Shauna puts the finishing touches on her paper. She feels pretty good about it even though she wrote it in less than a day. She always has good intentions of working on an assignment weeks in advance. And each time, the good intentions fly out the window as soon as life's responsibilities pull her in multiple directions.
In this case, it helped that she spent the last two months gathering data and research for the paper and pretty much knew what she wanted to say. It doesn't excuse the procrastination, but it certainly helps to justify it. She promises herself that she will begin new assignments as soon as they are given to her from now on.
She saves the paper as a PDF and emails it off to her professor. Relief floods over her until she remembers she never studied for the philosophy quiz that she has to take in an hour. Crap!
It will take a half hour just to drive to school. That leaves her with about a minute to get ready – she throws on a clean T-shirt and jeans and puts her hair up. She'll shower after class.
She whips open her philosophy notebook and starts cramming. As it is, this course is kicking her butt. She's never been a strong writer and certainly not a great philosophizer. Life has been and will always be a mystery to her. As she reads over her notes, she realizes that the confusion she felt in class is still there. Ugh. She has a sinking feeling this course may be the end of her Summa Cum Laude dreams.
She signed up for the course to fulfill her general studies requirements. She thought it would be an interesting and easy counterbalance to all of her engineering courses. Instead, it's been even more challenging.
Her brain likes scientific facts. If an equation works, you'll get the right answer. In philosophy, how do you know if your answer is right? It's so vague. Just the philosophical idea that we may not know anything confuses the hell out of her. How is that even possible? If you know it, you know it, in her humble opinion.
At this point, all she can do is try. She's not used to just trying. She's used to knowing.
A half-hour later, Shauna packs up her books and dashes to her car. On the drive to school, she runs through everything she has studied in her philosophy class to date. Amidst the wrestling of the mystifying material, her cell phone buzzes and she notices it's James calling. If she picks it up, is she exercising free will or would her action be considered predetermined? Hmm.
She ignores the call and spends the rest of the drive formulating what that action really means in an attempt to apply a real life scenario to her bewilderment.
Once in class, she takes a deep breath and decides, it is what it is. For better or worse. Her professor passes out composition books and tells them they have the whole class period at their disposal. It's up to them if they want to use the entire time.
Two hours later, she walks outside squinting in the sunlight. She was the second to last person to hand in her quiz. Her hand aches from writing so fast and so long. Looking back, she's not even sure what she said anymore. She just hopes the composition book she filled is coherent. She fears it's just a bunch of rambling. But honestly, can anyone really define what is truth?
She feels her handbag vibrate. She reaches inside the bag and pulls out her cell phone. Two missed calls from James. No voice mail. Who doesn't leave a voice mail? As she walks to her car, she calls him back.
"Hi, it's Shauna."
"I know."
"You know my voice already?"
"I would recognize it anywhere."
She smiles, "And you have caller ID."
"You caught me."
"I saw you called. Twice."
"Yeah, sorry about that. I tried leaving you a message but your mailbox is full."
"Oh, I'll have to delete some messages. Thanks for telling me." Mystery solved.
"How are you?"
"I'm fine. It's been a busy week. And it's only going to get worse."
"Same here."
"Oh yeah? What do you have going on this week? Come to think of it, I don't even know what you do. What do you do James?"
"I'm a photographer."
Shauna stops walking.
"You're a photographer? Like at the mall or something?"
James laughs.
"No, I don't shoot photos at the mall. I shoot products for companies and I shoot fine art on the side for myself. I was just offered a show at a gallery downtown in less than a month. I'm in the process of figuring out what prints I want to include. That's always the challenge for me."
"Sorry, I didn't mean to-"
"Stereotype me?"
"Yeah, sorry."
"You're forgiven."
"What kind of fine art do you shoot?"
"Portraits mainly. I'd love to shoot you."
"Ha! I am an engineering nerd. Not a model."
"The two are not mutually exclusive. I know for a fact there are engineering nerd models."
"I'm sure they're much prettier than me."
"What are you talking about? You take my breath away. The camera will love you."
"That's really sweet to say but I'm not really interested in being a model. I have finals coming up. It's just not good timing for this."
"You would really be helping me out. I want to showcase a couple of new pieces. What are you doing later today?"
Shauna looks down at herself – she couldn't look worse. Modeling is the furthest thing from her mind.
"I have class."
"When are you out of class?"
"2."
"Perfect, we can catch Magic Hour."
"What's Magic Hour?"
"It's the time of day when the light from the sun is magical. It happens as the sun is setting. Everything looks amazing at Magic Hour. You'll see."
"I would need all the help I can get. I don't know. I really should just study."
"It will be 2 hours tops. I promise."
Shauna looks around campus and sees a couple laughing about something they're looking at on their reader together. She tries to ignore the longing for that kind of closeness with someone. The push and pull among school and James and her future is exhausting.
She relents. "Okay."
"Okay, I can photograph you today?"
"I'm already regretting this. But, yes, you can photograph me today."
"I'll pick you up. We can go through your wardrobe when I get there. Let's avoid black."
"You won't embarrass me, will you?"
"Not a chance. I'll see you later."
"Don't you need my address?"
"Yes, yes, I do."
Shauna gets to her car and opens the door.
"It's 125 Haskel Street. Give me time to get ready. I'm a wreck right now."
"I doubt that. How's 4?"
"Perfect." But is it really perfect?
Shauna hangs up, feeling overwhelmed. She gets inside her car and turns the music way up and heads home to shower and study until James arrives.
The doorbell rings at Shauna's home at 4 o'clock sharp. Margaret answers the door.
"Hi, come in."
James enters the home.
"Have a seat."
"Thank you."
James takes a seat on the couch. Margaret sits down across from him. She's eating Sour Patch Kids.
"Can I get you something to drink? Water, soda, beer? Sour Patch Kid?"
"No, thank you, I'm fine."
"James, may I call you James?"
"Yes, of course, you may call me James."
"What are your intentions with my best friend?"
"I'd like to get to know her better."
"And?"
"I don't have any intentions other than to get to know her better."
Shauna walks up to the living room. She stays out of sight and stops to listen.
Margaret leans forward. She pops a Sour Patch Kid in her mouth and chews slowly.
"These Sour Patch Kids really are sour. Whew! I digress. I understand you would like to take photos of her today. Can you describe what kind of photos?"
"Black and white portraits."
She grabs another Kid and points it at James.
"I'm a little concerned James. You just met and I don't want her caught up in some pornographic photo ring you've got going."
"I don't shoot pornographic images. I respect women and their bodies. These photos will be very artistic and inspiring I hope."
"Good. If it's any different, I will track you down and cut off your twig and berries." With that, she chomps on the Sour Patch Kid in her hand, making it clear that his fate will be similar should he bring harm to Shauna.
Shauna enters the room. She gives Margaret a look that says "thank you but please shut up."
"Well, my job is done here. Have fun kids." As she leaves the room, she hands Shauna a paring knife. "Just in case."
"You need to leave," Shauna says.
"You should be thanking me."
"Go."
"Fine."
She leaves. Shauna looks at James.
"Hi. Sorry about that. She's always been protective of me."
"Hi. I think it's great that you have such a good friend."
"Yeah, me too. So how does this work?"
He walks toward her. Her heart skips a beat.
"First, I kiss you hello."
"Oh really?"
"Yes, like this."
He leans in and kisses her deeply. When he lets go, Shauna reaches out to him to steady herself. She touches his chest and looks up into his eyes.
"And then?"
"I do it again." He leans in and softly kisses her this time. Shauna's knees feel weak as he steps back.
"What next?" she asks.
"I know what I'd like to do." He kisses her again and brushes his hands across the side of her breasts. She feels a strong sensation through her entire body. She's ready for what's next but knows she better put the brakes on before they end up doing more than they should.
"What about Magic Hour?"
"Right. Okay," he puts his arm around her. "Let's figure out what you're wearing. May I see what clothes you have?"
"Do you want to come back and take a look yourself?"
"Sure. Before we do-"
"What's wrong?" Shauna asks.
"I'm just wondering what you're going to do with that?" He points at the paring knife in her hand.
"Ha! I'll just leave that right here." Shauna lays the paring knife down on a nearby table.
"Sounds good." He looks fearful of the knife as they leave the room and make their way to her bedroom.
"So this is your room?" James looks around. "Your walls are bare. I'll have to do something about that."
"I look at it as a wall of opportunity. Once there's art on the wall, it will mean I have money to afford it." Shauna grabs a few things from her closet.
James pulls out a colorful top. "Let's bring this."
He then picks up a pretty camisole. "This will be pretty. I would put this on."
James can't help but watch as she takes off her top and puts on the camisole. It takes every ounce of energy to not remove the camisole and spend Magic Hour exploring her body.
"What should I wear on the bottom?"
"Nothing."
Shauna leans over and kisses him. "You're being bad."
"I can't help it. Just being here with you makes me want to be bad." He kisses her again and runs his hands over her lacy underwear and up under her camisole. Shauna pulls away.
"Let's take it slow, okay?"
"Okay." James lets his hands fall. He clears his throat in order to help him concentrate on Shauna's clothes and not on her half-naked body. "How about some jeans and then do you have a dress?"
"I think so. Hold on." She leaves the room and runs upstairs.
Shauna knocks at her other roommate's door, secretly hoping Frannie isn't home. She purposefully avoids her whenever she can. She always feels like she's being judged by Frannie. There's something about the way she looks her up and down every time they're in a room together that makes her feel completely inadequate. And there have been other instances when Frannie has entered a room and completely ignored her. She has no idea what she could have done to piss off Frannie but obviously, she has. It's a lot of mind games between them that Shauna doesn't care to play.
But right now, Frannie has something she needs – a closet full of designer clothes. She'll just borrow a dress and return it without her knowing. Unfortunately, Frannie opens the door. She's been crying.
"What do you want?" Frannie sniffles.
"Are you alright?"
"Don't pretend you care. What do you want?"
"You've been crying."
"You're observant. Anything else?"
"I was just wondering," Shauna rethinks her objective. "Oh, you know what? I think I have another solution. So never mind."
The two stare at each other awkwardly. Shauna feels weird leaving Frannie in such an emotional state. She asks again, "Are you sure you're okay?"
"I'm fine. You didn't just come up here to check on me. What do you want?"
"Okay, but if it's too much to ask, I understand. May I borrow one of your dresses?"
"Why?"
"I'm doing a photo shoot today."
"You're doing a photo shoot? Ha! Who would shoot you?"
"Come on Frannie. I have a friend over who wants to take photographs of me. May I borrow a dress?"
"Why should I let you?"
"Because I'm your friend."
"Some friend. You never talk to me. It's like you're avoiding me."
She's noticed? Shauna never thought Frannie cared.
"I'm sorry Frannie. I've just been busy. I'm wrapping up school. And you seem really busy with your boyfriend."
"Well you don't have to worry about that anymore."
"Why, what happened?"
"Michael broke up with me."
"Oh, I'm sorry to hear that." Yay, no more gymnastics for a while!
"And that's not all. You'll be happy to know, I'm pregnant."
Shauna takes a step back in shock. Did she just say what she thought? How should she respond?
"Oh wow, Frannie, how did this happen?"
"How do you think it happened?"
"Didn't you use protection?"
"I'm on the pill but I forget to take it sometimes. I thought it would still be okay. I guess not." Frannie sits down on the bed. Shauna follows and sits down next to her, uncertain what to do. She gives her an awkward hug.
"What are you going to do?" she asks.
"I don't know. Michael wants me to get rid of it. I have an appointment with my gyno the day after tomorrow." She starts crying.
"Oh geez, Frannie. Don't cry. I'm sure it will be okay."
"How can you say that?"
"I don't know. It seems like the right thing to say."
"My parents are going to kill me. I can't tell them."
"You can't go through this alone."
"I don't have anyone to help me."
"You don't have any close friends you can call?"
"No, all I had was Michael. I've never really had close girlfriends." That explains a lot. Shauna resolves to being nicer to Frannie.
"Okay then, Margaret and I will take you to your appointment."
Frannie looks surprised. "Really? Are you sure?"
"Of course. We'll figure it out together. What are roommates for?"
"Thank you."
Frannie hugs Shauna tight. Shauna tries to reassure her by patting Frannie lightly on her back.
"I should go. Are you going to be okay?"
"I think so."
Shauna stands up.
"Margaret's downstairs if you need her."
"Okay."
Shauna heads to the door.
"Hey, I thought you wanted to borrow a dress?" Frannie asks.
Shauna turns around, "That's okay. I'll figure something out."
"I have the perfect one." She walks to her closet and pulls out a beautiful, white dress.
"I haven't worn it yet."
"Wow, it's wonderful. I can't take this."
"Yes, you can. I probably can't even fit in it anymore. You'll look amazing in it." Shauna hugs her again – a strong embrace this time.
"Thank you. Don't worry Frannie. We'll take it one day at a time." Shauna leaves and closes the door behind her.
Shauna runs into the TV room, where Margaret is napping. She wakes Margaret up.
"Huh. What?"
"You won't believe this - well, actually you might. Frannie's pregnant. We need to take her to the obstetrician the day after tomorrow."
"What?!"
"I can't stay and talk. James is here and we're heading out to catch Magic Hour."
Shauna runs out of the room, leaving Margaret shell-shocked.
"What the hell is going on? Pregnant? Magic Hour?" Margaret leans back on the couch and closes her eyes. "I must be dreaming."
Shauna returns to her room. James sits on her bed waiting, patiently.
"Hi. Sorry that took longer than expected."
"No problem. Is everything okay?"
"Oh, just a little roommate drama. It will be fine. I think."
"Anything I can help with?"
"Nope, nope, we've got it under control."
"Okay. In that case, we should go soon so we don't lose the light."
"Right!" Shauna holds up the white dress in her hands. "Will it work? I know it's white. Will that be a problem? I know I'm so pale."
James smiles. "Oh yeah, we can make that work. With your red hair, it's going to work really well. And I love your skin. I wish your body were covered in freckles. They're adorable."
Shauna smiles – realizing James is the first man to ever say he liked her freckles.
James and Shauna arrive at the local park. Shauna's wearing the cute camisole and jeans and heels. There are some locals hanging out, running, playing catch, walking their dogs.
"Let me grab my equipment. I know a quiet area of the park." He pulls out his camera bag and an older 35mm Nikon.
"Is that a film camera?" Shauna asks.
"Yes, I have a dark room in my home. I like to shoot black & white 35 millimeter when I can and develop the photos myself."
"Why not just shoot digital and make them black & white?"
"I do it that way sometimes. But I also like using film and developing the images myself. I love the surprise of finding the perfect picture after a shoot is over. It's like I'm experiencing the shoot all over again. And I have a feeling I am going to want to revisit this shoot many times."
Shauna smiles at the thought.
"I'd love to see your darkroom sometime."
"Well, you're invited anytime."
He grabs his camera and tripod and looks around the area.
"Let's go over here with the dappled light."
"Can I help carry anything?"
"Here, you can carry the bounce card." He hands her a large square piece of foam core.
"Why is it called a bounce card?"
"It bounces the light from the card to you. It lets me light you better."
"Cool."
James looks at Shauna. He likes that she's interested in how things work.
They walk a ways into the park. He finally settles on a spot. "This looks good."
He sets up the camera on the tripod and plays with the settings. Shauna watches.
"What are you doing?" Shauna asks.
"I'm setting the f-stop or aperture – I'll do a series where I shoot different f-stops to see what comes out best."
"Back up. I know a lot about engineering but nothing about cameras. What's an f-stop?"
"The f-stop controls how much light is let in. Since it's bright out, I'll choose a higher f-stop which is actually a smaller aperture and will let in less light."
"Hmm, interesting. Can you show me?"
James hands the camera to Shauna.
"Here, why don't you take the first one?"
"Oh no, I don't know what I'm doing."
James wraps his arms around Shauna and shows her how to use the camera. "Just look through the viewfinder here. See the red dot? Make sure it's between plus and minus. If it's not, then we'll adjust the f-stop here – up or down. Focus the image with the lens. And press the shutter release here."
"Okay, I'll try." She puts the camera up to her eye. She looks around for an interesting subject and rests it on James's face. She checks the red dot and makes sure he's in focus. She presses the shutter release. Intrigued, she takes a couple more pictures.
"Ha! This is fun."
James laughs, "okay, my turn." He takes the camera from Shauna.
"Can you grab the bounce card?"
Shauna picks up the bounce card. James focuses on a nearby flower in bloom.
"Put the card right here. It will help light the flower." Shauna places the bounce card so the light from the sun is directed to the flower.
"It's such a simple thing, but it works," Shauna notices.
"I love working with available light." He takes a couple photos of the flower, helping to place the bounce card for the greatest effect.
Shauna looks relaxed – like she's enjoying herself. James takes a photo of her.
"What's your favorite movie?"
"Oh gosh, I don't know. I don't have time to watch movies."
"Come on, you must have one."
"Okay, I really love Amelie. I was eight years old when I saw it and completely fell in love with it. It was so romantic. Afterward, I would leave little gifts for my parents around the house." She smiles from the memory and James takes her picture.
"Would you consider yourself a romantic?"
"Of course!" Shauna giggles and James snaps another picture. "Isn't everyone?"
"I don't know. Are they?"
"I think everyone wants to know they're loved." A cloud comes over Shauna's face, briefly. James notices, snapping a picture of her contemplative look. He lowers the camera, wondering about Shauna's past. He knows he just met her but he wants to let her know she's loved.
"The sun is almost at the perfect spot. Why don't you put on the white dress?"
"Okay, where should I change?"
"You can change in the car. I promise I won't look." He smiles and winks at her.
"What if I want you to look?" she flirts as she walks backward toward the car.
"I'll be right there," he runs to catch up.
Shauna attempts to change in the car. "Do you think you're getting some good images?"
"I know I am."
She's having a hard time maneuvering in the car. She finally gives up and gets outside and changes in the sunlight.
James steps back, taking in her gorgeous body. He holds up his camera, "May I?"
Shauna nods that it's okay to take pictures of her half-naked body. He shoots a few more photos of her.
Shauna turns her back to James and pulls her flaming red hair to the side. "Could you get the zipper for me?"
James reaches over and slowly closes the zipper. He rests his hands on her shoulders and kisses the nape of her neck.
Shauna turns and looks into James's eyes for a few seconds then says, "We don't want to lose the sun."
James lifts the camera and shoots a close-up of Shauna's face and the tendrils that fall loosely and gently move in the late afternoon breeze. He takes Shauna's hand and leads her to a new spot in the park and snaps a few more pictures.
Shauna's much more relaxed and finds herself posing for the camera.
The light creates a golden hue around Shauna's red hair. James shoots until the roll is finished.
"I think we got it," he says.
"Really?"
"See that wasn't painful."
"It was more fun than I thought it would be."
"And now you're an official nerd model. And a beautiful one at that."
Shauna helps James pack up his equipment. They walk to the car together. James opens the trunk and neatly arranges his equipment.
"What do you like about taking photos of people?"
James closes the trunk. "I get to capture a piece of everyone's soul."
"I never thought of a photo capturing someone's soul. That's a lovely way to think about it."
"I try to expose the heart of my subject. Show the world who that person really is."
"What if your subject doesn't know who she is herself?"
"Then I can help show her."
As the sun sets behind them, James kisses Shauna softly.
"May I take you to lunch tomorrow?" James asks.
Shauna pauses. Her heart says Yes! Her mind is still struggling with how to handle what is happening between them. She feels like she's losing control.
The rational Shauna responds, "I'm not sure that's a good idea. I have so much studying to do."
"I'd really like to thank you for being my model. You worked hard. Besides, you need to eat to keep your energy up through finals. "
Shauna realizes she doesn't have much resistance to James's reasoning. "Where do you want to meet?"
"I'll pick you up."