Fuck.
My life honestly couldn't get more complicated and this was the first time I was honestly regretting my choice of work. I struggled to get where I am and now look at me...
Everything went wrong. literally everything.
I was pacing back and forth in my apartment, remembering what happened when Cleo and Harry decided to break in, assuming I was behind that godforsaken list. If only I knew how important and deadly that list would be. It was the reason I was in a lot of trouble now.
Anne should've warned me sooner, she fucked up just as much as her son.
When she called me telling me that she was back in New York City, I nearly had a stroke. That wasn't our deal at all, she was under our protection because of the important information she knew and she was a dead woman. she shouldn't be walking around in the same city as all of her enemies lived. Well. not all of her enemies lived anymore.
Because Cleo and Harry had killed Desmond and Catherine. Along with a whole lot of people in that masquerade, even before the place caught on fire.
I followed the trail of corpses and it led me to them... and there was nothing I could do to help anymore, especially now that they simply ran away.
I had just gotten back to my place and I called the one person who could actually know about Cleo and Harry's whereabouts, and Zayn was on his way even though it was way too late to call him. I didn't explain much over the phone, but he didn't hesitate to come over.
This killed me inside because the biggest mistake I had made with this job was thinking I was strong enough to keep things professional with him. We fell in love, we really did... he knew me, even though he thought he didn't. And I knew he wanted to hate me right now, as much as he loved me.
I only lied to him about my job and what I was doing, but the countless conversations we had, the time we spent together, and the little moments when we planned a possible future, they were all true.
But I fucked up.
And I wasn't ready to tell him that I was pregnant.
I found out yesterday after a week of feeling nauseous, and I noticed my period was also late. Being so focused on work and feeling so fucking stressed kept me distracted enough and I only realized something was wrong a little too late.
So I bought a damn pregnancy test after nearly having a panic attack, and it came out positive. I hadn't even gone to a doctor, I was too fucking scared. Zayn was the father, there was no doubt on that.. a fucking FBI agent carrying the child of a drug dealer she was supposed to use for information.
What a fucking mess.
My life had turned upside down when I accepted this case six years ago, and I clearly underestimated how fucking complicated things could get. This was my first serious operation and one of the most important, not only because of Desmond and Catherine.
They were working along with dangerous traffickers all over the world and this was a very good chance to infiltrate and break them from the inside, but this kind of thing took years.
Well, the FBI had been actively working on it for ten years, and now Cleo and Harry managed to set us back and ruin every progress.
With Desmond and Catherine out of the picture, there was no way to track the suppliers or study their routes... there was no way to know, especially since everyone would retreat.
I also wondered if they had second in commands to take over in case anything happened to them, so now we also had to take care of that and worry about new people entirely.
And I was supposed to make a report about Harry and Cleo.
Just the fact I saw them at the party was a terrible thing, they were supposed to stay away from anything trafficked related and they decided to literally go to an auction where the girls would be sold off.
They were there because of the list, I was connecting the dots now... and I also realized that the girl Cleo killed right before we escaped from the fire was Cindy Payne.
She was the one Anne told me about.
Coming to New York was the worst idea, I told Anne she had to stay away from Harry, Desmond, and Catherine.. she was presumed dead after all.
She was the reason we finally had enough evidence to build a stronger case against them, and she was smart to take the immunity deal because she always knew about the trafficking and she knew she could go down for it.
I wondered what changed, though... she started helping us with tiny bits of information around fifteen years ago, before this even was a big case. Anne reached out, as if something had triggered her to speak up.
She was in an abusive relationship, Desmond was a fucking asshole who deserved to die, I knew that. But working for the government meant protocols and more protocols, things were just so fucking complicated.
It wasn't as simple as Cleo and Harry assumed, they didn't even think of the consequences. And now every single important person was dead and I was ignoring my supervisor's calls ever since the masquerade.
My job tonight was to watch and analyze everything, this was the first time I actually managed to sneak into a party like this and look at what happened.
I had contact with so many clients, I had the opportunity to study their behavior and collect so much information... not anymore.
Fuck.
What the fuck was I supposed to do?
I was about to lie and say everyone died in the fire.. including Cleo and Harry. I understood their motives and I could understand the desperation, but they were the most impulsive and stupid people I had ever met.
Yes, I first thought they were involved with trafficking, all the FBI did. They worked for their parents, so their jobs were connected to the suppliers and the trafficking itself, either killing someone to facilitate a deal or simply to avoid possible competition.
But after we talked, I knew they were innocent. I liked to believe I knew Cleo, even though I couldn't recognize her at all tonight. The look in her eyes was so fucking cold and empty, she was killing everyone who got in her way without even blinking.
She apparently killed her mother... it showed how affected she was by all this.
And they had no idea Anne was involved with the list.
She blurted out her plan and she told me about this Cindy girl and the way she was abused in one of these parties. Anne tried to explain how she rescued her before she took the deal and faked her death, many years ago. Apparently, she found out about these parties too and maybe she felt too guilty about her husband's doings.
But the brilliant reason for the list was because she freaked out about the FBI, since our case was growing stronger every day and we were so fucking close to striking. With both Cleo and Harry in the list of people we would bring in and lock up.
They were criminals, after all.
Maybe that's why Anne was trying to figure out her own way of getting them to realize the truth and do something about it, but she hadn't seen her son in years and she had no fucking idea how Desmond and Catherine had brainwashed their children into hating each other to support a rivalry that very much benefited their cartel.
And now it all went up in flames, quite literally.
Anne tried to take matters into her own hands because she was worried, and I blamed myself because I hadn't spoken to her in so long, leaving her in the dark about anything case-related. She had no idea they were previously helping me and accepting an immunity deal, even though it meant nothing anymore.
I was just an employee, I did what I was told.
Their actions had consequences, and if the FBI knew about what they did then they were going to be on the most wanted list very soon. But I could say I didn't see them tonight... I could pretend I ran away from the fire when I saw things were going south, and simply report that I killed Cindy because she was a threat.
I felt sorry for the girl, no one fucking deserved to be sold and trafficked. Seeing many dancers at Eroda disappearing while I worked there was the most difficult part of my job. I fucking hated how cold I had to be sometimes, but it came with the package.
I needed to talk to Zayn first, though. I had to find Cleo and Harry so we could talk, before they could do anything even more stupid. If I claimed they weren't there and they were simply presumed dead, then they had to act dead.
My doorbell suddenly rang and I just knew it was Zayn.
Fuck, seeing him again was something I wasn't mentally prepared for. I was feeling more sensitive lately and I really missed him.. we had talked a few times but only related to work, and I knew he was doing his best to keep his emotional distance from me.
I rushed to the door so I could unlock it, and Zayn was waiting there, raking his eyes down my body before he decided to simply walk into my apartment.
I had cleaned myself when I got home, I smelled of smoke and it was suffocating, and I knew he couldn't tell the hell I had been through tonight. The fact I literally jumped through a fucking window while I was pregnant.. that's actually why I didn't hesitate to follow Harry and Cleo out of the mansion, I just knew had to make it out alive.
My training prepared me for these situations, I was unharmed. But now it wasn't only me in the picture.
"Why did you ask me to come here at three a.m.?" Zayn asked me, taking a deep breath before he turned to look at me.
I closed my front door and walked closer to him, he looked like he had gotten dressed in a rush so he could come, his white shirt was a bit wrinkled like his blue suit. But he always looked so good, seeing him made me feel much calmer.
"I don't have time to explain but I need you to trust me. I know this is a lot to ask for, Z., but I need you to call or text Harry and ask him to meet you so you can talk. I need to speak to him and Cleo if they ever want to live their lives peacefully." I blurted out, feeling my heart racing in my chest as he gaped at me. "They fucked up really bad but there is a chance I can kinda fix this if they play along, but given the look on their faces tonight they were out of it."
"Wait. what the fuck? Where were they? Did you see them?" Zayn raised his voice, scratching the back of his neck as he seemed even more confused than I anticipated.
I honestly hoped Harry would've already contacted him or something, they were best friends after all.
"Yes, it's a long story. I'll explain later, but please do it now. We don't have much time."I begged him, cupping his cheeks and looking deep into his captivating eyes.
It was only a matter of time before the FBI actually knew about everything and they would know something was off because I wasn't answering their calls.
"Okay, fuck." Zayn cursed under his breath, grabbing his cellphone from his pocket and furrowing his eyebrows even more as soon as he looked at the screen.
I got even closer to him so I could peek, realizing he was looking at a text message from Harry himself.
I'm watching The Notebook.
Don't wait up.
All the love H.
"What is the notebook? What the fuck does he mean?" I asked Zayn when he pulled his phone away from me, glaring at me now.
"Relax and tell me what the fuck is going on, Amber." He inhaled deeply, and I knew he was about to lose his temper, I was being a terrible person by using him like this but I was actually helping his friends.
I was helping him, too.
"They're in trouble, Zayn. A lot of trouble." I told him, but right when I was about to explain the rest, loud knocks interrupted me as someone had apparently made their way up to my front door.
I wasn't expecting anyone else tonight.
Fuck... was it my supervisor already? Shit.
I cursed under my breath and made my way to answer, slowly opening it so I could check who it was when someone simply pushed the door open and stormed into my apartment.
"I heard about the fire, Amber! Where the fuck my son?" Anne raised her voice, looking around until her eyes landed on Zayn.
His jaw dropped open and I could see recognition flash on his face, oh my fucking god.. just when thought things couldn't get worse.
How did she even hear about the fire?
"You can't be here," I told her, looking into her eyes and trying to keep my voice calm, because she was clearly losing her mind.
Fuck, did she think Harry had died in the fire?
"I don't care, Amber. I know what happened, so tell me where the fuck he is!" Her hands were shaking and it would be impossible to reason with her tonight, we were all so on edge and this was the last thing I expected.
"Cindy was there too-" I started to explain myself but she was very quick to interrupt me.
"Fuck! I knew it. I knew she was behind this. This is all my fault, I should've known." Tears started to stream down Anne's face and she ran her fingers through her dark hair, looking so hurt and exasperated that I was getting anxious. "Where's her brother?"
"What?" I gaped at her.
"Where's her brother? Was he there?" Anne raised her voice again, taking a step closer to me. "Where is Liam?"