!! TW: BLOOD, MENTIONS OF SUIC1DE !!
THE SCOUTS HAVE RETURNED BACK INSIDE the walls. Everyone that was caught up in the brawl against the abnormal titan had been eliminated, leaving only one survivor. They all returned back to the Scout Regiment's base to heal themselves up, to rest, or to mourn their friends' lives.
Luna dismounted her horse, still having a resting smile on her face. However, that smile of hers was just an obvious facade to a certain brunette.
Hange frowned and approached the black-haired girl, "Hey, Luna..." Hange called, placing a hand on the black-haired female. Luna turned to them in confusion, tilting her head at them, "I'll heal the others who were injured. You go take a break for now, 'kay?"
Luna noticed their worried expression toward her. Sighing, she nodded and whispered a quick 'thank-you' to Hange. They patted her shoulder and let their friend walk away as she made her way to her room.
She entered her quarters and locked the door behind her as she leaned her back on the wooden door, slowly sinking onto the floor. Exhaling a frustrated breath, she hugged her legs and looked up to the ceiling, letting prickles of her tears freely escape her eyes as she sobbed quietly to herself. "Idiot... Jerk... Bastard..." The female cursed under her breath and clenched her hand into a fist.
She hated this feeling with a burning passion.
Her breath hitched as she remembered the look of betrayal on Levi's face earlier. Gritting her teeth, she cupped the sides of her head with her hands, as if trying to muffle out an unbearable noise.
But whether she's feeling this way or not (in a parallel universe), there's no going back now. It was true - that Luna had figured it out when Lovof spoke to Furlan, Levi, and Isabel that day. Though, it was more like she had eavesdropped on their conversation.
...
She was walking back to the Scout Regiment's base that day. She had just finished her day at the medical building in Wall Sina. She noticed a suspicious yet familiar chariot by the entrance of the underground and decided to listen to the conversation.
'Insect Breathing: Chameleon's Cover'
Luna jumped high up from the ground and landed on the lamppost, rendering herself invisible to the human eye. "Who the hell are you?" A voice from the underground questioned, he seemed to have pitch-black hair. Beside him are two other individuals, one female brunette whose hair was tied into pigtails, and a tall blonde.
"It's understandable that you're wary of me. But you'll learn it's okay to trust me." The male's voice spoke. Luna's eyes widened in both shock and fear. That voice. That oddly irritating familiar voice echoed through her ears. A chill ran down her spine and the beating of her heart quickened. She gulped. Her hand formed into a tight fist, almost having her fingernails dig deep into her skin.
'Nicholas Lovof, you know about Erwin's plans, don't you?
Can't wait to see that son of a bitch rot in jail. I won't let him escape this time.'
'Justice will be served.'
"How could we?" The tall blonde quizzed.
"The fact that I am here says everything. I'm at great risk just by being here. Have you received the deposits already?" Lovof asked the three. The raven-haired male narrowed his eyes at the Lovof, "I don't know how things work on top, but in our world, it's called taking a hostage."
"That's just a contingency plan we laid in place. When you have successfully completed the job, you won't only be getting a huge sum of money... But also citizenship on the surface." He continued on, shocking the three people from Underground, and so was Luna.
She clenched her jaw as she fought herself from the temptation to face that bastard and murder him in plain sight. 'Damn him! He's got his victims wrapped around his finger.' She jumped down and quickly made her way back to their base to inform Erwin and the other scouts.
...
Luna had finally finished her bath and wore a new set of clean clothes. She fixed her hair and styled it into her usual bun with her bangs on the side of her head. She took deep breaths and sighed, keeping her emotions secure. She curved her lips up into a smile and opened her door, leaving her quarters to head over to the infirmary to meet with Hange.
᠃ ⚘᠂ ⚘ ˚ ⚘ ᠂ ⚘ ᠃
Luna made her way to the clinic, receiving smiles and greetings from other scouts, to which she returned. She entered the room, spotting Hange who was still currently wrapping bandages on the other injured scouts.
They turned towards the door, spotting Luna. "Do you mind if I give you a hand?" Luna questioned, smiling at her friend. Hange shook their head and smiled back, "Not at all! The more the merrier and the faster I get to finish this."
The ravenette sat on the chair beside Hange and started treating the other remaining scouts who still needed healing. The time shortly passes and the two have finally finished healing their comrades.
"Make sure not to move it too much, Gary!" Luna waved, smiling at the brunette male. He blushed and nodded, "S-Sure." He replied and exited the clinic, leaving both Luna and Hange inside.
Luna immediately slumped on her seat and released a sigh of relief, relaxing her body. Hange chuckled at their friend, "That's the Scouts' Sweetheart for you." They teased and Luna gagged, "Don't call me that please."
Hange raised their hands up in surrender, "Why not? It's your reputation after all."
"Oh, really? Well, I find it utterly disgusting." She replied, closing her eyes in exhaustion. Hange only laughed lightly at her as they started fixing some of the items they used in healing their comrades.
Hange was one of the very few people who had known about both Luna's past and her true personality. The two have been the closest of friends for three years now. But, either way, Hange is still clueless about particular things about Luna: why she always grins brightly even though she had a tragic past, nor do they know about her skill. Whenever Hange asks, Luna always gave them the same response; "I can't tell you. I'm sorry." Hange didn't bother questioning as they knew it was heavy on her shoulders.
So, as an understanding friend of hers, they respected her decisions.
"So, I heard the bastard's finally in jail... How do you feel?" Hange asked her, making Luna turn to them in confusion, "How do you feel now that Lovof's finally spending his entire lifetime in jail?"
Luna stayed silent for a while before answering their question, "I'm relieved. But..." She looked to the floor, "That also resulted in betraying them. So, honestly... I don't know. Should I be happy..? Or should I be guilty..."
Hange scooted over to their friend and hugged her, "Emotions are difficult to understand, Luna, even our own. But, do know this..." Hange pulled away and grinned at the female, "You've avenged your family, right?"
Luna stared at them with a troubled stare, before looking away."Well, yeah. I guess." She smiled sadly.
"Then for now, be happy for your victory, alright? In a cruel world like this, we only get to experience joy in a short amount of time. Savor it, Luna." Hange advised, then stood up from their chair.
"Gotta go. I still have to hand in my reports to the Commander. If you need a shoulder to cry on, I'm here. But if you need advice, you should go to Erwin. He's better at that than me. Always so awkwardly noble. Don't tell him I said that though." Hange joked, causing Luna to laugh lightly. "I won't. Don't worry."
Hange waved at the ravenette and left the clinic, making their way to Commander Shadis' office. Meanwhile, Luna stayed in her seat, pondering deeply.
'I avenged them, yeah...But at the cost of the lives of many? Levi was after the scroll that Lovof ordered them to get, but... if he didn't leave his squad... and I just told the three beforehand... Would they still be alive?' She continued in her thought.
She sighed and pursed her lips. She stood up and left the clinic to return to her quarters, closing the door behind her.
She shook her head, 'No, they'd still go forward with the plan, I'm sure.'
But... What if..?
"You want me to be honest?" She blurted out, turning away from him and covering her face with her hair, "I don't think any of you three should go outside tomorrow."
Levi was caught off-guard by her sudden statement, "What made you say that?"
Right then and there...
'Honestly, as strong or skilled as you may have shown to be... I don't have faith in any of you to face those monsters. You've been training for less than a month, how could you say you're prepared out there?'
Should I have discouraged them from going?
'No. Bad approach, he'll even be more dedicated to going outside.' She seemed to be contemplating her answer earlier since it took her at least ten seconds to respond. He couldn't see her face either because she was covering it with her hair.
What if I told him everything?
I know what you're planning, Levi. You're working for Lovof, right? He ordered you to kill Erwin and get the scroll. I know you three have your reasons and I respect them, but...'
But what? What do I say to him to reason with him? Wait, do I even trust him that he won't kill me on the spot? He has a knife with him and he's prepared to stab me.
"Luna-"
No. What's done is done, Luna. Don't dwindle with the past. Huffing in irritation, she rubbed her temple to dismiss the possible thoughts of what else would happen. There were just so many questions that she wants answers to.
᠃ ⚘᠂ ⚘ ˚ ⚘ ᠂ ⚘ ᠃
The dawn has finally slept and dusk arose from the shadows, letting the moon serve as the lands' light, along with the stars in the pitch-dark sky. Luna stood at the base's top, unable to sleep at this time. The rest of the scouts were asleep and she was the remaining one who was awake.
Her loose hair swayed with the wind that had blown past her. Feeling the cold breeze send chills down to the ravenette's spine.
Looking up and stared at the dim light above the skies, letting the darkness consume her being and enter her memory zone.
~
"Oi, Ren! That's dangerous! Get back here!" Phea called out to her older brother, who was happily skipping on the stones in the pond.
"You go, Big bro! Woo-hoo!" Luna cheered. Phea sighed at her younger sister, "Don't encourage him, Luna. He might get hurt..." She said worriedly.
"He's sixteen, Ne-san. He can take care of himself." Luna grumbled.
As if on cue, Ren suddenly tripped and accidentally fell into the pond. The two females stared at their elder brother blankly who had a goofy smile on his lips.
Luna crossed her arms on her chest, "I can't keep defending you, you know!" She yelled at him.
"Shut up! It was slippery alright!" Ren fired back.
Phea facepalmed before sighing, "I swear to god... You two cannot be left alone."
~
"Isabel! Get back here!" Furlan called out to his pigtailed friend who was skipping on the pond's stones. Luna giggled at the two. The male turned to the ravenette beside him, who was still wearing a smile on her face. "Anoo... Isn't that dangerous?"
"It is. But, with her energy, she'll be fi-" She got cut off when Isabel suddenly yelped and fell into the pond. "...I stand corrected." Her sweat dripped from her forehead, before sighing.
"Oi! Isabel, you're too reckless." Levi scolded, who was watching with both Furlan and Luna.
Luna hopped from stone to stone as she approached Isabel and offered her hand for Isabel to stand up.
The brunette shyly accepted it and Luna helped the female to stand up, "Ara-ara, Isa-chan. You should be more careful next time." The ravenette said, smiling at her.
Isabel rubbed the back of her neck in embarrassment, "Y-Yeah... Sorry about that."
Luna shook her head and giggled, "Don't worry about it. It's all fine."
~
The memories came spiraling into her brain, causing droplets of water to leave the ravenette's eyes. Her legs felt weak, feeling her energy cripple away from her, dropping to the ground on her knees.
'How long has it been since I felt this much pain?
It all feels like a loop.
I'm trapped within the perimeters of a circle with no finish line to this endless nightmare of mine.
The same ending where the two most dearests to me—
the two who have raised me—
the two who showed the most resemblance to them—
—dies.
Over and over again without me being able to protect them.'
I'm a fucking failure.
If anything, I should be the one who's dead. I'm tired of it— of everything. I hate this world and its people. I hate it all. Why do I even bother to keep fighting when I have nothing to truly fight for?
Suicide seems to be a good choice right now, but what good will it even give me?
I can leave all of this behind. Right, I can do that. No one can stop me. And no one would even bother to care. And I would finally be at peace.
I'm just someone who everyone sees as powerful. I'm a weapon for humanity's survival. Nothing more, nothing less.
"Luna, promise me...
You'll keep smiling even when I pass.
Make most of your life, little sister."
She pleaded with a tearful smile on her face.
"I just want you to be happy."
Clutching the sides of her head in irritation, she was overwhelmed. Too much for her to handle. She dug her fingernails deep into her hands' skin, blood dripping down to the floor. God damnit! She frustratingly yelled to herself.
I promised not to let her death or theirs go in vain.
I promised to join the scouts to achieve their dreams for all of them. That's the only reason I took Erwin's offer to join as a soldier.
But what's the point of being a soldier if I can't even protect the lives of people I swore to protect..?!
"Tell me..." She whispered, clutching her aching heart. Tears were spewing out of her eyes as she jolted her head up to the sky.
.
.
.
.
.
"HOW DO I STOP THE FUTURE FROM REPEATING ITSELF OVER AND OVER?!"
.
.
.
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.
.
.
Without a satisfied answer to her pleading question, she hung her head down, sobbing in wrenching pain.
"Forgive me.
I failed again."
Word Count: 2280
☞ 𝘃𝗼𝘁𝗲 | 𝗰𝗼𝗺𝗺𝗲𝗻𝘁 ☜
NOTE:
hi there :>
if you were a bit uncomfortable reading this,
i am so sorry. but i hope u guys still
liked the chapter ^^
excuse my sloppy writing hehe..
till next time