Chris: "Last time on Total Drama Action..." The cast "were able" to let loose by rocking it, shocking it, and trashing it like rock stars. With an appetite for destruction, Courtney won "invincibility," prompting none other than Lindsay to engineer a coup against Duncan. But when it came time to vote, Lindsay accidentally voted herself off the show. Will Beth survive without her BFF? "Will Owen ever start doing what I tell him to?" "All this and more on another thrilling episode of..." Total Drama Action.
James' POV
It's been a long day since the rock 'n roll challenge; as I was about to fall asleep, I suddenly felt something was on me!
James: Aahh!
I jumped out of my bed to see that there were snails all over me!
Duncan: *Laughing*
James: This is not funny, Duncan!
Duncan: Eh, your right. It isn't funny.
*Start of Confessional*
Duncan: "It's hilarious!"
*End of Confessional*
I then got every snail out of my bed and off of me; so they could get outside.
James: Alright, you little amigos. Off you go.
Suddenly, I felt something on my shoulder; I looked at it to see that it was another snail.
James: You two, little one. As much as I like snails, I have to let you go.
Duncan: Oh boy.
*Start of Confessional*
James: "Alright, Duncan has got to go! I know it would make it two guys and two girls left in the contest, but it would also piss off Courtney."
*End of Confessional*
James: *Yawns* Well, goodnight.
I then closed my eyes and went to sleep only to wake up to a sudden gong ringing loudly. I see that all of us are outside in the middle of the woods.
Beth: What?!
Owen: Holy pizza pockets. Where the heck are we?
Duncan: *Sniffs the air* Oh, man. We're back at Camp Wawanakwa!
We suddenly hear mystical music as the wind blows at us when we see Chris floating in a lotus position to us.
Owen: No way!
Duncan: Whoa!
Chris then performed some Kung Fu moves while floating, and when he finished, we all saw that he was using wires the whole time.
Duncan: Wires! I take back my whoa.
Chris: Honorable competitors. Welcome to the Total Drama Kung Fu Reward Challenge. Shot on location here in the beautiful Japanese woods. Today, we pit girls against boys.
Courtney: No fair, the guys outnumber us three to two.
Chris: Gear down, Courtney. Only two of the boys are competing today. "Owen earned himself a penalty last night when he snuck offset to...uh...go..."
Suddenly, an intern tossed a skateboard to Chris as he caught it.
Chris: Skateboarding.
Owen: What? I never ride something with wheels that small.
Chris: *Gives skateboard to Owen* Yes. You. Would.
Owen: Oh, you mean last night, last night. Right. Ha-ha, yeah. "I...uh...flagged a taxi and went into town to hit the skate part." Check out this gnarly fakey seven-twenty trick.
Owen then gets on the skateboard, only to break with him falling to the ground.
Owen: "...Okay, I grabbed a burger."
Beth: I can see that.
James: Yeah, that makes sense.
*Start of Confessional*
Owen: "Chris wants me to spy on the two teams and pick one to sabotage, which bites. I only agreed to be a mole cause they offered me enough cash to pay off my mom's debt on that cheese cellar. And I hate being so sneaky and unrepented. But getting out of challenges rules. *Chuckles*."
*End of Confessional*
Chris: In Kung Fu movies, actors train with stunt choreographers before they film their fight scenes. So today, each team will have a trainer and a fighter. Pick your roles and train as hard as you can in a Kung Fu style of your choice. *Japanese Accent* "The battle begins when noble heron flies east."
Duncan: And in "human," that would be?
Chris: Four hours.
Chris then puts on the wire he took off earlier.
Chris: May the best "Fu" win. Excelsior.
The wire then sends Chris flying out of here.
James: There are tons of fighting styles to choose from; Dragon, Tiger, Snake, and so on.
Duncan: Great, you can be the fighter.
*Start of Confessional*
Duncan: "It's about time I get some payback, and I'm more than happy to do it while I teach him. "Of course, the best way to learn how to throw a punch is to get punched..." Repeatedly."
*End of Confessional*
"Later..."
Duncan then takes me to the film lot parking garage for me to clean the Lame-O-Sine.
Duncan: Come on, come on. Work those pecks. Get in the "Zen Zone" with it.
Chris: Can you make him wax my car too?
Duncan: Which one's yours?
Chris: All of them.
I then looked at the parking lot to see a lot of cars.
Chris and Duncan: *Laughs*
I then threw a bucket of water at Duncan as it soaked him.
James: *Laughs*
Duncan then jumps at me, and we start beating each other up.
"Later..."
After twenty minutes of beating up each other, I started doing push-ups with Duncan standing on my back. I also see Beth is also doing push-ups, with Courtney directing her. Courtney sees us and places a large rock on Beth's back, and then she gets on top of it. Duncan then gets off me and heads off somewhere as I start to do my push-ups faster, but Duncan comes back while riding a moose and puts it on my back, and I am in absolute pain right now.
Duncan: Be one with the pain.
"Later..."
After recovering from the moose push-up incident, I'm at a picnic with Duncan coming with a tray with a lid on it. He then places it down and offers me chopsticks.
James: Lunchtime already?
Duncan: It's an exercise for your reflexes. You can eat whatever you catch.
James: "...wait a minute." "What do you mean by..."
Before I could finish my question, Duncan lifted the lid to reveal a swarm of bees, which immediately started to attack me as I screamed.
*Start of Confessional*
Duncan: "How was I supposed to know the bees would swarm him? It was supposed to be a lesson from Muhammad Ali, right?" "Float like a butterfly, sting like a bee."
*End of Confessional*
"Later..."
After recovering from the bees, Duncan sets up a punching bag with a drawing of him on it.
Duncan: The key to landing a "powerful blow" is motivation. "If you want to hit "something" bad enough, nothing will stand in your way." Okay, so try and hit me.
I then punched the punching bag with all my strength.
Duncan: Weak.
I then punched the punching bag again.
Duncan: Lame.
I then started punching it repeatedly.
Duncan: Are you even trying? *Sighs* Come on, Grandma. My cat punches harder. "...Did I mention I kissed Gwen?"
James: "!" *Angry Growl*
I then punched a hole into the punching bag and started choking Duncan for saying that.
Duncan: "...kay." Better, better.
"Later..."
After all that training, it was time for the challenge. We then head to where the challenge is, which is a Kung Fu temple. Suddenly, Chris appeared out of nowhere and started playing a pan flute for a brief moment.
Chris: Most holy competitors. Welcome to the Total Drama Kung Fu Showdown.
Suddenly, we see that Chef is running on top of trees. He then comes down and uses a samurai sword to cut up the Chinese screen divider to reveal two fighting robot suits.
Everyone: *Gasps*
Chris: See, the fighters go in the robot suits, and the trainers operate them with these joysticks.
James: So you're telling me that all the training we did was for nothing!
Chris: It's a lesson in Zen, oh, student.
Chris then tosses two Atari-like controllers to Courtney and Duncan.
Chris: Two minutes till the match begins. Suit up, fighters.
I then got into my robot suit while Beth got into hers. It's so tight; that I can slightly breathe in it.
Duncan: Hey, James. Stop kicking yourself.
Duncan then uses his controller to make the robot kick me repeatedly.
Chris: Enough practice. When the beautiful geisha sounds the gong, the match will begin.
We then see that Owen is "dressed up" as a geisha.
James: Um, Chris. I think you're mixing up your cultures. Geishas are Japanese, while Kung Fu is Chinese.
"Duncan then uses his controller to make the robot kick me...again."
Chris: Thank you, Duncan.
Duncan: "My pleasure, dude."
Owen: Watch out for Beth's powerhouse kick. It's a killer.
Duncan: Thanks, Miss Owen.
Owen: Come on, we're a team. "You're the only ones getting any inside info."
James: Thanks for the intel, man.
Owen: *Muffled giggles*
Courtney: *Loud whistle* Over here.
Owen then goes off to the girl's side; I wondered what they wanted from him. Eventually, he hit the gong.
Chris: Let the match begin.
Duncan then used his controller to move me towards Beth as Courtney did the same thing. Once we got close enough in fighting distance, Duncan made me kick Beth.
Beth: Ow!
James: Sorry.
Courtney then used her controller to make Beth punch me.
James: Ow! That hurts!
Duncan then used his controller to make me punch Beth in the stomach.
Beth: "My belly button "just" went from an outie to an innie."
Duncan and Courtney then started using their controllers to make us beat the crap out of each other.
James: I am so sorry!
Courtney then made Beth kick me the peanuts.
James: "Oh..." "The peanuts...it hurts..."
Duncan: This means war!
Duncan then used his controller to make me propel towards Beth. Courtney attempts to respond to the attack, but she breaks her controller.
Beth: Please let my death be one of the faster, less painful ones.
The punch then lands on Beth as it breaks her robot suit.
Chris: Ooh. "That's got to hurt." Think she's still alive? Come on back and find out. Medic!
Owen then went over to Beth to check if she was okay.
Owen: "Wakey, wakey."
As Beth woke up, she took a fan from Courtney and used it to slap Owen in the face.
Owen: Ow, that's "smarts."
Chris: "And the winners are...the boys."
James and Duncan: Yes!
Courtney: No! Aargh. Unbelievable!
James: "Uh...Chris." Can I please get out of this now? I can't breathe.
Suddenly, Chef used his sword to free me from the robot suit.
James: *Scream* Oh my god!
*Start of Confessional*
James: "Has Chef lost his mind too?! I'm starting to think he's trying to kill me!"
*End of Confessional*
Chris: "The guys have won the first challenge, and they'll be continuing "on" to compete for the reward." Girls, you're gone. Here's where things get interesting.
Duncan: Aargh! I hate when he says interesting. It always means painful.
Chris: Correction. Exciting means "painful." Interesting always means "life-threatening."
Beth and Courtney: Yes!
James and Duncan: *Groan*
Chris: Each of you must carry a glass of water to the top of the tallest mountain in Japan, Mount Banshee.
We then looked up to see that it was the cliff we jumped off last season.
Chris: "There," you'll find a Bonsai tree guarded by a mysterious Kung Fu master. Try not to spill any water on your way up. You'll need it to brew Kung Fu tea as payment for the Bonsai. And if there isn't enough water to fill the master's sacred cup, you'll wish you were wearing a "sacred cup."
Chris then dropped a glass cup as "Duncan and I" covered our peanuts.
Chris: The first guy to bring the Bonsai back down the mountain alive wins. And as an "added" bonus, our lovely geisha will act as a guide and loyal manservant during your deadly climb.
Owen: Huh?
Chris: As for the girls, you're "sentenced" to Zen lessons, Aka kitchen duty.
Beth: *Exclaims*
Courtney: That is so unfair!
Chef then pokes Beth with his sword's scabbard.
Chef: March, two, three, four. March, two, three, four. Let's go. Ease up.
"Later..."
After getting a glass cup of water, we see how high we have to climb.
James: This is going to suck.
Duncan: "Ugh, let's get this over with."
Owen: "Right behind you." "Just got to tighten my laces."
And so Duncan and I started climbing up the mountain carefully to keep our glasses full of water.
James: "You know, this would be better if this entire thing weren't a challenge."
Duncan: Stupid water glass. Sacred Bonsai tree, my butt.
Suddenly, we see that Owen is climbing way faster than we are.
Duncan: Whoa. Since when are you part mountain goat?
Owen: It's the geisha shoes. They make me feel light as air. *Giggles*
"I then see that Owen was "actually" lifted by a rope to look like he was climbing better than us."
Audience POV
James and Duncan were climbing to the point that they were exhausted.
Duncan: *Panting*
Owen: Know what would be funny? Spilling James' water glass on his crotch. *Giggles*
Duncan: No thanks.
Owen: Why not?
Duncan: "I just don't feel like it."
Owen: Okay, dokie smokie. But let me know if you change your mind.
Owen then went over to James, where he was catching his breath.
Owen: Psst. Duncan's barely holding his water glass. "If you pull out your righteous left hook of yours..."
James: Not interested. Me, Duncan, this glass of water, and this mountain, we all have one thing in common. "We don't want to fall..."
"Suddenly, James lost his footing for a moment where his glass of water was gonna spill, but Duncan caught him just in time to stop his glass from spilling."
Duncan: Oh, got you.
James: Thanks, Duncan.
Duncan: Your killer left hook's what got us here. It's the least I can do. Anyway, you would have done the same for me.
James: You're right; since this is a reward challenge, we can help each other and split it fifty-fifty.
Duncan: That's not a bad idea, teammate.
Owen: Ooh. You guys are "actually" using, like, teamwork. Sweet.
Suddenly, Owen is then hoisted up the mountain by Chris.
Chris: It ain't called "Total "Teamwork" Action." You got to stir up some juice for our bloodthirsty fans back home.
Owen: Oh, yeah.
Chris: If you don't break up the love fest, we'll send you straight home. And forget about the money we promised you.
Chris then told the operator to lower Owen back down to the guys.
Duncan: Left, right. Left, pull. "Left, right. Left, pull."
Owen: *Whispering* "How the heck am I going to break up this dynamic duo?" They are so gosh darn "dynamic."
Owen thinks to himself for a moment until he just remembered something that would make James hate Duncan for the rest of the game.
Owen: Hey James, did you miss Gwen after she got eliminated?
James: Gwen? Why are you asking me about Gwen?
Owen: Well, it seemed "like" you were mad at her after learning what she did to her team.
James: "I wasn't mad at her." I was angry that she lied to me about the cheating Trent did. And I was mad at you, Lindsay and Beth for lying to me. But all of that is in the past now. If you don't mind, I want to get back to climbing.
James then started climbing again to catch up to Duncan. Eventually, Both of them almost made it to the top.
Owen: So James, what do you miss most about Gwen?
James: Owen, why are you still talking about her? She lost because she gave up a victory for us, all because Trent sabotaged us to lose on purpose.
Duncan: *Snickers*
Owen: Yeah, that was partially my fault since I told him that "girls like winning."
James: You did what now?!
Owen: Yeah, that was some bad advice from me.
James: Well, it was only an accident. It wasn't your fault that Gwen broke up with Trent.
Owen: Yeah, your right. It wasn't my fault. "...It was Duncan's fault."
Duncan: What?!
James: What are you talkin' about, Owen?
Owen: "Wait...you seriously don't know?!" Did Courtney not tell you?!
James: Tell me what?
Owen: Gwen broke up with Trent because Duncan messed with her heart with her crush on you!
James: Say what?!
Duncan: Don't listen to him! He has no proof!
Owen: There's tons of proof! It was the main topic for the first episode of the Total Drama Aftermath Show!
James and Duncan: There's an Aftermath show?!
Owen: That's right, everyone from last season and those who got eliminated from the game were there and saw everything about what "really" happened between Trent and Gwen, all because of what Duncan did.
Duncan: You better shut up, tubby!
James: What did Duncan do, Owen? What did he do?!
Owen: Remember Trent's weird obsession with the number nine?
James: "Don't tell me..."
Owen: He used that to mess with Gwen's heart!
Duncan: "You little..."
James then snatched Duncan's glass of water from his hand and splashed his face with it.
Duncan: "What the...?"
James then sucker punched Duncan with his left hand, knocking him out.
James: That was for Trent!
James then stomped on Duncan's peanuts as he screamed in pain.
James: And that was for Gwen!
James then ran on ahead to the top.
Owen: Sorry, Duncan.
Owen then rushed off to catch up to James as they made it to the top, where the Sasquatchanakwa dressed as a Kung Fu master came out of the cave and roared at them.
Owen: *Screams*
James: Silence! You want water for your tea! *Pours out water* Then get it yourself!
*Start of Confessional*
Sasquatchanakwa: "Not Cool!"
*End of Confessional*
James: *Drops Glass* Come on! *Crane Kick Pose*
Sasquatchanakwa was about to attack James until he performed The Crane Kick and kicked it in its jaw, knocking it down to the ground. James then used the opportunity to get the Bonsai tree and ran away from the quickly recovered Sasquatchanakwa.
James: Go go go go go!
Owen: Wait up!
Owen was about to run away until Sasquatchanakwa showed up behind him.
Owen: Hello, friend.
Sasquatchanakwa then attacks Owen as it tears his costume apart.
James' POV
"Later..."
After getting back to the Film Lot, I start to enjoy my reward of a delicious Chinese dinner.
Owen: More Kung Fu noodle soup, "Master?"
James: Thank you.
Owen: And I won't even eat till you're all full. Swearsies.
Owen then walks off to try to slurp in some of the noodle soup without me looking at him.
Owen: "Oh, taste like...poisonous blowfish."
Owen then collapsed onto the floor after the poison in the noodle soup kicked in.
Courtney: More tea, best friend?
Beth: After you, best friend.
Courtney and Beth: *Laughs*
Beth: Have you ever thought about the two of us forming a girl alliance?
Courtney: Great idea!
I then finished up my meal and decided to call it a night.
"To Be Continued..."