xxx. future&dreams
-silks of heaven, chapter thirty-
BACK TO SCHOOL WAS a stressful and exhausting time for Jasmine. She stayed close to him, but every time she saw Regulus, her heart ached. He still didn't know that she knew his parents hit him.
On the second day of classes, Jasmine was laying in his lap in her empty dorm room. It was late enough for her to sneak him in, but not late enough for the rest of the girls to be in the dorm, instead they were roaming around the castles.
She was flipping through his notes from their Defence Against Dark Arts class. Jasmine audibly sighed when she compared their notes.
"I did not understand any of this," she complained. "I don't know how you did.."
"It's our seventh year, Jas, you're going to need to pay attention," he said, peeking a smile.
"I was. Before Christmas ... but the whole situation had me thinking. And I've just been distracted in classes," she answered, no joking tone in her voice, unlike how he spoke to her.
"About what?"
She sighed again, and supported her body with her elbows. Jasmine stared at him intensely. He had a smile on us face from before, but it started to fade as he stared back.
"Look, your mother came to ours to try and get Sirius to become heir again," Jasmine began. "But, they just argued. Then he bursted something out about — about them hurting you. And I know I shouldn't know about it —"
"Jas, it's okay," Regulus interrupted. "You were bound to find out soon enough. It's just become normal for us."
She couldn't believe what he was saying.
"How? Why —?" she stopped herself. "I'm sorry, I keep asking too many questions. Regulus, you don't deserve that. At all."
"I know," he cracked. "Okay? I know. But there's fuck all I can do about it."
Jasmine swore her heart shattered into a million little pieces at that exact moment.
"I'm sorry," she sighed.
They sat in silence for a few — very long — moments. She shuffled forward on her bed and ran her fingers through his hair. She kissed his head and he dropped his head into her chest.
"I love you," she whispered, her voice muffled by his hair. "And one day, you'll move away from them. And we'll both move somewhere together. Somewhere beautiful with amazing views and a small population of witches and wizards."
He cracked a laugh, "Yeah. That sounds perfect. We planning to stay in England?"
"Of course. If they survive to live long enough, I'd want to stay near Mum and Dad. Maybe ..."
"London," Regulus suggested. Jasmine snorted out loud.
"No, that's too close to Mum and Dad," she laughed. He gave her a smile. "How about ... Liverpool?"
He gave a shake of the head. "Too many wizards and witches." Jasmine agreed silently. "What about Cornwall?"
She gasped. "Yes! It's great down there. We used to go every summer."
"Imagine how great of a childhood our future kids will have. Growing up in a place surrounded by water and sand," Regulus said softly. "God, I can't wait."
"How many children do we want?" Jasmine asked. "One? Two?"
"Three.." he said. Jasmine nodded. "Two boys and a girl. That way, she can be Daddy's girl, and I'll spoil her and treat her like a princess."
Jasmine was uncontrollably blushing, and she burst into laughter. "One day, Regulus. One day, we're going to have everything we ever wanted."
She took in a big breath and laid her head on his lap again, just like before.
The thing that kept her through the day was telling herself that .. one day, everything will be perfect. And one day, she will never have to worry about the person she loved being abused.
***
"You're joking, yeah?"
Jasmine looked up. Sirius was talking to her.
"What..?" Jasmine asked. She had zero idea what he was talking about. "Joking about what?"
"Why'd you tell Regulus that you found out?" Sirius said, his voice too calm and relaxed.
Jasmine was wearing a blank face. She furrowed her eyebrows and her eyes met with Sirius' dark blue ones.
"He deserves to know that I know," she scoffed. Sirius shook his head and took a seat next to her on the sofa-chair.
"I wasn't meant to tell you. And now he's mad at me. You weren't even meant to be in that conversation, Jas."
"I wasn't in the conversation. I just heard those words as I was walking down the stairs! How was I meant to ignore them?"
Sirius sighed. "Fuck."
Jasmine had a piece of parchment placed in her lap. She went over the lines with her fingers as Sirius that there with his thoughts. She looked up at him. He wore an expression of distress.
"You won't tell anyone, will you, Jasmine?" he asked.
She shook her head. Sirius sucked in a breath and stood up. He gave her an assuring smile, then said, "This whole 'disowning' thing is not easy at all."
Jasmine brought herself to crack a smile at his joke. "I'm just happy you're out of that place. It hurts me to think that Regulus has to stay there ..."
Sirius ran his fingers through his hair. "Yeah.. look, Jas, I'm going to go now, if that's okay. I promised Remus I'd meet him. And — er — don't worry too much about Reggie. He's strong, he'll get through it for a few more years, right?"
Jasmine shrugged. As Sirius left the room, she whispered under her breath, "I hope so."
Later that night, she couldn't get any sleep. There wasn't anything in particular that kept her awake. It was more of everything kept her awake. The fact that she's joining the Order of Phoenix in less than a year. Months.
The thought of Regulus and Sirius growing up with the fear of being hurt for doing anything. Her heart ached when she thought of the difference in their childhoods. If Jasmine ever spoke back to her mother, Euphemia would send her to her room to think over her actions. What on earth would Walburga have done to Sirius or Regulus if they spoke up? She hated to think about it.
And the whole idea that Sirius managed to escape, but Regulus didn't. And her mind wandered back to that time that Regulus told her that he thought Sirius had replaced him as a brother. With who, was the question.
Definitely not Remus. Him and Sirius were closer than a brotherly-like friendship.
Not Peter. Sirius loves Peter, but nothing brotherly. Maybe, brother-from-another-mother.
James. No shit! Sirius replaced Regulus with James. It all makes sense. Who's house did Sirius run to when he got disowned? Not Peter or Remus. And he didn't go to the Potters' house for Jasmine, of course. It was James.
Jasmine lay awake thinking this over. She thought back at their memories and her mind whirred when she realised that Sirius sees James as a replacement of Regulus.
She didn't know whether to feel worse for Sirius or Regulus ...
"Jas? You awake?"
Lily's hushed voice travelled to Jasmine, and her bubble of thoughts was popped. She cautiously sat up in bed and looked over at Lily.
"Yeah, can't sleep."
Lily scrunched up her lips and glided her tongue against the bottom half of her mouth.
"Thinking about the Order next year?" Lily asked. "I am."
"Yeah.." Jasmine wasn't completely lying. The Order was one of her many factors of thoughts. "It's weird. James, Sirius and Marlene are all excited. And even Peter and Remus, who are neutral about it, aren't scared. But I am and I hate to admit it."
Lily nodded.
"I don't know. I hate to think that I'm scared over this but other wizards and witches risk their lives everyday for the Wizarding World, you know?" Jasmine continued.
"I get it.." Lily responded.
The silence surrounding them almost suffocated Jasmine. It was so awkward. She hated to admit it, but when Lily started dating James, things between them changed. But she was happy for both of them, so she never understood why things changed.
"Jas?" Lily spoke up. "Are you still awake?"
"Yeah, sorry. Zoned out."
"Can I ask you something..? You don't need to answer," Lily whispered.
"Anything," Jasmine mumbled.
"Do you love Regulus?" she burst out. Jasmine looked over at her and they held eye contact.
"Yeah ... yeah, why?" Jasmine tucked her hair behind her ear and fiddled with pieces of it.
"I think I do, too."
"What?"
"I think I love James," Lily made it crystal clear. "I think I have for a while. I never really understood why I felt so comfortable around someone I was supposed to hate. So one day, I said 'Fuck it!' and accepted his offer to go out. But I think I'm falling for him. Falling in love with him. It's scary. Was it scary for you, as well?"
Jasmine swallowed, "It was so scary. Because at the time, I didn't think it could work. We don't have the most convenient relationship. But it did. And I couldn't be happier.."
More long moments of silence passed.
"Thanks," Lily said, before dropping her head back on the pillow. "I'm going to sleep now ..."
Jasmine nodded and she tossed over in bed.