Chris: "Last time on Total Drama Action..." We learned that war movies are brutal! At first, our contestants were flying high. But tensions soon ran deep when Grips couldn't capture the footlocker to win the challenge, despite the inspiring leadership of Admiral Lindsay, Her Hotness. And while the Gaffers technically won that battle, you have to "wonder" if they lost the war because their "biggest" conflict is still with each other. "In the end, even though Owen's jaw was "wired shut," his heart was wide open as he faced a plus-sized voting tragedy." Was it time for Izzy to go? Again? Uh, yeah! That girl is a complete whackjob! You keep coming back for the explosive drama; I keep coming back for the perks. Car chase this week! And with only eight contestants left, the engines are on, and the stereo is "set" to thump to the catchy opening theme song. It's time for some more Total. Drama. Action!
Audience POV
Every contestant except James is in the Craft Services Tent eating breakfast. Duncan is carving pictures onto the table, with Heather looking at him.
Duncan: What?
Heather: Vandal. Nerd.
Harold: *Blows Raspberry*
Leshawna: We have to all stop acting like babies, or every one of us is going home.
*Start of Confessional*
Harold: "Ever since Leshawna sold us all up the river for a day at the spa, I've finally come to "see" that she's only looking out for herself. Of course, if I looked like that, I'd probably just look at myself all day, "too." Uh, but she's a bad, selfish person! Bad! So bad..."
*End of Confessional*
Heather: Come on, you guys. What Leshawna did is for the best. Nobody needs a day at the spa-like "she does." "In fact," you could write a tell-all book about her hairdo called: "Weave Got Problems."
Leshawna: Nobody's "gonna" argue with her?
Harold: Sounds like an entertaining read.
Leshawna: I'm going back to the trailer.
Leshawna then got up from her seat and started heading outside.
Duncan: Try not to let the door hit your butt on the way out!
Heather: Door? It's a tent, idiot boy.
Duncan: Uh, it's a figure of speech?
Harold: "What you should've said was don't let the flap fluttery..."
Heather and Duncan: Shut up, Harold.
Leshawna: "They're gonna pay." "Leshawna's revenge..."
Suddenly, Leshawna got bagged by an intern and taken off-screen.
Beth: I feel so lucky to "still" be here.
Owen: And I am back on track! My jaw's unwired and back in business! I can finally eat like "normal people!" Hahaha!
Owen then takes his plate of bacon and eggs and devours them completely.
Lindsay: Or like thirty "normal people."
Owen: *Gulps* Say, where's James? He never misses breakfast.
Beth: It's the scar he got from the last challenge.
Owen: Oh yeah.
Beth: He was lucky that piece of glass didn't hit his eye. Or he would have been one-eyed for the rest of his life. But that scar under his eye makes him look cool!
Suddenly, something sharp cuts into the top of the tent and creates a hole, with Chris descends into the tent on a rope.
Beth: What an entrance!
Chris: Consider it a hint as to this week's movie genre!
Duncan: Is it lame 'o rock climbing, wannabe host movies?
Chris: No, this week we're paying tribute to the action-packed bank-heist gangster caper film!
Owen: Uh, Chris, our team still has a teammate who hasn't eaten breakfast yet.
Heather: Well, our other teammate just went back to the trailer. But we don't care.
Chris: James and Leshawna are gone, people, because rescuing them is the first part of your challenge.
Beth: *Gasps*
Lindsay: *Gasps*
Owen: *Gasps*
Lindsay: *Gasps*
Duncan: *Yawns* Oh, pardon me.
Chris: They've both been "locked up" in state-of-the-art safes, along "with" all the tools each team will need to commit a movie-perfect bank robbery. Your job is to crack the safes, rescue your teammates, grab the equipment, and try to be the first ones to rob the First National Bank of Chris. Let's kick it, gangstas!
James' POV
James: "...Ugh..." "My head..." What happened?
"I then looked around to see that I was inside...a bank vault?!"
James: Hello?! Is anybody out there! Anybody!? Somebody get me out of here!
After shouting for about a minute or two, I looked around the room to find something to get me out of here. I then see my MP3 player on the floor and pick it up. When I looked at it, I saw the scar on my face from the screen's reflection.
James: "Oh..." Why did it have to be me?
I then look around to see some bank robbing tools for some reason.
James: *Sighs* I might be in here for a while.
I laid back, started to relax, and began listening to my MP3 Player.
?: James! Can you hear me!
I then looked around to see a vent. Is someone trying to call for me?
James: Hello?
?: James! It's me, Beth!
James: Beth! Oh, thank goodness. I honestly thought that I was going to be stuck in here forever. Now get me out of here!
Beth: We can't. We don't know the combination to the safe.
James: Well, hang on, maybe the combo to get me out might be inside here with me.
Beth: Okay.
I then looked around the room to check for anything that could help me get out of here. I then found an unlocked safety deposit box and opened it to find a combo on it.
James: I think I found it.
Beth: Really?
James: Try Twenty-six, Seven, Fifteen.
Beth: Got it.
Beth then goes to try the combination that I gave her, and it works! The vault starts to open up with her, Owen, and Lindsay outside, although Owen seems way hungrier than he usually is.
James: You did it!
Owen: Chicken! Hey, I don't remember you looking so crispy.
James "...Why is Owen looking at me like that?"
Beth: We tried to unleash the power of Owen to get the vault open.
James: You shouldn't make him hungry. He's like the incredible hulk when you make him hungry.
Beth: We realize that now.
James: So why was I locked in that vault?
Beth: We're doing a Bank Robbing Challenge. We need to get some bank robbing tools in the vault with you.
James: "So that's what this bag is for..."
Beth: Then let's go rob a bank before Owen tries to eat us. Wow! There's something I never thought I'd say.
Lindsay: We are such good safecrackers.
Owen: Mmm, crackers.
And so we headed towards a bank until I saw that Owen was slowing down.
James: Hey, out of curiosity, did you guys save me some breakfast?
Beth: No. Why?
James: Cause I think you should have because Owen is almost ready to faint.
Suddenly, Owen collapses onto the ground and starts shivering.
Owen: Mama. Did you bring me some new shoes? *Laughs* Huh? Oh.
We all looked at him and saw that he's gone deranged.
James: We need to get some food into him now! All I have are these Mint Flavored Tic Tacs I take every morning.
I then poured all of my Tic Tacs into Owen's mouth as he swallowed them.
Owen: Mmm, Minty.
Lindsay: Well, these lip-glosses are pineapple and cherry flavor.
Lindsay then tosses her lip-glosses into Owen's mouth and swallows them too.
Owen: Oh, eating fruit is so healthy!
Beth: "If the smell of chicken cologne didn't work the first time, then maybe..."
Beth then pours what seems like what caused Owen to hulk out into his mouth.
Owen: *Gasps* I'm sensing a hint of barnyard fowl, with an overtone of "egg."
James: It worked!
I then looked around to see that our Bank Robbing kit was suddenly gone?!
James: Where's our Bank Robbing kit?!
Owen: *Burps*
We all then looked at Owen, wondering if he ate them when we weren't looking.
Owen: I didn't eat them! We must've lost them on the way.
James: Forget it. We'll have to do this without the tools.
We then make it to the teller's desk to see that the Gaffers have already beaten us here without Leshawna. Did they leave her in their vault to crack? "I also see that Chris is here with..." Courtney?! What is she even doing here?!
Chris: "Teams...it is my..."honor"...to report that Courtney is back for the "duration" of the game." And we're all "exceedingly happy" about it.
Heather: She got booted out fair and square.
Courtney: Sorry, Heather. But "myself" and the law firm of Fleckman and Fleckman, Cohen, and Strauss would beg to differ. "We filed a wrongful dismissal lawsuit against the producers...and won."
Harold: Good news, eh, Duncan?
Duncan then shoves Harold to the ground.
Chris: "So, Courtney, since you were our bank teller in the challenge...great job, by the way...you get to decide which team deserves to win first prize." Your bag of loot.
Chris then tosses a bag to Courtney.
Courtney: The choice is obvious. It's Duncan. "I mean...the Gaffers." "Since they were the only team that managed to get to my wicket." Congratulations!
Duncan: Thank you?
Heather: I've seen manlier men trying on women's shoes.
Chris: So, this means the Killer Grips win "second prize!"
James: What's the second prize?
Chris: Courtney! For the rest of the game! "Or...until "she's" eliminated!"
*Start of Confessional*
Courtney: "Those Total Drama dirtbags have some nerve making "me" second place!" "They will "definitely" be hearing from my lawyer...again."
*End of Confessional*
Chris: So, Grips, Gaffers, your getaway cars are waiting. Better get a move on before the cops arrive. That means go!
And so we started running to where our getaway cars were waiting for us.
Harold: Getaway cars are always "cool!" That's the rule of heist movies!
James: Maybe it's a Lamborghini from Furious Eight!?
Lindsay: Or those groovy Mini Coopers!
Beth: I'm hoping for a Porsche.
As we arrived at our getaway vehicle, we saw that it was in pieces.
James: What is this?
*Car honking "I Wanna Be Famous"*
We then see Chris arriving in his car.
Chris: These are your getaway cars, just waiting to be "assembled."
Heather: This is so not hot.
Chris: If the vehicles were ready to go, it wouldn't be much of a challenge now, would it?
Everyone: *Groan*
Chris then drives off and crashes the car he was driving.
"Later..."
While trying to put this thing together, we see the Gaffers have finished already, revealing them to be go-karts.
Harold: They're not even getaway cars! They're go-karts!
Duncan: Stop whining and gimme the lugnuts.
Heather: You're not bad at this.
Duncan: It's just like stripping a car, except in reverse.
I then looked at Duncan as he placed the last tire into the go-kart. But then he accidentally stabs his hand.
Duncan: *Shrieks*
James: *Laughs*
Courtney: Ignore the sideshow and start putting together the chassis!
James: Since when are you the one giving the orders?
Courtney: Since now!
James: "Ugh...fine...whatever..."
Courtney: Quit whining. How did I get stuck over here? Where are the others, anyway?!
James: Beat's me.
"Later..."
After working on our go-kart, we see that the Gaffers have already finished working on theirs.
Duncan: Hey, Courtney! Maybe you'll get to see more than just the back of me when the teams merge!
Courtney: At this point, I'd take it.
Heather: Let's go, Casanova.
The Gaffer then drove off in their go-kart.
James: We're doomed.
Courtney: We are not doomed! "We need to be starting this challenge yesterday!" Where are our wheels? Where is our team?!
Beth: Here we are!
We then see Beth, Lindsay, and Owen walking back to us.
Beth: We had to rewire his jaw with my "spare" hair elastics. "But that's the good news..."
Courtney: W-What's the "bad?"
Lindsay: These are "kinda toast."
We then see Lindsay pull out the wheels we need are now totaled because of Owen.
Owen: Toast!
Beth then slaps Owen to stop him from thinking of food.
Courtney: No wheels does not mean it's over for us! We are going to have to improvise!
And so, we picked up every part of the go-kart and started running toward the finish line.
Courtney: Faster, you deadbeats! The teams aren't called "The Gaffers" and "The Slackers!" Now move! Mush, mush!
Beth: Mush? We're not "sled dogs!"
Courtney: Of course, you aren't. Because if you were, this one would've eaten you!
Owen then starts to look at Beth and "I" as we "both" begin to worry. While running, we see that the Gaffers have run out of gas as we pass them.
Courtney: I knew I could win this. Even with a team of complete duds!
James: Hey!
Courtney: Faster! Faster!
While we were running, our go-kart suddenly fell apart entirely when we almost crossed the finish line.
Courtney: Ahh! I will not be "second place!"
The Gaffers soon passed the finish line while pushing their go-kart with their hands.
Chris: Wanna bet? First off, I'd like to congratulate both teams for "choosing" to go green. But in the end, the Gaffers are the winners!
Heather, Harold, and Duncan: *Cheering*
Chris: That means I'll be seeing the Grips at tonight's Gilded Chris ceremony. And Gaffers, even though you committed the anything but perfect crime, you "get" to enjoy "victory." And your bag of loot.
"Night Time..."
Chris: The time has come! Like always, Killer Grips, one member of your team will not be receiving a coveted Gilded Chris made of the finest Belgian chocolate.
Owen's stomach then starts growling as his mouth opens forcefully to break the wires in his mouth, with Courtney getting hit by one of the pieces.
Chris: But not like always, and this is important to remember! This week, according to our lawyers, none of you are allowed to vote off Courtney! "You got that, dudes?" This show can't afford any more lawsuits! My massage budget has been "sliced in half."
We then cast our votes as Chef comes down on a rope to give Chris the results.
Chris: "Gilded Chris Awards go to..." Beth. Lindsay. James.
Beth, Lindsay, and I get our Gilded Chris Awards.
Chris: Why do I have four votes to boot out Courtney when I specifically said you couldn't?
James: I guess we couldn't help ourselves.
Lindsay: No matter what, my finger would only press the Courtney button.
Chris: Well, that leaves us with one vote that counts.
Courtney: Owen, you've been eliminated.
James: This is bull!
Lindsay: She can't do that!
Owen then gets up and walks toward Chris.
Chris: Sorry, bud. No chocolate Chris award for you.
Owen: Not even an ear?
James, Lindsay, and Beth: Speech, speech, speech!
Courtney: He lost the game for us, guys. Hello!
Chris: Anything in your contract to stop him from speaking?
Courtney: "Um...no." "But..."
Chris: "Then...a little light for my friend here!"
Owen: *Chuckles* Wow! "I'd like to thank the academy!"
Chris: The Academy of the Gilded Chris. Trademark patented and all mine.
Owen: This has been the role of a lifetime! Thanks to James, who inspired me "every" day with his physical endurance and hot dogginess. To Lindsay, who is also beautiful, in a soda poppy "kind of way." To Beth, who motivated me with her delicious, crispy skin, and her tender, juicy goodness. "To Chris, who also smells di..."
*Gilded Chris theme begins playing*
Owen: What? No! No, you can't play me off yet! To my mom, who let me quit piano lessons! To my brothers! I'm sorry for scamming your Halloween candy.
Lindsay: We love you, Owen!
James: Take this "Chocolate Chris" with you, buddy!
We then threw him our Gilded Chris Awards as he caught two of them with his hands while catching the third one with his mouth.
Owen: "Mmm...Ha, I love this game."
Chris: And that wraps up another totally "dramatic" episode with absolutely no loose ends to tie up. Isn't that right, Chef?
Chef: Hm. Nope.
Chris: Nah. "Didn't think so."
"To Be Continued..."