of J-Techs Director. Anyway, I couldn't afford the mortgage on the house in Seoul so I had to sell it and I moved city to where I'd be schooling. That's about it," Lee Hyunjin said.
Kim Jaehyun misunderstandings were being cleared one by one but the answers he received made the knot in his heart tighten. So what happened to Lee Hyunjin was suppressed by the directors...
There was just one more thing to clear up, "the grave, next to your parents... it had your name on it."
Lee Hyunjin finally realised something, this interrogation.... it's as if, "Sunbae did you think I died?" He asked with obvious surprise. When he saw Kim Jaehyun's face he could help but say, "no way... you really thought I—
Lee Hyunjin stopped talking, he felt it wasn't appropriate to make light of the situation, still for someone to have thought he died.
He thought everybody at J-Tech would forget about him at some point but there was a person who didn't.... Lee Hyunjin thought about how confused and worried Kim Jaehyun looked when they met at the entrance to Ifvnar.
Was it because he thought I died?
Lee Hyunjin didn't know if it was appropriate to but he felt grateful. Someone remembered him and not as 'jinyoungs mutant'. Someone was actually worried about him....
Lee Hyunjin said, "thank you."
A calm atmosphere settled in the room as Lee Hyunjins words settled into Kim Jaehyun's mind and then he spoke again, "about that grave..."
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