Zombie -bad wolves
Violetta POV
I woke up in my usual bed sheets, but not alone. Beside me was Henry lying asleep. After coming back from the Nina wedding reception and back to the states he has been more attentive. When he proposed to me, it definitely got me by surprise, even though I knew it was coming. Some part of me couldn't believe it. Moreover cause I didn't expect it from him. We came back, and it's been like 3 months. After what happened at Nina wedding I blocked Marcus. I didn't wanted any connection with him. Remember him just makes me sad, cry and reminisce. But, still I couldn't get him out of my head. Everything reminded me of him.
I looked down on the diamond ring on my finger.
You said yes, remember?
I did.
But why I feel like something is missing?
All I ever wanted was to fall in love, marry the man I love, then why I am not satisfied or happy when all my dreams are coming true?
Henry moaned and got up from his sleep.
"Hey beautiful, good morning. " he kissed my lips. I smiled. "Sleep okay?" He asked me.
"Yeah I did."
He looked at the time. "Woah I am late! My class is going to start."
Getting out of the bed making his way to the bathroom in his boxers.
I also got out of bed to get ready. Today I was supposed to go & shop for a wedding dress. Henry parents are in town for the weekend for the same.
After brushing my teeth & shower. I got dressed. We sat down to have breakfast. As I rolled the butter on my toasty bread he started speaking ," so mom has decided on the venue near Seattle. She will meet you today to finalise on the dress and all other stuff." Henry didn't wanted to wait anymore and wanted to have the wedding within next week. So lots to do and prepare in a short time.
"I thought we are having my wedding in California where my parents live..." I kept my toast on the plate in confusion. I don't want dad to travel so much after his heart surgery.
"I know but mom was so excited to have it where they got married I just couldn't deny them." He told me.
I signed and agreed," fine, as long as you are happy." I cut into the apple in front of me. "How about the Falling stars for our wedding band?"
He kept the newspapers down. " I am sorry Vi, I forgot to tell you. I already booked us a band. "
I stopped eating," what?"
"Yeah my brother recommended an amazing band which they used in their wedding and I thought it would be great to keep it in the family."
"Henry you could have asked me." I kept the fork down irritated. It was kind of a sly move. It's my wedding too! It was like I was not part of planning anything.
He looked at me properly. "Oh Vi, I am sorry I didn't thought it would be an issue." He got up from his seat and kneeled down to match my height in the chair. He held my hand. "I just don't want you to worry. All is taken care off. I want want you to sit back, focus on your dress." And kissed my lips after finishing. Then he got up and made his back to his seat, "Well I gotta go now. See you in the evening." He took his briefcase and left.
He is taking care of everything, although it's a sweet gesture but, I wanted my wedding to be memorable. The way I liked...
I guess it's okay too.
I got in the cab and went to St. Claire wedding dress store, where I was meeting Henry mom, Kathrine. My parents couldn't be here cause my mom had their flight canceled.
I went in. "Oh Violetta sweetie how are you?" She hugged me.
"I am good, Katherine. How have you been?" She was a sweet short blonde lady with a bob hairstyle and a cute personality.
"Cant complain. It's been better." I heard from Henry that his parents are going from a rough patch. "I have selected a few good onces, and you would look just beautiful in them. " she changed the topic, and i didn't stress her.
She showed me the dresses. They looked abit old fashioned but never the less lovely. I am not the one to complain but I thought the dress is something i could control. But she looked so happy I couldn't say anything. It's just a dress it doesn't matter.
I went in to try them. I got into one dress. It was princess cut. I tried it and came out.
"Awww you look beautiful dear. So precious." She wiped her tears. I liked Kathrine. She was a warm kind lady. "Let me fix your veil." She got up from her seat and came to me. I looked myself in the mirror.
It's pretty not bad, not wow but it's beautiful.
The shop lady who was helping me got a phone call. It got my attention cause she was speaking in French. I remember when I went to try to bridesmaids dress on and Marcus compliments me something in French. Which till date I don't know what it means. How is he doing? I haven't let myself think of him for a while... is he with someone new or Natasha? I miss his voice and those ocean deep eyes holding secrets in them.
I was lost in my thoughts and didn't hear Kathrine calling me.
"Dear.... Dear! So shall we take it?" She pulled me from my through the.
"Yeah, let's do it." I smiled at her .
She gave me a polite smile. I was still thinking about Marcus. I don't know why he has such a hold on me. Even though He broke my heart, I just can't think about anything but him.
We went to the counter to pay. Kathrine noticed me in dazed.
"Can you hold off a second." She told the cashier and pulled me to a side to talk. We sat on the sofa. "You can tell me dear."
"What? I don't understand" I smiled.
"I love you like my own daughter. I have know you for a long time and even though Henry is in board with all this, it's upto you to decide. Your going to spend you whole life... " she told me.
"I don't understand what u mean Katherine—"
She looked at me with a sad smile," Are you happy?"
"All I ever wanted was Henry to propose and get married. I love him so, it's ... perfect." I didn't know how to react.
She held my hand," I love my son, and it's not like I want to break up his relationship. But I love you like my own. Maybe be not now, but in a few years ... if it's regret then it's not a relationship no matter much you love him. It's like a job then... it's not love honey. so let me ask you again. Are you happy?"
I couldn't smile anymore.
"Are you in love with him?"
I couldn't answer her.
"Who do you see when you close your eyes?"
Marcus.
"You have to live with your choices. So chose wisely..."
My heart hurt. Like it's twisted in knots. My eyes filled with tears, as they fell without control. I knew the answer. The answer which I was avoiding. All along I knew.
"I am sorry..." I cried. "I am so sorry... sorry.." I broke down crying. She hugged me.
"Shhh, it's okay... " she patted my head. "It will be okay."
"But, ... you already have done all the arguments and the guest, the venue.." I said in hiccups.
"It doesn't matter...shh my child." She hugged me more deeply.
"I hurt Henry. He will be devastated..." I cried.
"He will be for a while but, I am sure he will understand." She comforted me.
We sat their for a while and I cried my heart out.
Thinking the people I hurt. Lying to myself. It was unnecessary. If I just had been true to myself. Saying yes to Henry when I knew I was in love with someone else. And no matter how much I run away, I knew I miss him. I just got scared. I couldn't put my trust in him thinking he might hurt me or break my heart. Moreover how his world is different from mine. How my love can hurt people. I didn't even listen to him. I shut him out. I didn't gave him any chance to reply explain. I was so afraid of falling... of getting hurt... of trusting... that I pushed him away. I lied to him that i don't have feelings for him. I lied about everything. And on top of that I blamed him for ruining my life and relationship with Henry. Anything i could do to push him away. Anger or denial. Anything to protect myself from falling for him. Cause I knew if I do, I won't able to stop myself. I will let this live consume me even if this love puts everyone in danger. And after all that I doubt he will like me anymore and it's okay. I am not asking for him to come back. I wish him well. But I can't live this lie anymore. I have to come clean about my feelings. To myself. To everyone.
I came home.
I directed went to our bedroom, I was living with Henry. I knew what I needed to do. What needed to be done. No more lying. No more hiding. I opened my cupboard and started packing my bags. I picked up the photo frame of us. A picture of us in college. He giving me a piggy back ride. We were so happy. I do care for him still now. I do love him. But it's not that love anymore. I kept that photo in my bag.
With few hours I was done packing. I kept my bag beside the door. I sat and waited for Henry to come home.
My heart was drowning with anxiety and sadness.
Because I knew I have to break his heart.
The door bell rang, pulling me off my train of thoughts. I took a deep breath and got up.
I opened the door and was welcomed with a bouquet of roses. "How is my soon to be wife?" He kissed my cheeks. He noticed the bags by the door. He gave me a confused stare.
This is going be a excruciating.
"Henry, let's take a seat."
He took the seat beside me on the sofa. "Henry, I am sorry but I cannot marry you."
He started laughing," is this a joke? Come Vi, it's not funny."
I touched his hand. "Henry... It's not a joke. We have been drifting apart for a while. And I thought if i could stick it out, we could go back to where we were but, it didn't... "
"Wait, Violetta what are you saying?"
I took a pause and spoke, "Henry I love you. And I still care for you but tell me, be truthful to yourself , are we the same people who we were when we met in college? Somewhere we grew up and that made us grow apart. "
"We are obviously not the same person anymore but Vi, I still love you." He said.
"Henry your in love with old Violetta whom you met in college but she is not here anymore. She doesn't like sit in the couch and watch tv ; no more date nights, she is not that girl anymore who is waiting for her man to come home. She wants something more. And it's wrong I know, selfish even, but I have to find out what she wants, that's the risk I am willing to take..."
"Vi, I know your not the same, nor am I. I even know I neglected us in the past. Our relationship has gone rough. And it's my fault to forget what we had and take you for granted, but I am here now. I am willing to try. Fix us." He pleaded.
I took off my ring and gave it back to him. "I am sorry Henry I want you to be happy and it's not fair to lie to you anymore. Cause I know I won't be able to give my fullest. You deserve to be with someone who loves you that way you deserve."
"Violetta..." i could hear the sadness and cry in his voice.
"I am sorry Henry." I placed the ring in his hand.
"I did expect it..." he said under his breath.
"What do you mean?"
He looked at me with a sad smile. "When you left for Paris, I felt I was losing you. When I came back home to our empty house that's when I realised that fool I had been. I knew I neglected you. I took you and our relationship for granted. I knew we were drifting apart. But I did nothing and let it pass by thinking it would be better soon. But that day during Nina wedding, when I saw that guy Marcus look at you and the way you look at him. I knew I lost you. " he paused to compose himself. His voiced cracked to whispered. My heart was breaking too. "You fell for him didn't you?"
With tears in my eyes I answered," I didn't plan too. I denied it. God knows I tried. I even tried to fall out of love with him, But I couldn't stop myself. It just happened..." I was feeling guilt of how could I do that to him. To hurt him like this.
He gave a sarcastic laugh," I kinda saw the way you both looked at eachother when you danced at the wedding and I thought if I seal the deal now, i could win you back. I was planning to propose to you when we come back but it seemed I had to act fast, but i wasn't fast enough I guess." He dug his face in his palms.
"Henry I am sorry to break your heart. I still love you. But I can't lie to myself anymore. It wouldn't be fair to us to be married like that." I cried.
He touched my face. "It's okay Vi, I can't deny that I am not angry at the son of a bitch who stole my love but it was partly my fault to let you be stolen."
I hugged him.
"You were my everything Henry. I still love you."
"I love you too Violetta, always will be."
We shared a one last kiss. And stayed in each-other embrace.
Something change.
We both grew, in our direction.
It's not like love wasn't there. But it just wasn't enough.
"I hope you find what your looking for..." Henry said.
"I hope you too."
I got up to pick my bags to walk out.
"Vi, even though I want you to be happy... but I am definitely gonna punch that guy when I see him again."
I gave him one last smile of approval.
I opened the door. "Goodbye Henry."
"Goodbye Violetta." He said holding his tears back. I didn't turn back to face him, cause my tears were also falling non stop.
We were together for 7 years. 5 years of college and 2 years after that. A long old love. It doesn't die that easily. It always remains with you.
Forever.