It was always so dark.
Sometimes I would spend several seconds blinking nonstop, thinking that maybe the problem was me. Maybe my eyes simply stopped working and now I was blind... but no.
The darkness would consume me entirely, it was a feeling that started deep in my guts and slowly spread to every single cell in my body, enveloping me in a way that made it impossible for me to get out.
My lungs hurt and I couldn't breathe properly, each sharp intake of breath would feel as if I was breathing fire, burning me along the way as it seemed like someone was crushing my chest. I felt stuck... I couldn't move or see or feel anything but terror.
I had no idea where I was or how long I had been in the dark for, I was just... there.
Physically there, but mentally somewhere else entirely.
I never had control of my brain or my thoughts when this happened, whatever this was. Usually, it would feel just like a void, sucking me into the darkness and drowning me with fear and panic.
My skin was crawling and I could feel the thin layer of cold sweat, mixing with the tears streaming nonstop down my cheeks and soaking my shirt.
Maybe I fell on the floor, maybe my legs simply didn't handle my weight anymore. I had no control over my body whatsoever, I was a prisoner.
I was sitting there, but without knowing where 'there' was.
It was a feeling kinda like quicksand, if I even dared to try to snap out of it, I'd be dragged back into the same cycle of emptiness, only deeper and deeper.
Everything was black. It was quiet. There was no light.
I could hear my heart racing, maybe... I wasn't sure. But it was reverberating through my whole body and it felt like the sound of my blood coursing in my veins was echoing even louder, keeping me trapped in this neverending torturous spiral.
But there was something different today.
I didn't remember what happened in order for me to be alone in the dark, but I had a feeling of concern and frustration that was nearly as strong as my fear. There was someone in the back of my mind... I just knew I had to snap out of this, but I couldn't.
I was wide awake but in trance... frozen in place but with an unreal flow of rushed thoughts.
And that's when the flashes started.
//
"Harry, please. You have to eat." Her voice was soft and caring, but I knew she was just as scared as I was.
She tried to take care of me, but who was taking care of her? My mum would be so angry if she knew this was my fault.
"I'm not hungry, Gem," I whispered, but I couldn't see her.
It was dark.
The smell was disgusting and I couldn't eat when I only wanted to puke. My hands wouldn't stop shaking and I tried to push my curls off my face, they were so long now...
I had no idea how long we'd been here. Gem went to pick me up after class and then we were here. Everything happened so fast that it seemed like a dream.
It smelled like metal. I could hear the water. I could hear the cries, but maybe they were my own.
"Harry, just a bite. Mum would be so proud of you." I felt my sister touching my arm and I instantly flinched away.
It wasn't her fault, I was always scared. I was always crying.
It was always so dark.
My dad used to say I had to learn how to be a man and protect those I loved. I didn't protect Gemma. I did nothing at all.
"We're never getting out," I whispered at her, hearing as more children cried out for help or simply sobbed alone. There were so many languages I couldn't understand.
I didn't know how hours and days worked anymore. Time just didn't feel real, I had no idea how long had passed. Sometimes I would start counting until I forgot which was the last number I whispered.
I hadn't seen the sun for so long, I was starting to think it never existed in the first place, and maybe I dreamed about it too.
Maybe I dreamed about my toys... I had a favorite wooden ship. I loved ships.
Not anymore, though.
It was useless to think about toys now, it was too dark for me to play anyways and I didn't have any friends. I didn't feel like doing anything.
I felt like... nothing.
Until one day my sister didn't ask me to eat anymore, she didn't touch my arm or woke me up.
She didn't whistle that same tune she always did when she wanted to help me sleep or calm me down. I knew it used to be one of our dad's favorite songs, it reminded me of home.
But I realized something was wrong when I couldn't find her.
Maybe she wasn't real, too. Because I was all alone... hearing the screams around me on the rare occasions when a single light would be turned on, and that always meant someone else was taken.
They were the monsters I saw in my sleep when I managed to sleep at all.
I couldn't move much after a while. I couldn't remember when it was the last time I'd eaten anything. Feeling weak became normal... being in the dark became my life, because no one ever came for me.
Maybe no one wanted me.
I started to not want myself either.
Dark... dripping water... pain.
Every sound echoed inside this container.
I was just there... unable to open my eyes anymore. I didn't want to open them ever again.
And that's when she came.
I saw a bright light on my face and the space around me was oddly quiet. Even if I opened my eyes, I couldn't see. Maybe being so long in the dark simply broke my eyes... broke me.
The woman kept asking my name, she asked if I was okay... I had forgotten how to speak. I forgot how to walk... and I honestly forgot I was alive.
But something was different today.
Because someone said my name.
//
"Harry! Harry, baby, please... please, open your eyes."
The voice echoed around me, abruptly pulling me out of the void like a magnet, and every single thought in my mind was simply blank.
What the fuck had happened?
"Baby, the lights are on. I'm here, please." I heard the familiar voice again, the sound made me feel warm again... it touched somewhere deep in my soul and it simply made me feel safe.
That's when I realized my eyes were closed all along,
I couldn't tell if the lights were on because of that.
I was crying and shaking, slowly becoming aware of myself again. I focused on feeling the floor underneath me, the humid air I struggled to get into my lungs, the sweet perfume of whoever had their arms wrapped around me so tightly that it seemed they would never let me go.
"Inhale... one, two, three... exhale." She whispered in my ear, running her fingers through my hair in a way that helped me relax my entire body, and just then I noticed how strained my muscles felt. "Come on, baby. You can do this. You're so strong."
Maybe someone did want me after all.
Maybe I could be strong.
I felt hands cupping my cheeks, they felt warm and a bit sticky, staining my face with a liquid that smelled like rusted metal. I recognized the scent all too well... blood?
"Open your eyes, I'm here." She said... Cleo said. "I love you so much, please."
She pulled me closer to her and I felt her lips pressing softly on my forehead, the corner of my mouth, and finally against my own lips.
A chill went down my spine as soon as she kissed me, making my skin tingle for completely different reasons now as I finally opened my eyes.
Cleo had her eyes open as well, slowly pulling away from the kiss but keeping her forehead pressed against mine.
The lights were on... but it still felt so dark. But she was here with me, holding me.
I was safe.
Slowly, my mind started to work normally again. My thoughts returned to their normal pace as I tried to make sense of what happened. This episode was so different from the others.
I knew where we were now... I knew why we're here and the last thing I could remember was following my father into this very room.
The rest was just... dark.
Cleo's blue eyes were a shade darker and I allowed myself to focus on her, reaching out my hands to cup her bloody cheeks. She was covered in blood actually... and she had a gunshot wound on her shoulder.
Fuck, what the hell did I miss?
I looked around me, realizing I was sitting in the corner of the room. My face was still wet because of my tears and I managed to stop crying, but my heart rate was impossible to control.
"Harry, we need to leave. Something is happening downstairs and I need to keep you safe." Cleo whispered, catching my attention with her rushed voice.
I frowned, lowering my eyes on her body again until I focused on the gun on the floor.
Had I grabbed my gun during my episode and that's why it was lying around? It didn't look like my guns...
And then Cleo pulled away from me, grabbing the gun and getting on her feet.
I looked up at her in disbelief, trying to process the fact she was literally holding a firearm.
"Let's go, baby." She reached out her hand so she could help me stand up, and I quickly accepted it. Touching her would always make me feel this way... so safe.
I needed a few moments to steady myself, holding her uninjured arm for support as I tried to find my voice, trying to understand what the fuck was happening.
And it was hard not to feel so fucking useless and pathetic because all my father had to do was lock me inside a dark room to make me harmless. He could still control me and I was crying like a child while Cleo got shot and god knows what else happened in order for her to grab a gun.
Her hands weren't shaking and she seemed dangerously calm now that I was conscious. The same numbness was still behind her eyes, but now I could feel her love and concern, unlike anything I had ever experienced before.
She was still not entirely here, the look behind her eyes was so deadly that another chill went down my spine. And the amount of blood covering her was indeed worrying
"Are you okay?" I managed to ask her, but I didn't even recognize my own voice.
I squeezed her hand, glancing at the gun again when she brushed her thumb over my rings. She was acting as if her shoulder wasn't shot and she wasn't bleeding, but I had done the same things countless times before when my adrenaline was high.
"I'm better now, let's get you out of here. You're safe now." She reassured me, gently pulling me along with her as we headed towards the door. "All the doors and windows are locked, most of them were boarded up already. The girls went missing and my mother is still out there... I killed your father, though."
What?
I processed her words slowly because my brain was still recovering, but I furrowed my eyebrows and froze in place when she mentioned my father.
"The blood..." I started, my voice trailed off on its own.
"It's his. He suffered but not enough." Her tone was confident and she looked at our intertwined fingers. "We have to focus on you now, it's not safe. Let's get out of here, please."
I just nodded, there was no fucking way I could keep up with all this at the moment.
She pulled me out of the room, looking around the hallway before we stepped out, and she had the gun ready when we started to walk towards the elevator.
"The gun," I spoke up, catching her attention as she looked at me over her shoulder. "Cleo, are you okay?"
"I'm fine." She said simply, but at the same time, the screams downstairs started.
We heard windows breaking, loud thuds, shouts... and the smell of smoke followed right after.
Fuck.
"Fire." She whispered. "The elevator isn't safe, we'll have to go down the stairs."
I just let her take the lead, dragging me with her as we headed in the direction of the other end of the hallway where the staircase was. The screams grew louder on the first floor and the air around us was already hard to breathe, the fire was apparently spreading quickly.
But right before we could reach the stairs, someone was making their way up. And both Cleo and I froze when her mother stopped as soon as she spotted us, widening her bright blue eyes.
Catherine had a gun in her hand and her face was bruised as if she had just gotten out of a fight. What the fuck was going on downstairs?
"I'm impressed, Cleodora." She said, glancing at the gun on Cleo's hand. "That's not gonna help you tonight-"
Before she could even finish her sentence, Cleo had aimed her gun and pulled the trigger, shooting her mother right in the middle of her forehead.
Fuck.
Where did this aim come from, Jesus fucking Christ... she hadn't used a gun in over six years and she was just as good as me.
I was gaping at her, unable to voice how proud I was but I was also very fucking concerned. She literally snapped, something triggered her enough that she had overcome her fear... was it me? Was it temporary while she was too busy focusing on our current situation?
"Let's go." She said simply, but the soft sound of the elevator door opening made us turn around right when we were about to go down the stairs and into the hell that was probably breaking loose on the main floor.
And the person that walked out of the elevator was the last fucking face I needed to see tonight.
"I've been looking for you." Cindy smiled. "Party's over."