"Please don't give up on me"
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current time: July 2017
Being a k-pop idol is hard.
Many people come to Seoul with the dream of becoming a k-pop idol. More than a thousand people apply and out of that 1000, only 10 young boys and young girls are selected by k-pop agencies. that's a 0.01% chance of selection.
After signing that contract, your life completely changes. Your schedule becomes fully packed with vocal/rap training, dance training, exercise sessions, language classes...and so much more. At that moment, you realize how strong-willed you have to be: both physically and mentally. Alongside, you have to maintain your physical appearance. At that moment, you have to question yourself: "Can I do this? Am I capable enough for this new life?"
And when you find the answer, you either persevere, try, or take the step back. Most people persevere, all try and it's very rare for people to take a step back. "What will happen to my dream? What will I tell my parents? What will be the next step?" are all the questions that will be rising in one's head, especially for those who think of taking the step back.
You have to stand out to debut because there's competition. Competition between idol groups. Competition between agencies. There's competition everywhere.
If you're able to pass different evaluations and make it to the debut team, congratulations. You're a k-pop idol.
Beomgyu-yah, there's a lot that goes into reaching that particular position. But I'll believe in you. If you're determined to do it, go for it. I'll be one of your first fans!
Beomgyu?
Beomgyu?
Beomgyu hyung?
"Beomgyu Hyung?"
Beomgyu got interrupted from his thoughts by Taehyun, who sat next to him. He blinked thrice before grabbing his towel beside him to wipe off all the sweat.
"Beomgyu hyung, are you okay?" Hueningkai asked worriedly.
In response, Beomgyu just nodded with a slight smile.
Beomgyu, Soobin, Taehyun, and Hueningkai were sitting in a circle, while Yeonjun was turning on the latest air conditioner that was recently fitted a week ago. When he came back to join the circle, he smiled at all the other trainees sitting around him.
Then, there was an awkward, yet sad silence filled in the room, except for the slight sound of the air conditioner.
"How are you guys doing?" Yeonjun asked with a soft tone.
"Just hanging in there," Soobin and Taehyun said.
"Doing good. Hyung how are you?" Hueningkai asked.
"I'm doing good as well. At least better than before" he said with a smile.
Yeonjun looked at Beomgyu, who looked back at Yeonjun.
"Ah, it's my turn to reply...I'm okay" Beomgyu replied in a soft yet sad tone.
"You sure?" Yeojun asked with concern.
There was silence for about two minutes or so. The only thing that could be heard was the air conditioner and the slight melody of the song being practiced by the other trainees.
"I don't know...I don't know how I feel or am anymore..."
"You know that you can always talk to us about anything, right?" Soobin said.
"Hyung, if I have a quick answer, I'll just say I'm fine. But if you had to look deep within that "I'm fine" phrase, you'd realize that I'm just saying it because everyone else is" Beomgyu said with a sad smile.
"You don't have to be fine all the time," Taehyun said. "I mean it. Hyung, it's okay not to be okay."
"Taehyun is right. Each day isn't and doesn't have to be the same. Life's like that. There are sunny, bright days and there are stormy gray days."
There was silence for about 2 minutes until Beomgyu spoke.
"I...I was thinking, that maybe I should just-"
"Don't" Yeonjun said softly, as his head lowered down. "Don't say that word, Beomgyu-yah" his voice cracked, as he teared up.
Beomgyu looked at Yeonjun with teary eyes.
"Hyung, it's been really hard for me. I was doing great for two months until I wasn't. I keep messing up the steps, the vocals of a song and now, I'm at the most bottom rank of the monthly evaluation chart. Do you think I'll be able to exist hereafter two to three months?"
"Beomgyu, failure is one of the keys to success," Soobin said while rubbing the younger's back. "Trust me, I feel what you are feeling right now. When you see other people doing so much better around you while you're at the bottom, you feel your self-esteem go terribly down".
"Right, right...Every passing day feels like a competition. When someone asks how you are, you reply you're fine. But the truth is, all of us, right at this moment, are fighting our own battles. Whether it be a failure, homesickness, or loneliness, it seems as if we are almost on the same page" Hueningkai added along.
"Hyuka, Hyungs, we're in this together. I don't know if any of us will be able to make it to the debut team or not, but we can try our best together. Let's sing together, let's dance together, let's rap together, let's persevere together, laugh together, cry together and make moments together" Taehyun said happily. "Beomgyu Hyung, I'll help you".
"We'll help you," Yeonjun said wiping his eyes before he smiled "We'll help you with vocal training, dance choreographies, and language classes. But please...don't just quit quickly. Please, don't give up on yourself. Guys, we're in this together."
"Yeonjunnie Hyung, you said that last sentence in such an emotional way" Hueningkai pouted. "HYUNGS! WE'RE IN THIS TOGETHER!" he said gleefully.
"Thank you so much, guys," Beomgyu said while crying on Soobin's shoulder. "I'll...I'll give myself a few more chances..."
"There, there. Hyung, cry your heart out today. It'll help reduce the heavy burden of sadness inside you" Hueningkai said, while softly patting Beomgyu's back.
"Group hug?" Yeonjun asked, extending his arms out.
Everyone hugged each other tightly, yet warmly enough. While Yeonjun and Beomgyu cried together, the rest of the members got emotional along with them.
"Hyung, is that a thing to ask?" Taehyun said, joining the hug.
"Yeah, since no one stood forward for the group hug!"
"Aigoo, both of you are so cute," Hueningkai said while pinching his members' cheeks.
It was indeed a beautiful moment. When they were together, it felt like summer. Warm, pleasant, and softly hazy.
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[author's note]
Hello everyone! (especially to the person I dedicated this to <3),
I've seen all the messages you sent on my archived note post and I've been so grateful and thankful for all of them! Good news to say, I'm recovering well enough. I've started wearing normal shoes and I've been extra careful everywhere I go.
+ to the person I dedicated this to, I didn't forget your request <3
This one-shot is inspired by the heart-touching song "Maze in the Mirror", which is co-produced by Beomgyu and written by all the members of Tomorrow By Together (We stan talented kings). Stream for a better day! <3
Also, I hope you all are doing fine. If you aren't doing okay and feel like crying, do it. I've cried almost every day of my senior year and I've felt better while sleeping at night. Close your eyes and listen to music. Draw lines, shapes, anything that makes you feel better. Take a break. Dance your heart out to a song you love. Sleep. Do anything it takes to try to reduce a bit of that sadness and tiredness you're feeling.
Please...Don't give up on yourself <3 You might need a break or two, or even lots, but I believe in you. I believe in you and I believe that you can reach where you want to if you trust yourself.
Sending lots of love and support,
Kaori.