The next week passed as painful and slow as the last. Each day dragged on, weighed down by the sleep you weren't getting and the food you still had trouble eating.
You were getting better with the food part— slowly, your appetite was returning— but your ability to sleep soundly through the night was still a fantasy.
Honestly, every night was a gamble. You would either return home from work, fall into bed, pass out for a few hours before being awoken by a nightmare or a noise, and then be unable to sleep for the rest of the night.
Or, you would take a handful of sleeping pills if you felt really compelled to make it through the night, yet somehow still end up tossing and turning for hours afterward. The added downside to that was that you felt sick to your stomach in the morning, which didn't help your appetite.
Or, finally and most often, you would simply just not sleep. Your earbuds would be plugged in, music blasting, hoodie pulled up over your head. The lights could be off and you could be bone-tired, but your body just refused to shut off. The amount of times you'd watched the silhouette of the sun come up on the same part of the wall you had watched it set was far too many to be healthy.
As a healthcare worker, you knew how bad it was that you weren't sleeping more than three hours a night. Still, your insomnia could not be cured no matter what you tried. You were really thinking about just getting a therapist at this point.
At the end of the week, you had your field-medic test, and passed with flying colors despite your lack of energy. You cried the whole way home, clutching the certificate in your hands and watching the ink letters smear as you thought about how your friends always talked about the big celebration they were going to throw when you finally passed.
But now, you were alone and framing the certificate up on the wall with shaking hands. You looked at it all big and fancy with your name on it, wondering why you didn't feel proud or accomplished of yourself. This is all you had ever wanted, everything you had worked for since arriving here on Coruscant a year ago. It's what you had dreamed of doing as a child— what you left Noxella for.
Why was it that the only thing you could do was cry?
The shrill ringing of your doorbell made you jump ten feet into the air. You furiously scrubbed at your cheeks, erasing any sign that you might have been crying before opening the door.
It was Anakin.
He was wearing his uniform, hair messy from the wind outside, without a robe of course. In his hands was a cupcake with pink frosting and sprinkles, and even a little sparkler that was slowly fizzing out.
"I heard you passed your field-certifications," he grinned.
You were frozen in place, staring at him and the cupcake he was holding up for you. His eyes were soft, smile wide. Those stubborn tears pricked at your eyes again, your bottom lip beginning to quiver. His face dropped.
"What's wrong?"
"I—" you took a deep breath, not knowing how to explain that nothing was wrong, not anymore really, and that the tears were due to how stupidly sweet this was of him. "Nothing," you shook your head, taking the cupcake from him and smiling at it. "Thank you."
You invited him in, setting the cupcake on a dish in the kitchen for later, not really having the heart to tell him you didn't think you could eat it. He crossed his arms and stood before the framed certificate, head tilted to look at it up on the wall.
"Now how'd you get that all the way up there? I know you didn't do it yourself."
"I have a step-stool," you rolled your eyes. He smiled to himself, looking at it for a second longer before uncrossing his arms and reaching into one of his belt pockets.
"I actually have something else for you," he said as he dug around. He seemed to find it, then flicked something toward you. "Catch."
Before you could groan about him getting you something, your hands thrust forward and caught it mid-air. It was a small, metal pin, dyed blue on the top half with elegant little details embedded into it. Engraved within the metal was your name, then under that :
501st Legion
Medic
Your eyes widened as you stared at the pin in your hands. You could hardly believe it— this was what you were going to wear on your uniform when you were deployed. Deployed with—
"You get to call me boss, now," Anakin grinned cheekily.
If you were brave, you would have thrown your arms around that man and hugged the daylights out of him.
You wanted to fall to his feet and wrap your arms around his legs and worship him for giving you an excuse to get away from this planet and all the mess you've been faced with. Maker, you were so happy.
Unfortunately, you were too awkward to do any of that so instead you closed your fist around the pin and deposited it safely in your own pocket.
"I can't believe it—- you got to choose so fast?"
Usually, with the way things worked, you take the field-test with a group of other people who wanted to get certified. Then you sent a copy of your certifications in and the Jedi Generals had their pick of who they wanted on their team. It took days, or weeks usually, to get chosen— that is, if you ever did. Some people never got put on a team.
"Technically, I called dibs before you even walked into the test this morning," Anakin strolled toward the kitchen nonchalantly. "No one would even try to take you away from me."
Your cheeks heated up at his words, watching him open up your fridge and search through it.
"You really want me?"
You're not sure why you were suddenly insecure. The two of you had discussed it before, when he would visit you in the medbay, and also that time at the Core. For some reason, you didn't actually think this day would come, though.
"'Course I do— you're the best medic I know. Also, why don't you have any food in here?"
He was now going through your pantries, opening and closing them as he went down the line.
"Haven't had the time to go grocery shopping," you made the lame excuse, although he couldn't call you out on the lie cause it technically wasn't.
"Oh. You should have told me, I was just at the store."
You rolled your eyes again, knowing there was no way you would have been able to contact him anyway.
"Is that where you got the cupcake? Thought I meant more to you than store-bought."
"I made up for it with the sparkler," he slammed the last cabinet closed, then turned to you with a frown. "This is pathetic. What were you planning on eating tonight?"
"I dunno... takeout?"
He pursed his lips together, crossing his arms over his chest like Obi-Wan always did. Speaking of, his eyes wandered over to the cloak you still hadn't returned, and he narrowed his gaze at you slyly.
"Obi-Wan's been here."
"Not since last weekend," you defended, not really knowing why you felt the need to defend yourself. "He gave me his robe because I forgot my jacket one day." You paused, then added, "Why? You jealous?"
"Jealous that he gave you one of his better robes, yes," Anakin quipped. "Oh well. Put it on, we're going out."
"Who says you get to tell me what to do?"
"Me. Because I'm your boss now," he reminded you cheekily, moving to get the robe off the hangar himself and thrust it toward you.
You shook your head and laughed, still ecstatic at the prospect of working with Anakin, Ahsoka, and sometimes Obi-Wan to pretend you were annoyed at that. It was only a matter of time before he was going to use the title to his full advantage, though— to the point where it became annoying.
A problem for a different day.
For now, you shrugged the robe on over your shoulders and followed his lead out the door, falling into step beside him as you walked down the street of Coruscant, all the while inquiring about your new job.
You wanted to know so many things— where were you going to first, what were you going to be doing exactly, what other people were you going to be working with, and did you actually have to call him 'boss' now?'
He smiled devilishly at that before you told him to knock it off, and then answered, "It'll be General Skywalker to you, in formal settings at least."
"So I can call you Anakin in informal settings?"
"Sure, but General Skywalker sounds better, doesn't it?"
The cocky bastard. You let it slide because promised to pay for dinner, saying he wanted to treat you to your favorite food in celebration. You happily trailed after him, Obi-Wan's cloak billowing out behind you, feeling more alive than you have in weeks.
The two of you just reached your favorite fast food place when your feet suddenly became glued to the pavement outside. No, you groaned inwardly. What are the chances?
They were here.
The pink bob of Celesta's hair was unmistakable, the green tint to Tori's skin beside her, and then the rest of the girls all cluttered around a booth in the back. You knew that it was unavoidable that you'd run into them at some point. Coruscant was big, but they centered around Padmè and she lived annoyingly close to you.
Still, you couldn't help but physically recoil at the sight of them. What were the chances that they'd choose to come here tonight— your favorite restaurant, on possibly the most important day of your life? One of them must have remembered you'd have your test today and suggested they come here in case you decided to also, just to mess with you.
You bet it was Tori. She was always inquiring about your test, more than the others. You thought it was because she cared. Obviously she didn't as much as you thought.
"What?" Anakin stopped walking when he realized you had fallen behind. He followed your gaze through the window, face smoothing in realization. "Oh."
"I can't let them see me."
"Just ignore them," he came back to your side and tugged on your hand. You shook your head and stayed rooted to your spot. "Come on, I'll be right by your side."
"Can't do it."
He sighed, disappointed by the fact that you were so visibly affected by just seeing them. You hadn't caught a glimpse of them since you'd spied into Padmè's apartment last weekend, but none of them had seen you since the Core; Padmè and Sabè excluded, obviously. You're not sure how you'd handle yourself if you walked in there knowing their eyes were on you, then looking at them and having them look away, and then things being so awkward—
You weren't as brave as he believed you were.
"Okay, tell me your order then."
You told him and he walked in himself as you leaned against the glass window outside. Hopefully they couldn't see you from this angle, and if they could, you didn't want to know. Anakin came out a few moments later with the food, and he even got you a coffee.
You sipped on it gratefully as you walked to the Jedi temple, ignoring the fact that it was probably because you looked like you needed it.
"Did they say anything to you?" You asked timidly. He looked at you like he was surprised you'd brought it up.
"No, just stared at me the whole time."
Well, that was to be expected. Padmè and him did used to be together, and they all knew. Of course they'd be giving him the stink eye, girls looking out for girls and such. You wandered if Anakin knew that they knew— that you knew— and puzzled over whether you should bring it up or not.
"Is it okay if I ask..." he beat you to it. "What did they do to you, exactly?"
He sounded like he was scared to ask, like you might just immediately burst into tears on the spot. Admittedly, the thought of them had a deep and aching pain resurfacing in your chest, but being around Anakin made it impossible to be sad enough to cry. He winced as if he could feel your pain himself, though, which he probably could.
"You don't have to tell me if you don't want to talk about it."
"No, it's okay," you shook your head and cleared your throat. The wind blew a little harder and you let the cold air whisk away the sharp edges of grief and anger from your mind. "One day we were all good... the next it's like we were never friends. I ran into Padmè and she was... mad at me? Definitely mad, or annoyed, or bothered by something I did, but she wouldn't tell me what it was."
You took a sip of coffee to distract yourself and swallowed hard to make sure your voice wouldn't shake.
"I saw Sabè soon after but she couldn't even look at me, and the rest blocked me right after the Core. Obviously they all don't want to talk to me or even see me. So I have no idea what I did, or why they don't want me anymore, and now I have to watch them move on and be perfectly fine like I never even mattered in the first place."
You huffed after saying all this, and Anakin stayed quiet. Before he could say anything, by force of habit you muttered— "It's whatever though."
"It's not 'whatever,'" he scoffed, surprising you by how harsh his tone was. A quick glance over and you could see his fists were clenched into tight balls, the leather of his glove stretching over metal knuckles. "Don't minimize your problems like that."
"Sorry..." you muttered, insecure.
"No, I didn't mean it like—" he sighed, the tension leaving his body. "I'm sorry. I meant, it's awful what they did to you. I don't understand how someone can live with themselves knowing they hurt another like that."
"Yeah, well, I've dealt with it once before. I can do it again," you shrugged, glad that he wasn't mad at you per say. Still, you felt a little awkward talking about your problems when he, also, had some stuff going on in his life right now. "My turn now."
"Hm?"
"A little birdy told me you got put on the Council," you snuck a peak at him to see his reaction, which was exactly what you expected. A grimace, and eyes that now studied the pavement as you approached the Jedi Temple.
"Barely," he muttered.
You jogged up the steps to keep up with his long strides, taking them 3 at a time. "You wanna talk about it?"
"Don't know why I would. Obi-Wan already told you everything, didn't he?"
"Just thought you might want to share your side of things," you tried to deflect.
Anakin's jaw tightened, and he looked away. Not before you saw that same anger in his eyes though— the one that was directed at you when you ran into him last weekend. You thought you had crossed a line by bringing it up, that he wasn't even going to answer before you heard his voice again.
"It's always the same thing," he spoke low and slow. "They don't trust me. Not even after years of training with them, serving for them, doing every single thing they ask of me... I've done everything I can to prove myself and it's still not good enough."
"Maybe they're just scared, like you said," you recalled what he had mentioned on your couch, about his ridiculously high midichlorian count. "You're more powerful than anyone on that Council. If they give you a title and status, they might just think you'll run around with it all reckless and arrogant. Abuse your power and stuff."
"Do you really think so low of me?"
"Of course not, that's not my thinking. I already said I trust you. I'm just trying to put myself in their perspective."
"Their perspective is that I'm working for Chancellor Palpatine as a pawn, so he can gain political control over the Jedi and have a direct say in what we do with the clone army. They think I'm helping him turn the Republic into some sort of... Empire."
"Well, are you?"
"No!"
Your voices had turned to harsh whispers the further into the Temple you walked, and you honestly weren't sure where you were going. You decided to follow him anyway.
"Then you have nothing to worry about. The others on the Council will see that soon enough, won't they?"
"You don't understand," he shook his head again. "There's more than just that. Even if what they say about Palpatine is true, the corruption goes both ways."
"Oh?"
"You can't tell anyone," he had gravitated closer to you, head turned in your direction so only you could hear him. You hung onto each word like a lifeline— the fact that Anakin Skywalker was sharing important Jedi secrets with you did not go unappreciated in your mind, especially since it had to do with the Republic as a whole. "But they want me to spy on the Chancellor."
You almost spit out your coffee.
"What?!"
He gave you a look and shrugged, entering into the starfighter hangar in front of you. You immediately located his yellow starship and guessed correctly when he made a beeline for it.
"That's crazy," you spluttered. "They think you're spying on them so they take away your Council privileges, but then they turn around and tell you to do the exact same damn thing?"
"Keep your voice down."
"What hypocrites!"
"It just makes it all the more complicated that there's merit to both sides," he sits down heavily on a crate by his ship, and you take the one next to him. He passes you your food.
"So everyone's corrupt then," you open the container and inhale the smell. It's delicious, and you find that you actually want to eat for once.
"Maybe. Sort of. I don't know what to think anymore, it's all very confusing."
Anakin frowns as he says this, eyes unconsciously staring at you as you prepare your food. It makes you squeamish, suddenly bashful at the idea of him watching you eat. You hated that feeling, but it was a hard one for you to get over after leaving Noxella. Eyes on you as you ate— it reminded you of your mother, and how judgemental she always was of your diet.
Anakin wasn't like your mother, though.
"You gonna eat?" You asked to try and get his attention off of you. He blinked and his vision seemed to clear, the thoughts in his head taking the back-burner for now. He got his food out and started to eat with you, and you chewed thoughtfully while mulling over his words.
You had to give him credit— If you thought your problems were bad... well, at least you didn't have two ancient organizations sandwiching you between their own corruption. And he still had the willpower to get up each day and put one foot in front of the other, to keep working and trying and eating and sleeping.
Well, maybe not sleeping. Anakin always had trouble sleeping.
But you still admired him for how much weight he had on his shoulders, and for being such a good person despite it all. He was exhausted and stressed and angry all of the time, but he was still always fighting for the benefit of other people. He was the most selfless and brave person you knew— a hero, through and through— and you only hoped that one day you could be like him.
"All corruption and secrets and lies put aside," you swallowed a mouthful of food, then leaned back against another crate and smiled at Anakin. "Congratulations. We're both winners today."
"Technically, I've been on the Council for a week."
"Alright. See if you get another genuine word out of me ever again, then."
"Okay, okay," he rolled his eyes, chuckling lightheartedly. "Thank you. We're both winners today."