alexa, play does she like it rough? by flavia
DAY 42
The sound of the elevator humming stopped Amelia dead in her tracks as she helped James clean up the kitchen after their late breakfast, her tiny hands frozen with a wet plate still in her grasp. Turning her head slightly, she met James' cautious, blue eyes as they shared a knowing look, the sound of her heartbeat thudding in her ears almost overpowering the elevator altogether.
"They must have found more information," Amelia shrugged coolly, careful not to seem panicked for James' sake, as she finally set the plate in the drying rack adjacent to the sink.
James remained silent, his eyes focusing on the empty hallway, as he waited for someone to emerge from the elevator. What could they be coming to tell them? The information was important enough to tell them now, in person. Perhaps Hydra was here to kidnap James' once more, to take him away and wipe his memory clean as usual.
As Steve appeared in view, James' dread grew stronger in the pit of his stomach, especially when Rogers started to walk down the hallway towards them at an alarmingly quick pace. His face seemed to say it all - his blue orbs seemed sympathetic almost, his eyebrows knitted together anxiously, his hands fidgeting nervously by his sides.
Standing in front of them now, Steve's eyes flickered between James and Amelia, seemingly unsure of where to begin with his words.
"Just say it," James grumbled quietly.
"Nat and the two other agents we had keeping watch on Hydra's movements disappeared this morning, they didn't page in during their check-in time," Steve said rather glumly, his jaw clenching as his Adam's apple bobbed up and down.
"They're gone?" Amelia asked, stunned, as she reached up to rub the newly formed goosebumps that trailed down her arm.
Steve nodded slowly. "We received a phone call approximately twenty minutes ago from an unknown suspect stating that if we didn't send in The Winter Soldier as an exchange for our agents within forty-eight hours, that they would be killed."
The dread in James' stomach felt like it dropped to the floor completely as he absorbed the news that Steve was telling them, his entire body going stiff as the blood inside of his veins felt as though it was running ice-cold. He hoped that this moment was from one of his nightmares, that he was only dreaming about this conversation instead of living it.
Amelia's eyebrows furrowed deeply as she swayed slightly on her feet, grabbing the kitchen counter with her hands to steady herself as she swallowed the forming lump inside of her throat. "Well, we can't just give him to Hydra," she exclaimed shakily.
Steve's lips formed a thin line as his eyes glanced in Bucky's direction.
Amelia's chestnut eyes followed Steve's until they landed on James as well, panic flooding through her as she examined the contemplation running through his eyes. The way his shoulders practically drooped, the way his eyes quickly averted her own - told her all she needed to know.
"No, you can't be seriously thinking about doing this," she scoffed in disbelief.
"It's our agents out there, Rose," Steve insisted in a soft voice.
"And James isn't one of our people?"
James could kiss Amelia for the way she consistently stood up for him, even though he didn't deserve it in the slightest. Even though in this instance, he knew what he needed to do. The right thing to do. The right thing didn't always feel like the best thing.
"He's right," James muttered reticently. "I have to go."
Amelia's full lips popped open as she jerked her head back in James' direction. "No," she argued devoutly. "You can't give them what they want, James. Don't do this."
Steve winced at the crack in Amelia's voice - he hated doing this, to both of them, ripping away any ounce of happiness between the two. It sent a twinge of ache through his chest to watch his friends get upset, especially knowing the stakes of this entire situation.
"I don't want to hurt anymore people, Amelia," James whispered, pleading with her through his tone and his desperate orbs. "I don't want anymore people to die because of me."
Tugging her bottom lip between her teeth in an attempt to keep her lips from quivering, Amelia turned away to face the kitchen cabinets, placing her wobbly hands on the counter in front of her. Water filled the corners of her eyes as she held her breath, wanting anything but a sob to burst through her chest right now.
She wanted to cry because she didn't want him to leave. She wanted to cry because in her own selfish way, she didn't want anything bad to happen to him. And most of all, she wanted to cry because James had such a kind heart - she understood why he needed to do this, but her heart broke at the thought of him doing so.
And then it clicked -
Amelia immediately knew what she needed to do as well.
"I have an idea," she propositioned after a few moments of silence. "But you're not going to like it."
"What does that mean?" James asked hesitantly.
Swiveling her body back around, Amelia trained her eyes on Steve's curious ones. "Steve, could you stay for our last session?"
"Amelia," James warned, not exactly liking where this conversation was going. "Tell me what is going on."
"If I'm as good as I think I am and you have progressed as much as I think you have," she responded, her voice faltering. "Then there might be a way to win."
"Let's hear it," Steve pressed urgently, wanting more than anything for a happy ending. Just for once.
"I'm going to say the words."
The hair on James' arm prickled as goosebumps washed across his exposed skin, heat crawling up the back of his neck, as the realization of Amelia's words settled in. Just the mention of the forbidden words made bile rise in his throat, his stomach churning uneasily as he forced himself to swallow it right back down.
"No," James vetoed immediately. "Absolutely fucking no-"
"James," Amelia interrupted tenderly. "Please, please trust me."
"It could trigger me," he practically growled, clenching his teeth together in frustration. "I could forget all about any of this, I could hurt you."
"Steve will be right there, just in case anything happens," she reassured smoothly. "But I think that you're a lot stronger than you think you are. I just need you to trust me."
Before James could argue any further, Amelia rushed past them both, speed-walking down the hallway to get to her bedroom to obtain her notebook. Saying that she was eager to do this was an understatement, she needed to do this. Her whole being was pushing for it. The time was here now, whether any of them liked it or not.
"You can't be okay with this," James whispered to Steve as Amelia disappeared into the confinements of her bedroom. "Please tell me you're not."
If Steve hadn't known firsthand how good Amelia was at her job, he probably would have been more reluctant on telling Buck the trigger words that could possibly turn him back into the psycho-assassin, killing machine.
"She was ready to take Fury's head off at our meeting the other day, you know," Steve admitted after a few seconds, the corners of his lips lifting slightly. "Because he still doubts you. But she believes in you, Buck."
"If this doesn't work ..." James trailed off, shaking his head of the thought.
Steve reached over, placing his hand on Buck's shoulder and squeezing it reassuringly, as Amelia returned into the kitchen. Waving her hand towards the couch impatiently, she turned to James expectantly, fingers holding onto her notebook as if her life depended on it.
"Amelia," James pleaded softly. "Wait, I-"
"We don't have anymore time," she interrupted softly, reaching her hand up to rub her thumb along his cheek before letting her hand drop. "I'm not going to have you hand yourself over to them without doing everything that I can to try to help you."
"I could forget you, right now, today-"
"You won't."
Clamping his mouth shut, he gave Amelia once last pressing look before making his way over to the couch, sitting down as Steve perched on the arm rest beside him. As he watched Amelia flick open her notebook, he could physically feel his nerves being shred apart inside of him. His feelings for Amelia danced around in his mind as he observed the way she sucked in a deep breath, looking beautiful as ever in this moment. What if this was the last time for them? Would he regret never telling her how he felt? Would he even remember at all?
"Amelia," James murmured shakily, the sweat forming on his forehead. "I lo-"
"Don't," she stopped him, her head tilting to the side as her eyes begged him silently not to continue, her heart pounding vigorously against her chest. "No last words. Just trust me?"
He couldn't be sure what love felt like - but he knew that whatever he felt inside of his chest, his entire body, when he looked at Amelia was his version of love. In this moment, afraid more than anything that he was about to be ripped away from his home, his sweet girl, James knew that he loved Amelia with every fiber inside of him.
And here she was, being stubborn as hell, refusing to hear it.
"I'm going to say the ten words now," Amelia informed him quietly.
As much as her heart yearned for the words that almost escaped James' lips, she wanted to hear them during any other circumstance than this one. She had to believe in her abilities, believe in James enough to be confident that he was strong enough to not be compelled anymore. Amelia needed to be strong enough for the both of them right now.
Steve placed his hand on Buck's shoulder once more.
"Longing."
A single tear rolled down James' cheek.
"Rusted."
His hands clenched into fists, the knuckles whitening.
"Furnace."
His jaw clenched so tightly that it ached.
"Daybreak."
The thought of losing Amelia made his chest hurt.
"Seventeen."
Halfway there.
"Benign."
His whole body feels frigid.
"Nine."
His blood runs cold.
"Homecoming."
This is the end.
"One."
His eyes squeezed shut.
"Freight car."
That's when the shaking set in, James' entire body began to shake violently, but to his intense surprise, it's because he's crying. The tears streamed down his cheeks, trickling into his mouth that was parted slightly, the salt water washing over his tongue. He's doubling over in sobs before he has any time to process what just happened.
Relief followed, blanketing his body like warm water, igniting a fire in his bones. All of the fear, the anger, the dread that had filled his body moments before left him as he allowed the sobs to rack through his chest - Steve's hand still squeezing his shoulder.
Amelia let out the breath that she had sucked in, her own share of tears trickling down her cheeks as she watched the relief shower over James.
She did it. They did it.
"You're free."
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okay besties, check in so I know you're still alive.
this isn't over, don't worry, still about 9 chapters to go.
i'm freaking out about how much love this continues to get. :')
<3