The rest of the night after Aleksi had ran off had been depressing, at least for me. Joel, Joonas and I joined the others again, they didn't even dare to ask what happened when they realized the younger dark haired one was gone and Joel's face and clothes were covered in blood.
Although Tommi, Olli and Niko still didn't have a glimpse of an idea what had been going on, they weren't stupid.
They sensed that something was wrong but they also understood that right now was not the right time to talk about it.
Joonas once again made it his job to get me distracted from all the shit that was happening and downright forced me to down one shot of bitter liquid after another with him, until my throat was burning to the point where I couldn't even get rid of the unpleasent feeling by coughing.
At around two in the morning we all decided to call it a night. All of us were pretty wasted and tired at this point.
Some of the boys had a few important business calls in the morning that they feared to sleep through, especially Olli who according to the others was always tired. Apparently it was a miracle when the talented bass player got up on time.
"Take care guys. Tonight was really fun." Tommi uttered and we all said good bye to each other. Niko, Tommi and Olli all went off down the road in the same direction while Joonas, Joel and I were desultorily standing infront of the bar.
"Guys..." I mumbled and had to grab Joonas' arm because I was swaying from side to side and was afraid of falling. Maybe I had a little too much to drink tonight but I wasn't the only one. Joonas started to tumble too, once he felt the weight of my body on his arm.
"I can't go back to Aleksi's place. I can't." It just came to my mind again now, that I was living with the black haired boy, which also meant I could not avoid him. Under no circumstances I could bring myself to face Aleksi now, or ever again for that matter. I wasn't ready to experience his hurt, his anger and the deep sadness that was tormenting him now that he had learned the truth.
"You can crash at my place, don't worry about it." Joonas immediately answered and formed his lips to a friendly smile.
"Thank you Joonas." I was glad I had found such a good friend in the man with the blonde fluffy hair. He was funny, he was kind, he was honest but most of all, unlike Joel, he simply cared.
"And I thought you wanted to get in bed with me, not him. How sad." Even when Joel was drunk his humor, if you could even call it that, stayed the same. The older one had formed his lips to a wide grin as he was watching how Joonas and I tried to coordinate our movements when we began walking along side of the road that was completly empty at this hour.
"Bro, don't get me wrong but I am not letting you convince her to sleep in your bed when she's that drunk." Joonas responded to Joel's ridiculous claim and was pretending like I wasn't there, when I was in fact still holding onto his arm for safety reasons.
"Don't worry Joonas he is not convincing me of anything." I threw in while looking at Joel who still had that suggestive grin on his face. "At least that way Porko is finally taking a girl home with him again." The remains of his blood around his nose and mouth had nearly dried and that facial expression made him look like a serial killer that was almost a little too charming at times.
"Very funny Joel, very funny." Joonas had a hard time pulling himself together not to laugh about what Joel had said to him. He didn't take himself too seriously, that's what I loved about the chaotic guitar player.
It took our drunk asses a lot longer than we expected until we finally arrived and were welcomed by the pleasant warmth of Joonas' apartment once we stepped, or rather tumbled, inside. We downright threw our shoes across the hallway and all somehow made it to Joonas living room unharmed, a true miracle.
"I really need to piss." And like that Joonas was gone, only his loud steps fading in the distance indicated that a few seconds ago he had still been standing here in the room with us.
"What?" Joel asked as he catched me straring at him. He was looking totally destroyed. His hair was messy, his eyes were tired and the remains of blood on his face were complementing his whole look. Something about him being so screwed up, so fucked up deeply fascinated me.
Somehow my brain would always find a way to tell me that I felt drawn to him, even when he was standing infront of me looking like this.
"You still have blood all over your face. Stay here, I'll see if I can find something to clean you up, okay?" Drunk Naomi was way too affectionate for Joel and also way too caring. Sober Naomi would have cracked a joke or taken revenge for all times the older one had mocked her. But right now I couldn't be angry with him for some reason.
Since I had been in Joonas' kitchen before, I quickly found the pile of paper towels that I had been keeping in mind. I took a few pieces from it to wet the paper towels with water and get back to Joel, who really didn't seem to have moved the last few minutes while I had been out of his sight.
"Naomi what are you doing?" His voice was calm and collected but it was lower than usual. I didn't know why he was questioning my behavior but I decided I wouldn't let him bother me. "Just stay still and be quiet." I approached the blonde haired one and lifted myself up so that I was standing infront of him on my tiptoes.
Slowly I started to trace the skin under his nose with one of the wet paper towels. The dried splatters of blood were stubborn so I had to rub over his skin multiple times before they started to come off.
Although I was still wasted, I was highly concentraded while getting rid of the blood in his face. I felt like his observant view with which he looked at me through his cold blue eyes immediately sobered me up. As I was taking the next, still clean paper towel into my hand, I felt how I got slowly more and more lost in his eyes again.
His eyes were like an escape for me. Everytime I looked into them, all that existed in this world was him and only him. All the hurt, all the pain, all the sadness inside me was gone when he kept staring into my eyes with this beautiful pair of his. I could forget everything for just a few moments, that was probably while I found them so addicting to look at.
"Almost done." I said more to myself than to Joel and traced his sharp jaw with the wet paper towel without breaking eye contact once.
"For fucks sake, stop looking at me like that before I forget myself." I couldn't really read the look in his eyes. This time the man remained a mistery to me.
Joel grabbed my wrist and forcefully removed my hand from his face, causing me to look down, right where his fingers were closing around my wrist.
"Man, that felt good!" Joonas came back into the room and sighed. He must have somehow lost his pants on the way from the bathroom to the living room because all that he was wearing now were his boxers and his shirt. "What took you so long? I feel like I am about to explode." Joel brought up through gritted teeth. He let go of my wrist and disappeared out of the room as quickly as Joonas had disappeared right before him.
Once again I was confused.
But now at least Joonas was there. The man with the blonde fluffy hiar let himself sink down into the sofa, he looked very comfortable. I decided to join him as I felt a little akward standing in the middle of the room alone while doing absolutely nothing.
"Are you tired?" Joonas layed his arm around me, which honestly I didn't expect but it didn't shock me either. It was a warm and welcoming feeling that started to spread in me when I felt the weight of his arm on my shoulders.
"No, not really." Joonas was starting to softly stroke my shoulder when I decided to snuggle up to him and rest my head on his chest.
Maybe it was the alcohol, or maybe it was just the fact that we had developed a really good friendship, that had made us both so clingy and in need of cuddles tonight. One way or another I enjoyed his presence and the warmth of his body that kept surrounding me.
"So what exactly is that thing between you and Joel, care to explain?" I felt the vibration his voice was causing through his chest, that my head was resting on.
Joonas' question was that kind of question I had been avoiding and afraid to ask myself for a long time. Somehow it was always Joonas who made me confront myself with things I didn't want to confront myself with. I didn't know if he did me a favor or not.
"I don't even know it myself Joonas. Of course there's something, I mean that's undeniable but I really can't tell you what it is." I murmured against his chest, feeling that I was getting more and more tired all of the sudden.
"I mean we're clearly not in a relationship and we're not dating exactly either. Joel and I are not even friends, I think... so we're not even friends with benefits."
Saying this out loud only now made me realize how fucked up and toxic that whole thing between Joel and me truly was.
We were totally bad for each other.
I had really thrown what I had or could have had with Aleksi away for this? Something I couldn't even put a name on?
If I had to describe the relationship between me and Joel in a few words, I couldn't even really find any words that fit. We were somehow hating each other to the bone, then again sometimes we didn't.
We were constantly blaming each other, hurting each other and trying to gain control over the other one. The last one was more Joel's strength and not exactly mine.
But those few moments, that glimpse of a second when our lips were connected and I felt his touch on me somehow overshadowed everything else.
The reality of us only being bad for each other didn't exist when he kissed me.
"Well then maybe you two are enemies with benefits." I couldn't have put it better myself, Joonas was absolutely right.
"Yeah, maybe."
Author's note:
I pulled through and finished another chapter, now I can go to sleep in peace. I feel like this chapter wasn't maybe as eventful as the last ones but I enjoyed writing more betwen the oc and Joonas and also Joel of course, that was really fun.
Hope you have a great day, thank you for continuing to read this story!