I'm Not Fine At All

By the_feminist_thumb

106K 2.7K 974

Losing one's parents can be one of the hardest things you can go through. Especially when you're only sixteen... More

Prologue
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Chapter 9
Chapter 10
Chapter 11
Chapter 12
Chapter 13
Chapter 14
Chapter 15
Chapter 16
Chapter 17
Chapter 18
Chapter 19
Chapter 20
Chapter 21
Chapter 22
Chapter 23
Chapter 24
Chapter 25
Chapter 26
Chapter 27
Chapter 28
Chapter 29
Chapter 30
Chapter 31
Chapter 32
Chapter 33
Chapter 34
Chapter 35
Chapter 36
Chapter 37
Chapter 39
Chapter 40
Chapter 41
Chapter 42
Chapter 43
Chapter 44
Chapter 45
Chapter 46
Chapter 47
Chapter 48
Chapter 49
Chapter 50
Chapter 51
Chapter 52
Chapter 53
Chapter 54
Chapter 55
Chapter 56
Chapter 57
Chapter 58
Chapter 59
Chapter 60
Chapter 61
Chapter 62
Chapter 63

Chapter 38

1.3K 33 6
By the_feminist_thumb

Louis showed up at the strip club around one in the morning, his eyes still droopy from tiredness. The drive had been super long since he lived two towns over, and he hadn't had a good night's sleep in ages, so he wasn't exactly happy to get the call from Liam right as he had gotten to sleep. Of course, he could have just said no, but that meant leaving Harry at a bar surrounded by creepy men. Creepy, older men that spent all of their time in strip clubs to avoid going home to their wives and instead just preyed on young, poor boys who were impressionable and easily convinced to do harmful things for money that they needed.

The nineteen-year-old gave his I.D. to the bouncer and then went inside the club, his eyes scanning the place for that familiar mop of curls. He finally found him sitting on a barstool, leaning his head on the shoulder of a man in tan corduroys, and he walked over to them as fast as he could with how sleepy he was. "Harry." The younger boy looked up and smiled drunkenly when he saw Louis standing in front of him. "Lou-Lou!" He cheered, jumping up and pulling Louis into a hug. Harry was starting to get a lot taller and he was bigger than Louis, but he still acted like he was smaller than him. "Hey, Haz. Your breath stinks, doll. How much did you drink?" Harry just giggled and held up his hand to show off four fingers. "Four of what, doll?" The younger boy leaned into him and whispered, "Sex on the beach. And some shots that a guy bought for me. 'S really good. Makes my tummy feel warm." Louis sighed and glared at Niall.

"Come on, boys, we need to leave. Let's go." Harry waved goodbye to Ashton, Michael, and Calum, giving Ashton a sweet kiss on the cheek, and then he took Louis's hand. Louis stiffened and just went along with it, leading the two boys out of the club. "Harry, you're in the front. Niall, get in the back." Louis helped Harry into his seat and strapped him in, making sure he was leaning against the cool glass of the window. He turned the car on once he got himself strapped in, making sure the air conditioning was on full blast to keep Harry from vomiting all over his seats.

Louis drove to Niall's house first, knowing that his parents were probably wondering where he was. "Bye, Ni-Ni," Harry giggled from his seat, waving goodbye to the blonde. Louis waited in the driveway until Niall was safely inside. Then he reversed out of the driveway and drove back to Liam and Harry's apartment. He pulled up outside of the apartment building and put the car in park, just sitting for a second. "Come on, Haz. Let's get you up there." He unstrapped himself and got out of the car, going over to Harry's side to help him out. The two boys managed to get up the stairs with no problems, though they had to stop on the second floor so Harry could sit down for a minute.

Once they got back into the apartment, Louis led Harry into his bedroom and waited on his bed while Harry got changed in the bathroom. Harry came out a few moments later dressed only in one of Louis's t-shirts that he had stolen from the laundry, the back riding up to expose his lacy panties. "Lay down, darling. You need to sleep this off. I got you a glass of water and some aspirin." Harry nodded, still feeling giggly from earlier, and snuggled under his covers. Louis handed him his water and watched him drink it all before setting it back on his nightstand. "Good night, baby. Sleep well," Louis whispered before getting up to leave. "Wait," Came Harry's small voice from behind him, slightly raspy from sleepiness.

"What, darling?" Louis asked, cocking his eyebrow. He knew he was acting like a tease but he didn't care. "Please stay with me," Harry said, reaching his arms out like a child wanting to be picked up. "Alright, darling. Move over so I can have some room." Harry nodded and scooted to the other side of the bed so Louis could sleep on the left. Just like they had done last time they slept in the same bed. Louis's mind raced as he thought about what would happen if Liam caught them together again, and he almost took back what he said, but then he saw Harry's wide, green eyes and he just couldn't refuse him. So, he kicked his shoes off and pulled the covers back, crawling in next to the younger boy.

Harry grinned and immediately scooched back over so he could curl up next to the older boy, placing his head of curls on his chest. Louis's breath hitched when he felt the boy's lips brush across his neck before he got settled, and he clenched his eyes shut as he tried to keep himself from getting hard. His heart was pounding in his chest, he knew Harry could hear it, but the boy said nothing. He just stayed silent, slowly rubbing circles on Louis's belly as he tried to get to sleep. Louis ran his fingers through Harry's hair a few times, trying to find a bit of peace, but his heart wouldn't slow down and he felt too tense for sleep.

"Haz?" The older boy asked, breaking the heavy silence. Harry hummed from where his cheek was pressed against Louis's pec. "Why would you do that? Like, go to a strip club and drink underaged?" The younger boy sighed and stopped his hand movements. "It was a surprise from Niall and Calum. They wanted me to experience the thrill of doing something illegal. I also think they wanted me to get laid, but that's a whole other story." Louis's chest swelled with anger at Niall and Calum. He hated that they wanted to take his boy's innocence away. "Did you? Get laid, I mean." Harry shook his head into Louis's chest. "No, we weren't there long enough. Niall kept asking me what strippers I thought were hot but I didn't want any of them."

Louis felt himself calm down a little, glad Harry hadn't done it for the first time with someone he barely knew in a gross club he had never been to before. "Good. You should have your first time with someone who loves and cares about you, so even if it's not that great, you still have that memory of who the person was. You should pick someone who you know will make it feel good." In Louis's mind, he was thinking, 'Me me me, pick me! I love and care about you!' but he kept that to himself. He didn't want to scare the poor boy away. "I don't know someone like that, though. The only people I'm that close with are the guys, who I would never have sex with cause, like, all of them are way too hot for me, and Zayn, who's also way too hot for me, and then you."

The older boy's chest constricted and he felt like Harry just dropped an anvil on his heart. Of course Harry didn't want to have sex with him. He was his older brother's best friend. That's practically like another older brother. "I don't know, you just have to find someone. Sometimes the best person to have your first time with is a friend because then you already know each other," He said through gritted teeth, trying to resist just telling Harry he loved him and wanted to be his first. "Are you saying you want me to have sex with Niall?" Harry asked. "Because both of us are bottoms so I don't know how that would work." Louis groaned deep in his throat. "I'm not saying to do it with Niall, I'm saying that it can be good to do it with a friend that takes care of you and knows what you want. Maybe even someone older."

Harry still wasn't getting it at all. "Like Ashton, or Calum? I think Ashton might be straight, and I don't think Calum wants me at all." Louis just gave up. He was done with trying to give the boy hints. "Whatever, Harry. It doesn't fucking matter who you do it with. Just make sure you do it when you're ready. Now go to fucking sleep." Louis moved out from under Harry and turned to his side, flipping the light on the bedside table off. Harry just laid there in shock, not knowing why Louis had just snapped at him, and he felt tears prick his eyes. He hated to cry right when Louis was next to him, but what he said hurt. Tears poured down his cheeks and he sniffled softly, not wanting to alert Louis and make him even angrier. He flipped onto his side, facing away from Louis, and cried softly into his pillow.

Louis heard the sniffles and he immediately felt a surge in his chest, knowing that he had made Harry cry. He turned back over so he was facing Harry's back and reached out tentatively, rubbing over the boy's shoulder. "Stop, Louis. You told me to go to sleep and I'm going to sleep. I don't want your fake pity." Louis swallowed, hearing the hurt in Harry's voice. "I'm sorry, Haz. I really am. I'm just tired and I haven't slept that well recently and I'm a little pissed at Liam for calling me since I live so far away and I had just managed to get to sleep. I...I'm not in a great mood. But it's not your fault, baby, I promise. It's your brother's fault." Louis waited for an answer, but what he got was even better.

Harry turned back over and curled into Louis's arms, squeezing him so tight Louis's breathing was constricted. "Do you accept my apology, baby?" Louis asked as he chuckled at the boy, laying a hand on his curls. Harry nodded into the older boy's neck and pulled away, giving him a cheesy grin. The boy looked so adorable and Louis just couldn't resist it. He leaned forward and pressed his lips to Harry's in an innocent kiss. Harry made a noise of surprise in the back of his throat and his eyes fluttered a little bit. Louis pulled back and looked into Harry's eyes, his mouth open but no sound came out. He was so scared that Harry didn't like it. "Haz, I...I'm sorry." Harry shook his head and his eyes widened.

"No, no, Louis. I liked it." Louis sighed in relief and reached his hand out to touch Harry's hip. Harry looked at his hand and then moved closer, pressing his lips to Louis's again. Louis's thumb rubbed smooth circles over Harry's hip, accidentally pulling his shirt up with every stroke. They pulled apart again and Harry laid his head in the crook of Louis's neck, breathing softly. "Thank you, Louis." Louis chuckled and slid his hand up the back of Harry's shirt, rubbing over the smooth skin of his back. "So soft," Louis whispered, feeling the planes of Harry's back, loving the warmth of it. Harry sighed contentedly and fell asleep with Louis's hands on him, his breath warming up the base of the older boy's neck.

Once Louis knew Harry was completely asleep, he moved out of the boy's arms and stood up to go out into the kitchen. He sat down at the table and just stared at the wall, his heart still pounding in his chest. His eyes watched the door when he heard a key turn in the lock and then Liam came in, his duffel bag slung over his shoulder. "Li," Louis whispered from where he was sitting, holding a finger up to his lips when he pointed at Harry's room to signify that he was asleep. Liam nodded and motioned for Louis to follow him back to his bedroom, both boys walking down the hallway in silence.

Liam opened the door for Louis and then closed it behind them, sitting at his desk chair as Louis sat on the bed. "I'm so sorry I called you so late but I knew you had a dependable car and Zayn doesn't. Also, I was fucking pissed so I couldn't exactly think straight. Still am pissed, actually. That was so fucking irresponsible." Louis nodded in agreement, though in his mind he was still euphoric about Harry kissing him. "I mean, Niall was getting fucked in the bathroom by some twenty-six-year-old stranger and Harry was getting drunk at the bar. I can't fucking believe how stupid they all were," Liam groaned out, his veins in his neck sticking out.

"I grounded Harry for two weeks and he isn't seeing anyone he likes for a long fucking time. I don't even care that it was Niall's idea, he went along with it and he chose to drink. It was such a fucking dumb thing to do. I told Harry I didn't want him drinking. Ever. I don't know how dangerous it can be for him to drink. He's still healing and he's got check-ups all the time. He should be acting smarter than that. He got some pretty serious damage done to his internal organs in the crash. For all we know, his liver could be wasting away inside of him right now and he could kill himself by drinking. I don't fucking know anything!"

Louis stood up and wrapped his arm around the boy, shushing him as he cried into his shoulder. "I just want him to be safe. I don't want Niall to be a bad influence. I like Niall, I think it's great that they're such good friends. I don't want to have to split them up. But I might have to if Niall puts him at risk." Liam sighed and rubbed his nose, his eyes teary. "I know, Li. But you have to let him be a teenager and make mistakes. The doctors would probably tell you if Harry had any internal damage that would affect him in any way, you know that. Is it disappointing that he disobeyed you? Yes. But he's sixteen, and sixteen-year-olds break the rules all the time. What he did was practically harmless. You and I both know we did way worse things when we were his age, right?" Liam chuckled as he remembered how dumb they were in high school.

"Now, this whole grounding thing. Are Zayn and I still allowed to come over here, since he's technically friends with us too?" Louis asked, trying not to make it sound like he was too invested in the extent of Harry's grounding. "I think you guys can still come over, but we can't all go out together. We have to leave him at home." The older boy nodded and stood up, stretching out his limbs. "Can I, uh, crash on the couch? I really don't feel like driving all the way back home." Liam nodded and yawned as he walked out in the hallway to get to the bathroom, pausing outside the door to talk to Louis. He took his shirt off and threw it on the floor, not even bothering to pick it up since he was so tired from his stressful night.

"Sure, " Liam replied before yawning again. "Just don't eat all my food and don't make a mess. I'm gonna go take a shower, now. I had to give some creep a lap dance because he gave me a hundred-dollar tip, which was great even though the guy was super ugly, but then he broke the fucking look don't touch rule. I can still feel his grubby little hands on my ass. Euch. At least he got banned for life and they pinned his picture up on the board." Liam shivered and went into the bathroom as Louis walked into the living room and made himself comfortable on the couch, pulling a blanket over his body to keep warm. He fell asleep almost immediately as he dreamed about a certain curly-haired boy with soft lips.

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