"You cut your hair... and dyed it! It looks great, Kaitlin... when did you get that done?"
"A couple weeks after you left! Look, you can see a tiny bit of my roots coming in already..."
"Yeah, you can... I love the red. It looks so lovely on you, Kait." My dear friend smiles, running her fingers through the straight shoulder-length hair, a deep burgundy-crimson color. Her presence comforts me in a way I've been needing... A homey, childish way. I've felt increasingly trapped, almost, here at camp with my own thoughts and memories of what happened. I've been missing home, Kait, my mother... Her visit is very comforting, reminding me of Worthing and us and fun.
She hugs me again, asking me timidly if I want to talk at all about what happened.
"No... I don't," I answer her as she straightens from the hug, "I really want to just forget it ever happened."
"You got it, sugar," she says as she gives me one of her broad smiles. "You know what would be great?"
"What?"
"Chocolate chip cookies. The best medicine I can think of... Is there a kitchen in this grand 'ol place?" I giggle, remembering with a warmed heart how whenever one of us are ever down about something, we always bake cookies or brownies together and talk about it.
"Of course we do, let's go do some inventory for supplies."
We pass Rome and Sage on the porch on our way to the lower cabin, and Kait tells them our delicious intention. Rome says we should have most of the ingredients, and that we should check the s'mores drawer for chocolate chips.
"Is this just a froo-froo girly thing, or can we come help you?" he questions with a grin, Sage nodding beside him with an imploring smile. "And by help, I mean eat the dough."
"Good Master Spade, you've held my Aleithea captive for two whole months and counting, spare some of her time for the sharing..."
"I must agree," I shrug, timidly trying to ease my mind and play along with Kaitlin's posh English accent, "be a good pair of lads and scurry off to ready the quads in preparation for bearing us to the reservoir this eve." I grab Kait's hand and tug her toward the lower cabin. She twiddles an imaginary mustache before adjusting an invisible monocle.
"Good day, we'll rally you chaps when the utensils are primed for your licking." Pausing to stifle a snort, she looks devilishly sideways at me.
"I do say, that's what she said," I beat her to it. As we giggle off down the hill, Roman's voice sounds behind us as he shouts at Sage.
"I'll prime your utensils for licking!"
The sound of our chortling fills the yard, and a pang hits my chest as I feel the constant weight in my gut and heart remain, even with so much joy around me.
With the supplies gathered for our cookies, Kaitlin starts measuring out the dry ingredients into a metal bowl as I ready the sugar, eggs, and butter for beating.
"I see you decided to off your awesome pink 'do," Kait pouts into her bowl. I give a small smile at her crushed look as I crack an egg.
"My roots looked trashy, and the dye was fading something awful. You'd be thanking me if you saw it before I fixed it." She gives a heaving sigh as she brings her bowl to me, and watches me beat my mixture.
"Whaaaaaaaaaat ever!" She chimes over the loud whirring of the beater.
"How's it going with Chance?" I shout over the noise, "I've been dying to actually talk to you about it, we barely text as is." Her face lights up, and she begins to slowly pour the contents of her bowl into mine as I continue to run the beater.
"It's going so wonderfully... I'm having the time of my life with him!" I give her a pushed smile, some of the ever-present weight lessening momentarily at her news.
"Kait, that's so damn awesome, I'm so happy for you..." I turn off the appliance to give her a hug. "I've really been missing you. You have no idea."
"Trust me, honey bear," she winks, "I hate it when we can't have text conversations cause of this damn place. Speaking of times of our lives, how has this whole living with Roman for the past two months thing been going?"
For the first time, the dark pit in my stomach dissolves completely for a moment as I hear her inquiry. With a genuine smile, I pause in scooping out globs of dough for the cookie sheet to look at Kait.
"I've never been with anyone who fits with me so well," I breathe.
"So I take it you're dating?" she teases.
"Yes, of course!" I laugh, before beginning to tell her about my Rome. I tell her about the tournament, his confession of love in the bathroom, his accident, the truth about his rehab for trauma, not drugs. By the time I'm done giving a brief explanation of our relationship and its foundation, all the dough is neatly arranged on the trays.
"Who woulda known..." she smiles as she stands from popping the last tray in the oven. "Sounds like we've both found perfect matches since we've been away from each other... But I'm happily impressed with Roman Spade's turnout." I chuckle with her, and pick up the near-empty bowl filled with a bit of cookie dough, a spatula, and the detached metal beaters laden with even more gooey delight.
"Damn you for getting to him before I could!" Kait exclaims in a horridly pained voice as we make our way to present the boys with our gifts.
"Damn me, indeed," I sing with a devilishly innocent smile.
Sage and Rome are playing keep-away with the soccer ball when we emerge from the cabin. Once they spot what we have though, their sweaty selves are upon us in a flash. Leaving them to indulge, Kait and I sprint to go change into bikinis before the timer on the oven dings.
With a basket full of fresh cookies and a cooler filled with cookout supplies, the four of us are on our way to the reservoir. Roman lets me drive this time, since the ride to the large lake is the one most familiar to me, and Sage and Kait follow behind us. With Roman's arms wrapped snugly around me, we fly down the dirt road. I look over my shoulder every once in awhile to sight Sage trailing behind, leaving enough space to prevent him and Kait eating piles of the dust we kick up. Kaitlin holds onto Sage, waving excitedly at me whenever I peer back.
"I love you so much, my angel," Roman says in my ear before he kisses my neck, nuzzling into it lovingly. My heart warms with a flutter of happiness, pushing aside the cold shadow. I grasp his hand on my stomach, holding it as tightly as I hold onto the wonderful feeling he gives me. Kait's arrival, and going out to the reservoir on quads and being active seem to be just the things needed to break the dark slum I've fallen into... And now Roman's love truly comforts me. That's what scared me the most about the trauma caused by the sexual assault: Nothing Roman did really had an effect on me. I hated that. I was scared to death by the thought that not even Rome's immense love and comfort could overcome the depression. I thought seclusion was the answer... I felt that if I just waited, time would pass and sweep away the memories and the fear, the hollow pit that replaced my positive emotions, and there'd be room for his love again. That's literally what it felt like, as if the weight and just... the emptiness... left no space for Roman's comfort. I also have a tendency to shut people out when something's wrong, so that I can take care of it and figure it out on my own. I don't like dragging people down with me, especially those I love so dearly.
The sun, the warm wind, and the life of my surroundings remind me of the hope that is always at the end of the tunnel. I realize it's not over... But I know it will always get better.
We ride for some time before we connect with the paved road that follows the bank of a smaller part of the reservoir, and Sage pulls up right behind us. Once we reach the main docking areas, we find a good place to park the four-wheelers before Kaitlin and I dash off excitedly toward the beach. The boys lag behind us, hauling the cooler and the basket.
"I haven't gone swimming anywhere other than a pool since last summer," Kait says, excitement causing her to talk fast. I laugh as I link arms with her for balance and shed my sandals.
"Funny... I haven't swam in anything other than a lake since last summer." I look across the section of dock that we stand on, out toward the plethora of boats tied to all the piers that hug the curve of the water's edge.
"Oh, it makes me miss the ocean, though!" She breaks away from me to scamper onto the sand, kicking it and burying her feet in the grainy warmth.
"Next group vacation idea, fo' sho'," Sage's voice sounds as the guys appear at my right. I smile up at Rome, who's grinning and wearing one of my favorite white shirts with the sleeves ripped off, the hem gathered over his patterned swim trunks.
"Seriously? The beach is one of my faaaaaaavorite places to go," I say, walking with the guys as we follow a rambunctious, spot-seeking Kaitlin.
"Of course," Rome answers, "We can definitely work towards a trip like that for next summer." My heart swells at the thought of still being together then. "I fuckin' love the beach."
Kait finds us a nice area on the far side, away from most of the other beach-goers. We spread out the blanket we brought next to a small camp fire ring encompassed by stones from the reservoir, and strip down to our swimwear. Kait and I race down the rocky sand and splash into the lake. The temperature of the water is a shock at first, but neither of us pause en route, just screech and laugh as we are submerged deeper. With the boys hot on our heels, we make for the island swimming dock a ways out. Reaching it before Roman and Sage, we scramble out of the water to claim dominion on the square structure.
"Don't you test us, little girls!" Roman threatens, closing in. I push at his head once he reaches the dock and tries to climb it, sending him back in the lake as Kaitlin fends off Sage from the other side.
"Don't underestimate us, sunshi-" I squeal involuntarily when Roman makes a sudden swipe for my arm. My reflexes help me evade his grip, just barely. A howl followed by a splash behind me confirm Kaitlin's success in holding her ground against Sage.
"And stay out!" Half distracted by her funny hip-thrusting victory dance, my giggling morphs into a yelp when Rome's hand shoots to my ankle.
"Off, off, off!" I struggle to keep my balance. Hopping wildly as I try to wriggle out of his grip, I actually give him leverage with my resistance, and he uses my leg to pull himself up. "Remember meeee!" I cry, bending to grab Roman by the shoulders and plunge into the reservoir. His arms wrap around me once we surface, and Kait's dramatic wailing fills the air.
"I will avenge you!" Kaitlin shouts, pushing Sage back in the water once more by his face. I clutch onto Roman as I laugh, realizing Sage is too timid to really grab or even come close to possibly hurting her. She, on the other hand, is fiercely competitive with a side of vicious.
Rome ends up booting her ass off the swimming dock like a champ, Kaitlin resembling a screaming human discus as she soars through the air. Once we're all tuckered out to the point of a peace treaty, we sprawl across the warm wood and chat for a while. The sounds of laughter from other beach goers mixed with the distant humming of speed boats on the reservoir, the songs of bird on the wind, and the murmuring shhhhh of dancing leaves is more than enough to create absolute bliss. As I listen to the playful banter between Kait and Roman, I hold onto this feeling. I lock it deep within my heart, breathe it in and bask in the warmth, the peace. I drink in the happiness, knowing when this is a memory, it will be a bane to the creeping darkness.
"Gah, I wish Chance was here!" Kait sneers at Roman, pulling me from my thoughts, "He'd kick your cocky ass on my behalf."
"Mhm. I'm sure he would attempt that, but don't cry over his broken limbs, aight?"
Kait snorts, rolling on her stomach to lay her chin on her folded arm. "But in all seriousness, you guys would probably get along really well with him."
"When we get home, we'll have to double-date it up," I add. "Sage, you get to be fifth wheel."
"What else is new?" He says in an exasperated tone, throwing his hands up from where he lies. We stifle our mirth as best as we can.
A voice from the shore causes us to quiet down and peer back on land, after we hear the guys' names being shouted.
"Heeeey, guys!" A figure standing on the shoreline shouts and waves. Squinting to make out who the flailing girl tugging a guy behind her is, at first glance I wave back excitedly, thinking it's Mazie and Bennen. Halting mid-wave, my face screws up involuntarily.
"Yo, Gen," Roman calls.
"Omigod, Wim, look! It's Roman and his friends!" Her voice carries clearly across the water, its pitch slicing through all pleasant ambient sounds. "Hey Rome!"
"Come on, let's go say hi," Roman says as he stands, Sage following. An amused smile stretches across Kait's face as she cocks a brow at me, watching me hide my rude expressions. After the boys dive in, we stand.
"Who dat ho?" she smirks, her voice low.
"Some clingy chick Roman made out with once last year. The butt of most of our jokes, and a buzzing little bug in my ear." Kaitlin snickers as I dive in after the guys.
Roman and Sage are conversing with Gen and Wim once I splash onto shore, Kaitlin in my wake. I make an interesting note that Gen's got her arm draped across Wim's. They pause to acknowledge my approach.
"Hey, guys!" I beam, smiling from Gen to Wim. I get a sugar-sweet greeting from Genevieve, looking like she really wants me to notice who's arms she's snuggling.
"Lass," Wim nods as he makes his accent very pronounced, earning a widened smile from me and an ear-throbbing laugh from Gen. I go in for a bear hug, throwing my arms around his neck. Judging by his tight one-armed squeeze, his other limb is held securely captive.
"How awesome is it to see you guys here, too?" I smile at both of them, dealing with Gen's games like I always do: Killin' them with kindness. "This is Kaitlin, my best friend from home... She's visiting me for a few days." Kait greets them, and I'm probably the only one who catches the very slight sarcasm in her attitude toward Genevieve. Oh, how I love her to pieces. As the conversation takes off again, I meet Wim's steady gaze. It looks questioning, and I give him a genuine smile, and a small wink. He returns them.
"-And after he took me to brunch out near the city, I figured once we get back to camp, we could use some fun in the sun," Gen chatters. "Right, Wim?" He nods, water droplets falling from his damp, curly hair. "And then we saw you guys down on that dock after swimming, and I was like 'hey, look who it is!'"
The group offers nods and small chuckles, and Wim speaks before Gen can again.
"Would you guys want to come boating with us? I've got the keys to the deck boat." It only takes a moment to exchange looks before Roman answers for all of us.
"Hell yeah, we'll bring the food."