Nyctophobia- Fear of the dark
The boys had finished a long week of schedules and were excited to finally relax for a weekend. They had already had dinner and were all in separate areas of the house doing their own things feeling at peace. For yeonjun however, that peace was short-lived.
"Attention! Severe thunderstorm warning for this area, close windows and keep off the roads until further notice."
"Aww man! A thunderstorm? Gross." Kai groaned from the couch.
"Oh, come on Hyuka, it's not that bad, it might be fun to watch!" Beomgyu said cheerfully as he threw a pillow on the ground and layed facing the window.
"Great idea Bamgyu, let's make a fort!" Taehyun squealed grabbing all the pillows and retrieving the couch cushions to start building a fort. Yeonjun had an anxious feeling in the pit of his stomach. He wasn't afraid of the storm itself, but he was worried that the storm could cause a power outage. He shook his anxiety off as he helped build the fort with the rest of them draping a blanket over the top to create the roof. The rain had started heavily hitting the windows the sky a dark gray color with swirling clouds and fast wind.
While building the fort, yeonjun had forgotten about the possibility of a power outage and was focused on having fun. After some time, he excused himself to go to the bathroom. While he was washing his hands, the lights suddenly went out.
His heart stopped as he let out a terrified scream. His breathing was rapid and shallow his hands shaking as he reached for the light switch flicking it up and down desperately trying to get the light to come back.
There was sudden knocking on the door the unexpected sound scaring him even more. He slid down the wall against the bathtub bringing his knees up against his chest as tears fell down his face. He couldn't see anything he was lost in inky blackness and was trapped. His panic worsened as he began hyperventilating gasping for air as his shallow breaths became shorter.
"Hyung!! Open the door! What happened? Are you hurt?! Did you fall!?" Soobin pounded on the door, his fist becoming red.
He heard Yeonjun's breathless sobs and knew something was terribly wrong.
"Hyung? Can you hear me?"
Still no answer.
He used his phone flashlight to reach on top of the door frame and find the spare key they have for emergencies. He stuck his phone in his mouth and fiddled with the doorknob placing the key in and turning it quickly. When he heard the click, he rushed in finding Yeonjun curled up on the floor shaking and crying, gasping for air.
"Hyung!!?" he screamed falling to his knees to be close to Yeonjun. He propped his phone on the wall so the flashlight could illuminate the small section of the bathroom.
"Hyung? Hey, it's Soobin I'm here, it's okay." He cooed softly placing a soft hand on Yeonjun's face.
"it's...it's...too dark...i...I can't see any...anything." He choked breathlessly.
"Hey, hey, it's alright. Look, I have my flashlight right here, see? It's just a power outage hyung, it's okay."
Despite Soobin's attempts, yeonjun could not calm down. His hyperventilating worsened forcing him into a coughing fit.
"Hey, hey, yeonjunnie, you have to calm down, okay? Look at me junnie."
Yeonjun shakily rose his head up to look into Soobin's dimly lit eyes.
"Breathe with me junnie, in for four out for four, okay?" Soobin spoke gently and calmly as he coached the elder through the deep breathing exercises.
"that's it junnie, you're doing great. In and out, deep breaths." Soobin placed his hand on Yeonjun's chest feeling it rise and fall with his own sighing in relief.
"Good junnie, focus on me, don't look around just look at me, okay? Can you do that for me?"
Yeonjun nodded focusing his very wet eyes on Soobin's.
"There you go, just keep your eyes on me, okay?" Soobin reached his arms out and wrapped them around Yeonjun keeping him in place. He rubbed Yeonjun's back feeling the boy's tense body relax slightly under the touch.
"He used his other hand to wipe Yeonjun's tears away.
"s...Soobin... i..."
"Shhhh, don't talk junnie, focus."
Yeonjun closed his mouth and kept his eyes on his leader, the dim light only illuminating Soobin.
"Tell me what you see junnie."
Yeonjun looked at Soobin and focused on all his features.
"b...black hair, bl... blue hoodie, brown eyes, s...silver ear...earrings, gray sweatpants, white socks." He shakily listed everything he saw on Soobin which helped him calm down slightly.
"Good junnie, what else?"
Yeonjun looked at himself before speaking again.
"Black hair, pink t-shirt, blue jeans, pink socks, silver rings."
"Good job, you're doing so well junnie."
Yeonjun focused back on Soobin's eyes as he felt the darkness lurking behind him.
"Soobin... it's still... it's still dark-
"Shhhh, hey, come on now, focus remember? I am right here with you, nothing can hurt you yeonjunnie, I promise you are safe."
"But-
"Would I lie to you yeonjun?"
"...no..."
"Exactly, now come here." Soobin spoke softly pulling yeonjun into his lap facing him the other way, so he was facing the flashlight.
He rapped his arms around him from behind him resting his chin on his head.
"I've got you yeonjun, the flashlight is right there, okay?"
Yeonjun took in a breath of relief seeing the bright light from his leader's phone shining lighting up the entire corner of the room. he looked around recognizing the familiar shower wall and the bright green shampoo bottles sitting on the shelf.
After a few minutes of them sitting like that, the light flickered a few times before coming back on.
Yeonjun gasped in relief finally relieving his panic completely.
"There we go, see junnie, the lights are back on now, it's all okay now.
Yeonjun turned around to face Soobin.
"How are you feeling now hyung?"
"I'm okay... I'm... I'm sorry about this."
"Hey, you have nothing to apologize for hyung, it's okay." He rubbed Yeonjun's arm reassuring the older.
"I just... I feel kinda silly." He looked down feeling embarrassed.
"Why on earth would you feel silly?"
"I'm the oldest Soobin... and I just had a panic attack over a power outage. God, I'm so pathetic."
"Hey, hyung stop that. You are not pathetic. There is nothing wrong with being afraid of something hyung, it's not your fault you have a fear, and it's not your fault that you have anxiety either. I just really wish you told one of us about it, so you weren't alone for so long."
"I was embarrassed to tell you guys, especially the maknae."
"Why?"
"Because I didn't want you guys to think I was weak or... or weird and childish. Being afraid of the dark is something babies are afraid of... I'm a grown man Soobin."
"Hyung, please don't think that way. You know that none of us would ever judge you for something like this. We all love you so much and we want you to be happy and safe. You always go out of your way to protect us; we want to do the same for you too."
"Thank you for helping me Soobin." He hugged the taller tightly feeling a million times better.
Soobin smiled hugging the elder back.
"of course, yeonjun, I'm always going to be here for you."
"I think I'm gonna head to bed." Yeonjun said after a few minutes.
"Okay hyung, call me if you need anything."
Yeonjun nodded before he stood up and walked out of the bathroom being met with his very worried dongsaengs.
"Hyung! Are you okay? We heard you scream." Beomgyu said reaching out and placing his hands on Yeonjun's arms.
Yeonjun smiled at the younger ruffling his dark wolf cut.
"I'm okay now Bamgyu, don't worry."
"that's good, I'm so glad you're okay hyung." Kai said giving him a big toothy smile.
Yeonjun grabbed the three and brought them in his arms feeling them relax within his hold.
"I love you dorks."
"Hey!" Taehyun said playfully smacking Yeonjun's arm.
"We love you too hyung." Beomgyu said sincerely nuzzling into Yeonjun's chest.
"You should get to sleep soon, it's late." Yeonjun said in his parental voice.
"Yes hyung." Kai said softly.
"Goodnight Hyung." They said in unison.
"Goodnight guys." He waved to them before they all ran off down the hall towards their bedrooms.
He went off to his own room and sat on his bed all of hits lights on.
Before he went to sleep, he saw his door open and Soobin enter his room.
"Hey hyung, I just wanted to check on you before I went to sleep."
"Thanks, Soobin, I promise I'm alright now."
Soobin came in ad sat on Yeonjun's bed.
"I uh, I brought you something." Soobin said bringing his hand out to show Yeonjun.
Yeonjun's heart melted. In Soobin's hand was a small night light that emitted a soft but bright bluish light.
"It's battery operated so it will stay on even when the electricity is out, I thought it could help if the power ever goes out again."
Yeonjun looked at his leader with soft eyes. He reached out and took the small light from his hands running his fingers over its smooth surface.
"Thank you Soobin, I love it."
"you're welcome hyung." He smiled warmly.
"Hey Soobin? Can i... ask you something?"
"of course, hyung, what is it?"
"So... earlier, how did you know how to calm me down? I've never had a panic attack in front of you before..."
Soobin smiled softly.
"Well, after you told us about your anxiety, I took a few online classes to learn about how to deal with anxiety symptoms. I talked to some counselors and joined a zoom meeting and learned some methods and coping mechanisms to try when someone is having a panic attack, I wanted to be prepared in case something ever happened."
"Soobin..." yeonjun started feeling his eyes well up.
Soobin looked over and instantly grew worried seeing tears fall down his Hyung's cheeks.
"Hey, what's wrong? Did I say something wrong?" he asked.
"No, no of course not, I'm sorry I'm just really touched. Soobin, I can't believe you did all that for me..."
Soobin instantly relaxed. He smiled at the older wiping his tears away.
"I wanted to make sure I could help you hyung, I'm just doing what a leader should."
"you're amazing Soobin."
Soobin blushed slightly at the compliment.
"Oh, stop it."
"I'm serious. Thank you for everything Soobin, I love you."
Soobin brought Yeonjun into his arms one final time.
"I love you too hyung."