Chris: "Last time on Total Drama Action..." "Fourteen teenagers..." "One engaging host..." "A dilapidated film lot..." "And a whole lot of coin! Ka-ching!" Oh, and did I mention a remote-controlled monster? Ha-ha-ha-ha! I love this show. Some fared better than others. Owen ran for his life but didn't make it very far until he chowed down on fake food props and scored the reward, first pick of the cast trailers. Shockingly, Owen picked the wrong one. The girl's hopes of victory were crushed, along with their new digs. Who will be one step closer to the million bucks? "Find out on another thrilling episode of..." Total Drama Action!
James' POV
We're all in the Craft Services Tent, waiting to be "served" breakfast. Well, most of us. And most of us look in disgust as Geoff and Bridgette make out in front of everyone.
Duncan: Keep the line movin', lovebirds!
Geoff and Bridgette then walk over to their table. They don't even take a break while they continue to kiss each other. Over and over and over again.
DJ: More eggs and bacon for me. Keep "'em" coming, Chef.
Chef: Grrr!
DJ then gets out of the way, not wanting to face Chef Hatchet's wrath.
Duncan: Forgot how hungry I got last week, eating on Chris' wrecked schedule.
Gwen: I know. "Got to the point where I'd kill for Chef's disgusting food." No offense, Chef.
Chef: None "taken."
Chef Hatchet then drops Gwen's scrambled eggs on purpose.
Duncan: You can have my burnt toast, "bigmouth."
Gwen: Judging from that gut, I thought you'd be all over the extra carbs.
Duncan: Ha-ha-ha-ha! Nice.
Trent: You can have my toast, Gwen.
Gwen: Thanks, but I can't take enemy toast.
Trent: Enemies? We're not enemies.
Duncan: In this game, we're all enemies.
Trent: Except for "Me and Gwen." I'll always have her back, no matter what.
Gwen: "Right back at you, babe."
Duncan: I'll remind you two of that when the money's "divvied up."
We then see Owen walking up to Chef, not feeling too good.
Owen: Ugh. No eggs and bacon for me, Chef. "I'll just have this..." *Retches* "...a nice bowl of prunes."
Everyone: *Gasp*
Owen: What?
*Start of Confessional*
James: "Owen's "actually" eating healthy foods! We're in trouble."
Owen: "My, uh... plumbing's been "clogged," ever since I ate all those fake food props. Pressure build-up's killing me. *Rumbling* Come on, colon, don't fail me now! *Squeaks* Oh, I hear bells."
*End of Confessional*
Soon, we see Chris walk in, wearing a red beret and a red ascot, while also holding a green backpack in his hand.
Chris: "Welcome to day two of..." "Total Drama Action!"
As he says "action," he takes out a clapboard and snaps it shut.
Duncan: Are you "gonna" do that every time?
Chris: Yes. Yes, I will.
Duncan: All right, then.
Chris: Today's movie genre, aliens! Our unpaid interns have been hard at work, figuring out what makes an alien movie successful. Chef?
Chef: You got three basic rules. Aliens want to take over the world and start making "lots" of baby aliens. "People fight back." Then the military's called in.
Chef then takes his spoon full of mystery sludge and whips it in Owen's face.
Chef: Yo, Chris! Where's my paycheck "at?"
Chris: "It's...in the mail."
Chef growls as Chris moves on with his instructions. He opens up the backpack and takes out a map.
Chris: "Today's challenge, find an alien egg and return to home base before mama alien finds you." The two fastest get to pick the teams this season.
Duncan: Sorry, losers, but no one knows alien movies the way I do. The more obscure, the better.
Gwen: I'm "gonna" blend up those no-good aliens and have "'em" for breakfast.
Duncan: Dude! "Alien Chunks" is my favorite alien movie of all time.
Gwen: Me too. I've seen it twenty-seven times.
Duncan: Fifty-three.
Gwen: You'll be tough to beat. But I have my lucky charm.
*Start of Confessional*
Gwen: "I love the scene in Alien Chunks, where they turn aliens into fruity-blended drinks. I even have this necklace!"
Gwen then reveals a necklace to the camera.
James: "Are they even talking about a real alien movie? I mean, I'd love to see if it is."
*End of Confessional*
Trent: I like that movie where the aliens take over the government. "Take me to your leader!"
Duncan: Oh, "dude," you are so going down!
Trent: It was a good movie, "right?" Gwen?
Gwen: "Uh..."
James: Game over, Trent. Game Over.
Duncan: No way! You watched Alien Two?!
James: I did indeed. I even played Alein: Isolation.
Gwen: You played the game?!
James: I learn a thing or two from it.
DJ: Yo, Chris! You got some laser-shooting monster playing mama alien?
Chris: Not quite.
Just then, Chef walks out to all of us, wearing a ridiculous alien costume. It looks similar to the black one from the 'Alien' movie but more as a cheap, green knockoff.
Chris: You call that slime? Make-up! More "slime" over here!
Out of nowhere, green slime falls onto Chef, drowning him in green "slime."
Chef: I hate my life.
Chris: Here "are" your GPS devices, complete with maps of the film lot.
Chris digs into his bag and passes out IPads to a few people from both tables.
Chris: Find the alien eggs but be careful, "'cause" today you're all on Chef's menu.
Chef: Heh-heh-heh! Ha-ha-ha!
"Later..."
We all arrive and enter a strange metallic bunker. "A classic alien setting." The whole place is "filled" with multiple floors and ramps as "well" as many hidden rooms and too many turns to count. After a few minutes of walking through the halls, we start to hear a weird sucking noise. It echos throughout the metal walls, making the situation oddly eerie. Gwen, "who's" leading the group, turns around and tries to "shush" whoever is making that noise. Owen farts in response and is rather happy that his bowels are finally "turning back" to normal after all of that fake food he stuffed down.
Owen: Ah, yes! First one. Ha-ha-ha-ha! Smell it.
As soon as he notices that we're all looking at him, he immediately apologizes. The sucking noise gets louder and louder.
Trent: What is that?
We all turn to Beth, who would seem like the perfect candidate.
Beth: Ever since I got my braces off, I don't make that sound anymore.
Leshawna: Chris! That you?
Duncan: It must be Chef. "You want to run?" "Or you want to kick some alien butt?"
Gwen: Let's kick some alien butt.
Trent: Ahem!
Gwen: Trent, any thoughts?
Trent: "Yeah, let's..." Kick some alien butt!
Harold: So, who wants to go first?
James: I'll go. I'll stall some time for you guys.
Leshawna: You go, Boy!!!
James: Ready or not, Chef. "Here I..."
As soon I turn into the corner to where the sound is coming from, I see that it was just Bridgette and Geoff sucking face again.
James: ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME!? Geoff! Bridgette!
The others then see what I'm seeing.
Duncan: Ugh. Nice. Don't you two ever get sick of sucking "face?"
They both don't acknowledge our presence and continue making out against the wall.
Owen: "I'm thinking that's a no."
Gwen: Enough messing around. We've got alien eggs to capture.
*Start of Confessional*
Gwen: "I wasn't worried about Chef, alien costume or not. I mean, I did place second last season. I know "exactly" what I'm doing."
*End of Confessional*
We all stand in the same spot as before.
Gwen: Good thing we're all lined up in a row, huh?
Trent: Yeah, ready for Chef to pick us off one at a time.
Gwen: We've "really" got to work on our strategizing.
Just then, our IPads start going off. A flashing red light and the word danger appear on the screen. The "word" is also blaring out of it. We all start to get nervous.
Heather: Let's get out of here!
James: But which way do we go?
Lindsay: North is "nice," but East is "least." West is "best!"
Leshawna: "Can't argue with that." "Wouldn't even know how to."
So Me, Leshawna, Lindsay, and Beth all head down a ramp to the floor below.
"Later..."
We soon end up in a completely different part of the facility. We also see an open door not too far ahead.
Lindsay: "Um...how did we get here?"
James: We must have taken a wrong turn.
Lindsay: You are so "smart," James. And gorgeous!
James: "Um...Thank you?"
Suddenly, the door slams shut behind you.
Leshawna: I hate to be the bearer of big bad alien news, but I think this may be a trap.
Almost immediately after Leshawna finishes her sentence, fire sprinklers above us pour slime all over our bodies. I groan in annoyance as the girl shrieks in fear and disgust.
James: Ah! "What is this stuff made of!"
The door opens with Chef chuckling at how stupid we all look.
Chef: Head back to the trailers, losers!
We all hang our heads low as we exit the place and make our way to the trailers.
"Later..."
After about half an hour of waiting at the trailers where everyone else got eliminated, we see the "winners" of the challenge start to arrive. Gwen and Trent. They both huff and puff as they hold their alien eggs.
Chris: We have our two winners! Our only two winners! The rest of you "really" stink. As our winners, Gwen and Trent will now be able to pick their teams, which means they'll be competing against each other this season.
Trent: Oh, "dude," no!
Chris: Ha-ha-ha-ha! "Bet you didn't see that one coming!" "After we vote of two cast members, in the most thrilling Gilded Chris ceremony yet..."
We all gasped at what Chris "just" said.
Chris: Yes, you heard me. I said two. I'm "liking" the twos today. "Must be Tuesday."
We all rolled our eyes.
Chris: Yeah, I don't get paid to write this show.
"Night Time..."
We all sit in similar bleachers from the island, facing a "huge" stage. Chris, "who is dressed" in a blue suit and red bowtie, comes up on stage and declares that it's time for you to cast "our" votes.
Chris: It's time to cast your votes. Under your seats, you'll find your voting devices.
We all quick look under your seats and pull the devices out. A picture of each camper is rolling on the screen like the end credits of a movie. Next to the "pictures" are a check box.
Chris: "Just press the button of the person you want to be "voted" off." Oh, and no peeking, or it's "Na-na!" 🎶 Na-Na-Na-Na! Hey, Hey! Goodbye! 🎶 Ha-ha-ha!
Soon, we all make our decisions and cast our votes. Only a few minutes go by before Chris announces that the "votes" have been "cast." Chef, then come onto the stage holding a plate of Guilded Chris'. His attire is more laughable as he wears a sparkly pink dress, high heels, earrings, a necklace, and a sparkling pink chef's hat. As he walks over to Chris, explaining that getting a Guilded Chris will keep you safe from elimination, we all can't help but laugh and snicker and chuckle at the grown man in a dress.
Chris: "And the Gilded Chris go to..." Trent, Gwen, Harold, Duncan, and Izzy.
Izzy: E-Scope!
Chris: Fine. E-Scope. Lindsay, James, and Beth are also safe.
Suddenly, Lindsay and Beth hugged me tightly.
Lindsay and Beth: Yay!
A Gilded Chris then hits Lindsay in the head. Beth then lets go of me to catch her Gilded Chris; while I "caught" mine.
Chris: So is Owen! My man!
Owen: Aw, thanks, Chris. Ha-ha-ha! And thanks, Chef, for doing what the prunes couldn't.
Chris: Next is DJ. Surprisingly, Heather. "And last but not least..." "...Leshawna!"
Leshawna: Yeah!
Leshawna pulls in both Geoff and Bridgette for a celebratory hug, not realizing what she's doing.
Leshawna: Opps, my bad!
Leshawna then gets her Gilded Chris.
Bridgette: But-but I thought everyone liked us.
Duncan: "Liked" being the "operative word."
*Start of Confessional*
Duncan: "I know "exactly" who's "gonna" get it this week. *Imitates Kissing Noises*."
Lindsay: "Two words: Bridgette and Geoff."
James: "Usually. Love comes and goes. "But today..." Love is going away."
DJ: "At least they'll have each other."
*End of Confessional*
Chris: Any final words?
Geoff and Bridgette smile at each other and, of course, start making out.
Duncan: Get a room already!
Lindsay: Cutest couple ever!
Chris sends the two to the Walk of Shame, leading them to Lame-O-Sine. They walk down the red carpet, not breaking apart their streak of kisses. They fall in the car and shut the door.
Chris: Who will Gwen and Trent pick for their team? Will Izzy ever answer to her actual name? Will Owen finally get some lunch?
Owen: Thank you!
Chris: "Tune in next time, for another episode of..." "Total Drama Action!"
"To Be Continued..."