Zaryab was busy preparing everything for him in the office. He has to shift in a month. Mujtaba is also coming back tomorrow and doesn't know how to deal with it at home.
He is tired of the mess. He is ashamed to meet her even. She had gone without meeting him once, without any complaint, without taking anything from him.
Mehmal, you don't want anything from me. You give everything without saying anything to me.
Zaryab remembered he told her
She will be my wife; either you stay or leave.
Zaryab closed his eyes. He couldn't believe it he said those words to her
I said those words. It hurts you this much you left. Without taking anything and never calling me again.
He should have stopped her. But he couldn't wait for her to leave and get engaged.
Zaryab's heart was longing for him to die. He hurt her so much that she didn't even look at him back once or share him in her grief.
What do you think, Mehmal, I do? Seeing this compelled, I would say, "Come and accept Anaya because you are now alone."
Even thinking of it makes him sick. How did you manage yourself all alone with no one with you?
More than that, Zaryab seems to be thinking about how much Mehmal has hated him till now. She must think of him in every negative word in the dictionary.
Mehmal was crying and going crazy in Namaz. Sania, outside in the living room, can hear her ever since Hamad had said that she and Zaryab had not divorced. And he wants her to come if she wants a divorce.
Will you humiliate me now, Zaryab? At least respect our relationship, or I once carried your child. But Where I was expecting from a man who treated you like a prostitute and was happily planning his wedding when you were mourning for your child. You are expecting from him.
She cleaned her tears and finished her prayers.
Fine, zaryab, you want me to get divorced, ok, I'll.
She told everything to Emer. She knows his hesitation. He is a man and doesn't want to have a relationship with a married woman. He said whatever her decision would be. He'll wait for her in London.
His parents welcomed Mujtaba. Zaryab came home late. They were having dinner. They didn't meet like brothers. Zaryab salam him. He nodded only. For Zarmeena and Qureshi Sahab, it was painful. They were quiet at dinner.
" Mujtaba, how is Sania?" Zarmeena asked him. Both zaryab and Mujtaba looked at Zarmeena.
" She wasn't fine when I met her. Mehmal wasn't there. She was in Palestine. So Suleman allows me to meet her. After weeks she recovered," he said Zarmeena had tears in her eyes. Zaryab felt more guilty. His appetite was suddenly gone.
" I attended uncle Sikandar janaza there. I couldn't meet Mehmal. Honestly, I had no courage to meet her. She was devastated, crying, and touching her uncle's feet. Her aunt, with great difficulty, handled her," he said. Zaryab looked at him, and tears filled in his eyes. Mujtaba was looking at zadyab and telling them. It was more to zadyab than to his parents. He wanted to make him feel ashamed.
"She lived alone in the house, and then Suleman forced her to join university and do the job to make herself busy. After months She came back to normal and then suddenly vanished." He said, making zaryab gulp back the tears.
" Then Suleman, allow me to meet Khalla. When she came after the coma, I waited to meet Mehmal. Suleman didn't let me meet her. That wasn't the best time," he said and still looked at Zaryab. He can see shame and, in his eyes, guilt " You know I saw her fiance there. She came with him," Mujtaba said and saw his exact expression when Sana's engagement was fixed with her cousin.
" When I met her at her house, she forgave me and stopped me for dinner. There, her fiancé joined too. He was a Turkish man and her boss. Maybe they get along well with each other. He was a very respectable man in London. His family belongs to an elite family. There is someone from her status," he said those words to zaryab. He saw how his expression changed.
Zaryab pushed his plates, and Zarmeena stopped Mujtaba from continuing the conversation, but he didn't. Zaryab's tears fell. He felt his body warm. In winter, he was sweating.
" Suleman marries his niece, and there they get engaged. He sends their traditional dress he chose himself for her and then on the dance floor.."
" MUJTABA STOP IT," Qureshi Sahab said Zaryab had tightened his fist.
" They danced, and suddenly they were alone dancing and lost in each other. He is in his late 30s and getting beautiful young women to make every man his age mad, so suddenly he gives her his mother's dupatta and wraps around her on dance...." he didn't complete it, and everything on the table fell on the floor. zaryab did that, and his hand started bleeding. zarmeena slap Mujtaba.
" That's how I felt it zaryab. She is happy without you" he spitted those words to zaryab and left. Everything flashed in front of him, the dubbatta wrapping. He was weeping her tears. " Zaryab a.." he didn't even let his mother complete and left the dining hall.
Zaryab and Mujtaba tried to avoid each other in the following days. Zaryab was busy in the office when he heard the knock. De. Yousaf was there. He immediately stood from his seat and greeted him, and made him sit on the couch.
He converses with him and enjoys coffee. He was impressed that zaryab was a retired brigadier's son. After A levels, he gets admission to Ivy League universities, Colombia university America and then a master's from the University of Sydney. He excels in his career.
" It's good you are joining the UN in America. A man like you need to be there. Zaryab, if something comes your way and you could do something for your community and Muslim people around you, Please do it. They need you," He said, and zaryab nodded. He never brought religion in via profession. He was not a practising Muslim.
" Zaryab, that day you offered your namz but didn't ask Allah anything, " he said zaryab smile faded away " I'm not what you see me," he said, making Dr Yousaf raise his eyes " Why you are Muslim? That is enough for me to see," he said. Soon Dr Yousaf Azaan's alarm rang. It was Friday prayers time. " Let's go for prayer," he told Zaryab. He stood, and despite not having regular Namazi. He offered Juma namaz with colleagues.
At khutba, he sat beside Dr Yousaf. After they offered the namaz, they sat there zaryab had nothing to do much, so he sat beside him. People around him gathered. He didn't attend such gatherings, but he was stunned by Dr Yousaf's teachings. He was a rigid and conservative scholar. Ali Yousaf Sahab was zaryab's guest. It would be rude to take a leave when a person in front of him was crying. It wasn't zaryab's concern, but Yousaf Sahab walked to the person. Everyone around him was also looking at the men. Yousaf Sahab just patted his back.
" I'm a sinner I.." Dr Sahab didn't let him complete " Don't tell me what your sin is. Allah said not to tell your sin to others but to me. I was hoping you wouldn't call yourself a sinner in front of others because that sin secret is between you and me. If you want forgiveness, ask me not to tell others," he said zaryab was listening to their conversation.
" Will he forgive me for what I did? I'm ashamed even standing in from of him," he said. Ali Yousaf smiled, looking at him.
"In Quran, the word "Allah is Most Merciful" is repeated many times. God loves those who turn unto Him in repentance, and He loves those who keep themselves pure." From this verse, we can conclude that if someone asks forgiveness with repentance, then Allah will love them, and surely He will forgive them. Still, there is one condition, and that is they should not commit that sin or mistake again." Yousaf Sahab said zaryab listened to him. He was ashamed as well. He realised he didn't ask for forgiveness from Allah. How will he ask Mehmal? Allah will not forgive me till his person doesn't forgive me.
" What if someone did something with another person? How will he ask forgiveness from Allah? Surely he didn't forgive till the person they hurt didn't forgive," zaryab asked. Dr Yousaf looked at zaryab and smiled.
" In Islam, forgiveness is a virtue, not obligatory, but a person can do one thing he can ask Allah for forgiveness and ask him to soften the person's heart whom they didn't wrong too. I always tell my people to forgive but never force them. It's their decision. " he said the person crying was in sujood. Yousaf Sahab and zaryab walked outside.
While walking, zaryab asked again, " How will another person forgive?" he asked Dr Yousaf to understand him but didn't look at him, just walking beside him.
" There are two kinds of forgiveness in Islam: Allah's forgiveness and human forgiveness. We need both since we make mistakes in our relations with Allah and each other. In Islam, all that is needed is to recognise the mistake or sin, improve it and seek forgiveness from Allah Almighty and other human beings." he said to zaryab and him having a chat in zaryab's office. Zaynab realises he is indeed a sinner.
" Sir, Your seminar gained a very positive response. They wanted to have your seminar at the Serena hotel. It's for all. As you have spent most of your life in crisis with the UN, then OIC and was a retired foreign officer as well, surely you have spent your life handling crisis," Zadyab said.
" I'll surely do that," he said Zaryab nodded.
" Can I ask you a question as you know so much about Islam?" he said, and you say Sahab nodded.
" what Islam said about polygamy," he asked Dr Yousaf laughed Zadyab was embarrassed.
" When we ask men the sunnah, the only thing that comes to their mind is four marriages. They think it's sunnah, but in actuality, a big responsibility that one cannot do it properly. If he can, then go ahead, but we only see the ayat of the Quran where it's said men are allowed if they are fair among wives but forget to read and tell the very next line of the Quran. Even if it's your dearest desire, you can't fulfil equal rights. I can't see men in today's era can do that." he said zaryab agreed with him.
"What if he knows he will fulfil the rights?" he asked again.
" Are you married, zaryab?" he asked suddenly, making Zadyab quiet for a minute, then nodded his head.
"Are you a good husband?" he asked zaryab, thinking about mehmal and his relationship when he didn't mess up.
" let me answer you. No, you are not. Very few people are. You are not Allah's perfect man. How can you be a perfect husband? No one is perfect but First, be a good husband to your wife. Here you are not a good spouse to your wife even though I'm not, although she said I'm perfect." he said, making zaryab ashamed.
" Yea, my wife left me", he was why he said bluntly. He didn't know, but Dr Yousaf's expression made him surprised that it wasn't affecting him like it was not new to him.
" Why didn't you go and get her back if she left?" he asked now the conversation became personal. Zaryab's first time is sharing his problem with someone. Before that, everyone had just witnessed his state. He didn't share his situation, but with Dr Yousaf, he felt relaxed.
" I did something which made her leave me, and soon she will divorce me, which I don't want", zaryab said and told everything to him.
"Zarya, you were not a good husband. I'll not judge your actions, but here you can not do justice properly, so having another wife is a sin for you. You should thank Allah you didn't marry. Otherwise, you will be answerable to both of your wives. Now, ask forgiveness for your wife, for which you are accountable. She is not with you for the last year. That means you didn't fulfil her rights for one year and were in a haram relationship by taking her for an outing, and the wife, who is your duty and for which you are answerable at home sitting miserably. Do you call yourself a husband? From just this action, you show you can't do justice and that woman is not your responsibility. Your wife was. Justice's another thing you cheated your wife. Islam never allows cheating. The woman wasn't in your Nikkah, and yet you take her out when your wife is in hospital and depressed. ", he said. Zaryab inowsnhenwas wrong. He never thought, what if mehmal leaves? He becomes depressed.
" I know I want her forgiveness. I realised I was not a man who could do that. I don't want that. I love my wife and only her," he said; Dr Yousaf smiled sadly.
" Zadyab asking forgiveness is your right like every human being. Even how much you are a sinner, forgiveness and repentance are the right which Allah gives you. No one can take it. But the other person forgives you, that depends on them. You did something your wife can only forgive you if you want it sincerely, then repent sincerely. I would suggest you do everything for sincere forgiveness. If she is not comfortable with you, then leave her. If she can survive without you for a year, didn't ask for anything, not financial, not emotional support and still didn't talk and ask anything, believe me, she will live. She doesn't need your support, and khulla applies to her," he said zaryab was silent.
" Pray for me," he said
" Zaryab, why not you pray for yourself and? I noticed you didn't pray correctly. You haven't developed your relationship with Allah," he said, making zaryab embarrassed.
" I didn't understand, " he asked. Dr Yousaf sighed as he reminded Emer when he came in his teen and asked him how to pray correctly.
He remembered He was crying. Elif called him the casanova guy, who is only Muslim by name. It will ruin the effendi title. He remembered he didn't even know how to pray. Elif and emer hate each other before marriage, but Elif truly changes him. What Emer is today is because of elif.
"Zaryab Namaz is not duty. Allah calls everyone five times a day to talk to him, worship him and ask him, and he'll respond to you. When you start talking to him in namaz, you will find peace, and your connection will develop. When your connection develops, you will never forget to meet him. Even five times are less for you. " he said and stood to take leave.
"When I can meet you again, do you give lectures, "zaryab asked. He liked his company and wanted to meet him again.
" I'm staying here for a month and more than will return", he replied, and gave him the address where he provided lectures. It was a mosque near his house where zaryb and his family usually offered some namaz.
After two weeks, zaryab attended his lecture regularly after Isha's prayer. He asked nothing, sat and listened. He followed his method of offering namaz. At home, he alarmed the fajar an hour before waking up for the office. He still offers qaza namaz.
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