Misery loves company
Chapter 7: My home is always with you
Hey guys :) This is the chapter you have all been waiting for. This chapter isn't my favorite as it was difficult to write the relationship between Sheldon and his father but I hope I did it justice. You will see more on them in future chapters.
Thank you so much for all the love on this story and reading your thoughts on each chapter makes my heart so happy more than you know. Thank you to all of you.
P.S: This chapter can sensitive for some people so please know that.
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My heart found a home in yours
~gemma troy
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Previously on Misery loves company:
"Now I know you have my temper but it don't mean you got to take it out on the comic book store." a Texan voice I haven't heard in so long said.
"Dad ?"
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Sheldon's pov:
The man came into the light finally so I could see him better. It was my father and he looked the same since the last time. I saw him but this time he was happier. I haven't seen my father smile in so long even before he passed away. All the emotions were shuffling around that I felt overwhelmed. It was all too much to take in. I didn't know which emotion I should listen to first. Should I: hug him? yell at him? cry ? or ask questions ?
I last saw him when I was 14. So my father never got to meet Amy or my son. He never watched me get my doctorates or nobel prize. He wasn't there for my wedding or the birth of my son. He never got to give advice on fatherhood. Every moment I wanted to share with my father but I couldn't because he wasn't there anymore but now he was right before me. He was standing there before my very eyes. I stood there frozen trying to process what I was seeing.
I remembered all those times I wished I had another chance to talk to my father and now I got it. I walked briskly to my father and threw my arms around him. My father stepped back a little in surprise, then hugged me back. I knew what this all meant for me but I focused on my father actually being with me.
Awkward silence filled the room now. We had so much to talk about but where do you start, about 30 years of catching up. My father looked around then finally was the first person to say something,"You want to go for a walk? ".
I looked around the smallish comic book store confused.
"In the comic book store ?"
My father shook his head then took me by the arm and led me to the front door. He closed his eyes for a short second while I stared at him as if he was absurd.
"Okay open the door, Sheldon." my father now said opening his eyes.
"I already tried it and it was stuck."
" Why don't you stop correcting me like you did when you were a kid and just listen." my father said with this smile like he missed it.
I sighed and rolled my eyes to only see the door actually open. My father gave me a 'i told you so' look which I just shook my head to disagree. I missed the arguments I used to have with my father on the most idiotic things even if he would get mad sometimes because I was too smart but sometimes it was actually fun.
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We walked through the door like it was the closet leading to Narnia. On the other side we arrived to this open field.It had a small pond with a bench next to it and a wooden play park further on which you could hear the faint noise of children laughing. There was a couple of trees which provided shade. I looked around to only see that I have been here before. This was the park near my house back in Texas. This was the last time we went somewhere as a family. It was still during the time you could see my parents were trying to fix their marriage. They were trying to be happy for Missy,Georgie and me.
I always missed the memory.The days when I would hear my parents constant bickering I would constantly wish I could go back in time to this exact moment. The last time I saw everyone somewhat happy.
"How did you get us here ?" I asked.
"I'm not quite sure of how everything works but I'm able to get myself anywhere I want if I really want it."
We both walked down to the little pond that was a see through blue and you could see the sunlight reflect on the water. My father started skipping rocks while I sat on the bench absorbing the sunlight. I forgot how nice it was to absorb the warmth from the sunlight since I barely done it as I was always afraid of melanoma.
I started hearing the faint talking in the background and next to me was this almost sort of TV screen once again. I saw a younger version of myself and my heart began to ache when I remembered when this was.
" Hey Dad. " younger Sheldon said barely audible.
He traced his fingers on his Dad's name so carefully on the cold stone. Sheldon felt the tears trickle down his face.
"I haven't been here since the funeral. I never saw a use to it since you couldn't even hear me so I don't know what I am doing here. Meemaw says it helps sometimes." he said as he picked the grass out as he sat down.
"It is so quiet in the house without you. Everytime I come home and see that you aren't in the TV room sipping your beer or I don't hear you screaming at the football game or even when we hold hands at the dinner table to pray and your hand isn't holding mine it makes me remember that you are really gone. That you are never coming back and that is harder to grasp than I thought. It is the part that hurts the most,coming home to an empty house which I guess is one of the reasons I'm leaving. Georgie says it is because I'm running away from my feelings and maybe that is the case but I can't stand this anymore Dad. I need to feel something normal and science is that normal for me. I don't know why they want me to stay anyway because I don't help. I just say silly things that gets them upset or mad and that is it. I think it is better if I go. I miss you Dad and wish you didn't leave.I didn't even get to say goodbye." he said feeling his heart get heavy and trying not to sob.
"I know you weren't a good dad to us but I wish you changed. I wish we could have fixed it but I was too stubborn. It still hurts that I never got to say goodbye.It seems irrational to miss you after you hurt us so much but the end of the day you were my father. You were there when pop pop died and you have supported me sometimes and helped me with my science when pop pop wasn't here. There was things I wish you accepted about me but you still supported me even if I wasn't the athletic son you wanted. I'm sorry dad for everything. If I could take it back and be a less difficult child I would . I guess I came to say goodbye. I wish you didn't go. Mom,Missy and Georgie misses you so much. " Sheldon got up to dry his tears and dust himself off.
Goodbye Dad. I couldn't tell you that in person but this will just have to do. I miss you and hope you are happier. " Sheldon said looking back at the stone.
His meemaw came over as she saw him get up.
"You okay there moon pie ?" his meemaw said walking up to him slowly.
"No but I will be. Thank you meemaw for bringing me. I guess I maybe did need to say goodbye even if it wasn't in person. " .
His meemaw hugged him and he hugged her back holding back more tears.
"How about we go to the train store on the way and pick something up for you."
Sheldon gave a small smile and nodded.
I was in tears replaying the memory. All the feelings came to the surface and I didn't realize that my father was now sitting next to me. He put his hand on my shoulders which made me jump.
"I'm sorry Sheldon." he said.
I turned to face him to see he looked like he was crying to.
"No it's okay I didn't realize you were behind me."
"I mean for everything. I'm sorry for dieing and, for not being a good father and husband. I'm sorry I made you feel like you had to change who you were for me to accept you. Sheldon, I have and continue to be proud of you. You grew up to be such an amazing person and I wish I was physically there to cheer you on every step of the way. "
"You were proud of me ? "
"Since the day you started breathing till my very last breath. Every one of my kids have something special about them. Yours is your mind. It is a beautiful thing and I'm so proud to see how far you got. I never got to tell you I was proud though and I'm sorry for that."
"You know after you died Missy quit baseball,she would say it is because she grew out of it but we all knew it was because you used to teach her and Georgie would forever have a different girl every week. He would forever have one or two or more around and mom she refused to go out in public because everyone would just apologize to her and you passing away made her terrified of leaving the house .She had to work so hard to go back outside in public again."
"I know. It hurt alot watching you all hurt like that. I wish more than ever to be there with you guys. I wanted to heal you from a pain that I caused. I'm so happy for you all though for learning to live in a world without me. I do miss Missy,Georgie and your mom though. "
During our talking we both got up to walk around to keep us occupied from all the emotions. Before I could respond to my father the sort of tv screen reappeared once again. I smiled to see Amy and Leo together. I saw Leo with a conductor hat that was way too big for him because it was mine and Amy sitting next to him as Leo played with the trains. I gave a chuckle replaying all the arguments Amy and I had about playing with trains but here they were playing with trains.
My father looked at me smile this smile he has never seen before when I was a kid. It made him wish more he was there in the real world while I was growing up. My father felt at peace now but he couldn't help but sometimes miss all the moments he never got to experience with his kids. He never got to be a protective dad to Missy when she brought a boy home. He never got to be there for my first legal alcohol drink and he never got to see Georgie graduate.
"Mommy ?" the little boy said still focused on the little train infront of him.
"Yes Leo?" Amy said now looking at Leo.
"When is daddy coming home?" he immediately stopped giving eye contact and focused on the trains once again.
Amy sighed and pulled him in so he was sitting on her lap now. She gave him a tight squeeze and kissed his cheek. Leo smiled a little almost like he was ignoring the tension he could feel. He was most certainly smart enough to know something was wrong.
"I don't know Leo but I hope it is soon. " she said trying to remain the kindness in her voice but you could hear her voice slightly breaking.
"I miss him mommy. I want him to come home from work. I want us to play trains and watch Spock."
Amy gave a little giggle," You really are your father's son. I can see how happy daddy would be hearing that. I miss him to Leo but I tell you what if you and I stick together we can maybe speed up time so he can come home. I miss your daddy to."
"Okay mommy. When he comes home we can all play trains together."
"If he does I will love to Leo" she put emphasis on the If.
Leo gave her a big hug which almost sent Amy to tears but she hugged him back. They continued playing with the trains together as Amy tried to spend every second with him.
I had this sad smile full of tears. I laughed at Amy's comment about how he really was my son. I felt so incredibly lucky for them both but I wasn't there with them. My father could see it. He remembered feeling like this in the beginning.
"Do you miss them ?"He asked now
"Every single second of every single day. " I said with the same sad smile but then continued," That dad is Amy Farrah Fowler,my wife and she is beautiful. You would have loved her. She is kind, compassionate,patient, smart and just all kinds of amazing. I honestly don't know how she has tolerated me all these years but she did and it is one of the reasons I love her so much and that over there with her is my son Leonard Charlie Cooper. He is so smart already and he has this radiant smile that makes the whole world seem better. He is amazing company to have around. "
"You named him after your best friend and your pop pop ?" my father said with a smile even though he already knew this.
"I am not starting this conversation with you to. I named him Leonard after Leonard Nimoy. Not Leonard Hofstadter, my best friend but I did name him Charlie after pop pop yes. It was actually Amy's idea which is no surprise but she wanted to name him Charlie Leonard Cooper but I said I wanted it to be the other way around. She agreed with me if we agreed to have a nickname for him so we wouldn't get mixed up between my best friend and son. "
"Sheldon, I was there when you decided to name him Leonard. Not in person but this was after you guys shot the rocket up in the middle of no where since it somehow became a tradition if you have a son and you and Amy could not agree on a name. When Howard and Rajesh packed everything up in the car I recall Leonard hugged you which you didn't like and he said you were going to be an amazing father and he was so proud of you. I personally think Leonard has become this sort of brother figure to you so something clicked and you messaged Amy the word Leonard with a question mark. You said it was because you guys watched Star Trek later that day but I think it was a bonus Sheldon. " my father said with a laugh.
"What else have you seen about my life ?" I asked.
"Almost everything. I can't control what I see but I feel like I can see the important things in all of your lives. The same with Georgie,Missy and your mom. I'm super proud of you Sheldon. For finding where you belong. With your friends,Amy and Leonard and even one on the way. You made up with Georgie to which made me so happy. I cried so much when you won your nobel prize and you even thanked me in your speech. Sheldon,you weren't a son I expected to have but you were a son I have always wanted. I'm so proud of you and I know I said that alot lately but I need to before it is too late. "
"Thank you Dad. You have no idea how much I wish you were there for everything and how much I needed to hear that."
I hugged my father again incase I couldn't do it again.I knew he wasn't a great father in my childhood but there was nothing he could do to fix it now. He was here now though and that was all that mattered. His thoughts about me was always important to me even if I tried to ignore the fact.
"How about we get out of here ?" My father said now.
"Sounds like a plan."
"It is your turn now, Sheldon. Close your eyes and think about a place you want to be in right now. Anywhere. Feel it like you are really there. "
"Anywhere?"
My father nodded and I closed my eyes and smiled at the corner of my mouth which showed I was happy with the place I have chosen. I eventually opened my eyes but we were still stuck in the same place.
"Did I not do it right ?"
"No you did do it right we just have to wait"
Before I could ask what for I heard a dog barking and this white little fluffy dog ran past us both.
"That's our dog when we were small." I said remembering where I have seen him before.
"Yes now let's go before we lose it. "
My father walked briskly after the dog and I followed not knowing what was going on.
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I walked as fast as my long legs would let me. I was faster than my father and eventually we were no longer on the open field anymore. We were on a street road. It was like I teleported myself there. The dog barked one more time and ran around excited like it did something right. I cautiously bent down to pet the dog even though I was terrified of them but my fears didn't seem rational anymore. The dog seemed happy then ran off into the distance and wasn't seen again.
Eventually my dad caught up to me and just stared at the street road then looked confused but I looked up at the house infront of me and smiled even more.
"Okay so let me get this straight. I told you that you could go literally anywhere even hawaii if you wanted to but you decided to go back home ?"
I didn't respond, I just ran into the house and up the stairs. I waited for my father to catch up and once he did,I opened the door and there they were. Amy was there and little Leo was sitting on her lap as they tried to play the harp. Leo ruined the melody Amy was trying to play but she was so patient and cheered him on. I stood in the doorway as I felt my heart feel at home. I knew it was just a memory being replayed but it felt like I was where I belonged. I forgot my father was there and thought more about what he said outside.
"Yes dad. I would choose home again in a heartbeat." I said with still the same smile.
My father smiled back and felt this sense of proud watching me care so much about these two. He then realized I wasn't talking about my physical home. I was talking about Amy and Leonard. They were the home I would choose in a heartbeat. I choose this place to see them again before me instead of on a screen. I missed them.
"Dad ?"I said now looking at him briefly.
My father was so lost in thought he didn't realize I called him but once he did he just nodded waiting for me to continue.
"Do I get a choice ? On if I go back ?" I asked now.
"I don't know, Sheldon. I would like to believe you do . I didn't but I also didn't want to go back because I dissapointed you all and put you through so much pain that I thought it was better without me, and maybe that influenced my decision so maybe you have a choice. I don't think it is your turn though. I think you need to go back and I hope you do. As much as I love seeing you and talking to you I want to see you live till old age ,I want you to live longer than I could."
I just nodded and looked back at both of them playing the music. You could see the slight tears in my eyes but my father didn't say anything because he allowed me to feel all the emotions I needed to get through it.
"I didn't say goodbye to them. The last thing I said to Amy was 'I will see you later' and I told Leonard 'to be a good boy' but nowhere did I say goodbye. I indicated that I was coming back but I might not.I didn't get to tell Leonard how much he meant to me or Amy for that matter or anyone. "
"The special thing about you Sheldon is that you don't need words. Your actions prove everything you can't physically utter. To you actions are better than words. It is because of me. I made promise after promise and broke them and you promised to be better,to do better. You said ' see you later' but you kissed Amy goodbye. You said ' be a good boy' but you hugged him so tight im surprised he was still able to breathe. You don't tell people how much you care about them Sheldon because you believe words can lie,you prove them instead and actions can really mean more than words ever could. "
"Thank you Dad. I umm " I couldn't seem to finish my sentence the words were to hard to muster.
"I love you too Sheldon. I tell you what. If you do make it back promise me you will tell your mom that im sorry that I hurt her and she deserved better, and that I love her and miss her. Tell Missy that she has grown into this beautiful woman who is strong and independent and I'm so proud of her for everything. Tell her that she never needed no man not even me and tell Georgie thank you for looking after the family when I was gone. Tell him that I'm sorry I left such a big burden on his shoulders but I couldn't have asked for a better first child. He was so grown up at such a young age but he will always be my little boy that I taught how to play football with. Tell them all that I miss them and love them and I'm happy for them. Tell them that for me ?"
"If I make it I will do it if I remember it all." I said with a little chuckle.
"Don't you be kidding me boy I know you have a photographic memory. You will remember it. And Sheldon I'm super proud of you to. I love how you are different and how smart you are. I love how you try to solve everyone's problems even though you claim to not care. Watching you grow up has been my biggest honour and I am so proud im your dad instead of someone else. I know I couldn't watch you fully grow up but I think you built an amazing life for yourself and your group of friends are amazing people. I am glad you found your people. "
I gave a big smile then continued to look at Amy and Leo.
"Why don't we go to one more place ?" my father now asked.
"I just want to stay here."
"Come on Sheldon. Please for me ."
" fine but we come back when we are done ?"
"if that is what you wish."
My father closed his eyes once more and when he opened them he walked down the stairs and waited for me to join him . I looked back at Amy and Leo.
"I'm coming home eventually." I mumbled then met my father down the stairs.
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We exited the house and entered into my childhood home. It looked different from what it looked like now. He saw the lounge but it was filled with Christmas decorations.
"Why did you bring us here ?"
"Just watch "
This was Christmas morning. A couple of days after Sheldon asked Santa Clause for the Christmas present he wanted the most. His Pop pop. He was about 5 here. He watched 5 year old him looking at his gifts but no grandpa. He knew it wouldn't happen but hope was coursing through his veins through the whole of Christmas.
He felt hope dissapear and dissapointment fill it's place. After everyone woke up excited about their gifts he wasn't all that excited until he heard a knock on the door. He ran to the door hoping this was it but it was just the pastor mom worked with.
"What has gotten you so excited Shelly ? You excepting something? " my mother asked while greeting the pastor.
" Not anymore no" He said quietly in a whisper then slowly left to my room so he didn't cry infront of everyone.
I felt my heart sink watching myself go through that again. I heard a knock on the door now but no one was answering it like they didn't hear it. I looked at the door confused and went to the door as I opened it.
" How do you feel about Santa now ?" a voice said while there was no one there but I knew that voice.
I almost felt like dropping to the floor in surprise.
"Well I think you scared my moon pie half to death." a woman voice said now.
They both sounded so distant and nowhere to be seen but you could still hear them.
"That was ... was Meemaw and pop pop ." I said not believing my ears.
My father smiled then nodded. I didn't know if I could see them but I heard them and that was more than I could have asked for.
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You probably expected that ending since the last ending but I swear it has a plot twist to it which you will see. In tbbt they do say that the Cooper family had a dog when the twins were smaller so I thought I would include that.Anyway I hope you enjoy this chapter. From the next chapter onwards it is going to get alot more chaotic and sad but I swear the ending is worth it.Thank you so much in advance for all the love and reviews :)