She didn't know what Liam had done - but it had affected Akwanda too well. Just a month - and here was an official letter.
She picked it up and opening it, Alexandra read.
Emperor Liam
It takes me herculean effort to write this. It takes all my life's patience to write this. But now that we have started in the direction, the only way is the way forward - and that is what I seek to do. I agree I have been foolish. I have been stupid. I agree I was led by momentous anger, and I agree my head was turned by the sudden power that had fallen into my hands. I agree with all of those. And even now, I cannot comprehend the extent of my audacity – of having the very thought of writing to you after what has happened. Because after what I have done, I do not think I am fit enough to even take your name.
You see, Liam, such is the nature of ruination. Once we begin treading upon its baleful path, there is no return without the doing of a hundred sins. Perhaps I have done my share of them because now the blindfold of vengeance has been lifted from my eyes and I can see clearly – for once – how wrong I was.
Even as I write this letter, I feel guilt welling up inside me. I cannot bring myself to gaze into a mirror. I am ashamed. The King tells me your first treaty demand was that I should not be held responsible for this situation of Akwanda. Your instant forgiveness, your magnanimity had made me even more ashamed. I remember the letter you wrote to me, eight years back – it was short, it was crisp. It was a clear message that you were not ready for marriage at that stage. Had I understood your stand then, none of this might have happened. It is no formal letter I address to you, Liam – I am writing as Olivia, not as the Queen of Akwanda. And I hope you will see it that way, and judge it that way and do whatever you see fit only in the wake of both.
There was once a time when I hankered for a Queen's throne. A Queen's powers, a Queen's title. And honestly, there was a time when I thought I loved you. I say I "thought" so, because I now realize that it was nothing more than an obsession. True love never dies, and mine did – such that, at this point, I can confidently say the I am over those feelings. But more than anything else, in the past, your stern refusals wounded me. Oh, not my heart – they wounded my ego – my esteem – my pride.
I considered myself the best. Your rejection was the very first "No" I had heard in my entire life. And then, bit by bit, little by little, obsession grew into craze – and craze grew into wrath. Wrath. Wrath, because I was frustrated - and each time it happened, each time you declined that alliance, felt more of an insult than anything else. I despised the pity I was receiving; I despised the counsel my mother was giving me – to give up. But in the end, I did give up – and began another journey.
The journey of ruination – which is what I am in, right now.
It began with a single promise to myself – I would show you your true place. And have I not? Have I not shown you, Liam, your rightful place? I have! I have shown you how far above me you are. But then, that oath meant that I would be the cause of your ruin. Because of you, I had the taint of rejection – and I would give you far worse scars.
Holding on to that immature decision - that impossible oath, I accepted the first proposal that came from one of your enemies. I accepted my position as Akwanda's Queen. And as my mouth spoke my marriage vows, my mind calculated how I would use this newfound power against you. All this time, my heart burned in the fire I had started myself. My heart burned in the fire of Vengeance.
Immediately afterwards, I began planning. And perhaps I could have done some actual harm, had I thought practically. Fortunately, as I can now say, my eyes were blindfolded. And that was why the plot was weak - the weak plot, however, has today enabled me to repent. Since the first full moon of the previous Winter, I put all my resources, devoted all my time to that despicable desire of causing you harm. Oh revenge – only the ones who have been engulfed by its desire – can say how strong it is. How inescapable, how powerful. But I make no excuses, for to let the seed of vengeance evolve in your heart, you must water it with resentment. And I gave it sufficient scope for germination. The process of it was a bumpy road, it offered me a hundred obstacles, it tried a hundred times to make me retrace my steps. But no, I walked on and on until I reached where I am today. I shunned my well-wishers. I stopped all correspondence with my father's side. I kept myself alone - I kept the fire of revenge, which needs no fuel at all, burning in my heart.
The King then informed me that he planned to start annexations. That he now planned to extend Akwanda's boundaries. I seized that opportunity. I made him a partner in my evil scheme. There was no way we could directly take on Vedessa. So, I persuaded him to train assassins. I convinced him it was a clever idea. For reasons unknown to me, he agreed. We realized that they needed able leadership – and who better than Than? The assassin already was a claimed Akwandian – and we acquainted ourselves with him. That is why, after all that has happened, today I finally see you the way you are, Liam. I realize, that yes; you really are better. And that you were right then, you are right now – perhaps forever, when it is a question between me and you, You shall be right.
After the assassins were trained, I was doubly restless – no doubt. In the first opportunity that I got, I asked the Prime Minister to send them. I did not listen to his counsel. I thought I was the wisest. But then - the maid - she saved you, I know. The Prime Minister was right ... she was a spy.
I knew not that even women are spies in Vedessa. I know not, a lot of other things. She was proficient – not the slightest doubt about it. And now I come to hear that she was under your patronization. What more can I say – it is funny. I patronized Than. You patronized Clementine (though I am not vouching that that is name, it shall be so, for me) – and we both see the stark differences. In someone else's eyes, that might have been my biggest blunder - letting Clementine go, giving her a ride - but in my own eyes, that was the only right thing I have done so far. Clementine saved me as much as she saved you. Had she not done so, this burning fire of vengeance would have never died down. No amount of revenge can soothe the fire of vengeance. Only forgiveness, realization and acceptance can extinguish it. I chose to be angry with you - with Idgard. Because it was easier than being sad. It was easier than improving myself. But now I know better. It might be easier to be angry, but anger only brings more sadness. I understood, I learnt it - the hard way.
Here, I return Clementine's veil to you. She did her duty the best anybody could have done. I respect her for it - more than I have respected any other women having no relation to me. You are a Perfect King; you will know what to do with it even before you read my letter. But I have one primary request:
I have been unforgivably heinous. I have done the worst thing anybody could do to you. Let's be crude, Liam: I have tried to murder you. I have no excuses for it. I accept my crime. The fact that you have not declared war on us - gives me the idea that there is still, if only a very tiny bit, there is still chance left for us to be on better terms. Akwanda accepts itself as a vassal. I say this as Queen. Akwanda accepts all the terms of the treaty – including the clause of relinquishing hold on all assassins there be and recreating them to be better citizens. I have harbored rage against you for long. Now, as the Queen of Akwanda, I extend the hand of friendship to the Emperor of Vedessa. And whilst doing it, Olivia apologizes. In writing this letter to you, I crush my ego. I crush all my pride – I say, Liam: forgive me.
If destiny serves it, we may meet, Emperor. Not on a battleground, rather, as the Monarchs of two friendly nations. Nothing further, can I say, to explain my stand in it all, to accept my wrongs. Having done so, I can comfortably say now Liam, that for the first time, I wish to create with you – a non-matrimonial alliance.
Queen of Akwanda
Olivia
Alexandra finished it there. Her chest seemed to expand with nostalgia. In her wildest of dreams she had not thought that she would be nostalgic for Olivia - but she was. And that was not even the strangest part. The strangest part was that her eldest sister had known Liam for longer than she had. She had shared correspondence with him when Alexandra had been fifteen. The very thought that a parchment containing Liam's loopy handwriting had found its way into the Dovish Palace long before she had known him, set her thinking on what else she didn't know about him. And she thought and thought and thought until she realized that she didn't know a single thing. All about Liam was a blank.
Mystery. Another mystery. That was nothing too big, Alexandra knew she would get the truth out.
But as far as the letter was concerned, it might have been addressed to Emperor Liam, but it actually was to Liam. And for that single reason, he had to read it. The very fact that he had trusted Alexandra enough, to not even break the seal of the scroll before sending it, was enough.
'Wonder where he'd be,' Alexandra muttered to herself, getting up.
It took a moment - a stunned moment - to realize what had happened. And when she did, she screamed, the letter falling from her hand as Nurse Rose came running inside to check what the matter was. Both Alexandra and Nurse Rose looked at each other for a moment.
They screamed again.
And again, for a whole minute, they stared - equally surprised.
Unknowingly, Alexandra had sat up. And she hadn't felt any pain in her ribs, or anywhere else, while doing so. Somehow, miraculously, she no longer had to stay in bed - Alexandra was completely fine, and she was going to use some spy-moves on Nurse Rose if she insisted on keeping her in the infirmary any longer.
'How? How did I get up?' She asked the Nurse, hoping it wasn't a sign of something "deadly".
The Nurse shook her head, 'I don't know, Miss Mabel! Stay there, let me check a few things-' and she jabbed a finger into Alexandra's ribs.
Alexandra winced, 'That hurt!'
'You aren't healed yet! Lie down!' Nurse Rose commanded. Alexandra, in reply, jabbed a finger into the Nurse's rib, who buckled in pain.
'You aren't healed either! Lie down!' Alexandra said to her.
'That - Miss Mabel, was the most disrespectful thing ever done to me,'
'Welcome,' Alexandra said, she then shrugged, 'Well yes - I'm sorry. Just that, you know - a finger jabbed into the ribs will hurt either ways,'
Nurse Rose looked at her for a second, 'That's actually right ... but you aren't discharged - stay here for two days more, if there are any complications, per say.'
'Fine,' Alexandra groaned, 'Can I write?'
'No.'
'Can I have a letter sent?'
'No-'
'I'm not going to write it,'
'Give me the letter,' Nurse Rose said, extending a hand. Alexandra folded Olivia's letter back up and handed it to her, the nurse looked at it. 'Address?'
'Palace of Idgard, Ground Floor, Court Room, King's Throne, Idgard,' Alexandra said, that was the exact address.
'Are you joking, Miss Mabel?'
'No, Nurse.'
'Are you really not joking?'
'No, Nurse,'
'Repeat that address,'
'Palace of Vedessa, Ground Floor, Court Room, King's Throne, Idgard,'
'Should I also put it inside the King's mouth?'
Alexandra snorted as a weird image of Liam with the Letter inside his mouth, sitting on a throne swam in front of her eyes, but she pushed it aside, saying, 'No, Nurse, how will he read it then?'
The Nurse finally seemed to be convinced that Alexandra was not joking, she nodded, 'I'll see it's sent,'
'Thank you, Nurse,' Alexandra said, lying down on her side - finally a fulfilling sleep! With hopefully no nightmares of her engagement to the Akwandian Prime Minister, or Liam swearing undying love for Oliva.