Adelpha's Pov:
"I need help."
"I know, and I'm glad you've came to realize that and reach out. Now what can we both do?"
"My mother journal has helped me realize a lot of things, but Im not ready to admit that to myself of what they are."
"Well one of the first steps is admitting what it is and admitting it to yourself, so what is it?"
"I think I love Draco Malfoy, but all I've ever done to him is use him as a void to escape things. I used him when my father hit me, he was a shoulder to cry on and of course I had feelings for him, but I never admitted it. Now he feels as if I used him, and I think I did."
"Maybe it's his fault that he didn't realize it sooner."
"It's not his fault I ruin everything!"
"There we go, so you admit it. You were the problem."
"We both were, but I ruined most things, and I couldn't be what he needed."
I shot out of bed as my breathing picked up. I looked around the room. God that dream was to real, maybe I do need to talk to someone. I looked over to the clock that read 5 am, so I had only gotten 2 hours of sleep. I grabbed my shoes and looked around the dorm room before leaving the Raven Claw dormitory.
I waited for the stair case to spin in acceptance. It slowly opened and I hopped into it as quickly as possible.
"What brings you here Adlepha?" His voice mutters from the desk.
"I think you know sir."
"I don't, you've blocked me from your mind." He said with a smile.
I shook my head and smiled as I walked to sit in front of him.
"So, tell me what is it you came here for?"
"I don't trust that stupid therapist and you know that, but I trust you."
"Fair, go ahead."
"I assume you know everything about my past so let's skip that. I want you to tell me why I ruin everything?"
"Adelpha you don't ruin everything, you just haven't healed from your trauma. Neither has Draco. You rush into things. You try and fix things by taking your clothes off for each other, and you and him both think your wrong for each other." Dumbledore says as he closes his hands together.
"So I don't ruin everything?" I ask.
"Of course not, you've both been through so much and you both don't know how to communicate besides taking off your clothes. Misery loves company and that's exactly what is going on between you two."
I nod my head and continue to listen.
"You began smoking as a way to escape and that's fine, but drinking you can't do that. You have to deal with it when it comes back to you. You need to confront the things you fear worse."
"I confronted my father."
"That's amazing, but that's not everything your scared of."
I was afraid of Astoria, Ryan, and ruining my body to the point where it wouldn't be able to function.
"Let's start with the last one." He says, he was reading my mind now.
"I need to drop the smoking, drinking, cutting, not eating, and anything else that only causes more trauma."
"I say keep the smoking, for now, and only because you use to calm your anxiety and etc."
"I want to kill Astoria, or hurt her the way I hurt my father."
"That's not the way to do it."
"Fine how?" I mutter annoyed.
"Kick her around, show her you are better then her and will always be stronger." He smiles.
"Didn't know you were much of violence Dumbledore." I laugh.
"I'm not but she deserves it." He smirks.
Dumbledore was like the father figure I never had, and I guess that was because my mother trusted him and left him with something she knew I'd need.
"My last piece of advice is read your mothers journal." He says before standing up.
I nod my head and grab my things to exit.
"Good luck Rose." He nods.
I smile and walk out. I run back up to my dormitory and realize an hour has passed and Luna would be up any minute wanting to unwrap gifts. I quickly change and clean up the mess from last night. I fix me a cup of tea and wait on the couch for everyone to wake up and hit play for the grinch.
I open my mothers books and began to read.
12/26/1971
He was everything to me, and I never told him that. Instead I left. I left like he was nothing to me. And when he moves on the only person to blame will be me for doing nothing. I was stupid, and went to meet Chris after me and him had an intimate moment. Chris noticed the love bite on my neck. He wrapped his hand around my neck and jerked my hair back.
'Why the hell do you have this?'
'I burnt myself curling my hair.' I replied to Chris as I struggled to breath.
'Bullshit, better have it covered up by the ball.' I watched as he left the room and slammed the door. I was stupid for staying with Chris, so fucking stupid. And to think I could possibly end up marrying Chris and having a child. I just prayed he would change. I missed the one person who made me feel at him, but I couldn't say anything.
"Sorry, didn't know you were awake and up." A deep raspy voice mumbled from the doorway.
I looked up to see a sleepy Draco with presents in his hands.
"It's okay, I was just waiting for everyone to wake up, so I cleaned up and read a little." I smiled up at him.
He nodded his head and walked over to the Christmas tree and set the presents under. He flopped down on the opposite end of the couch with his head in his hand. I looked over his facial features and realized he wasn't getting enough sleep. He always looked tired now that I thought back to it, and it was because of me. I was always stressing him out or having problems of my own, that I never bothered to ask him if he was okay.
"Late night?"I asked as I reached over to set my book under the couch.
"Mhm, Blaise texted me a few minutes ago and said Luna was getting ready so I came on up."
I hummed in agreement and watched the grinch play out on tv. It was my favorite movie, whether it was summer time or spring or autumn it was my favorite.
After a few minutes Blaise walked out with a bubbling Luna behind him.
"Presents! Let's do this!" She cheered.
"Where's Alice?" I whispered to Draco as Luna sorted the presents.
"Well we've agreed to just be friends for now, so I didn't think it was a good idea to invite her to this if me and her are just friends you know?"
I nodded my head and turned my attention back to Luna and Blaise who handed out presents.
Luna had a ball unwrapping the gifts and looking over what she got. I had gotten her a muggle crystal book I figured she'd love and a salt rock lamp. I gave her a few other things like clothes and shoes, since I stole hers. I didn't know what to get Blaise so I just got him a few sweatpants and socks. I got him a few new things for quidditch. Luna had gotten me a few books about healing from trauma, ironic, and some new things for my room.
I looked over behind the tree and pulled out the beautiful dress April had sent. She had fixed it for me.
"Wow that's beautiful." Luna awed.
"Yeah, it was my mothers and I'm going to wear it to the yule ball." I smiled with a tear in my eye.
I headed back to my room to hang it up. I heard a small knock on my door, so I turned my head towards the door and Draco was peering in with a smile on his face.
"Can I help you Malfoy?" I said sarcastically.
"I found this in the book store a few weeks ago, and I remember when you told me how much you wanted to read it, so I figured Merry Christmas." He said waving around a wrapped book.
I smiled as I reached back into my closet and pulled out his present.
"Well I guess Merry Christmas to both of us." I handed him his presents over.
"Adelpha how'd you know?" He said in shock.
"Well I was there when Harry knocked you off your broom ruining your favorite jersey, and I knew you had to use a spare from the team since they weren't getting new ones, so I had your favorite remade." I smiled up at him.
He pulled out the fresh clean #9 green Slytherin jersey with a smile on his face.