A/N : Inline comments are love, so are your final comments on how you feel about the whole story after you read it. Looking forward to lots of both as you read each chapter!
Happy Reading!
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"Well in that case I would like to have a look at the ultrasonography report" I demanded with my jaw clenched tight, it felt like someone had knocked breath out of my lung - after I heard Dr. Mishra's revelation.
"That's it Abhi, I got the test done, at the clinic of your preference to make you see sense, now you want to see the ultrasound report? Do you not trust me at all?" asked Tanu with disbelieve in her eyes. I couldn't comprehend at that point - why was seeing the report so necessary? It's not like Tanu and I never made love, maybe we did make a pact to be physically distant as long as I was married to Fuggy, but getting drunk and going over-board - that is in perfect sync with my character - then why did I not believe her? Why was I hell bent in proving her wrong, why did I want to hear she isn't pregnant? Just so that I could go to fuggy and tell her I was right? Or so that I can go and tell her, at least I have never physically cheated on her? Or maybe because I could just go and tell her that now her reason to leave me has been proven null and void - it could be any of them.
"I have to see it Tanu, I am not believing this jack-shit otherwise" I replied with gritted teeth, but this time Fuggy spoke before her. "Tanu, let him see the reports nah, I know you're saying the truth, let him be satisfied too, he will accept you wholeheartedly then", my wife pacified the so-called mother of my child. Tanu agreed reluctantly.
When I saw the first glimpse on the monitor, one would think, my paternal instinct would cloud my rational judgment, I am sure that is what Fuggy must have assumed for sure, but nothing happened - I was just staring at a blurred video of a bad scan, I turned to look at Tanu, she wasn't even looking at her baby, she was looking at me, waiting with bated breath for me to accept the content of the scan and give it my name, then I looked at Fuggy, and she was transfixed at the screen with so much emotions in her eyes, that for the first time I felt that moving blur in the screen was human, a baby - my baby, but acceptance hadn't settled in my heart yet. I just stared at the mix of emotions in Fuggy's eyes, there was hurt, dejection, pain, and to my surprise even maternal instinct for Tanu's child - maybe that was because, unlike me, she has already accepted the child as mine. She was ready to sacrifice everything for this child, even our marriage - something she couldn't walk out of, even for her own sake, owing to her mother's health. But today this child and his future, is more important to her than her own mother? The child who is the living proof of her husband's infidelity? What kind of a woman is Fuggy I wondered in awe. She saw me staring at her and quickly rubbed the silent tears that were escaping her eyes and turned around and walked away.
I instinctively followed her, leaving a confused Tanu behind. I found her standing in the garden outside the hospital, but I couldn't walk up to her - I stood there rooted, suddenly the two feet distance between us seemed metaphorical - One probable mistake, though I still don't think I have slept with Tanu, and Fuggy is a lifetime apart from me. It didn't matter any more whether she had said the truth by the lake that night when she confessed her love to me, or not. It didn't matter whether I love her or not - either ways, we are late. The distance between us is so vast that even if the universe shrunk, it couldn't get us any closer. We insulted destiny and made a mockery of marriage - today was pay back time.
I couldn't reach her, I just slumped onto a bench right next to me and stared at nothingness, suddenly feeling hot tears running down my cheeks. I was alarmed, what did it mean? Did it mean I have accepted Tanu's child as mine? Does it mean I have accepted that maybe I did sleep with her and cheat on Pragya even physically? Or did it mean that I am already lamenting Fuggy's impending departure from my life? I didn't know.
I felt a warm hand on my shoulder as I sat there on the bench - I looked up to see Fuggy - tormented as she was from inside, she came to support me. I couldn't hold back any longer, I just grabbed her waist and buried my head into her stomach and cried like a small child - I was weeping - the rockstar in me cringed, but it didn't stop me, because it didn't stop Pragya from comforting me either.
"Abhi, please accept Tanu and your baby. It's the right thing to do. They are your responsibility.", she whispered. And I sighed in dismay, I didn't have a choice now, the baby was my responsibility, and with him came Tanu who would soon replace Fuggy in my life. I was scared, so scared.
***
As Aakash handed me the report, I looked at his baffled face and wondered, whose report could it possibly be, could it be that, Tanu's report had been accidentally sent home? I shuddered deep inside, and cautiously tore open the envelope - out came a report with the patients name, printed as Mrs. Pragya Abhishek Mehra. I was surprised, when did Fuggy go for a medical test? Could it be that she is suffering from something serious? A worry I had not known I possessed for Fuggy's well-being possessed me as I unfolded the report to read it. It was a pregnancy test, and the reports read positive.
It must have been quite a few minutes before I felt daadi shaking me gently and enquiring what the report was about - I was at a loss for words, my brain seemed to have gone for an overdrive, but at the same time it lacked the capability of cooking up a story - I just spoke out the truth I held in my hand - plain unabashed truth - and after so long I felt good. "Daadi, this is Pragya's medical report. It says that she is pregnant" - I sighed in relaxation, for once a lie didn't escape my lips, for once I don't have to think of cover. For once I didn't have to be cautious - I felt my terse muscles relax.
But on hindsight I wonder what was that warm fuzzy feeling inside me? The happiness, was it because I beat a lie, was it because it made me a little less of a liar, or was it because the report read Pragya was pregnant - now she couldn't leave me, my daadi would be the happiest person alive - my baby felt so real, like he was almost out there on my hands, crying and eyeing me with curiosity. I wondered would he have my laid back attitude or Pragya's sharpness, would he look more like me or more like Pragya? Would he like music over books? That would be fun, we both would together create so much ruckus that Pragya wouldn't be able to read another book in her life. I must have been smiling goofily for quite sometime, when Aakash finally broke my trance. "Bhai, wait! You have nine months to go! You are day dreaming about junior from now it self?" he laughed. To my surprise I laughed back in return - then I turned to look at the mother of my child, and saw her furious eyes, my smile faltered, why was she upset? Then the impossibility of the report hit me - and the realization made me hollow inside, I felt the absence of my baby from my world. "How can she be pregnant?" asked a small voice inside my head, "The report is a mistake" it reasoned. I didn't particularly like this voice. If I could make love to Tanu under the influence of alcohol and make her pregnant, then maybe I could have done the same with Pragya at some point, I hoped. Maybe Pragya hid it from me completely? How would she tell me, she already knew about Tanu's pregnancy. Assurance washed over me, my baby wasn't a false hope, he is indeed cuddled inside Pragya right now. I felt that familier warm feeling coming back inside me, when the annoying voice spoke again, "Tanu might let an alcohol induced you, take advantage of her, but Pragya? Would she allow it?" It reminded me of a night so long ago when me in my drunken state was trying to get close to her after finding out about her MMS with Suresh. She had shoved me away - that was Pragya - It didn't seem likely that we had ever had such a special night. But did that mean the baby isn't really there? It felt like my paternal instinct was clouding my rationality - I wanted to protect and keep my child safe inside Pragya - Pragya, now she and Tanu both are equal, how would she justify leaving me, she was pregnant too, I love my child, the child is solely my responsibility - in fact I am dying to see him for the first time - there was no way I was going to let Pragya leave me now.
Overwhelmed by the news and the affection and warmth it brought me, I walked to Pragya, by passing Tanu and hugged her tight. "Congratulations Fuggy, I couldn't have been happier. Thank-You" I held her between my arms tightly and I could hear daadi's soft and content sniff from behind. But Pragya gently pushed me away and looked at me with revolt in her eyes, "Have you lost it Abhi, what are you saying? I am Pragya, not Tanu." She whispered hoarsely, clearly shaken by the news herself. I took a step back, I was intimidated, I was too close to bursting this happy bubble of mine, dangerously close, I backed away, I didn't want to touch rationality. "Abhi, the reports are false, you know it, we have never been a husband and wife properly, behind closed doors. How can you react this way?" she asked in shock. I didn't reply, but there, my bubble did burst - the phantom child around whom my life revolved for a few minutes, suddenly abandoned me - he was gone, and soon Pragya would too - leaving me behind with Tanu's and her child. I was scared, so scared.
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