𝐒𝐮𝐧𝐬𝐞𝐭'𝐬 𝐏𝐎𝐕
Ever think of all the bad things you've done in your life and how it got to this point? Taking drugs, Kissing girls that are already in relationships, bullying people in the past. I have to think about that every time I wake up.
After thinking about the horrible choices I make, I think how about I'm still here. Why didn't I go in my sleep? It's a suicidal thought to think about it but I would never intentionally kill myself. When you're so sick of something in your life and want a break from it, a long break, the thought of your body at peace is a dream come true.
My 'friends' completely turning on me. Friend groups never last, all they do is cause you pain when they all slowly drift apart. It's worse when you're too distracted to see, because when your mind is finally in check you come back to nothing.
"Another day, another disappointed." I signed.
I picked up my phone to see many text messages, I couldn't tell what anyone said because I didn't unlock my phone yet. I felt a happy sensation in my stomach. It soon went away after I unlocked my phone.
I checked the group chat I was in with the others only to see I was removed. I still saw the messages they said before they removed me.
AJ: Did y'all see what was posted on the forums?"
Rarity: Yes, it's quite disturbing. I really hope Twilight is okay.
Dash removed Twilight
Dash: i didn't want her to see us talking about her.
Pinkie: QUE PASÓ
Dash: english?
Pinkie: WHAT HAPPENED
Pinkie named herself 'PP'
Dash: wtf
PP: it's my initials. #thebest
Dash: ok
AJ: I never noticed how we lost so many people.
Dash: don't talk about her
AJ: I didn't even bring anything up💀
Dash: yea well u were gonna💀
AJ: No I wasn't💀
Rarity: Can you two not? And yes, we've lost about 3 people in this gc.
PP: 3 PEOPLE??? I THOUGHT IT WAS JUST TWILIGHT AND FLUTTERSHY
Dash: DUDE
PP: QUE PASÓ
Dash: bruh
Rarity: And Sunset. I mean after this whole mess, she's definitely not going to hang out with us anymore.
AJ: Why don't you just blame her for everything like she did with you?
PP: sunset's not gone silly🤪🤪 SHES STILL IN HERE🥵
AJ: Oh shoot.
PP: sunset is hot
Dash: ok.
Dash: ur so fucking random😭💀
Dash removed Sunset S
"Bruh.." I sighed miserably.
Wait, what forums?
I checked the other notifications on my phone. They were all people commenting on my account but I haven't posted anything since freshman year.
FlashSentry4090: Boo! I knew Sunset was still bad. .
^Theyluvjeremiah replied: Nigga shut up, u were sucking dick that belonged to another girl
not too long ago.
TheGreatnPowerfulTrixie: Trixie is appauled by this news!
^SourSweet444 replied: GOD STOP TALKING IN THIRD PERSON. ARE U SLOW
^TheSunnyFlare replied: LMAO
FleurDisLee: Truly disappointed boys.
^JuniperMonti4 replied: Disappointed at what specifically? Homophobic ass.
^SpitFireIsRad replied: girl how u know she's homophobic just by that one comment
Dash: it's so funny reading these replies. why are they are so harsh💀
^Theyluvjeremiah replied: shut up gay nigga. rainbow haired shawty
^Dash replied: bro what, I'm not gay😭
^Theluvjeremiah: ok shawty
^Dash replied: what are u even doing here, u don't even go to this school
^Theyluvjeremiah replied: y'all got so much drama
Timberflash: I changed my username because of this post.
^FlashSentry4090 replied: I hate it. What's my name doing there!
^Timberflash replied: Shush, you're ruining the moment babe
^TheGreatnPowerfulTrixie replied: Trixie ships.
After reading only a portion of the comments, I saw the actual post. It was me and twilight kissing and Flash and Timber getting caught in the bathroom.
I called Twilight, hoping she would respond. She did, surprisingly.
"Why would you post that, Sunset!" Twilight yelled into the phone, blasting sunset's ears.
"Twi, I didn't. . I'm serious." Sunset
"Then who did?! I know you're the only one who has YOUR password."
"I'm so serious, Twi. I didn't do this. It was most likely the killer."
"Stop it."
"Stop what?!"
"You always blame shit on people that have nothing to do with anything. Remember when you just blamed Rarity for killing her best friend??"
"Yes, I totally regret that-"
"My parents have already found out. They're taking my phone, they're taking everything I enjoy. I can't go after school to anything. I literally can't do anything. Don't ever talk to me because after this I'm blocking you on everything."
"Twi I'm so serious I didn't do any of this! I know I blame people but this time I know it's the killer. I know it."
"It was you because I know how much you hated me for pretending to like Timber like that. Goodbye, Sunset. See you never."
"No twilight wait!-" she hung up before I could finish what I was going to say. My anger kicked in and I threw my phone across the floor.
Nothing ever works out for me. I'm just hopeless at this point. I messed up things with Twilight, with my friends, with everyone.
I stayed in bed and put my earbuds on to play music. Music was my only escape, as cheesy as that sounds, it was true. Different kinds of music can make your daydreams different every time.
It was sunny outside. The sunlight was shining in my face from my apartment window. I hated it and loved it. It was blinding me so much but It felt great on my skin. It made me think; having these natural experiences is what I would miss the most even if I were to die.
I remember Twilight telling me that regardless of how suicidal someone is, their body and brain will react in survival mode. For example, if someone jumps off a high building they will hit the ground terrified and quickly regret their decision. No matter how suicidal that person may be, that will happen as soon as they hit the ground. It's a normal human instinct.
Is it a natural instinct to want to end everything after everyone hates you for something you didn't do? I don't know how long I can keep up with this.
My vision started to become blurred. I rubbed my eyes only to feel water around them. I didn't even realize I was crying but it felt so good to finally let everything go. My feelings were finally expressed in tears instead of anger.
I checked my phone again to read the other comments.
StarlightGlimGlam: It doesn't really sound like something Sunset would say, especially in public. But whatever.
Adagio: I'm on Sunset's side ;)
^Theyluvjeremiah replied: Sunshit
^Adagio replied: And you are?
^Theyluvjeremiah replied: Jeremiah
^Adagio: aw well Jeremiah, I think it's time you change your username. No one loves you, not even your dead mom. Peep the bio, fly low🥺
Damn that was harsh.
The fact Adagio literally defended me and I've barely talked to her. Maybe she's not a bad person after all. Just protective is all.
I swiped out of the forums and onto my messages to text her. It said she was active.
hey.
Hello.
just wanted to say thank you for believing me.
Well I know for a fact you didn't post that, so no problem.
I'm just so sad, everyone I used to talk with doesn't even believe me.
Well friends are temporary, Adagio is forever.
That's weirdly supportive. .
Are u okay?
did a soft girl take over ur body??
I'm in a good mood
right.
well im definitely skipping school today
u can come to my place whenever u feel lonely
ill pass, i want to be by myself this time
K
Adagio Dazzle went offline
I didn't want to be by myself, I had to be by myself. I could feel what she was trying to do even through text. I don't want to be romantic with her anymore. The closest we will ever be is friendship.
I want Twilight, even though she'll probably never talk to me again. I'll wait, I'll be patient for her. I just wonder how she's holding up with her parents.
𝐓𝐰𝐢𝐥𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭'𝐬 𝐏𝐎𝐕:
I couldn't overbear my parents scolding. Their words mean nothing to me, it's just the same thing they've always told me but in a louder voice.
"We're taking away your phone, your electronics, your robotics, basically everything that makes you happy." My mother scolded me.
"I read a textbook on child behaviour and how to fix it if they act out." Father said.
"Textbooks don't fix everything! There will always be new discoveries to fit our modern day societal needs as human beings." I yelled out.
"Are you trying to justify your homosexual tendencies?" My father asked me, raising an eyebrow and getting closer to me.
"Sickening." My mother added on. "Maybe we should limit her friends as well."
"You guys are being preposterous. It's just a phase she'll grow out of soon. When she goes to college, she'll be sure to have smart boys lined up just to date her." Shining Armor walked into my room.
"Ah, you're right. It's just a phase. We should stop overdoing it." Father responded to my brother, patting him on the shoulder.
"Thank you, Shinning Armor." Mother replied as well.
"You can have your phone. Mostly because you're going to spend the night with Shinning Armor and his fiancé."
"We just can't deal with you tonight. It's out of love."
Mom and dad walked out of my room, closing the door. Shining Armor didn't leave, he walked towards me and put a hand on my shoulder.
"It's not a phase, you're perfectly fine. I just didn't want to disagree with them because I didn't want to start anything."
"You're just saying that to make me feel better. That's what older siblings do. They're either here for you or the most annoying people alive. No in between." I fell back into my bed.
"I'm serious."
"I'm going to take a shower. Could you please leave?"
"Of course." He walked out of my room, gently closing the door.
Short and simple answers, he always does that when I'm sad because he doesn't know how to comfort me.
I should probably take that shower, I sighed. At first I was only using the shower as an excuse for him to get out of my room. I don't particularly know why but I just feel uncomfortable talking about my problems to men.
Maybe that's why I couldn't ever connect with Timber?
I undressed myself and grabbed a fresh towel from the linen closet. I proceeded to enter the bathroom, shut the door and locked it. There's no one that would come in, but I always feel the need to lock it. It's a weird habit I guess.
I took off my glasses and set them in a drawer so they wouldn't fog up. I starting to run the shower and waited outside until it felt hot and suffocatingly foggy. A weird way to explain it, yes, but I felt like it was just a perfect description. For me at least.
While I waited, I looked at myself in the mirror. A bad idea, I must admit. Staring at myself in the mirror gave me the opportunity to examine every insecurity and point it out. An example would be my hair.
My hair is originally curly, not the super tight curls but the loose ringlet type. I always straighten it because it can be annoying to style every morning. I also straighten it because my mom says it's 'more professional'. I never understood that, but I'm not one to stand up for myself so I just kept quiet about it.
Another example would be my body. How it doesn't curve at all like other girls. It's literally just slim with nothing, and I'm at a pretty small height as well. My appearance is always and always will be perceived as the dainty, sticks and bones, nerdy girl with glasses.
All the time I spent silently bullying myself in the mirror, the shower was finally hot and ready. I stepped in and let the water slither down my body. It was refreshing.
•••
A/N: SCI TWI HAS CURLY HAIR, only explanation for when her hair was messy. Like when her hair gets all messy, the fly aways curl up. Also Twilight is insecure
QOTC: APPLEJUICE OR ORANGEJUICE(disgusting)??