TW: talk of self harm/ caught in act
I had a comment from @Sharpshooter_200 that asked if Bunny had ever caught Jack cutting himself... I will admit I have had this chapter in drafts for a while because I was hesitant to post it. But I realize that sometimes you guys like my mature chapters were I talk about the real world problems.
With that being said, this chapter will be a dark moment that Bunny catches Jack in the process of self harm. This will be sad, very dark, and a long talk. If things like this trigger you, please do not continue. I don't wish for my chapters to bring relapse on anyone just because I know what it's like.
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Before the Guardian's watch Jack's memories
It had all started with a bad feeling.
There was a Guardian's meeting that Jack had no choice but to be late to because he said he had something to do in the Seasonal world. Everyone knew that lately things had been tense with a new set of rogue nightmares that had broke free of Pitch's control. Sandy and Pitch had been working on it as long as they could but now it was more powerful.
"Jack said he would be here as quick as he could, that he had things that needed tending to." Bunny frowned at North's announcement. He had been itching at his instincts for a while now that something was going on. It was like a constant itch in the back of his mind. He didn't really know what to do about it as Jack seemed perfectly fine.
"Aster, do you have next card?" He looked down at his hand, realizing he had zoned out during their card game. He placed his next card before reaching up and scratching at his neck. It was a constant burning and itching that something was going wrong that he couldn't see. He saw North glance at him in worry as this was the fourth time he had done it in an hour.
"Bunny, what is going on with you?" He looked at North before looking at the hall way that led to Jack's room. He knew that going through someone's room was a major invasion of privacy but there was something he was missing. Something important. He looked at Sandy who was sitting next to him, waiting his turn to play as he handed him his cards.
"I'll be back, I gotta check something." Everyone watched him leave as he took off towards the living quarters of the pole. North and the others went back to what they were doing, brushing it aside but Pitch watched on. He had noticed the tense form of the pooka for the past week every time he saw him. He wondered if his instincts were growing to strong on Jack.
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Bunny slowly opened Jack's door as he made his way in. He hadn't been in here in a while as he saw new books on the book shelves and sketches all over the desk. No one ever came in here since it was his room, even the elves knew better. Aster walked further in as he took in the bed that wasn't made. He shook his head, Jack wasn't the cleanest person unless it was small things.
His book shelf was organized, his sketches had certain places, his hoodies that were spares had a certain way in the closet. It was all little things Jack kept clean. He hopped around the room as he tried to find anything that would give him a hint of something going on. He passed the bathroom that was attached to Jack's room when he smelled it. The strong copper smell of Jack's blood was in the bathroom.
Bunny quickly opened the door, thinking Jack was hurt in there and was hiding from them trying to heal himself but found nothing. He used his nose as he sniffed around at the drawers and upper cabinets but there was nothing. He made it to the bottom cabinet under the sink where it was strongest.
Opening the door, he looked around at the cleaning supplies and extra towels, things that would be in bathrooms. It took him focusing aside from the strong cleaning supplies before he noticed it. In the back was a small container that look old and rusty. He reached for it to see that it was an old metal lunch box from the past that had just random designs on it. Bunny both was happy he opened it but felt his heart break at it.
"Aw no, kit." His ears pressed hard against the back of his head as his eyes started to burn. Inside the box were gauze, alcohol pads, and wraps. There were a pack of four blades on the side of the box. There was one that still had evidence of what they were for on it that Jack rushed to put back when he heard North outside his bed room door the previous day.
His body tensed when he noticed one blade was missing from the four pack and hoped it was thrown away somewhere but knew that was probably unlikely. Bunny closed the box before making the impulse decision to take it with him.
Aster left the room with it in his little satchel as he shut the doors to leave. He stood outside the door for a few minutes, trying to decide if he should go find Jack now or leave it till Jack found out the box was gone. No, he couldn't do that because then Jack would get nervous that North found it and run off. He tapped the box as he turned to look down the hall where he knew the rest of them were. He couldn't face them right now.
It was perfect timing the one of the yetis walked by. He could tell the yeti to tell the others he had a problem back at the Warren, that he would be back soon.
With that done, he opened a hole and left to find Jack. He knew now why the prickling was at the back of his spine. It was Jack's hope. He didn't realize till now that he was feeling Jack's hope slowly going down, he was losing it for some reason.
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Jack sat by his lake with his back against the tree as he just stared at the water. He had died. No one else knew but him of course but he was basically dead. He knew he was the only one in the immortal world who was brought back alive. He had been discreetly asking around to the ones who liked him how they became spirits. They all said the same things, Mother Nature came to them and offered a spot in the Seasonal world.
The other holidays had been given power of belief and immortality by Manny in their life. Jack was the only one who had died. He looked up at the full moon that was shinning down on the lake as if it was staring too. He wondered then if Manny felt anything towards the fact he was dead.
Jack was once again different. There was always something holding him back from everyone. He was the only one under twenty in the immortal world, the only winter spirit still alive, the only one chosen by Manny and given Seasonal powers. The only one. The lonely one. Jack felt his eyes burn as the pain came back in his chest of feeling alone. Everyone told him at the Pole, "you're never alone, you have us" but did he really?
If it came down to it, they would choose an order from Manny before him. They would definitely choose their jobs over him. Every dark thought he had ever had came rushing back to him as he thumped his head against the tree. He did it until his head was a little dizzy and he felt a pain. The pain reminded him that he was somewhat alive. But he didn't want to be anymore...
There was no hope of him being like anyone else. He knew he couldn't die, he had tried before. Jack pulled down his sleeve as he got the blade. He needed more pain. He needed to see that he was alive. The scars were still fresh from the past week but he just moved to a new area. Past scars had healed, blending in with his already pale skin.
Jack had done three by the time Bunny made it. The copper smell burned his nose as he felt his ears fall. He looked up to see Jack sitting against the tree with his arm like it was and tears down the pale face. He knew Jack had no idea of his surroundings right now. There was no thoughts in the sad, empty blue eyes. Bunny watched him about to do it again and couldn't just sit there.
Jack moved to do another one when a hand grabbed his to stop him. It wasn't a hand, it was a paw. He slowly looked up the arm to see grey fur, then tattoos, then Bunny's face. The emerald greens eyes shinned with tears but not falling. He took in the pain in the green and realized they reflected his but in a different way.
"I-I don-" Jack tried to say something but nothing came out. He just shut his mouth, pressing his lips together hard. He silently sobbed as he felt Bunny pry the silver from his hands before tapping the ground. He watched a small hole appear before the silver was thrown down it. Where did he send it? He jumped at the feeling of a gauze wiping his arm softly.
There were no words said as Bunny silently cleaned and started wrapping Jack's arm. He felt shame and horrible knowing he had been caught. They were never supposed to know what he did to himself in his moments of weakness. In their minds, he was still a child so they would put the blame on themselves.
"I'm not mad at you, Jack." He couldn't look at Bunny as the pooka spoke softly. Bunny was bent on his legs down enough to see Jack's eyes. He knew that he was heard by the way Jack closed his eyes like he was in pain.
"I know that you're in pain and that there are things you think of that none of us understand. You were alone for a very long time. You don't like it when we blame ourselves but in certain ways this is our fault. We all knew you existed yet none of us ever reached out. There were so many chances and it wasn't taken."
Jack listened as Bunny was continuing to slowly wrap his arm as if he didn't want to hurt him. Bunny was one of the only ones he could really listen to and not find himself getting more upset by it. He loved them all but sometimes the others could over-bearing.
"I know that there is something different with the way you were chosen, Jack. I know you are different. And there isn't anything wrong with that." Jack frowned before finally looking up. Bunny met his eyes with understanding but Jack couldn't find out why. How did he know? He had all the Guardians and everyone on his side, how could he-
"You're a smart kid, smarter than everyone gives you credit for. Look at me then at you, Jack. I can see in your eyes what you're thinking." Jack looked at him then back at himself before doing it again. It took a minute for it to click and when it did he just looked at the ground. Of course. He let his brain click all the pieces before he spoke.
"Yo-u're alone too." Jack whispered brokenly. His voice crack was large as he tried to hold back the sob that wasn't for him. Bunny had people around him, all these years he did, but that's what they were. People. Aster wasn't a human. He was Pooka, the last one. It didn't matter how many people he had.
"You were truly alone. I had people around but I'm actively alone. But I know you are more damaged than most know, it's hard for you to connect." Jack shook as he listened to Bunny talk to him. He was crying again but it wasn't because he was upset, it was because someone was talking to him and seemed to understand.
"Jack, do you understand? No one is going to leave you. Just because you are entirely different, it doesn't mean you are alone. If anything, you have me here and I ain't leaving as long as I'm breathing." He looked up when an arm wrapped slowly around his shoulders. Bunny had moved beside him looking down at him and he couldn't resist but jump further into his arms.
"'s alright, kit. It's okay." Bunny pulled him close and for the first time let all the instincts rush in as he held the boy tight. He knew that Jack seemed more in touch with his nature side and instincts more than other humans. It's why he wished his tribe was back so they could meet him. Jack would fit in perfectly.
The purring and chinning made Jack jump but also settle in. It was making him calm down but he didn't understand. He wasn't an animal? He heard Bunny call him kit and knew that's what baby animals were, baby rabbits. Jack sniffed as he pressed his face into Bunny's neck.
Jack was always cold. He was the spirit of Winter, surrounded by cold, always freezing but feeling the warmth was comforting. He knew he was probably holding the fur to tight in his hand but Bunny wasn't moving. He found himself liking the way he was being held like a kid again.
It had been a while before Bunny finally calmed down and brought himself back, reigning in the instincts. He realized he had been rubbing a paw up and down Jack's back too and wondered if he was being to much. He looked down at the grip Jack had on his fur and found the boy deep in sleep with tears still down his face.
Bunny felt himself relax slightly at his sleeping face. He knew this was a big deal and would need attention. He could not take Jack back to the Pole. He knew that when someone was in a state like this they didn't need to be overwhelmed or surrounded by to many people. Especially with how Jack already didn't like too much attention.
"Let's get you somewhere comfortable." He reached out, grabbing Jack's staff and putting it in the little place he made on the back carrier he had for the piece of wood. There had been so many times now he had to carry it so he made it easier for him.
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Jack woke up somewhere warm. His room at the pole was even cold as North thought he wanted cold all the time. He moved around, realizing it was soft too. His bed at the Pole wasn't this comfortable. Jack finally opened his eyes to see a burrow, not a room. He blinked slowly as he noticed it was a very soft almost nest like bed. It was like a nest, a rabbit nest.
He didn't find it weird. It was the most comfortable thing he had ever laid in. It was packed with blankets, on top of large sticks but blankets and soft almost cotton like material. It was definitely Bunny's bed. He looked around the room to find that it was like a little cave. There was a desk, some other things. A metal stand that looked to be a weapon holder.
"Kit?" He jumped, turning to the door to find Bunny standing at the door frame. He took in the look in the older guardian's eyes and knew a bigger talk was coming. Aster walked in, kneeling by the edge of the nest and pulled the metal box out of the satchel. Jack's breath caught at the sight of the thing he had carried with him for many years now.
"I'm going to hide this. I want to help you if you'll let me?" It took Jack a minute before he nodded. Jack wanted help, he needed it. There was another thought fighting against all his bad that kids, the younger ones held an innocence that didn't know the harshness that may cause self-harm.
"Yeah, I-I want help." He whispered. Bunny nodded before tapping his hand against the ground. A small hole appeared as he placed it inside, hiding it away. Jack wondered where the small hole went. He looked up about to ask the question but Bunny was already shaking his head.
"I'm not going to tell you, Jackie." The boy nodded as he couldn't stop the yawn that came out of him. Bunny reached forward, pushing him back as he brought the blanket up to Jack's shoulders. He went to leave but the pale hand reached out to grab his wrist.
"Stay?" Jack was too tired to realize what he was doing, Bunny could see that in his eyes. He nodded before laying down as Jack curled up just like a kid against his side. He knew then that his instincts had taken Jack in as he couldn't help but rub his chin against the boys hair.
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2 months later
Jack landed a little ways away from Bunny in the Warren as he walked. Aster didn't look at him as he could practically feel the sadness and anger flowing off the boy. A spring spirit had already been by and told him of the drama that went down. A summer spirit had tried to melt Jack's lake and apparently his kit had fought back hard. The summer spirit had nothing other than words to hurt Jack.
"Are you oka-"
"I'm fine." Jack snapped but still sat right next to him. He felt the boy's secret need for comfort as he threw an arm around his shoulders. He felt Jack's shoulders fall as he leaned against him. Bunny wasn't going to speak first as he was trying to teach Jack it was okay to talk about his problems.
"I want to do it..." He looked down at Jack's whisper and saw the boy picking at his sleeve. He went to speak but was stopped as Jack looked up with a small smile.
"But I don't want to hurt anymore." Bunny smiled before lightly shoving the boy. He should've known that would start something as a small flick of Jack's finger sent a snowflake on his nose. He watched Jack take off with a laugh as he chased after him.
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I hope this was a good chapter. If any of you have ever gone through this or are going through self-harm, I just want you to know that you are needed, loved, and wanted even if you think you aren't <3
I just want you guys to know I save every request into my notes and keep them so I can use them but I might start some of my own ideas. I just don't want anyone to think I ever skip any. There are two more little chapters after this before the full Sam arc comes back.