When Sebastian returned to Ciel's room he knocked three times, waited, and entered. He found Ciel lying in the middle of the bed, draped in Sebastian's shirt with his arms wrapped around Beatrice, the blanket from his bed pulled over both of them. The cat raised her head and looked at Sebastian, and Ciel followed suit. Ciel hid his smile behind Beatrice head and mismatched eyes followed Sebastian as he approached with the teacart. Beatrice slipped from Ciel's arms and stood, stretching, and yawning loudly.
"My Lord... and Beatrice. Your midnight snacks." He pulled back the cover over the tray to reveal a glass of warm milk, a saucer of milk beside it, and two large chocolate cookies. Ciel smiled then, delighted at the sight of the cookies, and sat up, clutching the shirt and blanket closed around him, wearing it like a hooded cloak, all but his little hands and face hidden from view. The cat meowed loudly and hopped off the bed, entwining herself in Sebastian's ankles as he set the saucer on the floor beside her.
"She stayed with me... she never left my side." Ciel said quietly, holding out a hand for own milk. Sebastian handed it to him, placed the plate of cookies beside him and gathered up the clothes Ciel had thrown into the floor, depositing them in the hamper before he sat in the chair beside the bed, being careful to keep his distance and show restraint, considering the circumstances. The butler smiled as Ciel took the first bite of his cookie and made a quiet sound of satisfaction, closing his eyes to savor the taste.
"Of course she stayed. She's worried about you." Ciel snuggled into the blanket and drank a little of his milk, sighing softly. He nibbled the cookie slowly, debating whether or not to breach the topic of his fit, going over the words in his mind before he spoke. Sensing the internal struggle, Sebastian spoke quietly. "I am worried about you." A little taken aback by the emotion in Sebastian's voice, the bluenette opened his mouth to speak but stopped. Still not quite sold on the idea of discussing the event, he looked down at Beatrice, who sat beside her saucer, cleaning her whiskers. She ignored Ciel completely, leaving him to decide on his own, and he remained silent until Sebastian pressed the issue. "Tell me, little kitten?" his tone was gentle and imploring, and Ciel looked over at him, seeing that same look of what could only be described as compassion in his butler's usually sharp crimson eyes. The young Lord sighed quietly and nodded.
"Come sit with me." Sebastian smiled indulgently and moved to sit beside him on the bed, slipping off his shoes and tucking them under the bed as he did so. He sat with legs crossed before him facing Ciel, fingers entwined, elbows on his knees, careful not to come too close, for Ciel's comfort. The young Lord snuggled deeper into the blanket wrapped around him and looked up at Sebastian as he spoke. "I... I want to apologize..." The butler shook his head before the words had finished leaving Ciel's lips and cut him off.
"Bocchan, no..."
"Yes. Now shut up and listen..." Ciel took a deep breath and continued. "I don't want you to think that what happened... I mean... I didn't know I would react that way... and... I didn't mean to make you feel..." Sebastian raised his hands, negating the apology once more.
"Ciel. Stop apologizing." Ciel quieted at his name, looking bashfully up at Sebastian, eyes still wide and remorseful. "I do not need or want an apology. I only wish you would have told me." Sebastian reached out a bare hand to touch Ciel's cheek, but the young Earl leaned away, not quite ready to feel that cool skin against his own once again. "Why didn't you tell me to stop?" Ciel lowered his eyes and shrugged, placing the remaining piece of cookie back on the plate beside him.
"I don't know... I was trying to be quiet, I guess..." Sebastian sighed, looking away himself. He pressed his fingers to his temples; eyes closed and took a moment to assess the gravity of the situation before he spoke.
"Listen to me, very carefully." Ciel glanced up at him, meeting his eyes only because his tone was so gentle and imploring. "I am the one to blame here, not you. I made several mistakes that led up to this one. I neglected to consider many things in my haste... and for that you have my most profound apologies." Ciel opened his mouth to speak but Sebastian continued, his voice quiet and insistent. "If you tell me to stop, I will stop. I am no beast. I will not defy you." The bluenette furrowed his brow, head tilted as he tried to reconcile what he was being told with what he had previously experienced.
"But... before... you said you wanted me to beg you not to..." Sebastian dropped his head to his hands, covering his eyes and groaned loudly. With Sebastian's frustration evident, Ciel leaned back, fully prepared to receive some sort of reprimand.
"Jesus Christ... I've fucked this up splendidly, haven't I?" Sebastian laid back on the bed, pressing his palms against his eyes, exhaling loudly. "Ugh, it's worse than I thought..." The young Lord watched him, brow furrowed, confused, and began to slowly move away from him.
"Sebastian..." The butler continued as though he had not heard, lost in his own self admonishment.
"Shameful. All these years, and I can still fuck it up like no other... bravo, Michaelis... another skillfully orchestrated catastrophe, brought to you by a fool who should know better." Sebastian continued to mutter to himself for a few moments, Ciel watching him, chewing at his bottom lip.
"Sebastian." He repeated, quietly. The butler sat up, running hands through his hair and rubbed his shoulders, head lowered, still grumbling, obviously livid, and Ciel continued to scoot away from him, still clutching his milk.
"A fucking millennium and I still... human emotion... overly fucking complicated... ridiculous ideas attached to... everything. Your minds... they never stop. Constant barrage of 'feelings' and 'what does it all mean?' as though any of it means anything at all... nothing can ever just be. Everything has to have some kind of 'greater meaning'... ridiculous." Sighing loudly Sebastian tossed his hands in the air, exasperated, and shook his head. His quiet tirade complete, he looked over at Ciel and saw the fair amount of distance the Earl had built up between them since the start of his rant. He lowered his head again, scoffing quietly, the sharp, indignant tone in his voice falling away. "And I just keep doing it, don't I?" Beatrice jumped back up on the bed and smacked at Sebastian's knee, hissing at him. He rolled his eyes and looked at her "Oh, you just stop. I don't hear you offering any solutions." She meowed loudly several times and when he reached for her, she smacked at his hand, claws extended, drawing blood. Ciel sat up straight, clutching the blanket tighter around him as he watched their interaction. "Well, that's your prerogative, isn't it? If you do not have anything helpful, might I suggest you make your exit, Beatrice." She growled and went to Ciel, bumping her head lightly against his knee, rubbing against him several times before she hopped down off the bed. Sebastian sighed loudly again and stood, following her to the door and opened it. "Good girl." She strolled through the door without so much as a glance at Sebastian and disappeared into the hallway. The butler returned to the bed, sitting back in his place, facing Ciel, legs crossed before him, elbows resting on his knees.
"She scratched you." Ciel said quietly, watching as the wounds closed on Sebastian's hand, leaving only traces of crimson lines on his skin. He glanced down at his hand and then back to mismatched eyes that looked away shyly.
"Yes well, I did deserve it, I suppose."
"... are you ok?" Ciel whispered, a concerned look in his eyes when they finally met his butler's once again. Sebastian smiled, charmed by the sweetness of the question, and the concern that furrowed his young brow.
"Yes, Bocchan. I am just fine. You needn't worry about me; it is my place to worry about you." Sebastian tried to appear somewhat lighthearted, feigning a smile, but it fell away quickly when Ciel just looked at him, the trauma of his past still far too fresh in his mind to be amused by such trivial conversation.
"I'm okay." Sebastian sighed and held out a hand toward Ciel, but the young Earl did not move, just looked at the marked hand, then back to the crimson eyes that implored him to take it.
"Do you still trust me?" Ciel stayed quiet for a moment but nodded after the brief pause. "And you know that I am bound by our contract to obey your command." Another nod, Ciel still looked at Sebastian's outreached hand. He was so fixed on the extended hand that he did not see Sebastian's other hand as its slender fingers slipped beneath his chin. He tensed, but allowed his face to be lifted, acquiescing to the eye contact Sebastian was determined to maintain. "Ultimately, I am in your control. At all times. I cannot do anything you command me not to do." Sapphire and amethyst eyes looked up at Sebastian, still tentative, but finally free of unshed tears. "You know these things to be true, yes?" The butler ran his thumb over Ciel's lips, smiling sweetly at him, crimson eyes softening into that same affectionate gaze.
"Yes." Ciel whispered, slowly starting to relax, curious at that look in Sebastian's eye, but hesitant to question it.
"And... you are aware I am... quite fond of you." The smallest smile curled the corners of Ciel's lips, and a slow blush began to rise in his cheeks. He nodded almost imperceptibly, and Sebastian smiled himself, pleased to see his efforts proving effective. "Our games... they have led you to believe that your pain and fear are the catalyst of my desire, is this not so?" Blush deepening, Ciel averted his eyes, brow furrowed, obviously not willing to give a real answer, which was an answer in and of itself. Sebastian nodded and moved to meet the bluenette's eyes once more. "Ciel. Look at me." Their eyes finally met again, and Sebastian spoke softly. "The games we play... they are simply games. And a game is only fun when both players enjoy playing; is this not true?"
"I suppose so..." Ciel answered softly, fiddling with the glass of milk in his hands.
"I cannot deny that my desires are..." the demon thought for a moment, trying to find the most tactful words. "... significantly darker than yours. But if you do not enjoy a game we play, we will not play it. I will not sacrifice your trust and comfort for my own pleasure. What kind of butler would I be?" Ciel's smile grew at the familiar words and he chuckled softly, comforted for the moment. Sebastian smiled himself and released Ciel's chin from his gentle grasp. "And you will tell me, yes? Should we stumble upon another game that is not to your liking?" Ciel nodded again and Sebastian clicked his tongue, shaking his head. "Say it, kitten." Ciel groaned and rolled his eyes, trying to sound indignant in his reply.
"Yes, Sebastian. I will.
"Very good. Now..." Sebastian moved to stand, but Ciel caught his hand and the butler turned to look at him. The bluenette finished his milk and reached to set the glass on the nightstand, then pulled Sebastian's at hand, bringing him up to the head of the bed with him. Following his captive hand, Sebastian laid down on his side, propped up on his elbow, Ciel still clutching his hand. The young Earl crawled beneath the blankets, adjusting his pillows and laid his head down, holding the contracted hand near his face, grasping it gently but securely. Charmed by the gesture, Sebastian moved a little closer so he could tuck the blankets in around his Master, brushing a few locks of hair from his eyes before leaning back. Ciel finally released Sebastian's hand, tracing his fingers over the embossed symbol, little fingers following the veins and tendons in his hand. He stayed quiet for a while, thinking over everything Sebastian had told him before finally whispering to him.
"Thank you, Sebastian." Sebastian nodded, smiling down at him with a kind gaze. Ciel kissed Sebastian's hand gently, looking up at him with a hopeful gleam in his eye. "Will you stay?" he asked sweetly. Sebastian nodded again. "All night?"
"Yes, my Lord." Sebastian started to pull his hand away, but Ciel grasped it again, squeezing it tightly. Sebastian laughed and sighed quietly. "Let me get comfortable, I'm not going anywhere." With a nod Ciel released his hand, allowing Sebastian to slip out of his trousers, revealing nothing beneath. He tossed his trousers and socks off the side of the bed as the young Lord watched him, taking the moment to let his eyes wander over Sebastian's lithe, muscular body. He pulled back the blanket, joining Ciel beneath it and returned to his previous position on his side. He offered his hand once more and the little Lord took it, holding it close to his face as it rested on the pillow.
"Tell me a story." Ciel whispered, his lips moving softly against Sebastian's hand as he spoke, his voice growing quiet as he relaxed, preparing to sleep.
"What kind of story would you like?" the young Lord shrugged his shoulders, entwining his fingers with Sebastian's, squeezing them gently. "Alright then... would you like to hear more about Egypt?" Ciel smiled, nodding and closed his eyes, both hands now holding onto Sebastian's. The butler smiled down at him and chuckled softly. "Very well. Are you comfortable, or would you like me to hold you?"
"No." Ciel said quickly, looking up at Sebastian. "No... I'm comfortable..." An understanding nod and Sebastian adjusted himself to a level of comfort and thought for a few moments before beginning.