Chapter Twenty-Three: "Cosmic Love" by Florence and The Machine.
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It was definitely selfish - telling Luke the story of Hunter and my father in the manner that I had. At the time, I just wanted to shock him and get him to shut up but now looking back... maybe it wasn't the best idea.
Sure, I had shocked him but nothing rewarding had come of it. I didn't feel better knowing that he was worried for my sanity. I didn't feel like I had won the fight, now that Luke was looking at me with such a sympathetic gaze.
"Do you want to talk about it legitimately or do you want me to accept that half-assed version?" Luke asked quietly, seeming to genuinely wonder what I wanted more.
"If talking about it more gets that fucking look off your face then I'm all for it." I swallowed loudly, sitting down on Austin's bed. I didn't want him staring at me with such sympathy; it made me itch all over - and not in the good way.
"I don't want to force you into this..." Luke swallowed loudly, grabbing a chair from Austin's desk and dragging it over until it was positioned in front of me.
"No, you're right. Spilling that all out wasn't good for either of us." I admitted, running my fingers through my hair.
It was a bit shocking at how quickly we had reigned in our tempers. Not even ten minutes ago we had been snapping and spitting out words of cruelty. I had accused him of not caring, and he had retaliated with a half-assed accusation revolving around Austin.
"So," Luke bit his lip ring softly and if we were still together and not in the middle of a huge row, I probably would've tried to kiss him. "Your Dad killed Hunter? How was that, like, not all over the news?"
"It was." I pointed out softly. "I mean, some of it was, I guess. My Dad was this powerful politic, very well known, so the court tried to keep it all very hush hush. Most people know that some rich, high-paying man murdered Hunter. Rarely anyone knows the real story behind it."
"The story that you had to witness." Luke added carefully when I nodded slowly, unsure of how to continue this.
I hadn't spoken about what happened to Hunter since the trail. It had been a closed because I was underage. I looked at Luke, I mean really looked at him, before deciding that this was something that had to be said. I trusted him; regardless of the fights and the way we ended this.
This was Luke and I couldn't keep it from him anymore. If we had any chance at rekindling this in the future, like he had mentioned after I took a dive into his grandmothers pool, then we'd have to be honest.
"I was the only witness because..." I trailed off. Despite telling myself I would do this, I realised maybe I emotionally couldn't. Going back to that state of mind wasn't safe.
"Hey, it's okay." Luke whispered, moving forward on his seat. He captured my hands and held them tightly, effectively stopping them from shaking as badly they had been. "I'm here and no matter what you tell me... I'm still going to be here." He said kindly but with an underlining tone of authority.
I shot him a small smile and just inhaled slowly. "I told you how I confronted my father about all this Hunter stuff, right?" Luke nodded. "Well, I didn't do that until a few months after Hunter originally told me. I knew that he was my half-brother but I didn't want to do anything about it. I didn't want to cause my mum any harm... it's all a bit selfish and unimportant now, I s'pose." I mumbled quietly.
"Anway, one day after school, Hunter persuaded me to come over to his house. He wanted to get to know me, see what I was like and what my father was like considering he wanted nothing to do with Hunter. I felt really... guilty that I got to see Dad daily yet he wouldn't even acknowledge Hunter."
"I'm not sure if you've heard much about Hunter but he was basically the bad ass kid that all your parents warned you about, you know, his reputation made him out to be some sort of drop-kick druggo - expect he wasn't. To me he was just this scared kid who found out his father wasn't really who he said he was. I don't know, he was just kind and sweet to me." I tucked a strand of hair behind my ear with my free hand.
"Mum... she had no clue that Hunter was Dad's child so when a parent from school told her that I had gotten into Hunter's car that afternoon she got really worried. She started thinking that I was, like, romantically involved with this guy she had heard really bad things about."
"Basically she flipped out and called Dad. I think Dad freaked out a bit, because although Hunter had confronted him about being his biological son, Dad had tried to shut it all out. I guess he realised that I must've known that Hunter was more than just Senior at my school."
"What did he do?" Luke looked mortified, because we both knew how this story ended.
"He, um," I cleared my throat and tried to keep those fucking traitor tears from leaking. I had cried too many times tonight. "He drove over to Hunter's house. Mrs. and Mr. James were at some charity event, so he just let himself into the house. Hunter and I were upstairs in his room when I heard this loud smashing sound. Then my Dad started screaming that Hunter come down stairs. We were both so... scared. Dad sounded so... so angry. I've never heard him like that. Hunter made me promise that I'd stay upstairs whilst he tried to get Dad to leave.
"So, he went downstairs and tried to calm Dad down. Dad didn't... he didn't even care about what he was doing. It was like he was in some psychotic rage. He started lashing out at Hunter, saying that he was a mistake and that he wouldn't let him taint my mind. Then he demanded to see me but Hunter claimed I had left before he arrived. He did, however, tell Dad that I knew everything and that Dad couldn't keep treating him like some dirty secret." The traitor tears were officially unleashed.
"They both started screaming horrible things at each other, things that I - that I wish I never heard. I started to creep out the room, thinking I should break the fight up before it got any worse when suddenly Dad reached out and grabbed Hunter's baseball bat. I didn't have time to react before he smashed it against Hunter's skill."
Luke lurched from his chair and wrapped his arms around me. I let him pull me against his chest and I tried to even out my breathing. I felt his lips press down on the top of my head.
"Did your Dad know you were there in the end?" Luke asked quietly.
"No. I covered my mouth to stop me from screaming and watched as my Dad fled like the coward he is." I shook my head. "In all honesty... I wonder what he would've done if he realised I saw him. Perhaps he would've killed me." I laughed humoursly. "If I hadn't been there then no one would've known he killed Hunter. I'm responsible for putting my own father behind bars."
"Indie..." Luke whispered in a pained tone.
"It's okay." I mumbled. "I'm glad I testified against him. I hope the fucker rots in jail." I spat out the last bit. "He doesn't deserve life. He doesn't deserve anything."
"Fuck, you're so strong." Luke murmured, stroking my hair softly as we sat there, side by side. "Unlike your father, you do deserve life and everything that comes with it."
I pulled back hesitantly, before looking up at Luke shyly. "Do you come with it?" I asked quietly, nervous of his reaction.
Luke stared at me, long and hard, like he was trying to restrain himself. I bit my lip softly, begging for him to say something or do something that would help me, something that would help us. He groaned quietly and I was worried that maybe I had pushed him too far.
"Fuck, Indie." He groaned, before taking my head in his hands and crushing his lips against mine - clearly taking me in surprise.
Was it the crying that made him cave? Because if so, I'd have to get over this fear of ugly crying in front of him.
Luke made another noise in the back of his throat that was all roughness and possessiveness, but at the same time, it sounded a lot like "mine".
My breathing had slowed considerably as I tried to maintain control of the situation. Making out in the middle of Austin's room didn't exactly classify as "taking control of the break-up" but I couldn't bring myself to stop.
Luke had been the one to end things. I hadn't wanted the space or time away from him, so if I had the chance to kiss or touch him then I was going to take full advantage of it. I no longer cared about the consequences. This would hurt in the long run but right now... it felt right.
I jolted back as I felt Luke press against me. Not only did it feel right, but he felt hard. My lips parted in surprise. We had barely even kissed and he was hard? At least I wasn't the only one feeling so fucking affected by this moment.
Luke's semi pushed against me and the small amount of friction felt so good. My hands tugged harshly at Luke's hair and fuck, things were spinning out of control in mere seconds.
"Again." He moaned
"Huh?" I asked into the kissed
"My hair, pull it again."
I didn't stop kissing Luke as I jerked at his thick hair, earning another low growling sound.
"S'good." Luke whined quietly, grabbing my face and dragging me into another heated kiss. My eyes fluttered to a close as I tried to compartmentalize all of these intense feelings.
"What... what are we doing?" I choked, trying to ignore how fucking good it felt to have him pressed up against me.
"We're going to do what you begged me for that night," Luke nipped at my lower lip. "That night when I had you pressed up against the wall, begging and moaning for more." His hot breathe mixed with mine. "We're going to fuck."
"Not in my fucking room, you aren't!" Austin burst in, his face red.