"L/N, you're still here?" Why was it that this woman was always at the Agency last? She was typing and clicking away at her laptop, occasionally writing down in her notepad.
"Mhm, we're leaving for Okinawa tomorrow, but we can't just go to the second-largest city in Japan without having a clue with what place we're going to go." She explained, her eyes flying across the screen. Was she..was she planning? Yet another responsible, but rare, thing coming out of her. I should have probably stopped comparing the woman to the adolescent version of herself.
"What have you got so far?" I asked, walking over to her.
"A few high-class bars, museums, nightclubs, strip clubs..."
"Strip clubs?" I repeated.
"Well, that sure caught your attention." L/N spun her chair around and looked at me with a smirk. "Do you plan on having a good time Kunikida?"
"Shut up, you." I rolled my eyes and spun her chair back around to her laptop personally. She merely laughed and closed her laptop.
"Welp, I'm beat. Time to go home." The woman began placing her things into her bag, and stood up. I waited for her at the door, keys to the Agency in my hand. My hand turned the knob and opened the door for the two of us. Once we had both walked out, I inserted the key into the hole and turned it until it locked.
***
The streets were quiet as we walked. There was silence between us, but this wasn't rare. I had recalled times we would walk around the garden in our old school, simply admiring all of the work that we had done, and not talking whatsoever. Regardless if I was forced to remain in it, being in that club made me appreciate nature more than I had before.
Speaking of the devil, we were about to pass a floral shop. I had forgotten there was one so close to the Agency building. I had gone to the place once to buy flowers for my apartment, back when I had first joined the Agency. Although I hadn't had much time to take care of anything at all. Lately, my apartment seemed to be a place where I slept and occasionally ate. L/N walked a tad bit faster to get a glance at flowers in a pot near the front entrance. She bent down and examined them with intent eyes, this was becoming familiar. A very odd sense of Deja Vu, it's not as if we were in a garden, so why was something familiar? I couldn't figure it out.
The woman took in a big inhale of the flower and exhaled with a satisfied smile. She stared at it a bit longer, then looked up at me.
"Cosmos..." She said with a smile. "Very pretty, huh?"
Oh...
Now I remember what's familiar.
"Camellias. You don't see these too often huh? The seeds for these things are so expensive, but I would really like to grow them someday." I stared at her, being in total awe. L/N grabbed onto my hand, and looked at me with a determined look, "Once I get the seeds, you'll be helping me grow them, got it?"
We never did grow those camellias...I had wanted to, very much.
"Kunikida..? Hello...Kunikida?" I snapped out of my daze and saw L/N staring at me with a confused look.
"S-sorry." Dammit, why was I stuttering? "We should probably get going, the subway leaves soon."
"Right." She stood back up and continued walking. We arrived at the station and got on the subway on time. Once we were out, we continued walking beside the road.
There was still so much deja vu I was experiencing, what was I not remembering? There was a tingling feeling inside, one which I hadn't understood. The image of L/N's profile looking at the flowers with fascinated eyes still kept replaying over and over, what was so important about that moment? C'mon..think..think.
***
"Oi, old man, I'm going to change my ideal spouse page."
"Oh? Where did this come from? Did you finally think of something?"
"Yes, now if you'll excuse me." I went to my room and immediately opened my ideals notebook. I ripped the ideal spouse page out and went to a blank one. I wrote and wrote. I wrote so many requirements, one that had reminded me of only one person that I knew. My cheeks had grown warm just thinking about it, the same image of her in my mind.
My god...
All this time, the woman who had all of the requirements checked out on my list...was walking right next to me.
The moment that I was continuously remembering, was the time I...dare I say...fell in love with her?
L/N was the ideal spouse I had envisioned in my mind when I was young?
***
God, how embarrassing.
The origin of the requirements I had gone by for so long was someone I had forgotten about. How could I have done that? Not to mention, I previously had feelings for this woman when we were younger, is that awkward? Not as if she knows, but I think that's going to change if I don't stop staring at her. Oh god, I'm staring at her.
"Kunikida, you're in a daze again." L/N waved her hand in front of me.
"O...uh.." I wasn't able to form words. This wasn't right, I had to pull myself together. It's not as if L/N fits all of the requirements anymore, she had completely changed! That's right, what I was feeling was a mere embarrassment for the fact that I had feelings for her at a time. All I had to do was compose myself. "Sorry again, I'm not sure what's gotten over me."
"You might be hungry." That's her first thought..? Well, it was correct technically speaking. "There's a diner right here, c'mon. She moved her head in the direction of a building right beside us, and sure enough, there was a diner there. L/N opened the door. I looked at her, still trying to see the old L/N with the present one. "Don't think of this as some sort of kind gesture, you're paying."
Yep, they are hardly alike. I need to stop freaking out now.
***
L/N had devoured the food, so she was finished with her meal far before I was. I decided to ignore her lack of manners at the dinner table and continued to eat my sandwich. It wasn't a very hearty meal, but I hadn't had much of an appetite for anything and I didn't want to spend too much. Luckily, L/N didn't get anything too expensive either, which I appreciated.
"You feeling better? Mind clearing? Stomach becoming full?" The woman asked, resting her cheek on her hand.
"Yes, I believe so," I responded, placing the glass of water I had in my hands down on the table. "What about you? Are you satisfied with your meal? You seemed to enjoy it."
"Oh, I did..." Her grin had faded and her body tensed. She grabbed onto her stomach, "I think I enjoyed it a bit too much..." The woman stood up and ran towards the restroom. I didn't particularly have time to express my concern, she dashed out fast.
I shook my head, taking the last bite of my sandwich. Now that L/N was gone, I took time to look at the diner's scenery. There were quite a few customers still present, enjoying their meals while talking to their peers. I had noticed there were even some high school students in a group, it looked like they were playing board games on the table. Well, there was no school tomorrow, so I suppose they could've stayed out later than usual.
The building was brightly lit, having overhead lights in almost every booth. There were some stools with red rubber cushions and high tables in the middle, and a small arcade placed at the corner of the restaurant. Music had played in the background, giving a fun tone for any customer.
After signing my check and handing it back to the waiter, I stood up and headed for the bathrooms. I was surprised L/N still wasn't out of the bathroom, was the sandwich that bad? I couldn't hear much of what was happening in the restrooms, as speakers that played the music stood close to the bathrooms. While I waited for her to come out, I got a phone call with L/N's caller ID on it. Was she...was she calling me from the bathroom? Hesitantly, I answered it.
"H..hello?"
"Kunikida..."
"Uh...yes?" What the hell was going on...
"You have my bag, right?"
"Yes, I grabbed it after I signed the check and left the table," I explained, clutching said bag in my hand.
"Could you bring it inside..? It's a private bathroom, and it's unlocked."
"Bri..what?"
"Please for the love of god Kunikida bring me my bag." I noticed a slight quiver in her voice and desperation. This probably wasn't the sandwich's doing..was it?
"Uh, okay okay. Are you fully clothed-?"
"Yes I'm fully clothed just come in here please-" Her breathing was beginning to grow faster, raising my concern.
I nodded, ending the call. I looked left and right, making sure no one was watching and turned the knob to the only private restroom there. It was indeed unlocked, so I opened it slightly.
"L/N..? I peeked inside and saw the woman on her knees right in front of the toilet. My eyes widened when I saw her puke into it, grasping onto the edges of the toilet. "Oh god.." I closed the door behind me and knelt down next to her. "Hey..what's wrong? What's going on?" I looked at her hands, which were shaking. She lifted her head and continued to breathe fast as she turned to me.
"Bag..?" I gave it to her, unsure of how she planned on using whatever she had in it for this situation. With determination, she scrounged through her bag, throwing the things she had not been looking for out of it. At some point, the woman took out a pill bottle and threw it to the side, then another, and another. My face dropped looking at the ground. ..why did she have so many pills? There were at least 7 bottles on the floor. Some were empty, some were full. I felt so helpless looking at her, I didn't know what was happening.
The woman finally grabbed a bottle that she needed, opened it, took out a tablet, and swallowed it. Her fast breathing did not stop, and she grabbed onto her chest and looked down. I had to do something about this, I couldn't just sit idly.
I grabbed onto her and brought her close to me. I grabbed her chin and lifted it with some amount of force. "You need to breathe L/N, don't look down." She looked at me and nodded, tears forming. "Good, I'm going to call the ER-"
"NO-" L/N lifted herself slightly and grabbed onto my shoulder. "Do not...do not call them."
"What?"
"Please, they can't know right now.
"Well, what am I supposed to do? This is dangerous L/N, you're in serious pain right now."
"I'll be fine, please, do not call them. I just forgot to take my meds, that's all." I looked down at her pitifully, still feeling useless, even if she was in my arms. "Just...stay here...that's all I want."
"L/N, we can't stay here. The restaurant closes soon and other people might need to use this restroom. It'd be better if we went to a hospital."
"It's fine. If people ask what we're doing, just say we're making out or something."
"What??" L/N winced and tightened her grip on my shoulder. I sighed, deciding to comply with what she wanted. Which was to stay with her, that is all..? I took the hand that was holding onto my shoulder and placed it in mind, letting her grab onto it as tightly as she wanted. Her breathing was easing down, but her body still shook as she kept her other hand on her chest. I wanted so badly to do more, but what could I possibly do? What was something that I could do that didn't go against what L/N wanted?
Minutes past, and finally, her body eased. She laid her head back and breathed in and out. I couldn't stop staring at her, was it over? The woman's eyelids were barely open, but she was visibly relieved.
There was a sudden knock on the door. "Hello? We've been hearing odd sounds coming from this restroom, please come out. The restaurant is about to close."
"Go away, we're just having a bit of fun~" L/N replied in between breaths.
"Don't say stuff like that!" I scolded her, although it was hard to scold someone who was just grasping for life seconds ago. How did she still have the energy to cause trouble? The woman smiled and brought her hands toward my face. She ruffled my hair, took off my glasses, and loosened my red tie. "What are you doing?"
"Making this look somewhat believable." She said, unbuttoning the top buttons on her shirt. "Sorry but, you might have to help me up." I rolled my eyes, not looking forward to whatever she was planning, but helped her up.
The door unlocked and was swung open. A young worker was standing there awkwardly. "Please guys..I just wanna go home." He said, avoiding his gaze, immediately assuming the situation exactly as L/N planned.
"Right, I apologize." I put L/N's arm around my waist and my arm around her shoulder so she could keep her balance, and walked out of the bathroom and restaurant as fast as we could.
***
"Thank you for not saying anything..." L/N said, still being affected by fatigue. I tightened my grasp on her and nodded.
"I assume you need to be walked home?"
"Actually..Kunikida. I know this is alot to ask, but could I stay at your place?"
"What?"
"I can't go back to the place I'm staying at.."
"Why not?"
"..."
"L/N, these secrets...I'm not sure how much longer you can keep them."
"I'm sorry, just this one night, please?" I looked into her eyes, which looked hopeless. I sighed.
"Alright, fine."
"Thank you."
We continued to walk, nearing my apartment. I was very afraid of the state of the place, considering a pretty graphic event had happened the night before. I did my best to clean it up, but the blood stains were still visible. Hopefully L/N wouldn't mind too much. I could feel her drifting in and out of consciousness, lifting her head slightly then putting it back down. Why did this happen? Why was she so against going to the hospital? How could I have never seen signs of this before?
Once we reached my door, I put my arm around L/N's waist and unlocked it with my other hand. I led her to a longer couch and sat her down.
"Let me get you some water." I said, walking over to the kitchen. Once I filled a glass cup with water, I walked back over to the couch to find her laying down. "Hey, don't fall asleep yet. Drink this."
L/N groaned and sat back up, taking the glass from my hand and sipping it. "I'm sorry for all this trouble." She mumbled. Once she had drunk some water, I took the glass out of her hands and placed it aside.
"Do not apologize." I replied, not uttering another word. The woman rested her head on the back of the couch, and passed out. I laid her down and put a blanket over her body with a sigh. There were still so many questions in my mind, but it was so clear she didn't plan on answering them. Why was it so hard to care for the people I wanted to care about? Why did the world decide to bring me these issues?
Secrets...what a necessary but terrifying thing to keep from someone.