The ride to the police station was filled with tension. No one would speak to another apart from the few words transmitted over the radio to say their status or ETA. I spent most of my time looking out of the back window at the road, thinking about what I had done. What she had said. The words she used. She said I was just like Albert – looking for revenge by killing those who could stop me or that knew too much. Maybe she was right. Maybe I am no better than he is. Maybe this is what I deserve. Maybe, just maybe what I am doing will be a good thing.
"Get out of the car now!" One of the officers said, waking me from the trance I had put myself in. "Did you not hear me? I said get out of the car." He leaned forward and grabbed my arm just for me to resist it. I pulled back and because I didn't know my full strength, so I ended up pulling him with me. I heard a crash as his head flew through the window that separated me from the front of the van. "What was that for?" He said coughing up blood and then his head went limp.
"Sorry." I said all too late as I clambered out of the van and then slowly away from it. I tripped over a rock and fell down on the ground and started crawling away, just for two officers to grab my arms and pull me up. Then they took me inside. The station was quite basic but at the same time it wasn't. I looked at the room which normally housed the captain, but he wasn't there. I turned my head away from it and saw him standing there.
"So you're the all famous Lady CyAmze Macanese, Goddess of the Multiverse. Heard rumours that you might be true, never believed them until now, with you standing here in front of my face. Just never thought it would be under these conditions. Never thought Gods or Goddess if they ever existed to be killers, the God of War, or Death maybe, but one with your power, your status, never. I cannot believe that you had the officity to kill my best officer who not only didn't mean any harm to you, or to anyone, she never did. So why did you. More importantly she saved your life, she saved the most powerful person known to man, the literal goddess of the multiverse's life, you had no reason to kill her. She could have let you die but she didn't, she did a second thought, she trusted you, she thought you were going to be really nice, kind hearted like she was. Everyone believed that you would bring us hope, everyone prayed for you to come. Now I'm starting to believe that we are wrong, we have been praying to the wrong god because you only think about yourself."
"Yes she did save my life, yes she was kind. And you can still trust me, it was me that couldn't trust her, that's why I had to kill her, if you were in my position then maybe then you would realise. Her saving me meant that she was now dangerous to me, to everyone. She knew my strengths and my weaknesses. I couldn't keep her alive. I didn't owe her anything. And before you say I do because she saved my life let me just tell you this. All she was responsible for was knocking me out so Jim, whom I kept alive, could save me. She didn't know the first thing about saving my life." He looks at me with anger in his eyes as he slowly leans forward to inspect me, see if I am telling the truth. When satisfied that I am he straightens up his back and signals to behind me. The officers hardly drag me to an interrogation room and chain me to the table, even though the chains could never hold me, maybe it let them feel like they were in charge, well I let them feel like that for now.
I looked around it. The walls, floors and ceiling were all painted a dull grey colour like the clouds when they are about to release the load. The table and chairs were made of metal and there was one light dangling from the ceiling admitting the little bit of life it had left. A long time passed and yet I was still left alone. I looked behind me and there was a one-sided window. Me getting the reflection and them getting the view. I turn my head when I hear the scratching of metal on the floor's rough surface. Standing there was Jim and the captain. I roll my eyes and look at the table. To avoid Jim's hateful gaze that tries to claw into my soul and take revenge on me.
"You seem lonely, so I brought you a friend. Hopefully you will say more to him than you did to me without a bad result." I stare at him. Looking into his soul. Damaging it. Haunting it. Scaring it. "Don't let death glare at me. I am not the one in trouble here. You are." He stuck his slim, bony finger at me. I just roll my eyes as Jim comes and sits down in front of me.
"Cigar?" Jim asks, bringing out the box and showing it to me. I just push it away from me and back towards him, signaling that I don't want one of the things that ruin your life, like a responsible person. "I promise that they won't knock you out this time."
"I already said that I wasn't like my dad, I'm not an addict so I am not having one, I don't want to ruin my life like you have, like you had ever since you had one, I just can resist the ingredients that make them addictive unlike you perfetic, unworthy humans, so glad I'm only half human now, if that. There isn't a reason or a celebration to have one for. I am like my mother that way." He nods as he puts it back in his pocket then neatly puts his hands on his table. "Why are you sitting here?"
"To speak to you. Get you to understand that what you did will never be correct. That it didn't have to be done. We trust your judgement about running and we have helped you to the best of our ability. We're sorry for the knocking out but we had to do it quickly and you weren't really giving us any more options. We weren't the bad guys, but it looks like you now are because after everything we had done for you. You kill Suzzie when really not needed."
"I heard her words before she died. I don't need anyone else repeating them. I mean a small part of me thinks that what I did was bad but not a big part. I know that what I did was wrong, illegal. I also know that what I did was correct. If I hadn't done that then there is another person that can betray me."
"Then why did you keep me alive? I mean I am flattered that you did but aren't I just as a risk as she was."
"Yes, but you and only you. Really saved my life. So, I was just returning the favour. So now I don't owe you anything. Now can you be kind enough to go and get me something to eat. I am quite famished. Haven't eaten since this morning." He looks at me and I smile.
"I'll get you some doughnuts." Jim said before leaving the room. I stared off into space. Again, thinking about her words. The words that pierced my understanding of everything. The words that hurt me. The words that said what I was doing were wrong. Yet they were the only words that made sense in this topsy-turvy world, not that I wanted to believe it. I didn't want to be proven wrong. Not now. Not ever.
The next time I look up I see Jim looking at me with a plate of doughnuts on the table. I reach up and take one before quickly eating it. He smiles at me and I don't know why. "Lady Maz. You said that you understood what Suzzie said before you killed her. Did you believe that what she was saying was correct? If so, then why did you kill her?"
"Okay so what. Yeah, I believed her. Didn't want to show that I am not the smartest here. That some people have more common sense than me."
"Why though? Show who."
"Remember what I told Suzzie about who I was." Jim shakes his head and I sighed. "I'm a god, Jim. The goddess of the multiverse no less. There are huge amounts of people that worship me. Think of me as a higher being WITH smarter intelligence. Think that I am the most powerful. I can't show them that there are people who are above me. Who is smarter? Who is more powerful? Who understands this world better than I ever could. So, I had to. I had to kill her, and I do regret it. I regret it so much. I didn't want to do it but what else was I supposed to do? If I didn't then I would be shown as weak and worthless of the power, technology and everything else I have." I raise my head to face him. "My life."
"But you wouldn't be showing that you are weak. You would be showing them that you are powerful. That you are brave and everything else you want. That you are worthy. But most importantly you would be showing them that you care for others. That you help others even if that means showing weakness."
"I guess you're right. About it all but it's too late now. Suzzie is dead and it was all my fault. I should have listened to her. I should have been brave enough to not do it. But what do I do now? I don't deserve my life."
"Hey, don't say that. We saved your life because it was worth it. We could have left you for dead. We could have killed you while doing the operation. We didn't though because we saw that you were different. That you were worth saving. So, don't ever say that again."
"Fine but sometimes the truth hurts and right now is one of those times. You just need to learn that." Jim nods at me before standing up to leave. "Where are you going? I like your company. You make me understand. You're nice. I can actually trust you. No one else that I have encountered in my life have been able to trust as much as I trust you. You've done nothing wrong. Please stay." He shakes his head and leaves the room leaving me once again alone in the dark, lifeless and soul sucking room. I look down at my cuffed hands and sigh.
I really am no better than Albert.
I really am nothing.
I am no god.
I am no saviour.
I really should be dead.
I really should be punished.
I try my best to take my hands out of the cuffs pain free, but it really isn't succeeding so I just end up yanking them out. This nearly dislocated my thumb but I got my hands out so that is a good thing. I grab my chest and dig my hand in, finding my power source. I slowly grip my hand then pull it out. To my pleasure my eyes started to make my vision go warpy. When the captain came to ask me some questions himself his blood ran cold. His face went pale white. He ran out of the room and went to get some help. I vaguely remember him coming back into the room. Darn it. Someone's found me. Then I don't remember anything after that. I do recall the same things from before. Shouting, screaming, the smell of blood. But there was something else. Something angry. I just don't know what.
Then I couldn't recall anything.
Then I couldn't hear anything.
Then I couldn't see anything.
Then I couldn't understand anything.
My body went completely limp.
I was dead.
I scared everyone.
But I was happy
I was glad.
They tried everything to save me, but I didn't know if they did. I didn't wake up in the hospital. In fact I didn't really know where I woke up. All I know is that it is kind and heavenly up here, free from the burdens of the human world, maybe I have succeeded, maybe, just maybe I have got what I want, maybe they couldn't save me.