Something was wrong.
I could instantly feel it, like a natural instinct or maybe just a reflex, but I could always tell.
The lights were off.
My eyes were wide open and I couldn't see, I could just feel as they started watering on their own, as if I had no control over the tears.
I was alone.
I was always alone.
The panic coursing through my veins was suffocating, I actually couldn't get any air into my lungs.
I didn't know where I was, this place didn't feel like my bedroom.
Was I lost again?
The short and yet sharp intakes of breaths that I kept struggling to take were echoing inside my head along with my fast heartbeat, and I was still frozen on the bed, feeling as if I had been glued to the mattress, but even if not, I would be too terrified to do anything at all.
It had been years since I was alone in the dark, or in the dark in general.
I thought it wouldn't feel like this.
It never stopped.
"Please," I whispered, biting my trembling lip as I choked on a sob, trying to breathe when the fear simply consumed me to the point I lost myself in it.
"Harry?"
Someone called my name.
I wasn't alone?
The lamp was suddenly turned on and it was like a building had been lifted off me, allowing me to quickly sit up on the bed and cover my face with my hands and I finally managed to breathe properly.
Inhale... one, two, three. Exhale
I repeated that again, trying to swim to the surface because it felt like I was too far gone inside my own mind to know what was happening or where I was-
"Harry?" Someone touched my arm and it felt like I was burned with a hot iron, my instincts kicked in and before I could even see who it was, I fought back.
I grabbed their arms and pushed them down on the bed, using my body to keep them pressed on the mattress... until I saw deep blue eyes.
Cleo?
She was glaring at me with a very surprised look on her face, her eyes were puffy as if she had literally just woken up from the deepest sleep ever and even her cheeks had those tiny marks from the pillows.
I blinked a few times, analyzing her delicate features as if this was the first time I was looking at her, because I had completely forgotten she was in the room.
A motel room. We were working. Together.
Fuck.
"I'll count to three, Harry." She suddenly whispered and I realized I was still holding her wrists very tightly, it was clearly going to leave bruises behind.
I quickly let her go, pulling away from her and lying down right next to her on my bed, having to be careful because it was smaller than I thought and I nearly fell on the floor.
The lights were on now.
The yellowish glow from the lamp was the only thing that allowed myself to return to normal and breathe properly again.
And I felt the bed shifting under me when Cleo moved, and I dared to look at her.
"What the fuck was that?" She asked, sitting up on the bed and looking down at her wrists.
My gaze followed hers and I saw the bruises, imprints of my fingers on her pale skin just like around her neck. Only this time it wasn't on purpose.
I had never woken up next to anyone after an episode like this, I had no fucking idea how to proceed.
Shame was one way to put it, maybe anger as well. I was always angry.
I sat up on the edge bed, with my back turned to Cleo as I looked at the floor. This floral carpet was ridiculous, I was completely back to my senses now after I remembered everything.
My fingers moved on their own to twist my rings, and that's when I noticed I didn't have them on. My hair was loose and a fucking mess, falling over my face as I lowered my head, trying to calm my heartbeat.
The last thing I needed was for my fucking enemy to see me like this. Not even Zayn knew I was afraid of the dark, we never talked about it and he never turned off the lights. No one ever dared to do it without asking me, but I had never spent the night over at some random cheap motel with the girl I was supposed to kill.
"Why the fuck did you turn it off?" I snapped, standing up from the bed and clenching my fists, ignoring the pain from my wounded palm as I paced back and forth in this small room.
I hated it here, this motel smelled like mold and the pillows were actually terrible, my neck was hurting like a bitch.
"I couldn't sleep, I tried turning off the lamp and it worked," Cleo answered, seeming like she had chosen her words carefully.
I turned around to face her, realizing she was also standing up now, furrowing her eyebrows at me.
Her blonde hair was messy too, but it still looked good on her, and when I glanced sideways at the small alarm clock with bright green numbers, I could see it was five a.m...
"Never do it again." I deadpanned, looking deep into her eyes.
"Are you afraid of the dark?" She looked even more confused as she crossed her arms over her chest, the bed was currently right between us.
I was fully awake now, there was no way I could sleep again and it needed some coffee. Fuck, I could actually use some vodka but I had no idea where I could buy it around here. The bar next to the motel was definitely closed at this time, we needed to buy a bottle soon.
Zayn would always have weed and that was my go-to drug when I was nervous like this, or about to have a panic attack. If not, I would settle for coke or simply go to some random twenty four hour club to get completely wasted.
Sometimes it wasn't because of the dark itself, but the nightmares or simply random night terrors. I couldn't remember most of them.
But right now the only thing I could do was walk towards the small desk where the old as fuck TV was placed on top, and I got a cigarette from Cleo's pack and I lit it up with the ridiculous unicorn lighter I'd gotten her.
I didn't know why I bought it, but it made me smile when I saw it because I knew she'd think about the sweatpants I was actually wearing at this moment. It was just a joke, nothing else.
Cleo watched me smoke, widening her eyes and clearly not knowing what to say.
I preferred weed but that didn't mean I hadn't smoked regular cigarettes before. I just needed something to make me feel calmer and the thick smoke going down my throat was distracting enough.
I ended up sitting on the floor, leaning my back against the desk as I chuckled under my breath and held the cigarette between my lips so I could twirl my hair up in a bun.
Cleo was the first person to tie my hair up ever since my mother used to do it when I was little.
The only thing I was used to was hair-pulling now, not someone literally tying my hair in a bun. It made my stomach feel weird when she did it, I wasn't ready to think about my mother or even allow myself to enjoy Cleo's touch.
"Don't turn off the lights," I said simply, being caught off guard when she walked closer to me and actually sat down on the free spot right beside me. "I don't ask you about your shit, so don't ask about mine. I'm fine."
Did she see me crying earlier?
I couldn't even process the fact she was here.
"I won't." She sighed, reaching out her hand to grab the cigarette from my lips so she could inhale some smoke. "I thought you only smoked weed."
Something about sharing a cigarette with her was way hotter than it should be, probably because I missed feeling her lips against mine. And I really wish they could wrap around somewhere else.
"We're sadly out of that." I shook my head, refusing to look at her as I felt her shoulder brushing against mine.
I was still shirtless and I could feel her warmth even through the shirt she had on.
"You do know this just made it easier for me to kill you when the time comes." She shrugged, glancing at me with those hypnotizing eyes. "It's dangerous for me to know what you're afraid of."
Fuck.
I was too anxious to even realize that and now...
"Only fair that you tell me what you're afraid of, then." I clenched my jaw, never looking away from her eyes.
She had nearly killed me without knowing about this, I didn't even want to think about how it was going to be now.
"I'm not afraid of anything." She deadpanned, clearly full of bullshit. "Sucks being you."
"Aren't you afraid of dying?" I raised one eyebrow, grabbing the cigarette back to inhale more smoke and allowing my fingers to softly brush on her lips in the process.
"Not really... I know I won't live for too long. Made my peace with it." She shrugged, pretending I couldn't see the goosebumps on her body. "It's better to live like this... expecting nothing."
I just stared at her, because her words were exactly how I felt.
"Wouldn't you be pissed if I killed you, though?" I chuckled, earning a small smile from her.
"Probably... I'd make sure to haunt you. Give you another reason to be afraid of the dark." She bit her lower lip to hide another smile and this was a first.. someone actually joking about my fear.
I had no fucking idea what was going on.
But I really appreciated that she didn't ask me why I was scared.
Sometimes not even I was sure about it, it was just so hazy. I avoided thinking about it.
"I'm sorry that you couldn't sleep. But maybe buy those things to cover your eyes? As long as you're with me, we're not sleeping in the dark." I told her, putting out the cigarette on the ugly carpet, watching as it burned a small hole through it.
"You buy." She smiled, running her fingers through her hair. "Having conversations at five a.m. when I'm half asleep wasn't how I planned my day to start."
"I could get you another room." I cleared my throat, hating having to suggest this at all.
What was wrong with me?
"It's fine." She placed her hand on my thigh to give her some support as she stood up... and she was so close.
I traced the small scar she had on her ankle and she looked down at me with wide eyes, not expecting my touch.
"Good morning." She whispered, walking towards her bed and getting under the covers, not saying anything as she covered her head with the duvet.
I really wanted to know what she was afraid of, but not only to be able to use it against her. I knew she was currently scared of giving in to me... accepting this tension between us. I was just too tired to avoid it, especially after what happened.
And I really had no idea why I wasn't freaking out that she saw me so... vulnerable.
"Go to bed, Harry. I can hear you overthinking and I'd appreciate it if you didn't end up burning the room to the ground if you plan on smoking and burning the carpet again." Cleo's voice startled me and I slowly got up from my spot on the floor.
"Are you afraid of fire, then?" I smiled, watching as she turned to uncover her head and look at me before she answered with a wicked glint in her eyes.
"I wouldn't be playing with it if I was."