Darwin
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I reach my hands above my head and stretch, trying to ease my extremely tense muscles. Even after talking with Lia, I haven't fully calmed down yet. My head has continued to swim with all sorts of fucked-up thoughts the whole time I've been sitting here against a tree with Lia.
What if Siggy isn't ok? What if his wound doesn't heal?
I mean, I know it's going to take who knows how long to heal, but it will. At least, it's supposed to.
What if the others turn on me for hitting Siggy?
My anger and anxiety ambush me again, making it harder to breath. I felt like I was dying earlier, but what if this is really it?
My heart batters inside my chest so hard that I fear it might not be in my chest for much longer.
"Daahn." I can hear something, but I can't make out what it is.
"Daryn." It's a voice. A familiar voice. I want to focus on it, yet my panic is trying to block it out.
"Darwin!" It's Lia. I finally turn to look at her, continuing to struggle to fill my lungs with air. "Let me help you." It wasn't a question, but I nod desperately, anyway. "Hold out your hands." She commands. I follow her directions, my hands shaking in front of me. "Ok, now open and close them tightly, like you're squeezing lemons."
I do so, putting my head down and pressing my eyes closed as tightly as I'm squeezing my hands. On both sides of my body, I flex my whole arm in the hopes that it will make whatever Lia told me to do work better and faster. Fortunately, it does. My heart rate slows back to normal and I'm able to get enough oxygen to exhale both a hoarse and soothed sigh.
"Better?" Lia whispers softly. Leaning the back of my head against the tree, I nod.
"Thank you." I rasp, my throat arid from all the gasps for air I was taking.
"No problem. I remember being taught that by..." She swallows, almost like she's swallowing her emotions. "Amy and Tyler, and it seemed to work well for me." Lia finishes her sentence quickly and looks off into the woods.
Amy and Tyler. The people she said she and I grew up with, and that she reunited with after Siggy pushed her off the dune.
That motherfucker. I swear I should go back there and—
"Sooo, you said back at the house that you needed to talk with me again." Lia says slowly. "What do you need to talk with me about?"
Oh shit, that's right. I completely forgot about that. Originally, I had wanted to talk with her about stuff that happened at Myer Labs that really struck a nerve so she could help me calm down and I could kiss her as a "distraction" when really I just wanted to feel Marie again. I know, pretty shitty thing to do.
Now, I still want to talk about Myer Labs, but I can't kiss Lia. Not only because it's a douchebag move, but because she knows I seek out diversions when I become too overwhelmed. I'm going to have to find a new way to use my go-to coping skill while also keeping Lia oblivious to what I'm doing. Fuck, that's sounds even shittier than my original plan.
Way to go, you dickhead.
Ok, I'm taking too long to respond to Lia's question. She's going to get suspicious of me if I don't answer soon.
"Yeah, sorry, I forgot. I wanted to talk about the first time I severely injured a scientist at Myer Labs." Lia's eyes widen a bit in shock,
"First time?"
"Yes. It was..." I trail off as a shudder suddenly runs though my body. Despite the fact that I'm sweating, it feels colder out here.
I picture the event vividly; the look of pure terror on the scientist's color-drained face, the thick river of blood oozing onto the white, tiled floor from his abdomen, the ear splitting, bloodcurdling scream from the poor assistant who unfortunately stumbled upon the situation.
"You know what? Nevermind. I don't think you're in the right headspace to tell that story right now, and—judging by how you currently look—I'm not ready to hear it. So, how about we just hold off on that until later?"
Swallowing the bile that rises in my throat, I nod in agreement. I don't have a way to look at my current appearance, but based on what Lia said, it definitely can't be great. As much as I want my plan to work, the risk of me having a full-blown meltdown is way too high at the moment.
Our good friend Silence has made a comeback. They join Lia and I while we don't say anything as we gaze at the woods surrounding us. Silence's visit is short. They leave us when a mourning dove coos gently somewhere in the tree branches above us.
"I've never really liked mourning doves." Lia says distantly.
"Why?" I deadpan. Despite the lack of emotion in my voice, I'm fucking overjoyed to not talk about Siggy or Myer Labs.
"Their call just sounds so..." She pauses, trying to think of the right word.
"Annoying?" I offer, keeping my tone steady. Lia lets out a short laugh as she shakes her head,
"Forlorn." I give her a look, which suddenly makes her defensive. "I don't know. There's just something about it that makes me sad and a little freaked out." I forgot that she doesn't like to be alone.
The mourning dove's call floats through the air and trees around us. Oh, I hear it now. The call sounds hollow and sort of echo-y, almost like a wooden whistle with a deeper tone. I think it's the emptiness in the coo that makes it seem so sad and lonely. Now that I understand how Lia interprets it, the call is sort of unsettling and eerie.
"No, you're right."
"I know." Lia says sarcastically, flipping her hair over her shoulder. I roll my eyes, feeling my anxiety start to dissipate. "Don't get all pissed off at me. I was joking."
"I know." I mock her voice and sarcastic tone, pretending to flip my hair like she did. She folds her arms, faking anger,
"If I sound like that, then you sound like this." She deepens her voice and makes it sound a little raspy for the second half of the sentence. "I'm Darwin, I'm always moody and I—"
"I don't think you want to finish that sentence." I interrupt with a tiny smirk, pointing a finger at her. Like a child, Lia continues her horrible imitation of me,
"I don't think you want to fini—"
"Looks like you two are doing well."
The two of us jump at the unexpected and vapid voice. We both turn to watch Vince stalking in our direction through the dry leaves and overgrown ferns. Lia drops her eyes to the ground, the smile wiped clean from her face.
The coltish atmosphere has immediately been snuffed out. Usually, Vince would've fueled the playful fire with his lively demeanor and jokes. Now, they've been replaced by complete discontent, which acts as dry chemicals from a fire extinguisher; putting out any gaiety it comes into contact with.
"Siggy's lying in a tent unconscious and you guys are here acting like this an elementary school playground." He chastises.
"Vince," Lia tries quietly.
"Not now, Lia." Lia's mouth snaps shut. "For fuck's sake, guys. I would've expected this kind of shit from Siggy, not either of you." Vince sounds like a fucking parent scolding his kids. However, his tone and anger is telling me that Siggy's not doing too good.
I'm the reason he's not doing too good. I begin to revert back to the state I was in a few minutes ago, my heartbeat climbing faster than a rocket ship blasting off into the sky. I throw my head into my hands, feeling my skin heat up. Oh fuck no, please not again.
"I was just—" Lia attempts to defend us, but it's no use. My whole body is tensed up and my lungs aren't letting any air in or out. In a panic, I use my new coping mechanism. Oh, God. It's not working. Why it's it working?!
Holy shit, I feel like I'm being ripped apart.
"I don't care what you were doing!" Vince roars. Lia's hand flies to her mouth, tears welling up in her eyes. "Neither of you seem to care about Siggy right now! Darwin, you hit him with a fucking stick and you don't even seem to give a flying fuck about it! Lia, you watched it happen right in front of you and you're sitting here cracking jokes. He hasn't started to heal at all and YOU. DON'T. CARE!"
Everything crashes down on me. My world crumbles into a million pieces and crushes me beneath them, suffocating me. Siggy's going to die and it's all my fault. I'm going to lose my best friend because of my fucking idiocy. FUCK! My eyes are wide open, but my vision has gone completely black. I know I'm on the ground as I can feel scratchy leaves against my cheek.
"Shit!" A distant male voice shouts. "I didn't mean to set him off like that!"
"Darwin?!" A female voice screams, sounding even more distant than the male's. Something touches my arm for a split second before swiftly pulling away. "Fuck, that hurt!" The fading female voice hisses.
"Holy shit, there's heat waves coming off of him!" It's getting harder and harder to hear the voices. My heaving breaths aren't resulting in any oxygen getting into my airways. My heart is on the verge of shattering my rib cage and exploding out of my chest. My body's trembling uncontrollably and is showing no signs of stopping.
"I'm getting Charlotte!" Male yells, although it sounds more like he's yelling from a hundred yards away.
It's almost as though my panic is torturing me by allowing me to hear the real world for a just little bit longer. Taunting me with something I so desperately want. Keeping it just barely out of my reach at first and bringing it farther and farther away.
"It'll be ok, Darwin. You're going to be ok." Female bawls from a mile away. No, I won't be ok. I'm dying, just like Siggy.
No no no. Please no.
Female shrieks. Searing heat surrounds my body, licking at every bead of sweat drenching my skin. There's stomping, panting, and what sounds like flames crackling. It feels like my body's being doused in lava. Quick and heavy footsteps approach, crashing through the underbrush.
"Oh, my God!" Male shouts. More stomping.
"Please help him!" Female pleads through tears. Something sharp stabs into my thigh.
Someone screams. I think it's me.
The stomping stops. After a stifled gasp, Female goes silent. A person is breathing heavily. I can't tell if it's also me or someone else. The air smells charred and smoky.
Somewhere above me, a mourning dove coos.
Within seconds, my body relaxes and my eyes finally close.
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Salut, tout le monde!
It's been a hot minute, hasn't it? I told you I wasn't going to get the next chapter out until after July 4th!
Ok, so it's chapter 20! I'm still not sure how many chapters there are going to be, but I know it's going to be much more than 20!
Also, while I was away, we got our first comment! Yay! Feel free to comment, guys! It would seriously help me put!
Shoutout to those who read every chapter! You guys know what's up and I love you for it! <3
Thanks for reading chapter 20!💕