The moment I held his hand, it was like everyone around me faded away. I could imagine God smiling down at me. So I smiled down at Tyler.
My cowboy was able to meet my mother and my brother. He took it very seriously as he tried to sit up and give them a firm handshake. Mom insisted to let him rest but my brother just accepted his greeting.
"I wish I could meet you both in different conditions," Tyler said.
He was still very pale and I could see how much he struggled to look strong. My heart melted and I sweetly gave his temple a kiss as Mom decided to take a seat by his bed. My brother seemed surprised at first, but he also took a seat and they had a long talk. I think they like him.
Soon enough, I was able to bring Tyler back home with the help of my brother and Mr. Blue. I stayed home with my mom to decorate a small section of the room with a welcome banner. I haven't been working for over a week now but I still got the skills.
My heart flew when I saw him enter in a wheelchair but with a bright smile. He asked his dad to help him up and he slowly went over to give me a tight hug. Once again, the world faded away.
During the week, friends and family have helped me so much. It's incredible. I didn't realize how amazing my people were with me. The church happily made a small dinner in honor of Tyler and the battle he has won for now.
"Tyler," the pastor said at one of the tables in the lobby where everyone eats after service. "We are happy to see your wife come to church every time."
Tyler's eyes grew wide at this and surprise made him smile at me. "You came to church on your own?"
"I come with my mom and brother," I say. "Well, my brother is still a bit doubtful about it, but Mom comes with me every time."
Tyler had a shine in his brown eyes. One that made him stronger. Brighter as he gave my hand a proud squeeze. "I'm proud of you, Tessa. I love you."
I returned his tender smile and gave his cheek a kiss. "I love you, too, but let's dig in." We shared a small laugh and he gave my large belly a quick rub before digging in his small plate.
We've finally decided on a name. Bird. It's silly but it's perfect. She's been the little bird at our window always hooting at us to look up. Always bringing a smile to our faces even when we couldn't find any. But let me tell you, this bird really wants to fly out of its cage.
Every night, without missing one, she has to have a little play date with her dad. Tyler noticed this and he gently slips his hand on my belly under the covers. The moment she recognizes his hand, she could be in the deepest sleep but she still wakes up with powerful jabs. I've had to tell Tyler to cut their play date short if he doesn't want one of my ribs broken.
Yet, her kicks seem to tell me how excited she is. She has new voices around her. It's like she wants to meet everyone already. There are more times when she's still during the day. But the moments she decides to stretch and happily dance, I have to take a seat. Mom is a big fan of her dance recitals.
Everything is okay. God had been good. I never thought I'd say this but God...has completed the last part our small family needed. The only moment when Bird is quietly still, it's when Tyler reads the Bible out loud to us. She knows God. I know it. I often wonder if He talks to her while she's in there...
But today, since Tyler feels much stronger to take small walks, he's gone out to hang out with a few carpenters buddies. Despite the amazing work God does in Tyler, my heart can't help but worry every time he leaves that door.
"Make sure you call me the moment you feel anything," I said as I followed him to the door.
Tyler did a warm chuckle. "The only thing I feel is Bird kicking my back at night. Isn't that right, my pretty cowgirl?" Tyler put a hand on my large belly and she did a strong kick under his hand. He playfully looked at me and said, "See? Even she agrees I should see my friends."
I was still very nervous. This was the first time he was going out alone and the last time he was with them, it wasn't a pretty memory.
Tyler held my cheeks and gave my lips a long and soft kiss. His eyes burned through me as he said, "I will be okay. God is with me."
"I need you back, okay?" I said with a half smile.
"I will always come back to my girls." His hand held the bottom of my belly and Bird bounced. Tyler chuckled and said, "I love you, girls! I'll call you when I'm on my way back!"
"Okay. Make sure to call if anything! I'll have my phone in my pocket."
Tyler blew me a kiss and disappeared out the door.
Now I let out a sigh as I hear Mom's footsteps. She appears around the corner. "Oh," she says. "He left already?" I sadly nod and she runs a warm hand on my shoulders. "Don't worry, sweetie. He needs a small distraction."
"Me, too," I say as I start towards the fridge. "Ice cream."
Mom giggles as I take out strawberry ice cream. As I serve myself, I see Mom quietly walk back to my room so I follow her with furrowed brows and a large cup of Strawberry ice cream.
"What are you doing, Mom?"
I peek in to see her looking around my room. She runs a hand on the wooden crib and softly says, "Where will her clothes go?"
I walk to an area I've envisioned and point at it. "Around here maybe."
"You don't have a separate room for the baby?"
"I was thinking that she could sleep in my room for right now."
"But you still need a nursery room."
I stay silent at this as I realize that I haven't thought much of Bird's arrival. She's due in a few weeks and this conversation is making me a bit nervous.
But Mom can see it clearly as she warmly smiles at me. "Let's see where we can organize it. Maybe in your study room since you won't work any time soon."
"But it's too late," I say. "I can't move things around."
"That's why you ask for help, honey. You have us now. Mr. Blue. Your brother. Everyone is here for you."
My heart melts at this kind gesture as we step into the study room. "I just don't want to bother. I feel so behind on motherhood that I'm nervous that—"
"Hey." Mom takes my arms and burns her blue eyes at me. "You are going to be a wonderful mother. Better than I ever was. Plus. You weren't planning on Tyler getting sick or nearly losing the house during pregnancy."
I smile at Mom and gently hold my belly with one hand. "I just want to be good for Bird."
"You are enough. Love is enough." Mom's eyes suddenly land on my chest and they grow wide. "Uh oh. Looks like your body is all ready for Bird!"
I look down and see my shirt slowly showing stains. I gasp and look for a towel. Mom does a small chuckle as she watches me carefully wipe the white substance away. "There's a special bra for that."
"I know. I haven't had time for myself really." I gently look for a towel to keep at it as more of it slowly falls. My heart seems to melt at this sight.
I'm ready to hold her.
"Well, let me treat you then! Grandma has to do something!"
"Grandma has done enough," I say as I'm finally able to throw the towels away. "I really don't want to bother, Mom—"
"Enough!" She takes her purse and holds my hand as if we were going to the park when I was five. "We are doing shopping for finishing touches."
"Okay, but just for me. I'll get Bird what she needs later on."
"Yes yes. I know. You are super mama." I smile at her excitement and just let her drive me wherever she has in mind.
I observe the way Mom seems overly excited. She checks her phone every other moment and I furrow my brows at this as she looks through maternity bras.
"Let's try these. Once you start breastfeeding, these will be much easier to do so and more comfortable. Trust me. You'll need it."
She once again checks her phone and I say, "Mom. If you're busy right now, it's okay. We can come another day."
"Huh? Oh no! It's nothing. I'm just waiting on a package I ordered..." She quickly walks me towards the changing rooms.
"What did you order?"
"Umm...slippers?"
I laugh at her lie. "Are you asking me? I'm asking you!"
"Nothing. Honey. I'm embarrassed."
"Embarrassed?" Before she can see my furrowed brows, she closes the door and I start to try on the bras. But I can't help but say, "Tell me, Mom! It's okay! You can trust me!"
I can hear her sigh and softly say, "I've...decided on...dating again..."
I open the door with one of the bras on and shirtless. My mouth is wide in surprise and I laugh when my mom blushes. She quickly tries to push me back in but I say, "Mom! Look at you!"
"Stop that," she says with a giggle. "Alright. Enough of this. We are here for you and Bird."
I continue laughing as I try another bra and teasingly say, "Grandma is gonna be a fool in love..."
Well, I guess she got that news out so she rarely sees her phone anymore. I've led her towards the baby items and I can't stop smiling as I imagine Bird using all these small things.
"Have you gone to those classes they give you? Did you take the vitamin pills they give you?"
"No, and yes. I got those pills right after my first appointment and I didn't have time to go to those birthing classes. Gail was there to talk about all that while I worked."
"Mmkay. What about exercise?"
"I go to the gym with Gail except recently. I've been taking care of Tyler."
"Right right," Mom says as she looks down at her phone. But it doesn't bother me anymore as I smile wide at a small dress I've taken.
"Mom. Look. She's going to look gorgeous in this!" Mom quickly looks and smiles. She then goes back to her phone and I look through my purse. "Let me see if I can buy—"
"Wait! No!" Mom stops my hands and I frown at her. Her eyes almost seem frantic as she quickly says, "I said I would treat you and that this was about you! You can get Bird her things later, remember?"
"But—"
"No! Come here!" She drags me toward the women's section and shows me a rack of dresses. "Choose whichever you want to wear right now."
"Right now?"
"Yes!" She takes one out and smiles widely. "You love the color blue. Why don't you take this one? And it's really comfortable. Comfortable for mama and baby bump."
I smile at the dress and shyly nod. "I guess you're right. But I'll pay half."
"No no! It's the least I can do after all these years—"
"Mom—"
"Shush. Go. Try it on!"
"Okay! Geez!" I walk to the changing rooms with furrowed brows and hear her say, "And make sure to wear one of the new bras! Just take off the price tag!"
Why is she so weird today? Well, at least she's trying to give me a distraction.
By the time I come out, Mom pulls out the price tag from my dress and leads me to the cash register. She seems to be late for something. So I quickly help her with the bags to get to the car.
She's concentrated now as she takes me back home. I furrow my brows at her silent expression and softly say, "Mom. Is everything okay?"
"Yes! Yes! Let's get home. You must be hungry. It's time for lunch."
"I'm not that hungry. Is there somewhere you have to go? Is it with your date? Be careful because those sites—"
"Enough chitchat." She parks by my house and quickly runs out to open my door. Now I'm getting angry at her attitude as she quickly drags me to the front door.
"Mom, please. I'm carrying a child. Don't make me run."
"Right," she says with a soft breath. Her smile is wide and her eyes shining like the time she did a surprise birthday party for me when I was seven. She puts a tender hand on my cheek and softly says, "I love you so much. I'm so proud of who you've become despite—"
"Mom." I take her hand and say, "It was my fault I was so alone. I left."
"Yes, but I should have fought harder for you."
My heart shrinks at her sad eyes and I put my hand over hers on my cheek. "The past is forgiven. What's important is that you're here now and I'm so happy for all your help."
"All of us."
I furrow my brows at this but the moment she opens the door, my mouth drops at the big surprise.
A baby shower. With all my close friends and family.
I cover my mouth as tears well up in my eyes. Tyler comes up front with a beautiful red rose and puts a soft kiss on my lips. His hand holds my dancing belly as he says, "To my beautiful girls..."
I giggle with happy tears and look over at Gail and Anna. They stand by a chair similar to the one I made in that baby shower event I organized. People from church and my brother all shine brighter than ever as I make my way to the surprisingly comfortable seat.
Mom approaches me with a cup of water and a gentle smile. I scoff at her and say, "That's why you were all weird? You took me out so they could do this?"
Mom gives my head a kiss and puts a warm hand on my belly. "It's the least I can do. Gail organized everything with Anna, but Tyler was the one with the idea."
Tyler slowly crouches by me to give my large belly a sweet kiss. His eyes warmly shine and I tenderly run my hand on his short hair.
I'm treated like a queen for the rest of the party. I've never laughed so much today. I nearly peed. Tyler, like a proud dad, helped Anna with things at the party. But he would always serve me himself and I would always thank him with a kiss.
Everything is perfect. For the first time in a while, I feel normal as I look around at my baby shower. If only Bird could see such a scene instead of hearing it. With just the sounds, she jumps and twirls with happiness.
Now, as I finish opening the last present, I watch Tyler get a stool to sit in the middle of the living room. He gives me a wink that makes my heart fly and says, "If I could have everyone's attention please?"
People fall silent and they all turn to look at my cowboy. His eyes stay on me as he warmly says, "I wrote a song while I was in the hospital. Dad actually helped me." He gestures at Mr. Blue on the side of the room and he does a shy wave.
Tyler looks back at me and says, "I know we didn't plan on...having a baby in the middle of battling a deadly disease, but...God works in mysterious ways. As I reminisced of all these months, I realized that...God put Bird in our lives to remind us what it is to look up and fly. She was our little happy seed."
Bird does happy movements that make me hold my belly. I jump at one series of kicks and Tyler chuckles. "Mommy is wincing with pain. That means Bird is listening."
People softly laugh and I join in as I give my belly small rubs. But Tyler's eyes turn soft again as he says, "None of it was planned but God...gave me Tessa. She is a fighter. And she taught me to keep going. She never quit. She didn't run away. I see the amazing mother she will be and I can see my daughter through her. With the same heart of a warrior. God has big plans for you, Tess. And I can't wait to watch by your side."
Soft tears slowly fall down my cheeks and I can wipe them away now that Bird has finally given me a break. Tyler gives me a wink and says, "So I made a song more of gratitude to God for my family. Our friends. And to the many more to come. Heaven knows how much I thank you."
He starts to play and everyone melts. It's always the same. Even Bird melts and falls still when he sings. This time, he isn't weak or strong.
He is just here. Smiling and shining. And that is enough for me to fall in love all over again. That's enough for me to hold on to God for a bit longer. To hold on to the people around me that He's put for my help.
It's enough to tell Bird of this day...someday.