"Where is he?" Meredith demanded, bursting through the doors of the ICU, running to the desk. "I need to see Derek Shepherd."
"Are you family?" the nurse behind the desk asked, her expression unchanging.
Meredith opened her mouth to yell again, but Mark grabbed her arm and pulled her back. "She's his sister," he said. "I'm his brother. Our mother is with him right now, and we just want to see our brother."
"Alright," the nurse said, "right this way."
Meredith yanked her arm out of Mark's grasp and hurried after the nurse. When she led them into Derek's room, Meredith's eyes filled with tears at the sight of Derek's battered body lying in the hospital bed. His arm was in a sling, and a large bandage covered his forehead. Emma sat at his bedside, tears streaming down her face. When she looked up and saw Meredith and Mark, she smiled softly and stood, moving to embrace them both.
"He's...a little beat up but he should be okay in a few weeks," Emma whispered.
"I need...I'm sorry, but can I just have a minute with him alone?" Meredith asked.
"Of course," Emma nodded. "Come on, Markie, let's go call the girls."
They walked out of the room and Meredith took a deep breath before she stepped towards the bed.
"What the hell are you doing here?" Derek murmured, his eyes still closed.
"What...of course I'm here," Meredith whispered, sitting down on the edge of his bed. "Derek, what the hell were you thinking?"
"I was thinking that I needed to get lost after my girlfriend ripped the world out from under me."
Meredith stared at him for a moment before she said, "I can't believe you're blaming this on me. You're the one who decided to ride your stupid motorcycle without your help. Some future neurosurgeon. You should be grateful to be alive."
"I'd be more grateful if my bike was still operable."
"Your bike?" Meredith exclaimed. "You're lying here in the hospital, having a crash that almost cost you your life, and you're worried about your stupid bike? What the hell is wrong with you?"
"Why are you here?" Derek asked.
"I'm here, because I just got the phone call I've always dreaded," Meredith replied. "I'm here because I love you. I love you, and if you really loved me, you would have thought about how painful it would be for me to lose you. You've been going on and on for weeks about how lost you would be if you lost me. Maybe you should have thought about me and how I would feel if I lost you."
"Well, if you really loved me, you wouldn't have broken up with me," Derek said evenly, turning his head away from her.
Meredith shook her head, tears falling down her face. "Derek, I never..." she started, but he interrupted her. "I'd like to be alone," he said.
Meredith stared at him for a moment before she leaned down to press a kiss to his cheek. "I'm not going anywhere," she whispered in his ear before she turned and hurried out of the room. As soon as the door closed behind her, she sank onto the floor, her back against the wall as she finally let out the sobs that she had been holding in ever since she'd heard that Derek had crashed his motorcycle.
"Hey, Grey," she heard a familiar voice say as a body appeared next to her. "It's okay, he's going to be fine."
"Mark," she gasped, leaning into his embrace. "It's...he's upset about his stupid bike. He almost died, and all he cares about is his stupid bike. He didn't even think about me. He's been going around for weeks telling me how important it is that he doesn't lose me, but he didn't even think about what it would be like for me to lose him. I know it's selfish, Mark, I know. But I've spent the past two months putting myself aside so that he would be able to have what he needs. And now, just this once, I'm going to be selfish. Because all I want is Derek to be alive and to love me."
Before Mark could answer, the sound of various machines beeping in Derek's room made echoed in the hallway, and a moment later a team of doctors rushed into his room, the door slamming behind them. Meredith stared after them for a moment before she turned to Mark with wide, scared eyes.
"What's going on?" she asked, fear evident in her voice. "Mark, what's wrong with him?"
"I don't know," Mark said, fear lacing his own voice. "I don't know, Mer, but he's going to be fine. He's going to pull through."
"I don't...I can't lose him, Mark, I can't."
"I know, Meredith," he said, wrapping his arms around her and swallowing his own tears. We just have to wait, and they're going to come in and tell us that everything is fine."
Meredith buried her face in Mark's shirt, gripping his hand tightly as she stared at the door, willing it to open so that she could see Derek's open eyes, laughing and telling her that he was just joking and she could come in so he could apologize to her.
"What's going on?" Emma asked as she walked back to the two of them, her eyes filled with fear. "Meredith? What happened?"
"The machines just went off," Mark said. "We don't know what's going on, but they're working on him."
"They're going to save him," Meredith murmured as she scrambled to her feet and moved to hug Emma tightly. "He's going to be fine. He can't not be fine."
Before Emma could say anything else, the door to Derek's room opened, and a doctor stepped out, his hands shoved into the pockets of his labcoat. "Mrs. Shepherd," he said softly. "Your son is stable. However, he has slipped into a coma, and we can't seem to get him to regain consciousness."
"Unconscious?" Emma asked. "What...there has to be something you can do to help him. You have to do something, Dr. Hathaway."
"I'm sorry, Mrs. Shepherd," Dr. Hathaway continued. "His concussion was much more severe than we originally anticipated, and this is his body's way of telling him that he needs to regain his strength. This often happens with severe concussions. We'll monitor him closely for the next few hours, and then see where we are if he hasn't woken up."
"That's it?" Meredith demanded softly. "That's all you're going to do. You're a doctor, you're supposed to help him! And now you're just going to watch him? You need to do something?"
"I'm sorry," Dr. Hathaway shook his head. "There's nothing I can do until we know more. We'll run some tests and then go from there."
"Meredith," Mark said, pulling her towards Derek's room. "Go in and see him. He needs you right now."
Meredith glared at the doctor for one last moment before she moved into Derek's room, tears flowing down her face as she stared at the image of her wonderful boyfriend, lying unconscious in her hospital bed. With a sigh, she moved closer to the bed, lying down next to him and resting her head on his chest as she whispered, "Please come back to me, Derek. I love you."
XX
Derek knew where he was, but he had no idea how he'd gotten there. At one moment, he had been lying in his hospital bed, yelling at Meredith and mourning the loss of his motorcycle. Now, he lay in the grass next to the lake where his dad had always taken him fishing. With a frown, he looked sat up and looked around, trying to figure out how he had gotten here. His arm wasn't in a sling, and his head was no longer pounding, and for the life of him, he couldn't figure out how he'd gotten here.
"You're wondering how you got here?" a familiar voice asked from behind him.
Derek froze, trying to convince himself that he wasn't really hearing this, that he was imagining his father's voice coming closer to him.
Michael laughed as he sat down next to Derek, looking over at his son as he took a deep breath. "I know you're confused, son," he said. "But you seemed pretty upset last night, and I figured you needed some fatherly advice."
"But...you're dead," Derek said, the words coming out in a choked sob.
"I know," Michael said, leaning forward to pat Derek's shoulder. "But do you really think I'd leave you and your sisters and your mother that easily? I'm still here, Derek. And from what I heard at the cemetery last night, you need some special advice."
"Am I..." Derek couldn't find the words to ask what he wanted to.
"No," Michael said with a laugh. "You're just...away for a little while."
"Oh," Derek said. "Dad?"
"Yeah, son?"
"I miss you."
"Oh, Derek," Michael said, leaning forward to put an arm around his son. "I miss you too. But I've been keeping an eye on you."
"Great," Derek muttered, pulling away from his dad to pick at the grass in front of him.
"Derek," Michael sighed. "Alright, let's grab some fishing poles and talk it out."
Derek smiled softly. "Like we used to?" he asked.
"Yeah," Michael said with a smile. "Come on."
"Where are we going to get..." Derek trailed off as he looked down and saw a fishing pole already in his hands. "Oh."
Michael laughed as he cast off into the lake. "Things are a lot easier here, son."
Derek cast off as well, quiet for a long moment before he whispered, "I'm sorry."
"Sorry?" Michael asked. "For what?"
"For...not being me," Derek replied. "For ending things with Mer. For not making you proud."
"Derek," Michael sighed. "Alright, I'll admit that you haven't exactly been the son I raised lately, but...I think you can change."
"I can?" Derek asked. "Because I tried to, Dad, I really did, but all that happened from that was Meredith breaking up with me."
"Son, you need to understand something," Michael said. "The world...it's not written in black and white. That's the way I saw it, and now, looking back...you need to learn that now, Derek. Otherwise you will make mistakes, mistakes that you might not ever recover from."
"But...she said she doesn't want to be with me anymore."
"See, this is what I'm talking about," Michael said. "She never said that. You're like me, Derek, and you only hear what you want to when people talk to you."
"You think I wanted to hear Meredith say she wants to break up with me?" Derek asked. "That's ridiculous, Dad. You know she means everything to me. This killed me."
"And you think she doesn't feel the same way?" Michael asked. "Derek, when was the last time you were there for Meredith? When was the last time you let her need you instead of the other way around?"
"I..." Derek started. "Dad, I don't know what to do."
Michael sighed as he set down his fishing pole and turned to look at his son. "I'm going to lay it out for you," he said softly. "This was your warning. I know you've been mourning, and I sympathize with that. But you can't keep living like this, Derek. You're young, and you're in love, and you've got a promising future in front of you. So I want you to go back. Go back to your life, your mother. Go back to Meredith. And if you don't take advantage of this...I might not give you just a warning next time."
"Oh," Derek nodded softly. "Thank you, Dad. I just...I think I needed this. I don't know how I'm supposed to do this without being able to go to you for advice."
"You can always come to me," Michael said. "I promise you, Derek, that you will never be without me. Maybe not in the most overt ways, but I'll always be there for you."
"I love you, Dad," Derek whispered.
"I love you too, son," Michael said, pulling him into a tight hug. "Now...you need to go back to Meredith."
Derek took a deep breath and nodded. "Okay," he said. "I'm ready."
•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•
This give me Mer on
the beach vibes and it
was written 12 years ago!
•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•